Hobby recomendations

[Hub]

Dear Folks,
I need some advice and maybe some time to vent. My 'DH' is desperate to find some hobby or activity that we can share.
There are some things you need to know before making recommendations:
#1. He can't or won't ride bikes --- yet. He's a large guy with a lot of medical problems- he has leukemia, back problems, shoulder problems, and of course depression. Right now he stays home all the time, will not go farther than the mailbox without me driving him.
#2. We've been married 19 years, going on forever. For the past 6 years our emphasis has been taking care of him and his medical problems.
#3. He likes HAM (Amateur Radio), Woodworking, Home Theatre- AV equipment and shopping.
#4. I like books, bikes, sleeping and shopping- and of course our 2 little dogs.
Of course we still have the shopping thing in common- but as you can imagine, that could quickly lead us to the poor house. He says he is really trying to find something we can still do together, but my fear is that he's looking for another venue to boss me around. ( And I know I have issues of my own). I do almost all the stuff that gets done around the house and I really just want to rest.

thanks y'all

Pat

[KnottedYet]

How about cooking?

Lots of fun things to try, lots to learn (nutrition and such), can get very creative, plenty of fun tools (flaming torches to melt sugar on creme brulee!), dishes and cooking utensils to buy and learn to use, tons of ideas on the internet, forums, etc.

Maybe he could do vegetarian one day, Italian the next, Norweigan the next, a Cuban day, and so on.

He gets a hobby, you get someone cooking for you!

[sandra]

Hubby and I had a period where we searched for things to do together. Now we do almost EVERYTHING together. The only thing we don't do together is...I refuse to take up hunting.

The thing I thought of immediately though, WALKING. If your husband is depressed, he really, really does need to get out every day and walk a little, even if for a short while. Getting out in the sunshine can lift his spirits. Maybe short afternoon walks together. Do you have a dog? (yes, you do. I read fast and missed that.) Can you go out each day and walk the dog? Drive to different places if you get bored. Once hubby and I started walking around the high school which was close to our house. We helped fund our retirement with all of the change those students drop in the parking lot. I know it sounds corny, but it was fun looking for the prize!

I'm still thinking on other things. Good luck.

[SadieKate]

Sounds like he likes gadgets and eletronics. HAM radio puts him in touch with the outside world. Part of the shopping thing (to me) is the curiousity about other "stuff."

So, how about geo-caching? Even if you have to drive to start with. He'll have to get out and walk to the location of the cache. Maybe he'll walk farther each time.

[Grog]

When I read "dog" and "shopping" I also thought "walking." Maybe progressively even take him into gentle hikes?

SK's idea (geocaching) is more sophisticated and oh! so good, too.

Maybe he could use the walks to start a sound collection? In the movie Amelie the beautiful dreamer character was collecting sounds of people laughing. Maybe you could be talked into photography (even with a simple camera one can do wonders)...

[bacarver]

What about volunteering at your local animal shelter?
Or tutoring/teaching others to share the skills you have?
Does the local library have any programs to tap into?
Barb

[LBTC]

There are loads of things people can do together....and some great ideas here, too! (walking, of course, being the easiest to start/learn/do anywhere)

Here are a couple more ideas....
dog agility, flyball or any other dog sport
decorate your house and yard for every holiday


You'll find something, Pat!

Hugs and butterflies,
~T~

[silver]

I love the geocaching idea, may need to shop for some GPS gadgets. I was thinking walking or trail walking.

I can't find any links to it, but in my confirmation booklet for the Hilly 100, they say that HAM operators will be in sag vehicles and on stops to help with any communication needs. Maybe you could tie this into some of your local rides. Maybe you could contact the Hilly people to get more info.

[Tuckervill]

Geocaching sounds like a great idea, because if Mississippi is like Arkansas, a lot of the significant points have not been accessed. (I think I saw a thing once where people were marking the places where longitude and latitude intersected or something like that.) There is one of those near us, but someone already marked it or whatever they do. (I don't geocache but I know someone who does, and I've read about it.)

There are people who simply try to visit every single county in America. You can do that on a smaller scale. I like to do that around here, when I get bored I drive to the small towns near me and see what life is like there (it's usually not that different than my house, but if I go in a flea market or something, I might find something I didn't know I was looking for).

Those kinds of traveling things, like Volksmarch and geocaching really appeal to me for some reason. It kind of ties in with my weather watching and my love of geography. That might not turn other people on, though.

Karen

[Flybye]

If he likes woodworking, that's where I would start. Men feel more intimate with their spouses when they do activities together. I think that it is funny that my husband and his buddies never get together to just hang out and talk like I do with my girlfriends. They do something centered around an activity. I would take it as a great compliment that he is seeking to do something with you - he wants more of your time.

