Creepiness? Or just friendly?

[teigyr]

I don't know if anyone else is like this but I get a bit strange about people following me too closely when I'm on my bike. If I know the person, that's one thing. If it's a stranger on the bike trail, it makes me a bit skittish. I'm not thinking that they are going to bash me over the head or anything but I worry about staying over completely (are they going to pass?) or slowing with someone behind me.

Yesterday, we passed a cyclist who we shouldn't have passed. I have a strict rule never to pass unless I can sustain the effort and stay ahead! DH doesn't abide by that rule. I was already worn out from an earlier workout and had to drop back a bit. The cyclist who we passed caught up to me and stayed alongside the latter third of my bike, he was next to me but near my rear wheel. DH finally slowed down enough and I sped ahead to say "hey, let's slow WAY down" because I couldn't get rid of this guy. We slowed down to 13, 12, 10, 9 mph then I finally stopped pedaling. The guy passed us.

We saw him later on the trail stopped to use the restroom. Later on in the ride he came back on my wheel and stayed there. DH was way ahead. I did the same thing until I stopped pedaling to make him go away. As he passed, he said "so, you're doing intervals today?" I said "kind of" but I wanted to say "no, I want you away because you're creepy." When the guy passed my husband, the guy didn't say anything to him.

I'm not so sure what the bike trail etiquette is and I know I've been guilty of seeing someone in the distance and catching up to them and then not being able to pass. I usually try to say something just so they don't think some strange person is hanging on their wheel. I also don't follow closely because it's rude! What are the general feelings on this? Am I just being paranoid or is it strange that someone would just hang there even when I slowed up substantially?

As the fates would have it, the guy was parked in the same parking lot as us. Even my husband said there was something not right about the guy, don't know what it was though.

[Dianyla]

It's true that this guy's behavior could be interpreted in two different ways, and both are completely plausible scenarios. Maybe it's just a complete coincidence that you kept crossing paths. Or maybe this guy is serious trouble... Either scenario is completely possible.

I would trust my gut instinct all the way on this one. An interesting book you may find interesting is The Gift of Fear, by Gavin de Becker. He explores fear in-depth and talks about how our instincts alert us to trouble and why we should listen to them. I can't recommend this book enough.

[Wahine]

I agree, it could be a complete coincidence.

But when I read your post, I thought creepy.

[lauraelmore1033]

I've had that happen on the Sammamish river trail. Well, not exactly that, but I'll look back and some ghosty guy has crept up behind me and is cruising along just behind my back wheel--drafting, I guess. It's not like I'm any speed demon, so it seems super creepy (I'm usually alone). What's he doing THAT for? I usually slow down to the point it becomes clear that I don't want him there, and then he speeds off and disappears in the distance. There's another guy on the same trail who seems to be the bicycle police. I've caught him skulking behind me at least twice and each time he's sped up alongside to aprise me of some issue my bike is having that I was well aware of before he too speeds off and disappears in the distance. Maybe there are just a lot of well meaning guys out there who are unaware of the concept of "personal space" and that it might also extend beyond one's bike. Or maybe they really are creepy. I donno.

[teigyr]

It happened on the Sammamish River Trail!!! This was an older guy with a short white beard. I'd say that it is coincidence that he was on the trail at the same time, of course, but why stay behind someone who obviously keeps checking over her shoulder out of concern? Especially when I slowed down to WAY slow, why not just go around? Especially if they CAN speed off and go away? And to have it happen twice? I can see catching up to me the 2nd time but why play the same game as before?

I haven't see the bike police person but if I do, I'll be sure to laugh at him. Problems with my bike are the least of my issues right now!

Dianyla, I put the book down in my Amazon list. It looks very interesting and has stellar reviews. I hate to be ultra-paranoid but there's something to be said for trusting instincts.

I try to rationalize the whole thing. Maybe because women are more "at risk" than men, we are more sensitive to someone being too close to us? I don't think men would get the same reaction from having a guy stay on their back wheel. The way I see it is I can be a spazz when I ride. I unclip around corners, I slow over bridges, I am a hazard Therefore, I try to be very aware of who's behind me. That and, of course, I would prefer not to be bashed over the head.

