Am I a Whiner?

[smurfalicious]

I love my job, really I do. It's a dream come true. Unfortunately sometimes it makes me feel like crap. I work mostly with guys who fancy themselves cycling gawds. I think this scene from High Fidelity sums it up perfectly:

Louis: I don't have that record... I'll buy it for forty.
Rob: Sold.
Louis: Now why would you sell it to me and not to him?
Barry: Because you're not a geek, Louis.
Louis: You guys are snobs.
****: No, we're not.
Louis: Yeah, seriously, you're totally elitist. You feel like the unappreciated scholars, so you sh*t onto people who know less than you.
Rob, Barry, D*ck: No!
Louis: Which is everybody...
Rob, Barry, D*ck: Yeah...
Louis: That's so sad.

Anyway, they give me sh*t/make fun of me for a lot of stuff. Most of the time I know they don't mean anything, but after a while it sucks.

They have NO CLUE what the last year of my life has been like. Out of the rubble with little money the first thing I did was to buy a bike. That alone should mean something. Then I knowing jack I tore her apart praying I could put her back together. Worked every night to strip her down and repaint her. I took every lesson my mom taught me about craftsmanship and worked to create something that would make her proud. And I did.

I know I don't know everything and don't act any different. The problem is I feel stupid for asking questions because more often than not they answer them like I'm dumb.

I've been made fun of for:

-My Tour de Cure for diabetes jersey, a ride I did for my grandma who died of diabetes complications.

-My bike not being fancy. In fact once it was said I should "Just get a bike like Staci's." Her bike is a Dolce spec'd one level above the component set I have. The way they said it was like, "Why don't you just swallow what the marketing departments of all the big manufacturers are pitching and buy a WSD bike because you're too stupid to know what's right for you."

-My bike being heavy - Hey, so am I right now! And ya know, if I get a lightweight bike, all this training on tons of fun will just make me faster. She ain't named Candy for nothing!

-Not shopping exclusively at Whole Foods. Sorry, but if shopping at Wal-Mart means rib eye steaks rubbed with fresh garlic and ground pepper and a spring greens salad with feta cheese, walnuts, strawberries and raspberry vinaigrette instead of an Amy's nuke-a-meal then Wal-Mart it is!

-Being a hick/redneck/cowgirl. I am what I am. If knowing how to change my own oil, drive a tractor, pitch and stack tons of hay, and be self sufficient is crime, charge me. I love rodeo, my horse, vintage single action guns, fishing and camping. Bummer to anyone who can't live that life if you ask me!

-Liking hardtails. Sorry, I'd rather rely on my skills, not my bike. All the trails around here were built when people likely had rigid forks, if I want another sick hardtail, why is that their problem? I'm not asking them to pay for it.

-Wanting a BMX bike. Instead of being excited for me getting a new bike they just mock it. I think this might have to do with none of them really knowing a lot about BMX. If I get into it, it's something I know that they don't. Seriously, is it so hard to just be happy for someone? I grew up in the 80s, what do you expect?

-Liking Tyler. Okay he's no saint but he was the first pro cyclist I glomed onto when I got into riding. I think he's insanely gorgeous but I like my boys unique looking. I don't rag on their favorites. That's like dogging on someone's favorite football team. I like dark horses, save for my palomino, suck it!

Worst of all, this icky old guy that works at the bike shop below our office has decided he's into me. He came up and asked me to ride with him in front of the whole office. I guess he got it in his head that kindness meant I was interested. It was so embarrassing and now he uses any excuse to come upstairs. So everyone seems to think it's sooooo funny and they make jokes nonstop. Of course they're all in cozy relationships so this is infinitely amusing to them. They act like I can't do better. Puh-lease. I'm sure once Tyler meets me it will be a matter of months before our wedding.

Anyway, they're all going to the new velodrome tomorrow and I don't want to go. They keep insisting I go but I really don't feel comfortable. I know there are those girls who want people to beg them, that's not it. I don't feel the need to get mocked by them. Whether or not they say anything they can be so transparent. A few of them already know what they're doing or at least have ridden fixed. Seeing as how we have to bring out own pedals and they've even managed to make fun of my pedals, I'm not into it.

It sucks, because I really want to try it, but I'd rather be in a supportive environment. I don't need to pay $25 to be made fun of when they do it at the office for free. They've made me cry at the office several times I'm just crafty enough to hide in the bathroom, cry, and then wash my face with cold water. I don't wanna cry in public, bad for my image.

