Words that hurt....

[LBTC]

Hi, ladies

I'm wondering if any of you have had a similar experience with a friend and what you did about it?

A few weeks ago the discussion came up about next year's riding season. Having lost my entire season and part of the previous one, to illness, I said I didn't know if I'd be racing next year or not.
"I'd like to think I've learned something from all of this".

My riding friend asked "you mean, like, don't get out of shape?"



I couldn't even come up with an answer, it didn't feel nice at all. Does she really think that I became ill because I wasn't exercising enough? Or worse, that I wasn't even ill at all and have just gotten out of shape from laziness? ouch.

I'm trying to decide if I should talk with her about this or not. I'm probably being over-sensitive again. And I'm sure she really didn't mean to be hurtful.

Have you had a similar experience? What did you do? What do you think I should do?

Hugs and butterflies!
~T~

[mimitabby]

she might have meant it well, and was just not thinking about all your reasons for not riding. Is she by nature a sensitive person?
if not, what did you expect?
If you value the friendship, let it go. She didn't think before she spoke and prob. forgot all about it.

If you can't get past it; address the subject with her.
good luck.

[blueskies]

I say give it to your butterflies to hold for today. Just let them take it, and tuck it into a tree somewhere. Because today is

Your Birthday!!!!


Not the day for thinking about a careless remark that someone else made a few weeks ago.

Today is for YOU! Your birthday! Your celebration! Your JOY!

If you want to think about it tomorrow, you can ask the butterflies to bring it back.

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

I really don't think she meant anything mean by it. She probably just didn't think about how you would interpret it. We all say dumb things that we should have worded better sometimes. I say just give her the benefit of the doubt and move forward.

[Irulan]

why not just say what you feel?

"ouch, that didn't feel very good".

[Zen]

I don't even know what that means.

and that's what i would tell her.

[velogirl]

definitely talk to her. don't wait too long -- you'll dwell on it and she'll forget it. if she's a friend, she couldn't have wanted to hurt you and I'm sure in speaking with her that will become clear. we've all said something at some point that hurts another (without intending to). I'm sure that must be the situation here.

[michelem]

LBTC,

I too am very sensitive to things like this, and find myself obsessing for days and ultimately making it worse! 9 times out of 10 the other person has NO CLUE that what they said affected me so.

Who knows what she meant - could be something to the effect of, "Now that you know how hard it is to regain fitness after an illness, perhaps if you hit an emotional slump later on down the road and contemplate taking time off from training, you'll remember this and it will motivate you to maintain the fitness levels you've worked so hard to achieve!" Not blaming you for being ill and HAVING to be off the bike for so long . . . just saying it probably taught you a lesson about how easy it is to lose fitness (and how hard it is to get going again) when off the bike for so long.

You certainly did the right thing taking it easy during your illness! Keep taking care of YOU. This may mean speaking with your friend about the situtation, or deciding to let it go. Big hugs to you.

[mimitabby]

one of Raleighdon's and my secrets to a good relationship are .... forgetting.
If we remembered each dumb thing we'd said to each other or arguement that we've had, we probably wouldn't have lasted together this long
we've had discussions that went like this:
remember that fight we had where you left and were going to sleep in the car?
do you remember what it was about?
NO.
is the friendship more important or the words..?

[Dianyla]

I think that about 80-90% of what people say has everything to do with them and their viewpoint and very little to do with you and your situation.

She may well have made a good (if insensitive) point. It wouldn't bother you if you didn't partially agree with it at some level. But so what, you're attending to much more important matters of health and wellness. Being in shape enough to race this season is of microscopic importance compared to that. As long as you are confident in yourself and know that you are working on what is most important, screw the rest.

[onimity]

Hey LBTC,

First of all, happy birthday!

That sort of comment can be hurtful, but you don't know what she meant by it. If it were me, I'd ask, without assumptions or accusations. It may be that she was trying to say something you don't expect and it all just came out wrong (I do that all the time); I doubt that she meant to hurt your feelings, but if you can talk about it (without it being a big deal) and clear the air, you'll probably be able to understand and let it go much easier. At least that's how it is for me. I like to clear the air and not hold grudges but find it hard to forget something that is unresolved...

Take care

Anne