Thoughts on saying goodbye to pets

[nancielle]

The thread about Maggie Bear's passing got me to wondering if people have done something special when they've had to say goodbye to a fur (feathered/scaled)baby. A client recently had to put down her dog who had been quite ill for a while. She had him cremated and now wears his ashes in a special locket.

I am a follower of "Dog Town" (Best Friends Sanctuary in Utah) on the National Geographic Channel. I saw one of their ceremonies for a dog (a Chow Chow which made me hug Chloe that much tighter) that had to be put to sleep and thought it was really a very touching ceremony. I especially loved that there are wind chimes placed in Angels Rest and the individual who was performing the burial noted that they believe when you hear the chimes it is the animal's way of letting us know that they are ok.

Here's their description:
"Some folks may think it odd to wax poetic about a pet cemetery. But Angels Rest is not about dying. Rather, it is an affirmation of life.

Visitors here experience a deep calm. The chaos of the outside world seems to melt away as gentle breezes start a serenade of wind chimes.

The entrance gate depicts a dog and cat with rabbits perched on their backs, surrounded by flowers in bloom. Colorful rocks form walls that hold urns, vases, and memorials. Stones and markers proclaim, "Always in our hearts," "The best wee cat in the whole wide world," and other loving sentiments.

Animal statues dot the landscape - a napping cat, a smiling sheepdog, an elegant owl, and many others all keep watch over the pets who slumber in eternity.

'Play amongst the angels ’til we’re all together again.' "








Over the winter the tenant who lives downstairs from me had commented on finding cats in the basement periodically. Apparently there is an opening somewhere under the house which is just enough to allow them to enter. We chalked it up to them wanting some warm respite since the furnaces for all of the apartments are there. On Easter morning he stopped me to let me know that he had gone downstairs to make sure all of the furnaces had water in them and found one of the cats dead . He was concerned, since Hunter can be a bit of a Houdini-cat with regard to letting himself out of the apartment, if the unknown cat had died from parvo, would Hunter be at risk (he's vaccinated and doing just fine.) Anyway, the tenat brought the cat out and buried him where the lilacs will bloom. I've placed a small wind chime in the lilac bush and periodically hear the quiet, delicate sound. The sad thing is, besides the cat dying alone in a strange basement, that nobody has been looking for him.

Be at peace wandering cat.

[tctrek]

I think some people keep their ailing or aged pets alive too long. They are thinking of how painful it will be to lose their beloved pet, but maybe not thinking that the pet does not have a good quality of life and it's best to let them go. We recently had one of our cats get some sort of liver disease and she was fading slowly but surely... losing weight and listless. My DH spoon fed her baby food and yogurt and even squirted syringes of water into her mouth. He asked me one night "Why am I doing this?" It broke my heart to tell him that he was keeping her alive because he loved her so much he could not let her go. The next day, we took her to the vets together to put her to sleep.

I sent him to this site for a little comfort: http://www.petloss.com/poems/maingrp/rainbowb.htm

I think we need to do what we have to do to get over our grief of losing a pet, but I don't think we should keep them alive when their quality of life is gone. The ultimate love is to let them go and have peace.

[Aggie_Ama]

TcTrek- Very good point. Losing Maggie was awful but the weekend before when she stopped eating more than a couple bites and then that Monday she started walking funny I knew. I held her close and it was as though she was thanking me for the love and asking for a final act of love. She had not begun to suffer according to the vet but she was starting to feel very sick and it would only be days or maybe hours before she couldn't walk on her own. My own Pawpaw spoon fed his dog for weeks which was horrific for me to see. DH was in denial that she was saying goodbye until our vet and his friend (a vet) said she needed to be ushered on.

I have already said we are planting a tree for her and bluebonnets. But DH wants to put the ashes in an urn which I believe will stay on the top shelf of our china cabinet (no plates stored on the shelf). We don't have a mantle but I have known people to place ashes on their mantles or scatter them in a favorite park. My in-laws have a small area of their backyard they bury them in and pray at the time. Nothing else.

[Tuckervill]

When it became apparent that our 20-year-old Jack Russell Terrier was fading, I used her last lucid hours to take her around to visit all the people she had known and who knew her. She rode on a pillow in my youngest son's lap, and she looked like she was having a good time, as long as she was with us. I took her to my son's house and he said goodbye, and my Dad's house. While he was saying goodbye, my eldest son happened to call, and though he was far away we got to share some moments together focused on her. She had a tail wag and a lick for everyone who saw her.

Then I dropped off my son at home, and took her to the vet. Thankfully, there was no one else there waiting at that time (they do walk-in only), so we had a nice, quiet moment with her as her life ended.

