Barbie, sorry, I had to post this

[ACG]

Finally a Barbie I can relate to. At long last, here are some NEW Barbie dolls to coincide with her and OUR aging gracefully. These are a bit more realistic...



1. Bifocals Barbie. Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors (half-frames too!), neck chain, and large-print editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.



2. Hot Flash Barbie. Press Barbie's bellybutton and watch her face turn
beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead.
Comes with handheld fan and tiny tissues.



3.. Facial Hair Barbie. As Barbie's hormone levels shift, see her whiskers grow. Available with teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.



4. Flabby Arms Barbie. Hide Barbie's droopy triceps with these new,roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on the tummy front, two-MuMus with tummy-support panels are included.



5. Bunion Barbie. Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have definitely taken their toll on Barbie's dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with the pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules.



6. No-More-Wrinkles Barbie. Erase those pesky crow's-feet and lip lines
with a tube of Skin Sparkle-Spackle, from Barbie's own line of exclusive
age-blasting cosmetics.



7. Soccer Mom Barbie. All that experience as a cheerleader is really paying off as Barbie dusts off her old high school megaphone to root for Babs and Ken, Jr.. Comes with minivan in robin-egg blue or white and cooler filled with doughnut holes and fruit punch.



8. Mid-life Crisis Barbie. It's time to ditch Ken. Barbie needs a change,
and Alonzo (her personal trainer) is just what the doctor ordered, along with Prozac. They're hopping in her new red Miata and heading for the Napa Valley to open a B&B. Includes a real tape of "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do."



9. Divorced Barbie. Sells for$ 199.99. Comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, and Ken's boat.



10. Recovery Barbie. Too many parties have finally caught up with the ultimate party girl. Now she does Twelve Steps instead of dance steps. Clean and sober, she's going to meetings religiously.. Comes with a little copy of The Big Book and a six-pack of Diet Coke.



11. Post-Menopausal Barbie. This Barbie wets her pants when she sneezes, forgets where she puts things, and cries a lot. She is sick and tired of Ken sitting on the couch watching the tube, clicking through the channels. Comes with Depends and Kleenex. As a bonus this year, the book "Getting In Touch with Your Inner Self" is included.

[AutumnBreez]

The first time I seen this forwarded to me by a co-worker a few years ago, still makes me laugh to this day. Thanks for the reminder....I think....

Most sadly they are forgetting about the Cycling Series of Barbies. Here are a few I came up with.
Think of the accessories it could come with....

1. Saddle soar Barbie- could come with a small tube of Butt'r or small tin of Bagbalm.
2. Helmet hair Barbie- different assortment of headsweats/bandanas
3. Near Death Experience Barbie- comes with bandages with blood stains seeping through, and scars from other NDE.
4.Revenge Barbie- comes with paintball pistol and mounting for bike. Extra water bottles for throwing.

All of them with a funny tan line at the thigh, arms and wrists.
Cycling clothes and bike selections would be fun too.

Help me here ladies, I know we could help make up our own Cycling Barbies.... ideas?

[Trek420]

"I want to be Barbie, that b**** has everything"

Full custom Barbie; comes with her own Rivendell, Calfee, Seven Alta and Orbea.

Critical Mass Barbie; multiple exotic peircings, purple hair, Doc Martins, bike is covered with duct tape and "no war for oil", "one less car" stickers.

Bike Messenger Barbie; same as above with messenger bag, coffee cup holder on handlebar, brave little soldier crash kit.

Barbie and Ken bike combo; Santana Ti tandem, matching Team Estrogen and Team Testosterone jerseys.

[Barb]

I loved this! I actually have a sweatshirt that says "I want to be just like Barbie, that %$%^ has everything.

Gotta go...heading to store for skin sparkle spackle.

[AutumnBreez]

"I want to be Barbie, that b**** has everything"

Full custom Barbie; comes with her own Rivendell, Calfee, Seven Alta and Orbea.