I thought I had an ally in Staci but now that she's decided to buy a fully she's their little pet project. Never mind that I was trying to buy one, whatever it was used and old so that sucked.

To a point I feel like I'm cutting off my nose to spite my face, but at the same time I think I'm protecting my sanity. I dunno, I think riding my horse sounds much better.

I realize this is ungodly whiny, but I just needed to vent soooo bad! I'm to the point where my new policy is to show up, do my job, do my job well, pick up a check, and go home. I'm not there to make friends.

[lph]

aaaah, smurf, I feel for you. I felt like that a lot of the time when I first started riding a road bike, and training with a club. Now a year and a half later I see that some of it was the guys unwilling to accept that I had lots of biking experience despite never having seen a skinny tire up close before, and sometimes downright upset about the fact that I could outride them on the hills. Some of it was also my own insecurity, uncomfortable about being a newbie. I really hated that they couldn't see and appreciateall the stuff that I already could do, before yakking on about all the stuff they felt I should learn.

Some of these guys have changed their opinions, I've now ridden enough with them that I'm accepted as one of the guys. Some of them just are snobs, I've drawn back from them. And most of them I just ignore, to be honest.

It's tough if this is the only bike circle you have, but it will change as you feel more confident and as they see what you can do. You could look for other people to hang out with, but that won't change the ones you work with. And it could be that they accept you more than you think. Teasing people is one way of showing them they belong, but it hits hard if that person doesn't feel that she does belong.

Oh, and I like rigid hardtails too, and I think Tyler is gawjus.

[teigyr]

Could be they like you OR they are intimidated by you. If they were ok with themselves, they wouldn't feel the need to do what they're doing.

I used to ride centuries on a hard tail mtn bike. It was my first "real" bike as a grown-up and I LOVED that bike. I had one guy say in this condescending tone "it must be SO hard to ride SUCH a heavy bike". I passed him on a hill and really had to bite my tongue to ask him how easily his light bike would be to push up the hill

Tyler's a good guy, at least he seems that way.

And High Fidelity is an awesome movie! The book is great too.

Enjoy that jersey! It's all about the meaning.

Individuality is a wonderful thing though some people are threatened by it. Be who you are and they will get tired of it. I betcha most of them admire you. I was always a bit different (I even changed a head gasket!) and it took a long time to realize I kind of enjoyed it when people thought I wasn't a typical girl or cyclist or anything, really.

Now...erm...isn't Tyler still married or have I not been paying attention?

[OakLeaf]

Oh man. ((((((((smurf))))))) I wish I had some words of wisdom for you, but I don't, only sympathy. What a bunch of ***holes. Can you at least find another club to ride with? These guys would probably totally shun you then, but being ostracized sounds better than what they're putting you through now. It's obviously sexual harrassment, but if they're not being overtly sexual about it, there's probably nothing you can do.

[Bluetree]

ok, to be a Devil's Advocate... I hang around a bunch of male roadies and I get teased and "insulted" mercilessly. They make fun of my gender, my height, my mismatched drive train, my Fred commuter, my race, the grease mark on my calf, you name it. Guess what? I don't mind it, and I give back as bad as I get. It's hard to take a bunch of sissypansy, concave-chested, bootie-wearing, ***-shaven primadonna fashionistas seriously and I'll tell them that right to their faces. You know what? They laugh.

Seriously, before you judge them too harshly, think that perhaps they use their childish antics as a bonding display. They invited you to join them at the veldrome, right? If they didn't like you or thought so little of you, they probably wouldn't have done that.

You've done quite a bit for yourself. Be proud of who you are!



P.S. If it bothers you during work hours, it might be prudent to remind management that certain things aren't kosher during work. While many people find such banter acceptable, from management's POV, no business should allow behaviors that may be construed as sexual harrassment. It's not professional.

[Triskeliongirl]

I'm with bluetree on this. These are *young men*, right? You are a *young women*. Sometimes this is just how guys this age act. To me it sounds like they are treating you like one of them, a sign of acceptance/respect even if it doesn't always feel that way. Go to that velodrome and have a great time!

[beccaB]

Hoping not to step on any toes here- I work with a bunch of middle American union hillbillies who think riding a bike at all is ridiculous. One guy's abdomen is bigger than mine when I was 9 and a half months pregnant.! So, I don't really care what they think!

