Can you relate?

[Wannabe]

Hi-
I consider myself a "newbie",( although I did complete a Century last summer, and a metric century so far this summer.) I find myself becoming quite frustrated-I ride with my husband, but now he has become so much faster than I am. I know I am holding him back, so I am finding that I am frequently telling him to ride without me. But then I don't get to ride as much as I like to. Basically instead of feeling good about myself for riding, I am instead feeling like I am not good enough. HELP-I feel so disappointed. I am 42 years old, and a little heavier than I probably should be. I have a 20 something year old knee reconstruction, that really benefits from riding. I live in the country so the road riding is great, yet I am fearful to ride alone in case I would have a problem. Can anyone offer me any advice??

[KSH]

I understand completely.

I go on group rides, and I am typically the one who is bringing up the rear... and if it were not a "no drop" ride, I would be left alone.

There are other nights, with other groups that I would love to ride with, but I am just too slow. It's VERY FRUSTRATING to not be able to keep up.

I recently did the MS150... and I was going very slow (nursing some knee issues)... I couldn't find a single soul who was going my speed... so for 65 miles and around 6 hours of riding, I was alone. BORING!

As far as finding riders... I know I found a lady from this site, and she and I are going to do a ride this coming up weekend... both of us agreeing to stick together... and I *think* we around the same speed.

Maybe you can ask around your LBS or something? Do you have any cycling clubs in your area? If it weren't for the club in my area with the no drop ride, I would always ride alone (and I refuse to ride on major streets alone).

Best of luck. And I do feel your frustation... it's a horrible feeling to always feel like you are holding others back, and really frustrating because you can't go as fast as they can.

[annie]

Hi, Wannabe! I think most of us can relate to not wanting to hold someone else back while riding. No matter how fast you ride, there's always someone faster.

It sounds like you don't want to ride alone because you're worried about bike breakdowns not because you are afraid to be oooout there alone. I guess the best thing to do would be to learn enough about the bike that you feel you could take care of problems that might possibly occur. The most common problem is definitely flat tires. If you can change a flat, you can go for a ride alone. If you don't know how to do that yet, you can learn. It's not difficult. It just seems like it as first. Have someone show you how to do it, and then practice at home until you are SURE you can do it on your own, front OR rear tire. Other than that, keep your bike in good condition. Make sure its tuned up and checked by a competent mechanic. Bikes are very reliable with good upkeep! Lube your chain regularly, keep enough air in the tires. Believe in your own ability to handle things!

Do you have a cellphone you can carry when out alone? It is a wonderful safely back-up, just on the rare chance that something happens and you can't ride home.

Choose a route that never takes you too far from home. You can always do repeat loops. Better than not riding at all.

This I know - the more you ride alone, the more your confidence will build. And not just on the bike but in all areas of life. Biking is so very empowering.

Enjoy!

annie

[CorsairMac]

Another thought would be: make arrangements with your hubby on a route and leave before he does. That way you can ride your own speed and if something happens, you know he'll be along soon. Also, maybe you two can then finish together.
Also, what Annie said: if it's fear of a breakdown, learn the basics to fix it yourself and be sure you carry the basic tools to do that, which include a cell phone.
I ride alone pretty much all the time and I've just started doing centuries alone and self-supported. It was a little nerve-wracking my first time to make sure I had everything I needed, and I still could've used a phillips head screwdriver! but oh well. I Love my time alone on the bike.
Don't beat yourself up coz you can't ride his speed, you may never be able to and that's OK. What's important is that you enjoy your time on the bike and riding alone isn't the big bad wolf it looks like at first!

[CorsairMac]

PS: Welcome to the board!! If you get a chance, there's a thread under open titled " getting to know you", gives you a chance to learn about us and...if you're so inclined, tell us a little about you!

[Asphaltgirl]

Wannabe:
I totally understand. I actually prefer riding by myself -- I can set my own pace, stop when I want and not feel like I need to keep up. My DH is a dear, and is so willing to pace his trip to my speed but I do sometimes feel that I'm holding him back. Part of the problem is I ride a small women's specific size bike and have to peddle a LOT more strokes that he does so by the time I'm at the top of the hill, I'm BEAT! We are so blessed with a lovely 11 mile rail trail that runs along side the highway. So I ride as much as I can on the highway and then bail out and do the rail trail and he finishes his ride .....he can go faster and I can recover. We use the cell phones to match a meeting place and ride back to the car together. Remember it's your ride too, enjoy it and have a good time.

