Dear LASIK office,
While I am thankful that you corrected my vision to 20/20, I am not thankful that you charged me twice for the procedure - and no, I'm not seeing double. Eagerly awaiting the call back from your billing person.
Former blind bat
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Dear LASIK office,
While I am thankful that you corrected my vision to 20/20, I am not thankful that you charged me twice for the procedure - and no, I'm not seeing double. Eagerly awaiting the call back from your billing person.
Former blind bat
Dear Fate,
Sometimes I wish I'd never gotten married. Sometimes I wish I'd never had children. Sometimes I wish I'd never gotten remarried. I often feel like I'm trapped between an anvil and the hammer. Is there any way out of the middle?
(((Hillslugger)))
I've been feeling sorry for myself recently for being fearful years ago and not coming out of myself - this has led to a lifetime of solitude. I am fine with this most of the time, but I wish that I had been braver. This will pass...
Then again, I love my current lifestyle, just wish that I could meet someone who would share my love for bikes. I have had my defenses up for so long that I don't know if I even can bring them down at 51...'Course, it doesn't help being a rape survivor (twice) and abusive relationships as a young woman.
Thank you for listening. Back to your regularly scheduled program.
Catherine
((Catrin and Hillslugger))
Dear Skype:
ARGH!
Dear tea company--
I love your tea, really. But this is the second batch in a row with under-filled bags. Seriously, I have to use two of them.
Dear dad--
Mom and I are wondering what you were thinking when you did the grocery shopping this week. A 1-lb box of salad greens plus a head of lettuce? The three of us might have managed to eat it, but due to travel schedules...I will hold you responsible for the recurring nightmares about baby spinach.
Dear Gods of Rental Property, I've been looking for almost a month now. Don't you think its about time you rewarded my patience and persistence with a flat that isn't an overpriced crackhouse/dumping ground where the landlord hates our guts because it's 'not proper' for three unrelated single young people to be sharing a flat together? Kthnxbai.
Hill Slugger, what exactly is making you feel this way now? Is it just a bad day, or something more?
Catrin, I say, it is never too late. People have an amazing capacity to change within themselves. Sometimes you need to isolate to break the pattern of abusive relationships/trauma, but it seems like it's been awhile. Never say never and PM me, if you want. I can share some amazing stuff. The positive stuff you never hear.
Dear Self
are you absolutely out of your mind ?? You agreed to house friends from Italy for HOW LONG? you don't KNOW how long? With an 16 month old baby????
Okay, back to cleaning and baby proofing the guestroom!!
Certainly the will reciprocate, right?Quote:
Originally Posted by Biciclista
Dear salad:
I never want to see you again.
Dear self--if you want buckeyes, go make them. Just do it soon so you can put the dishes in the dishwasher and have them done before dad gets home.
Dear heat wave:
Are you done yet? This is getting old. I wake up and it's too hot and sticky to ride.
Dear body--
Yes, I know that you are capable of reproducing. You don't need to remind me. If you insist, though, I could get the message without the cramps and the back pain and the inability to eat more than a fist-sized serving of anything at a time, and the headaches that result from it. Stop it. It's not like I ever intend to use those parts...
HS-I was wondering much the same thing. Depending on your answer, perhaps it's time to talk to a professional.Quote:
Originally Posted by Crankin
And Catrin, amen to what Crankin said. I do understand your loneliness; I've been there. A couple years before I met Brian, I finally had an epiphany. After years of emotional pain--of really feeling unloved and unloveable--I finally realized the power within myself to love myself enough to make up for all of it. The bad family, the abusive mother, the detached father, the longstanding drought in my lovelife. It took work and practice, but it freed my heart in some powerful ways. Even if Brian hadn't come into my life--i had confidence in my ability to feel happy and fulfilled. While I do hope you meet someone someday, I hope you see possibility and joy in whatver comes your way.
