SERIOUS emotional advice needed - What would you do???

[Mr. Bloom]

Today, Silver and I rode the Great Pumpkin Metric Century in Evansville. Stick with me...there's some much needed background to the question...

As some of you know, last year, on this ride, Silver was in a group of four where one rider was hit and killed. I was not with her last year...but this year I was

The rider was mid-50's, left a wife and two sons in college. The driver (a late teen male) barely got a slap on the wrist.

Over the last year, Silver has has channelled her anger, grief, and fear into a "Share the Road" campaign that is receiving a ground swell of support and is in the process of getting nearly 100 "Share the Road" signs installed throughout a three county area In other words, she is channelling the experience in a positive way.

The first "Share the Road" sign was installed at with a small memorial sign like the one that you can see on this post.

The family of the driver petitioned, within a week, to have the memorial signs removed because they didn't want the reminders...

Unfortunately, but due to statute of limitations and other concerns, Sam's widow filed a lawsuit this week against several involveded parties. It got some negative reactions in the press this week. Subsequently, a memorial wreath and hand-made memorial were stolen this week from the site.

I will admit after riding the site for the first time today, this driver is SO AT FAULT and deserved considerably more than a slap on the wrist!

But, that brings us to today and what happened:
As we passed the site, at essentially the same time that the accident occurred 365 days ago, some of Sam's close riding friends were there. As we stopped to join them in their grieving, I WAS SHOCKED to find the driver's mother rudely and offensively confront the handful of gathered mourners. She was making all sorts of untrue accusations and was way beyond boundaries of propriety to a group of folks who were mourning the loss of a friend!

This woman thinks it's all about "her". While I'm sure that the last year as been difficult for her family, no one in her family received a "death sentence" for someone else's carelessness. The "Share the Road" signs are a positive thing to benefit everyone...not an attack on them!

So, Silver is wondering how she should respond to this personal attack. Silver wants to confront her in person (which is uncharacteristic of her), but I frankly believe this will only result in the police being called .

My advice is:

• Write her a letter
• Let her know that what she did was the equivalent of confronting mourners at a funeral or memorial service and wholly offensive
• Express an understanding for her situation, but remind her that rather than attacking mourners and their positive actions, she should be grateful that her son is not in jail for negligent homicide.

BUT, I'm not the most objective person to advise her right now. So, how do you think she should respond?

[makbike]

What an awful experience for you guys. IMO this lady, if you want to call her that, is way out of line. I think the letter is a great idea but I would suggest it be sent to the editor of your local newpaper.

[Eden]

That's kind of interesting - I wonder if the driver and his family really think that they will ever be able to forget? Causing someone's death, accidental or not does not strike me as something that a person would ever be able to sweep under the carpet.
That said, I highly doubt facing the mother personally would be productive. She's obviously pretty emotional about it and its pretty unlikely that she's going to have her mind changed. (I would bet she feels that any criticism of her son is very much an attack on herself) If she's confronted she's probably more likely to just dig in more, get more emotionally wound up and it would end up pretty badly. A well thought out letter might just end up in the trash, but still has a better chance to get through. When people decide they've been attacked, they can get so caught up in the emotioal part that they really start to believe some pretty outrageous things - so it doesn't matter how logical you are or how correct you are.

[Trek420]

How awful!! I'm so sorry you experienced that.

My advice is:
Write her a letter

Don't think so.

Let her know that what she did was the equivalent of confronting mourners at a funeral or memorial service and wholly offensive

I don't expect her to "get it" have any empathy for the victim and his family. Really! Maybe someday, long from now.

remind her she should be grateful that her son is not in jail for negligent homicide.

Best idea so far!! If it's come to a civil suit this kind of action will not go well for her. Hopefully at some point it will sink in "I killed someone". If I ever did that I could never drive again.

Best that Silver and all stay away from her though, it could end badly. A well thought out letter to the editor would be good and would show public support to the family and friends of the rider which is the most important.

[Zen]

Do you have any contacts that might be able to get a story into the paper?
the story I have in mind might be accompanied by a photo of a gathering at the site of the memorial Share The Road sign and focus on the effort that's been put into having these signs made and placed throughout the area. It would explain the tragedy that was the impetus without even mentioning the driver. Focus on the positive.
This woman has no conscience and no shame. she reminds me of the fanatic religious group that protests at the funerals of homosexual Iraq war soldiers.