~~AG~~
<<trying real hard to keep up with the "big kids">>

[betagirl]

I understand how you feel. I ride with a pretty fast club, and can hang on for about 20 miles, so then I just drop off. I've taken the philosophy that once it becomes un-fun I slow down. I'd rather be dropped and finish on my own or with a couple other slower riders than be in immense pain. I can say however that pushing myself has helped increase my speed. While I still get dropped, I can hang on longer. So it's not all for naught. What did Greg Lemond say about it not getting easier, you just get faster? I have another friend I ride with who's a total hammerhead. We ride together for a while then he gets the itch to take off so I just think "there he goes" and keep going by myself. Happened yesterday during a century ride. I can say he's in a lot worse shape than I am today though

hang in there

[Barb, USA]

Dear Wannabe,

I'm 58 years old, asthmatic, with a knee problem, and did not start seriously cycling until 10 years ago. My first road bike, with clipless pedals, is not yet a year old. My husband does the Giro dela Dolomiti (6 days of mountain bicycling, 1 day with 5 passes and 200k.) So, when I ride with him, he trains. So he practices keeping his cadence at 110. He also sprints up the hills, rides down, sprints up again. By that time I'm on the top. He cycles with one leg. Sometimes he rides ahead and then rides back, but he mostly keeps me in sight.

We don't always ride together. He does his fast rides by himself, and I do my pokey rides. But several times a week, we ride together. Over the years I've gotten faster and stronger. He encourages me and he pushes me. I used to get so frustrated on a ride, I would cry. He would get upset. But now we have worked it out. And he knows that I will let him indulge in his riding, if he keeps me company regularly.

I hope you work it out, not only with your husband, but also yourself. Cycling is such fun! Let us know what happens.

Barb


I find myself becoming quite frustrated-I ride with my husband, but now he has become so much faster than I am. I know I am holding him back, so I am finding that I am frequently telling him to ride without me. But then I don't get to ride as much as I like to. Basically instead of feeling good about myself for riding, I am instead feeling like I am not good enough. HELP-I feel so disappointed. I am 42 years old, and a little heavier than I probably should be. I have a 20 something year old knee reconstruction, that really benefits from riding. I live in the country so the road riding is great, yet I am fearful to ride alone in case I would have a problem. Can anyone offer me any advice??[/QUOTE]

[emily_in_nc]

Hi-
I consider myself a "newbie",( although I did complete a Century last summer, and a metric century so far this summer.) I find myself becoming quite frustrated-I ride with my husband, but now he has become so much faster than I am. I know I am holding him back, so I am finding that I am frequently telling him to ride without me. But then I don't get to ride as much as I like to. Basically instead of feeling good about myself for riding, I am instead feeling like I am not good enough. HELP-I feel so disappointed. I am 42 years old, and a little heavier than I probably should be. I have a 20 something year old knee reconstruction, that really benefits from riding. I live in the country so the road riding is great, yet I am fearful to ride alone in case I would have a problem. Can anyone offer me any advice??

Hi Wannabe, sounds like you are doing pretty well if you have done a full century already - congrats! I can certainly relate to being slower than ones husband - been there, done that, still doing it. However, one thing I have found is that I started way behind him so have improved more over the past few years than he has. As a result, my speed is now much closer to his, to the point that four years later, I can keep up with him as long as he isn't going all out, and if I draft off him, we can ride together quite successfully. It has taken awhile to get to this point, though; I couldn't hang with him at all my first two years of riding.

One strategy would be to put your husband on a heavier bike and you on a lighter bike. I don't know if he has multiple bikes, or what kind of bikes you ride, but that has worked for us. On some rides, my husband will ride his heavier touring bike with rack and fenders, and I'll ride my super-light carbon racing bike. That helps equalize us. Or, we both ride our touring bikes, but he'll ride with panniers and even carry stuff in them! Another thing that works for many couples is a tandem bike. It didn't work all that well for us as we didn't have the personalities for it, but a lot of couples find that it solves all their problems with speed discrepancies.

The biggest thing for us was just for me to continue to train and ride as much as I possibly could to get faster, and for hubby to mellow out on our rides as much as possible. I still can't ride with him when he rides with the hammerhead guys in our club, but when it's just the two of us, it works out fine!

Good luck!
Emily

[Biking Chick]

Welcome to TE Wannabe!

I also ride with my husband and even though I ride twice as much during the week as he does he is stronger than I am, hence I've felt many times as if I was holding him back. Especially when he started riding a carbon road bike (I had one the previous year) - the bike helped make him a better rider. Over the years I've made it part of my lifestyle to include a better diet and more exercise including aerobics and weight training all of which has helped me become a better cyclist and able to keep up with hubby.

You've all ready received some great advice - starting out earlier than your hubby so he can 'catch up' - getting some instruction on how to fix a thrown chain or a flat - carrying a cell phone if you have one (I never leave home without mine for just that reason). But the best advice of all is to keep pedaling. If you ride on a regular basis, you will get stronger. With strength comes confidence and with more confidence you'll ride more and farther.

If you make your cycling your personal passion and ride for yourself you'll see the beauty in the sport and not focus so much on being fearful of holding hubby back.

Don't stop pedaling or believing in yourself ... Good luck and again, welcome to the boards.