Hurt and disappointed

**PAP103** · 10-12-2007, 12:35 PM

My "good" friend's son just got married in Vegas. I've known the boy forever so I decided to go there. I got on the phone with my "friend" and we made all kinds of plans to hang out together, have dinner, have fun and get caught up (she lives in GA, I live in MA). Vegas is not my favorite place but I was looking forward to having time with her.

Well, I got to Vegas Thursday night. We met at one of the casinos, played a while then had dinner together. After that, I didn't see or hear from her till the wedding Saturday. Then she and her family ignored me!!!! I was so hurt and disappointed the I was next to tears and couldn't go to the reception.
I had invited my mom to come along (she loves Vegas) so we ended up making our own plans so I did have some fun.

I got home Monday night and haven't heard from my friend since. I'm not sure what to make of this.

Any ideas on what to do next?
Thanks for listening.

**Mr. Bloom** · 10-12-2007, 12:40 PM

Weddings are tough occasions to steal away for "visiting times"...were your expectations higher than what your friend was able to live up to?

I'd call her and, without trying to put a guilt trip on her, express how sorry you were that you couldn't spend more time together...see how she responds

**DebW** · 10-12-2007, 12:47 PM

Having just gone through my daughter's wedding, I can imagine that your friend had a large number of family and friends at the wedding whom she also may not have seen in years and felt obliged to spend time with. Not to mention wedding details she had to attend to. At the end of my daughter's wedding, I realize I hadn't spent any of the wedding or reception time with out-of-town friends who had already been in town for a few days because there were other family and friends there for only 1 or 2 days. So I'd give the friend the benefit of the doubt in this case.

**teigyr** · 10-12-2007, 12:57 PM

She might feel as bad as you do.

When I got married last year, I had friends come from out of state. I felt so horrible because it was an expense for them! I really wanted to spend time with all of them but it didn't work out that way. Before the wedding things were so crazy with family obligations and stress, during the wedding I depended on my friends to get stuff done and yet I couldn't see them much, and after I barely saw them.

Maybe your friend wanted to see you more than she could but had other things tearing her in different directions. Sometimes guilt (I felt SO guilty during that time) in not seeing you more is making her hesitant to contact you.

I'm just speaking for myself but I know I ignored people who came from out of the country, people who live near me, and people who I grew up with from out of state who came for the wedding

Every time I spent more time with "new" friends more than old or "old" friends more than new, I felt bad. I tried to merge people as best I could but then I had both sets of parents to socialize with too....

Might be worth talking to her and saying something like you wish you could have seen more of her but understand she was probably busy. She will probably agree with you and feel the same way and if she doesn't, well, at least you had a semi-fun vacation even though it was Vegas?

**KSH** · 10-12-2007, 01:28 PM

Originally Posted by teigyr

She might feel as bad as you do.

Maybe your friend wanted to see you more than she could but had other things tearing her in different directions. Sometimes guilt (I felt SO guilty during that time) in not seeing you more is making her hesitant to contact you.

Might be worth talking to her and saying something like you wish you could have seen more of her but understand she was probably busy. She will probably agree with you and feel the same way and if she doesn't, well, at least you had a semi-fun vacation even though it was Vegas?

Yea...what she said.

Now, did you ever think that she might be hurt and upset that YOU didn't go to the reception?

There are two sides to every story... and it might benefit you to hear her side. It was her son's wedding... she was busy... she looked around for you at the reception and didn't see you. What was she to think? Her first thought would not be, "Oh, she's upset that I didn't see her for two days"... her first thought would be, "Why is she not here? How rude. I paid for a meal for her and she didn't even show up."

I know you were and are still hurt...but what you did was passive aggressive. You should have said something to her. She didn't know how you were feeling. Don't ASSume that she knew how you were feeling.

Finally... this was HER day to shine... it was her son getting married and you needed to be understanding of that. It was all about her. Not about you. In situations like that you kind of suck it up because it's not your day. But she also should have been fair to you and clearly stated what she did and did not have time for. If she knew she was going to be too busy to visit with you before the wedding (Friday), she needed to tell you that.

Now, I am trying to be rude or mean... I'm just telling it how I see it. And there are two sides to every story and everyone's perception is different.

I hope you can make up with your friend. It would be silly to lose a friend over something like this.

**PAP103** · 10-12-2007, 01:36 PM

Originally Posted by KSH

Yea...what she said.

Now, did you ever think that she might be hurt and upset that YOU didn't go to the reception?

There are two sides to every story... and it might benefit you to hear her side. It was her son's wedding... she was busy... she looked around for you at the reception and didn't see you. What was she to think? Her first thought would not be, "Oh, she's upset that I didn't see her for two days"... her first thought would be, "Why is she not here? How rude. I paid for a meal for her and she didn't even show up."

I told her that I wasn't going to go to the reception - that my mom wasn't feeling well (ok, I lied). I know it was her day to shine and I didn't expect her to be at my side on the wedding day but I expected to at least be aknowledged - you know - say hello?

But thanks for putting things into perspective.

**BleeckerSt_Girl** · 10-12-2007, 01:48 PM

Originally Posted by PAP103

I told her that I wasn't going to go to the reception - that my mom wasn't feeling well (ok, I lied). I know it was her day to shine and I didn't expect her to be at my side on the wedding day but I expected to at least be aknowledged - you know - say hello?

But thanks for putting things into perspective.

I think it's pretty amazing that she found the time to play in the casino for a while with you and have dinner with you thursday night. How much more of her time could you have expected? Weddings are crazy for mothers- they are expected to arrange everything and entertain everyone, and family members are always needing all kinds of last minute things from them. She probably was hoping you'd be at the reception and be happy for her and her son.

**northstar** · 10-12-2007, 03:14 PM

Thinking back on how hectic the days surrounding my wedding were...I think it's pretty amazing that your friend was able to have dinner with you on the Thursday night. Sounds like it's time to plan a get-together where she doesn't have other big family commitments at the same time!

**teigyr** · 10-12-2007, 03:18 PM

You know one more thing - maybe she thought she would have more time than she did. I know I was making all sorts of plans as my friends came from out of town and I turned out to be very very flaky. I bet her intentions might've been stellar and I really think she did value the fact you were there.

**sandra** · 10-12-2007, 06:21 PM

My son's wedding is coming up in March. They have decided to get married not here, but in a glass chapel in the Ozark Mountains. It sounds wonderful, but to me it sounds even more hectic being away from home and away from our town where I know where everything is.

I too am surprised she had time to spare. It was nice that you got to see her at all. This weekend was devoted to the wedding and that is totally understandable.

I'm sorry that you were hurt, but I'm afraid your expectations were too high.

**Tuckervill** · 10-13-2007, 09:10 AM

Sandra! That's near me! Thorncrown Chapel???

)))

When is it? We can ride together!

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