bit of a bummer post

[newtobikesmama]

I bought a bike in February, waited until the snow melted (almost) and started riding once or twice a week. I haven't been able to ride in several weeks now because when I do I get a huge guilt trip from my husband (who does not have a bike, does not want a bike, and doesn't understand why I would want to go riding my myself). I am so frustrated. In the same breath that he gives me a guilt trip for "going out by myself" he says that he doesn't keep me from riding! Grrrrr. I miss my bike.

[pardes]

I bought a bike in February, waited until the snow melted (almost) and started riding once or twice a week. I haven't been able to ride in several weeks now because when I do I get a huge guilt trip from my husband (who does not have a bike, does not want a bike, and doesn't understand why I would want to go riding my myself). I am so frustrated. In the same breath that he gives me a guilt trip for "going out by myself" he says that he doesn't keep me from riding! Grrrrr. I miss my bike.

You feel guilty for doing something you enjoy? Isn't that what he wants you to feel. Sounds like a lot of mixed messages going on between you two.

Unless he wants to surgically attach you to his body, he needs to get a grip on reality.

Go riding. Encourage him to find his own bliss for his "away" time and work to find some common bliss for your together time.

He'll either respect you more for taking care of your own needs, or he is immature.

Go riding. Come back and give him a big kiss. And then go riding again.

It's no different than reward training a puppy.

[KatieJean]

Newtobikes---I also used to feel guilty for riding, as it took time away from my family. I finally figured out that if I rode in the morning when they are still asleep, no one will notice, and I have nothing to feel guilty about. (I have since realized that the guilt was self-induced, and now I'll ride anytime that I'm not "needed" at home.) Can you ride at a time when you aren't "needed" by your hubby? Early morning or some other time that is already not a shared time? Try to put into words the joy you get from your rides. Once your husband realizes how much you enjoy the bike time, hopefully he will encourage you instead of guilt-tripping you.

[crazycanuck]

I agree with Pardes..get on your bike & ignore the whinges! Just ride.

Let your dear sit in the house.

[OakLeaf]

Ugh ... my husband used to do the same thing. I confronted him, enough times that it stopped being an issue. At this point I honestly can't say whether he doesn't do it any more, or whether I just quit feeling guilty. Just go and ride.

[Bike Chick]

Your husband can't make you feel guilty---that's something you are doing all by yourself. It's a curse we women have. We feel responsible for everyone else's feelings and try to keep everyone happy. It's an impossible task.

You are entitled to enjoy a solo activity, have time to yourself a few times a week and get some exercise. It will make you a better wife and mother and a happier person. Think of the example you are setting for your children. Go ride your bike and quit feeling guilty, mom. Hubby will adjust.

PS: Does your husband golf, fish or have any other hobby or activity? I'm sure he doesn't feel guilty when he leaves the house for a few hours.

[shootingstar]

Even if he doesn't have his own hobby, go ahead and cycle.

I get the opposite, if I don't cycle for awhile, my dearie gets concerned for me. And I would for him.

And we don't we even cycle together --60% of time we're each cycling alone on our own. He has a home-based biz..

[indysteel]

Your husband can't make you feel guilty---that's something you are doing all by yourself. It's a curse we women have. We feel responsible for everyone else's feelings and try to keep everyone happy. It's an impossible task.

You are entitled to enjoy a solo activity, have time to yourself a few times a week and get some exercise. It will make you a better wife and mother and a happier person. Think of the example you are setting for your children. Go ride your bike and quit feeling guilty, mom. Hubby will adjust.

+1.

Is this typical of your husband? Is there some underlying insecurity that your cycling triggers for him? Regardless of how you answer those questions, if you want to ride, ride. While it would be nice to have your husband's blessing, you don't need it or his permission. I don't think you need to be confrontational about it. Just calmly tell him that you're going for a ride. If he resists, tell him you're sorry he feels that way and that you're nevertheless going for the ride. Then go and enjoy yourself. He'll catch on.

[Zen]

This is why I don't want a husband.

[jobob]

It's no different than reward training a puppy.

Pardes is wonderful

[pardes]

Pardes is wonderful

Blush. Actually I'm probably more "just experienced with puppies" than wonderful.

I used to be married to a puppy. Odd thing is that back then, in the dark ages, he was a biker and I wasn't. Except he only TALKED about biking and just never quite got around to actually biking. Just TALKING about biking is like...well like smoking a cigarette through a pillow.

[PamNY]

I agree -- positive training works with people.

If you want to ride, do it. I don't know how old you are or how long you've been married, but sometimes these things just take a little time. He will probably get used to it, and if he doesn't, you've learned something you need to know.

[sundial]

This is why I don't want a husband.

But they're handy for opening stubborn lids.

[TsPoet]

This is why I don't want a husband.

You and I agree on something!

[Crankin]

Don't want to start drifting this thread too far, but, please don't overgeneralize about husbands. If it wasn't for mine, I wouldn't be riding. And for years, he was the one that got the kids ready for the day, took them to daycare, school, etc. while I was out cavorting at the gym at 5 AM before work. And that's not counting the thousands of $ spent on course work for my group exercise certification/re-certification, clothing, music, classes at all hours of the day...
I realize that everyone's different, and I think you have received excellent advice. But, please don't lump all husbands together.