[Mr. Bloom]

Do you have any contacts that might be able to get a story into the paper?

There was a great story about the share the road campaign last Sunday's front page (before the negative press on the lawsuits hit).


Signs meant to help cyclists
By Gavin Lesnick (Contact)
Sunday, September 30, 2007

Jim Bush can list a world of reasons why his friend and fellow cyclist, Sam Wolf II, should still be alive.

Wolf was killed Oct. 1, 2006, during the Great Pumpkin Metric Ride when a Jeep collided with his bicycle on St. Philip Road in rural Posey County.

The weather that day was bright and sunny, Bush recalled, the accident occurred in mid-morning with plenty of light, Wolf was wearing a bright yellow jersey, the collision happened at a wide-open intersection with no visual barriers and it was during a large, organized ride.

"For any reason, that accident probably shouldn't have happened," Bush said. "But it did."

That's why Bush and a group of supporters are raising money and calling for local officials to install "Share the Road" signs on roadways frequented by cars and bicycles.

Builds awareness

It started as an effort to build awareness for bicycle safety while also honoring Wolf by installing the signs at the intersection where his accident occurred.

Those went up this spring, but since then, Bush and others have raised money to put the signs throughout the greater Evansville area.

As the anniversary of Wolf's death approaches and as more than 900 cyclists gear up for the first Pumpkin ride since the mishap, Bush has purchased more than 50 signs, including 26 set to go up around Vanderburgh County in the coming weeks.

"When we lost our friend, we wanted to try and make a positive out of a negative, out of our loss," Bush said. "Share the road signs are one way we thought we could do that."

The program has multiple goals, Bush said.

On one level, the mere presence of the signs will alert motorists and make them more aware that bicyclists need space, too. As communities grow, Bush said many quiet country roads are turning into busy thoroughfares or are used by motorists as shortcuts, so the need is increasingly there.

The signs also make a statement that the community supports healthy lifestyles and promotes safe exercise options, which Bush said is a quality of life issue. It could encourage people to move here or businesses to locate here, he said.

"It's kind of a ripple effect," Bush said. "Not necessarily that a sign can change all that, but if it's something to show progress in that direction, I think it's a worthwhile step."

Between the pole, the nuts and bolts and two metal signs (one reading "Share the Road" and one with a small icon of a bicycle), each sign costs about $50.

The fundraising efforts started with a display at the North Side Bob's Gym, where Bush works as a trainer. It grew through word-of-mouth and e-mail to various cycling enthusiasts and then again when Bush partnered with the Indiana Bicycle Coalition to promote the cause.

Permission sought

That provided funds to buy 53 of the signs, though before any could be placed, Bush had to seek permission from the governing bodies in each locality.

In Vanderburgh County, where signs will be placed soon along Oak Hill, Browning and Boonville-New Harmony roads, that meant going in front of the County Commissioners and pitching the plan.

It was an easy sell, Bush said, because there was lit-tle cost to the county.

The commissioners embraced the idea and voted to approve it unanimously.

"It's a great project," said Democratic Commissioner Troy Tornatta. "It's just unique that you have somebody with the passion that Jim and the people helping him have. We welcome that. And we want to be a leader to show we care about fitness and safety."

Posey commissioners also approved the signs, and Bush will soon seek approval from Newburgh and Warrick County officials to place them on roadways there.

In addition to the signs, Bush is spearheading a series of public service announcements that will appear soon on television and in print. Those will serve to remind motorists and bicyclists of the rules for respecting one another's space and keeping each other safe.

Both efforts will continue as long as possible, Bush said, as supporters strive to make a real difference in the community.

Whether it prevents a future tragedy may never be known, but Bush said he's confident his efforts can make a big difference.

And he can do it for a good friend.

"If I can do something to make a positive out of (Sam's) loss, then his loss is not in vain," he said. "That's what I'm working toward."



Here's the negatively received article:
http://www.courierpress.com/news/200...bposey-driver/

[Trek420]

This woman has no conscience and no shame. she reminds me of the fanatic religious group that protests at the funerals of homosexual Iraq war soldiers.

I was thinking the same thing. And you're thinking the followers of Phred Felps. They show up at any funeral of any veteran, not just the soldiers who bat for the other team but fight for our team . So much so that there's a group of bikers as in motorcycle riders who organize escorts on request to line the funeral route so the demonstration is not seen and the soldiers family see respect and support not screaming fanatics and hate.

www.patriotguard.org

I remember the memorial bike ride to my cousins funeral, over a hundred riders and the sense I had especially as we neared the church that drivers slowed, drove with us, along side us and seemed protective of the riders.