[Dianyla]

Dianyla, I put the book down in my Amazon list. It looks very interesting and has stellar reviews. I hate to be ultra-paranoid but there's something to be said for trusting instincts.

I try to rationalize the whole thing. Maybe because women are more "at risk" than men, we are more sensitive to someone being too close to us?

As much as I try to maintain a gender-balanced view of life in general, the fact is that a very large percentage of violent crimes are committed by men against women. Women are more perceptive of risk because more risk exists. So many times I've tried to talk myself out of feeling threatened by a situation, telling myself "I'm sure it's nothing" or "I'm sure he's just trying to be nice". But now I know it's better to listen to that gut feeling and use it to motivate you to change the situation somehow.

One thing that you could say to a guy like this is to just bluntly tell him to stop drafting your wheel. This approach gives him the benefit of the doubt that his real intention was merely to draft behind you so you aren't being completely insulting. And even if it is a little rude, it's better to be rude to someone who's pushing your creep button than to end up raped or dead.

[spokewench]

As much as I try to maintain a gender-balanced view of life in general, the fact is that a very large percentage of violent crimes are committed by men against women. Women are more perceptive of risk because more risk exists. So many times I've tried to talk myself out of feeling threatened by a situation, telling myself "I'm sure it's nothing" or "I'm sure he's just trying to be nice". But now I know it's better to listen to that gut feeling and use it to motivate you to change the situation somehow.

One thing that you could say to a guy like this is to just bluntly tell him to stop drafting your wheel. This approach gives him the benefit of the doubt that his real intention was merely to draft behind you so you aren't being completely insulting. And even if it is a little rude, it's better to be rude to someone who's pushing your creep button than to end up raped or dead.

One of the tips that are given to women is this. Most rapists or attackers will not attack a woman that looks like or acts like she will fight or make noise or whatever. I believe in this and if someone was making me uncomfortable on my wheel, I would look them in the eye as I was riding along and tell them to go ride by themselves that I do not want company.

[madisongrrl]

This happens quite a bit to me and it's usually not a problem because I haven't run into too many weirdos. I think strange people will sit on your wheel because they are tired and they simply want a pull. Or sometimes, they just want chat with other cyclists. And sometimes people are just plain creepy and are trying to pester you. It's a good thing you had your hubby along.

If it were my situation and I didn't want some weird stranger on my wheel, I'd just slow down and tell him to go around ...and I'd say it with such a tone that I didn't come off like a b!tch, but that I made it clear that I don't want to chat and that the only option is to go around me. And I also might be ready to grab my pepper spray if I thought it was warrented.

Also, I think that many men don't understand about personal space....whether it is drafting off your wheel or walking too close to you on the sidewalk etc.

[lauraelmore1033]

It happened on the Sammamish River Trail!!! This was an older guy with a short white beard. I'd say that it is coincidence that he was on the trail at the same time, of course, but why stay behind someone who obviously keeps checking over her shoulder out of concern? Especially when I slowed down to WAY slow, why not just go around? Especially if they CAN speed off and go away? And to have it happen twice? I can see catching up to me the 2nd time but why play the same game as before?

I haven't see the bike police person but if I do, I'll be sure to laugh at him. Problems with my bike are the least of my issues right now!

Dianyla, I put the book down in my Amazon list. It looks very interesting and has stellar reviews. I hate to be ultra-paranoid but there's something to be said for trusting instincts.

I try to rationalize the whole thing. Maybe because women are more "at risk" than men, we are more sensitive to someone being too close to us? I don't think men would get the same reaction from having a guy stay on their back wheel. The way I see it is I can be a spazz when I ride. I unclip around corners, I slow over bridges, I am a hazard Therefore, I try to be very aware of who's behind me. That and, of course, I would prefer not to be bashed over the head.

That sounds like the bike police guy!!!

[pooks]

Did he realize you were with your husband? That's doubly-odd, if he was behaving that way with your husband right there.

[Aint Doody]

I think I have to vote for CREEPY. Where are his manners if he's friendly?