I also learned that even when feeling empowered by self love, I was still bound to feel lonely at times. With the guidance of my therapist, I finally learned how to feel that emotion without being consumed by it. That was a significant step forward for me. I am not my emotions.
they have in the past, yes, but this is more than all the other times put together. MONTHS!Quote:
Originally Posted by tulip
Indy, that's a really beautiful, hopeful, inspiring post.
Oh my...on the upside maybe you can stay at their house for months, right? Maybe a house swap would be better.Quote:
Originally Posted by Biciclista
I agree with redhodie. Nice post, Indy. HillSlugger--you deserve to be happy. It's in your power. Fate has little to do with it. Indy's words are wise, and Crankin is too. Best wishes for your happiness.
Thanks, Red! I was reading Yoga Journal Magazine one day when something jumped off the page at me: "the only person who can provide an unwavering sense of love is you."Quote:
Originally Posted by redrhodie
Now, I read that after having already done a lot of work on myself in therapy. I'd also gotten really into yoga and cycling and had made some wonderful friends in the process, I truly felt like I'd primed myself for that moment. What would it feel like to love myself enough? What would that look like? How would it feel? I distinctly remember sitting with that thought for days and weeks, until I realized that I was practicing it. Like I said, it took a lot of work. A lot. But the longstanding despair I'd felt lifted. What relief.
I love my husband and being married, but if I'm being honest, I've never felt as exhilarated as I did when I first took the leap of being happy but alone. Because, really, the despair I felt wasn't really about romantic love. The truth is, when you're not loved by your own mother, it colors everything you feel about yourself and your worth. That was the love I needed to fill on my own.
Yes, and yes again.Quote:
Originally Posted by indysteel
I haven't been despairing, I've been single a very long time and I've been happy for a good portion of that time - partially because I walled off certain painful things. I did quite intensive therapy, but for a long time it was easier to remain single. I think I've been taking a self-assessment and seeing certain things for what they are - consequences of certain choices (or lack of choice) made long ago. However....that was long ago.
We do not have to stick with choices made long ago, what may have seemed appropriate at 15, 25, or 35 doesn't have to stick at 51. My bike has reawakened me to the love of life and the world around me. I've come a long ways in the last couple of years, but you are right, when your own mother doesn't love you and there was no father around, you do have to find some way to fill that hole. I think that I've been working on that without realizing it consciously. How can we open ourselves to others if we haven't found a way to fill that hole first?
BTW, it might come as a surprise, or not, but I over-think stuff :o :)
Dear back,
Please don't go out on me tonight or tomorrow. I know I was bad going to the mall and you despise trying on clothes, but I needed those skirts. I still don't understand why you hate me walking around while my kids get clothing as well. I don't want to spend the rest of the summer at the chiropractor office and needing physical therapy again.
Dear Surly Bikes,
I really loved testing out your long Haul Trucker. It was really comfortable and I didn't know steel was so easy on my back. Even your Puglsey was wonderful with it's 4 inch wheels. It would be perfect for the gravel roads out here.
Dear Stinky Boys Club:
You suck. I haven't had to fight for my piece of cake like this for years - years! But here you are, once again, trying to push me to the side, even though it's completely counter-productive. Go back to 1959 where you belong. I have work to do.
Or, don't. There are plenty o' cake shops in this town.
dear gym studs,
yes I get that you are young and fit full of yourselves. Yes I understand that most people choose to run 20 minutes on the treadmill instead of around the perimeter of the basketball court, but since there was no one in the court I decided to indulge myself. I told you I only had five more minutes to go and that I would stay out of your way. Why then did you decide that it was imperative to occupy all four of the courts simultaneously trying as hard as you could to make sure you were shooting at the wall or crashing into me while running for the ball, every single time I passed any one of you at any of the court areas.
And dear gym management,
Yes I know, they pay gym fees too but really, it is not fun to be bashed into repeatedly by guys who are 40 years younger and twice my body weight whether "accidentally" or "on purpose."
Incidentally this group is also notorious for smashing their free weights to the ground repeatedly and never putting away any of the equipment they use.
sore and bruised and irritated.