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

As those boys get older they will become less foolish.
As you get older you will not be bothered so much by their immature comments- you won't care so much about what others might think of you, what you think about yourself will become more important.
In the meantime however, listen to Bluetree's words of wisdom.

[kermit]

I think deep down they are intimidated by you. I work in a unit of guys and yeah always get picked on. Although I can dish it out when I need to. They tease the ones they like. If they completely ignored you then I'd worry. You are a threat to the machoness of the boys bike club. Since you've been invtited to the velo it sounds like your in, just don't take the crap. If someone says something you don't like, give it right back. Remind them when they get too cocky that they are not perfect. Have fun with them. It's cool to be independent and different, enjoy it.

[indigoiis]

Here is what I say to my daughter when she starts worrying what her mates are thinking of her:

Most of the time people are so worried about what everyone else is thinking that they really aren't spending a whole heck of a lot of time thinking about you.

Or, to put it bluntly: honey, the girls aren't looking at your butt, they're too worried about what everyone is thinking about their own!

It sounds like you get some ribbing.
Take it for what it is - ribbing.

I think, knowing guys, they probably think it's pretty cool that you tore your bike up yourself and put it back together, and that you're not buying in / selling out, and that you're trying to do something good for your body. That's admirable!

And also, knowing guys, they generally only rib the girls they feel the most comfortable with. It's a form of flirting. Take it as a compliment.

[gnat23]

I gotta concur a bit with Bluetree. A lot of my male-dominated groups of friends (cyclists, work dept, rock climbing) tease each other, because that's how they show affection. Like in 5th grade when the boys would hit the girls they liked, because they didn't know what else to do.

Like, I get the feeling they want you to go to the velodrome because they genuinely like you. I seriously doubt they REALLY care about your pedal status.

If there's a comment that's REALLY outta line, you should step up and let them know ("Hey, not cool, man...") ("Knock it off or I'll drop you on the next hill")

Otherwise, you have the right to dish it right back at them. When made fun of for being a hick, tell 'em to bug off or you'll hogtie them. Ask them why they spend so much on those nice light pedals and then eat a giant burrito. Tell them fantasy romance stories involving yourself and Taylor (they'll stop you before long). They're making fun of you for liking hardtails? Sheesh, remind them that FSR are for sissies*

-- gnat!

* Mind you, all I have is a FSR, so I can represent. In fact, a friend of mine who does single speed MTB calls me a sissy all the time. I call him a retro-nerd. It all balances out.

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

Like in 5th grade when the boys would hit the girls they liked, because they didn't know what else to do...
....They're making fun of you for liking hardtails? Sheesh, remind them that FSR are for sissies....

Too funny, I love it!

[Flur]

Sounds to me like they're jealous and insecure. They're probably used to helpless girls and don't know what to do with you. And there's that group-mentality going on, like they're bonding in making fun of you. If this is the situation (as opposed to good-natured ribbing) your best bet might be to divide and conquer. Is there one of the guys (has to be a guy, ideally the least insecure of the bunch) that you like more than the others? If so, maybe invite him to lunch or some other non-date-like activity, just the two of you. Odds are good if you can get one of them away from the group he'll be pretty cool to you, and once he sees you as a friend picking on you won't be so appealing.

[Tri Girl]

I don't think you're a whiner. I think your feelings are valid, and I'm sorry you are feeling that way.
Here's my thoughts: give 'em H-E double hockey sticks right back and don't feel bad about being a little crass. I'll bet Staci is their pet project because she's a sissy pants and they can tell her what to buy, how to ride, what to wear and she'll go along. You, however, have your own opinions and ideas and do your own thing. I agree that they're probably intimidated. How many of them can ride a horse, change their own oil, repair their own car, load bales of hay? Probably not one. I think they give you a hard time because they know you could drop 'em in a second in most any task (it's hard to be masculine when you shave your legs ).

[solobiker]

HI there Smurf, I too think that they are intimdated by you and are not sure how to act around you. From the sounds of it they are still quite young in many aspects. As you have already stated you have accomplished a lot and as for Whole Foods...Yes it is a nice store, but to me it is also Whole Paycheck. I go there occasionally for small items. If that is where they want to spend there time and money then good for them. For some I think it is a status symbol. You are in Boulder right?? Well, I better get off my soap box..back to the topic. No I don't think you are a whiner, they may be just testing you to see how far they can push you. Hang in ther and don't let them get you down.