We need something like that. Maybe on the Ride of Silence near you? Drivers, pedestrians and cyclists together.

[Tuckervill]

I'm just so mortified that this happened. Insult to injury. Salt in wounds. Where is this woman's compassion? How dare she? This is an outrage!

I want to write her a letter myself! How about that? How about if all of us wrote her a letter? Postcards! She would have a hard time avoiding the message on a postcard. She might just throw strange letters away.

You don't have to give her address out. Just tell us where we can find information about the accident (the driver's name) and we can find out the rest. I am SO incensed!

Karen

[bmccasland]

What an awful experience for you guys. IMO this lady, if you want to call her that, is way out of line. I think the letter is a great idea but I would suggest it be sent to the editor of your local newpaper.

Mr S - I agree with Matbike. You and Silver need to not personally contact the mother of the idiot. She won't grasp the concept that her little boy did anything wrong for YEARS. She reminds me of the type that's crying on the news about how their sons didn't do nothin wrong - while the police are arresting them for murder of 5 people (happened here in N.O.). But sending in a letter to the editor of the local paper, and any other paper that might circulate in the town is a good idea.

I'm happy to be off some rather narrow roads, but everyone (vehicle drivers) were curteous. I could hear a diesel pickup rumbling behind me for about a mile before it was safe to pass. Even when we signaled that the road was clear, he didn't pass until he got to a passing lane. He didn't cross the double yellow to pass us.

(I really do need to update the sig line... )

[SouthernBelle]

At this point, direct confrontation wouldn't accomplish anything, and probably wouldn't if it had been done at the time.

Do either of you know a reporter who can write a story about the incident?
Reporting both sides, the mourners and the mother.

& I'm not clear why the lawsuit would reflect badly on the survivors?? I know as a lawyer that is my first thought, but what other recourse do they have at this point.

[Tuckervill]

...Oooohhhmmmm....

Now that I've calmed down a bit...

Mr. Silver, I would really like it if you described the reaction of the mourners to this woman. What did she say and how did they react? Do they have any plans on what to do about it?

I'm finding that I still want to have my say with her, as well.

Karen

[Running Mommy]

I'm sorry, but I really don't see why the civil suit should cause an uproar??

The victim deserves to be compensated for their loss! When I was a teenager my best friends mom was murdered in a grocery store parking lot. It was AWFUL! So I know just how the victims feel. Its horrible.

BUT, like the others said, confronting this lady will do nothing. Send a letter to the editor. Give this lady some bad press. If she thinks the little memorial sign is bad, just wait until the community hears what she did. ANy rational thinking person would agree with the mourners!

She will have to face it all when the civil suit comes around. maybe, just maybe, she'll realize that her little darling- ISNT. But honestly, I doubt it... sigh...

Send Silver my best.

[Eden]

Wow - I read through the comments about the news article. The amount of venom and the lack of understanding there was truely astounding. We get a lot of the same around here whenever articles are printed about cycling, but usually both sides are represented. In the responses to that article I saw little input from the point of view of cyclists and a lot of attitute that if you ride a bicycle on OUR roads (meaning car's roads) that you deserve whatever happens to you. Appalling, truely appalling. Share does not appear to be in their vocabularies.

Sometimes I think people need to remember that those country roads weren't really made to handle 45/50 mph car traffic, but rather were designed for horse and buggy and *gasp* bicycle traffic. Cars came later and simply used the same roads and even at that, were for some time incapable of the speeds/acceleration that can be achieved today. Of course it doesn't matter if one points this out, since most people are unwilling to believe it....

[Zen]

I don't think those comments are an accurate gauge of how the article was received. The commenters are, for the most part, people who post from work who have nothing better to do. It's their schadenfreude. It's likely you'll see the same names posting daily voicing the same ignorance and vitriol.

Most people probably saw it as it was intended.

[sundial]

It's really sad that people are not only insensitive, but intolerant, of the right to assemble and have a peaceful gathering to commemorate the loss of a fallen cyclist.

I don't think there is anything you can say to the mother of the young man that would change her mind. What you can do is set an example by working to educate the public about cycling safety and being responsible drivers. You can accomplish this through an organized ride in the name of the victim, press releases, sponsorship, etc.