[Triskeliongirl]

I think it is very important to follow your gut. If this guy made you feel uncomfortable, then maybe there was a good reason. I have been followed on my road bike by creepy men in cars. When it happens, I stop, text message the license plate number to my son with a just in case, look them straight in the eye, and inform them that I have just reported them to the police, and that they need to back off. I don't mountain bike so I am not sure the best equivalent thing to do, but obviously phoning either home or the park police are good options.

[wannaduacentury]

I don't know if anyone else is like this but I get a bit strange about people following me too closely when I'm on my bike. If I know the person, that's one thing. If it's a stranger on the bike trail, it makes me a bit skittish. I'm not thinking that they are going to bash me over the head or anything but I worry about staying over completely (are they going to pass?) or slowing with someone behind me.

Yesterday, we passed a cyclist who we shouldn't have passed. I have a strict rule never to pass unless I can sustain the effort and stay ahead! DH doesn't abide by that rule. I was already worn out from an earlier workout and had to drop back a bit. The cyclist who we passed caught up to me and stayed alongside the latter third of my bike, he was next to me but near my rear wheel. DH finally slowed down enough and I sped ahead to say "hey, let's slow WAY down" because I couldn't get rid of this guy. We slowed down to 13, 12, 10, 9 mph then I finally stopped pedaling. The guy passed us.

We saw him later on the trail stopped to use the restroom. Later on in the ride he came back on my wheel and stayed there. DH was way ahead. I did the same thing until I stopped pedaling to make him go away. As he passed, he said "so, you're doing intervals today?" I said "kind of" but I wanted to say "no, I want you away because you're creepy." When the guy passed my husband, the guy didn't say anything to him.

I'm not so sure what the bike trail etiquette is and I know I've been guilty of seeing someone in the distance and catching up to them and then not being able to pass. I usually try to say something just so they don't think some strange person is hanging on their wheel. I also don't follow closely because it's rude! What are the general feelings on this? Am I just being paranoid or is it strange that someone would just hang there even when I slowed up substantially?

As the fates would have it, the guy was parked in the same parking lot as us. Even my husband said there was something not right about the guy, don't know what it was though.

I'd say he's weird. I mean your dh wasn't far from you and he stayed tacked to your wheel-how rude is that? I err to the side of caution to just stay away from folks like him. and your dh maybe needs to stick to your wheel instead to send a message. I hope you never see this weirdo again. Jennifer

[lizbids]

I have to be honest, I wouldn't ignore a gut-feeling. I was walking back from the subway one night (9pm-ish), and this one man was literally coming up behind me and not walking around me, so finally I turned sharply on my heel and looked at him as if to say, "Back the f**k up, buddy." And he acted insulted. He actually said, "You don't have to be so worried; not all guys are out to hurt you." So I walked on and called over my shoulder, "But you're not a woman, are you?" Like I was supposed to soothe his ego! He got the point.
I'd rather make Mr. Creepy fake hurt feelings (or even have hurt feelings!) than be sorry for being "nice," which I think a lot of predators rely on. I'd rather be a cold-hearted b**ch and preserve my health, body and mind...and do you really care if a stranger thinks you're "mean"? Trust yourself...the world tells women all the time not to, and I think that's a shame.

[wannaduacentury]

I have to be honest, I wouldn't ignore a gut-feeling. I was walking back from the subway one night (9pm-ish), and this one man was literally coming up behind me and not walking around me, so finally I turned sharply on my heel and looked at him as if to say, "Back the f**k up, buddy." And he acted insulted. He actually said, "You don't have to be so worried; not all guys are out to hurt you." So I walked on and called over my shoulder, "But you're not a woman, are you?" Like I was supposed to soothe his ego! He got the point.
I'd rather make Mr. Creepy fake hurt feelings (or even have hurt feelings!) than be sorry for being "nice," which I think a lot of predators rely on. I'd rather be a cold-hearted b**ch and preserve my health, body and mind...and do you really care if a stranger thinks you're "mean"? Trust yourself...the world tells women all the time not to, and I think that's a shame.

You are so right. I've heard that decent men getting chewed out(didn't mean to show any harm toward a woman, but got in her personal space theory) by women taking care of themselves rather suffer the punishment and tell it later hoping that their own moms, sister's, wives, even daughters would do the same in a given situation. And I wouldn't worry about their feelings. a self defense course is an excellent idea too.