Everything I did was for the people who were living beyond her time here--not just for her. I wrote an email to our friends, with some pictures and some stories. That was enough. I would never think of keeping her ashes or burying her. I think the physical body should return to the place from which it came, back into the energy stream. But everyone should do what helps them best cope with the loss.

Karen

[PamNY]

I make a memorial donation to an animal group.

I love "Dogtown." I met several of those people when volunteered with IBest Friends after Katrina, and they really are that good.

Pam

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

I'm going through this right now with my kitty Lydia. We are so sad and don't think she'll make it through the weekend. It's just getting to the point where 'the decision' needs to be made, but my vet is out of town til Monday. It's always so hard.

[OakLeaf]

(((((Lisa & kitty))))) I'm so sorry.



We scattered each of our dogs' ashes at a park where they'd loved to walk. Each time DH and I and my first husband, their "dad," went to the ridge, scattered their ashes, shared some memories, and cast with their ashes one or two small (biodegradable) things that they'd enjoyed. My ex and his new wife and their dogs visit that park often. For myself and DH, it's more difficult to go there, but we can always feel the dogs' spirits when we do.

Only one of them made the decision easy for us. One did an awful premature death; one woke up one morning and almost literally told me "Mom, I'm tired of fighting;" the other two declined so slowly that it was difficult to say "this is the day." They never gave us a clear sign. We just had to make a judgment call on when the fun times they were still having, were outweighed by the bad times.

[badger]

what strange timing. I was just youtubing and came across the woman who dances with her dog (youtube "Carolyn Scott and Rookie"). I dug around some more and found that he had to be put down last July and was bawling thinking about the anguish I felt and still feel about doing the same for my dog.

When Chevy died last October, I wanted to remember him by planting a tree on top of his ashes, like oak or maple so he becomes part of a big, sheltering tree for other animals and be inviting for children to climb because he loved people so much.

But I couldn't find a public enough spot that wouldn't be intrusive or odd, and before long it was too cold to do something so he still remains in his urn on my bookshelf.

I still want to do something like that, so I'm scouting for possible locations.

As for stalling putting an animal down, I know in hindsight Chevy was suffering for about 2 months too long, but I could NEVER have made that appointment with the vet. In the end I had no choice, but I don't think I could have scheduled his passing.

[spindizzy]

Serendipity..our cat just died suddenly 2 hours ago. I was getting ready to go out (to get him food). I was in the kitchen, heard a thud. Thought it was Nugget throwing himself against the window to scare the squirrels and birds. I went to see him - he wasn't where I thought he was. I found him on his side at the bottom of our stairs, I patted him while thinking what to do - he coughed twice then died.

Nugget and my daughter adored each other..She was at a soccer game with DH when it happened. We are devastated as we had to put our Golden down 1 1/2 years ago. The kids wanted cremation and we still scatter his ashes in places he loved. We will let DD decide what to do with Nugget. For now, we're just hugging each other and crying...

[Biciclista]

Serendipity..our cat just died suddenly 2 hours ago. I was getting ready to go out (to get him food). I was in the kitchen, heard a thud. Thought it was Nugget throwing himself against the window to scare the squirrels and birds. I went to see him - he wasn't where I thought he was. I found him on his side at the bottom of our stairs, I patted him while thinking what to do - he coughed twice then died.

Nugget and my daughter adored each other..She was at a soccer game with DH when it happened. We are devastated as we had to put our Golden down 1 1/2 years ago. The kids wanted cremation and we still scatter his ashes in places he loved. We will let DD decide what to do with Nugget. For now, we're just hugging each other and crying...

how strange! had he been ill?
I'm so sorry to hear this.

[Tuckervill]

I'm sorry about little Nugget.

Karen

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

Serendipity..our cat just died suddenly 2 hours ago. I was getting ready to go out (to get him food). I was in the kitchen, heard a thud. Thought it was Nugget throwing himself against the window to scare the squirrels and birds. I went to see him - he wasn't where I thought he was. I found him on his side at the bottom of our stairs, I patted him while thinking what to do - he coughed twice then died.

Nugget and my daughter adored each other..She was at a soccer game with DH when it happened. We are devastated as we had to put our Golden down 1 1/2 years ago. The kids wanted cremation and we still scatter his ashes in places he loved. We will let DD decide what to do with Nugget. For now, we're just hugging each other and crying...

Oh, I'm so sorry!- how awful. Was he old? Hugs and sympathy to you and your family in this sad time. What a terrible shock that must have been.

[OakLeaf]

Oh ((((((spindizzy)))))) I'm so sorry.

[PamNY]

Oh dear, that must have been an awful shock. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.

Pam

[Blueberry]

((((Lisa and Kitty))))

((((Spindizzy))))

It's strange - a friend of ours had a kitty suddenly pass away last night. Apparently she cried, and he tried to rush her to the vet - she passed away on the way

It's always so hard