I'm not proud of it, but I have it.

My one and only attempt to join a group ride went horribly. I didn't feel welcome (and it was an open-invitation, "beginners welcome" ride). I didn't know the protocols regarding calling out road hazards (and frankly found the group I rode with a tad hysterical about what might be considered a hazard, like asphalt fissures and trickles of water that would otherwise barely register). And what was advertised as a "slow, social, no-drops" ride maintained an average speed between 15 and 17 mph on a route with a fair amount of incline; after huffing along with them for about 30 minutes—and continually falling off the back of the pack—I hammered to catch up with the one rider who had talked to me at all and told her that I was going to turn around and head back—because if my absence was later noticed, I didn't want the group to disrupt their ride to look for me. I rode back feeling completely dejected, feeling like any notion I had about being a real road cyclist was an illusion.

I went back to riding solo, as I had for my first year of cycling, and have been riding solo in the 18 months or so since. I'm not sure I want to ride with a group regularly, but I recognize that riding in a pack helps to develop a skill set that's neccessary for charity rides and the like—and not having that skill set keeps me from joining cycling events of any sort. Besides, some company would be nice from time to time!

I'm really gun-shy about joining existing group rides, so I've been thinking about trying to get together a small group—maybe six at most—for genuine social rides. But even that idea is intimidating, because I feel like there are things particular to group riding that I'm supposed to know and do as a ride "leader." Are there? Was the group I tried to ride with just freaky? How can I develop the skill set I need to ride with a group when group riding seems so insular and hostile to beginners?