Critical Mass Barbie; multiple exotic peircings, purple hair, Doc Martins, bike is covered with duct tape and "no war for oil", "one less car" stickers.

Bike Messenger Barbie; same as above with messenger bag, coffee cup holder on handlebar, brave little soldier crash kit.

Barbie and Ken bike combo; Santana Ti tandem, matching Team Estrogen and Team Testosterone jerseys.

Excellent!! I knew we could get some more going....love the Critical Mass Barbie one, that was frickin great, hilarious!!

We will have our own lil Barbie the Bike B#@^*% who has everything collection.

More please....

[spazzdog]

"Bent Barbie" - full custom recumbant

"Charity Barbie" - Barbie, a bike and little jerseys from the most popular charity rides

"Barbie Mom" - bike with baby trailer, flag... the works

"Time Trial Barbie" - full TT gear; aerobars, conehead helmet, TT bike


spazz

[MomOnBike]

Touring Barbie, two models. One comes with a Bike Friday NWT, the other with a custom Tour Easy recumbent.

Both have a camera, tent, sleeping bag, and a propane stove that really cooks. All in Pink, of course.

[Trek420]

spazzdog designed:

"Charity Barbie" - Barbie, a bike and little jerseys from the most popular charity rides."

don't forget that the jersey is signed by all of Barbie's sponsors and has a tiny rolled up stack of her pledge forms in the right jersey pocket.

Also comes with matching Ken and GI Joe in costume (grass hula skirt, coconut bras) as volunteer crew. Special limited edition pink SAG wagon with pink broom, pink roof rack and decals "hydrate or die".

[massbikebabe]

How 'bout...

Yakima Barbie with a tiny little roof rack to hold all of her bikes???

This post made me wet my pants, what a hoot!!!

and it just occurred to me...How about Taco Wheeled Barbie...yup did that this weekend. TWB would come with a beautiful 5200 Trek with a 650c front wheel that looks like a pretzel...maybe this could be an accessory for near death experience Barbie...

still laughing,
karen

[Trek420]

massbikebabe "How 'bout...Taco Wheeled Barbie..." which

can be combined with "LBS Barbie; tiny little wheel trueing stand, Pink Polo shirt with Park logo, pink cargo pants and apron with teeny tiny multi tools, wrenches, hex sets. Comes in a collector box that folds out to "Barbies Dream Bike Shop"

both can be combined with Talking Full Custom Barbie, press button and Barbie says "just looking, thanks"

[CorsairMac]

massbikebabe "How 'bout...Taco Wheeled Barbie..." which

can be combined with "LBS Barbie; tiny little wheel trueing stand, Pink Polo shirt with Park logo, pink cargo pants and apron with teeny tiny multi tools, wrenches, hex sets. Comes in a collector box that folds out to "Barbies Dream Bike Shop"

both can be combined with Talking Full Custom Barbie, press button and Barbie says "just looking, thanks"

ROFLMAO! Just the visual of that has me crying!!!

[nuthatch]

You guys have actually got me wanting these Barbies - when I can't be outside riding, why not play with all my teeny tiny cycles, Barbies, tools, etc.?

[Crankin]

.How about Taco Wheeled Barbie...yup did that this weekend. TWB would come with a beautiful 5200 Trek with a 650c front wheel that looks like a pretzel...maybe this could be an accessory for near death experience Barbie...

still laughing,
karen

Karen, how did you do this? I am picturing my Trek 5200 like this. Ouch. Are you OK?

Robyn

[massbikebabe]

Robyn:

Thanks for asking, fortunately the only thing hurt was my wheel, my pride,
and a tooth that required a post fall root canal. I was telling my son to watch out for the "tiny" potholes when my front wheel took a dive into a major pothole...aaaahhhh, the benefits of New England.

Trek420, I am loving the idea of LBS Barbie. I thought this was post was
so funny I had to show my hubby and son They have been coming up with ideas for the "perfect" biking Barbie

karen
ps- I love my Doc Maartens

[caligurl]

OMG! what a great thread!!!!!!