My concern for him is actually his depression. I am a social worker, so that's where my heart lies.

Here's my idea for you to mull over. If he is down in the dumps, could you find some woodworking project that you can do with him that will benefit other people? Christmas is coming. Perhaps wooden trains or other toy projects for needy families? Maybe build shelving for non profit agencies?

The reason that I suggest this is that if he is depressed, giving to other people gives the giver a huge sense of self worth. So often what we do for other people ends up being more for us than anything else. I don't know whether or not he works, but if he doesn't - that's just plain out and out hard on a man. There self worth is tied so much to providing. This would give him an outlet to fill that need to provide. He'd have the deadlines, and feel needed by others. It also would have the benefit of getting him out of the house. He'd also be getting a little physical activity.

If your projects are smaller, like toys, there is a good chance that you can get all of the wood that you need for free from the leftovers at home construction sites. That way you'd not be heading to the poor house

I wish you the best in whatever it is that you find to do together. Oh, and as for the bossiness - sorry My hope would be that after awhile of being together on a project, that need to boss you around would diminish.



It also would have the benefit of getting him out of the house.

[wannaduacentury]

Dear Folks,

#3. He likes HAM (Amateur Radio), Woodworking, Home Theatre- AV equipment and shopping.
#4. I like books, bikes, sleeping and shopping- and of course our 2 little dogs.


thanks y'all

Pat

Hi Hub, on our club sponsored century last July, we had Ham operators as part of our communication system. They graciously did the event for us and they do it for fun. So I was thinking, you ride bikes for local events and he can do the Ham radio thing. Just a thought- You'll be doing something together(not beside each other) but related. Jenn

[SadieKate]

I love the idea of wood toys for needy children. As a team, I bet you could turn out some wonderful stuff and spend time together. Flybye is abosolutely right that giving to others only gives back to the giver.

[RoadRaven]

The problem with walking for me, I am not passionate about walking and therefore feel there is no purpose per se... bear with me... what I mean is that I don't walk for fitness, I walk somewhere because I need to be somewhere or do something.

The same could be said of cycling - I wouldn't just hop on my bike and tootle around - I bike because I want to lose weight, want to be with my family and want to race.

So I doubt a man committed to not walking and choosing to tinker inside is going to decide to walk just for walkings sake.

An idea like SadieKate's is most excellent. Get him interested in the idea, and the idea will drive the movement. Walking has a purpose to achieve an interest. Does he like the dogs? Perhaps time with you and helping with the dogs could be the purpose to walking.

Of course, once walking becomes a pleasure, then walking just for walkings sake might become a habit.

Knot's idea of international/styles of cooking each day is a great one - I'd love that in my house

Also Flybye's idea of doing for others through a hobby is very cool - you could be involved in the design, and together you could distribute the end products... In fact, you could go walking in parks, reserves, the beach... wherever there is wood that trees have discarded gather these bits and use them to make interesting toys... do you have a creative streak in you? Maybe you could sculpt in wood alongside him as he works the wood into whatever he creates?

What about movies... going out once a week to a movie that is not "box-office"... go to a boutique movie theatre, and challenge yourselves into arty, political or different movies... and then walking under the stars somewhere while you talk about how fantastic or how rubbish it was...

[singletrackmind]

Geocaching is a wonderful idea....
Geocaching.com
I use it to get my kids out and about, and it works! We started out small and close (some a few feet from the car) and went from there. Now they get so busy trying to find a cache they walk a couple-few miles without realizing it. And have a great time. Together you could make some small wood doo-dads to leave as a signature treasure or just little thing-a-ma-jiggies work great too.

I LOVE the wooden toys idea, too.

We also like Project Linus, though that's blankets. They can either be bought or made. We make polar fleece ones, which are pretty easy. You get to shop for patterns you think kids would enjoy.

Feeding the birds. We're constantly calling out to each other to see what's going on at the feeders and stand there watching from the window for a few minutes each day. Buy or make a/some feeder/s. Check with your department of conservation for free plans. Just make sure they're squirrel proof!

Make bird and bat houses together.

Mall-walking/window shopping/no buying allowed. Perhaps a small drink or treat in the food court for people-watching together?

Dinner together at the table, no tv or radio.

Our art museum has a free family art day where you get to see exhibits and create something from the inspiration. We take a picnic which we eat outside, then go in a see what we can make.

Well, what else do the two of you like to do?

[li10up]

How about model trains? I lot of time could be spent together putting together a whole country-side scene with roads, hills, trees, building, people, roadside businesses, etc. The trains don't even really have to have that much focus. I've seen what some people can do with that and it's pretty amazing.