My first supervisor had the saying, "if it is isn't one thing, it's the mother..."
Now that I am doing family therapy in people's homes, I am getting to see the real life application of this right before my eyes.
We really need to do a better job of helping people be parents.
WOW, I'd pursue this further. That's terrible. Is there another gym?? What a bunch of aszhats. to pick on a woman like that!!!Quote:
Originally Posted by marni
Dear self-
Take a vacation already, before you flip out on the wrong person (not that there's really a "right" person for that situation). The work will be there when you get back...
Oh, and going to FLETC for training as a civilian is a pretty cool opportunity- suck it up already and stop worrying.
Dear new guy:
Yelling at me after I just saved your butt wasn't a smart decision. You underestimate me at your own peril.
Dear self--
Why didn't you learn the first time that adding milk to melted chocolate is a bad idea?:confused:
Dear tulip,
I am so proud of you for learning to be financially responsible. Better late than never. Even though money has always been a source of angst and terror, you have learned that it's in your power to control it, not the other way around. Knowledge really is power. You've come so far since January, and I know you are on a permanent path to financial responsibility and freedom from debt. It's amazing how far a good software program, some basic knowledge, a few reachable goals, and a bit of courage can take you.
Yours truly,
moi
Way to go, Tulip! That's awesome!Quote:
Originally Posted by tulip
As an employee of the US Bankruptcy Court, I'm thrilled that you will not need our services!!!! :)
I will sic trainer john on them tomorrow if they are there or the next time I see them. He too is a senior though not quite as senior as me, but he is one of the lead trainers and has more years at this gym than anyone else so when he speaks to someone it usually brings results.Quote:
Originally Posted by Biciclista
Yes there is another gym but this is the one where the trainer that both my 90 year old resident FIL and I like, so moving to another gym is not an optimal solution. When the weather cools, I will just run outside on the sidewalk, but with feels like temps in the triple digits, that is not an option right now.
I don't think they were specifically picking on me, as much as showing off for each other and generally being the selfish inconsiderate louts they are in real life. There seems to be a lot of that "what's up with you b****" attitude among certain groups and ages and persuasions of youngish males around here- might have something to do with the strongly prevalent football culture. Our local high school has a football facility that is the envy of the local professional football team, but they just laid off 250 teachers. Go figure.
sigh....
Sounds like they sorely need a few good tight slaps. NOT that I'd advocate senseless violence against strangers though. :pQuote:
Originally Posted by marni
Not to offend native Texans, but Marni, I don't see how you can stand living in that football culture after being in Acton :eek:.
Heck, I couldn't even deal with the suburbs of Miami, because of similar type people.
Dear DH,
For nearly 3 years now I have worked a second job to make up for lost income during the economy. The confidence I've gained and knowledge I've accumulated have been invaluable. I can't express how good it makes me feel knowing that when my back is to the wall, I can create my own productive and profitable business.
It was all great until I found out the real reason for the lower income. When we are in it together, that is one thing. But when you make decisions on your own accord that have that great of an impact on our family . . . All I'm going to say is that it's time for you to take care of the situation you independently created.
Yes I'm still mad. If I was mad at you every single day and every single hour from when I found out about your situation to when you'll actually be able to resolve it . . . well, we wouldn't be able to function as a family. You made a doozy of a mistake, but I still love you and we can move forward from this. I do see the positive steps you are taking the integrity you are showing.
So . . . I'm selling my business. It's done. I've set the wheels in motion. It's time for you to step up and do what you need to do.
Limewave
Limewave, you have alot on your plate. I will just come out and say it: Please, please please get some couples counseling. Do it for your kids if not for you. Whatever it takes to get you there. You don't deserve this crap, and your kids deserve to have a better relationship model.
While I'm on a roll here, please also start putting money away for yourself.
There, I'm done. No more advice.
Okay, I lied. I'm not done. Marriage is a team sport. You are having to be the referee.
Okay, now I'm done. For real.
Done. Done. And done. We're on an upswing. He's actually been handling the situation for awhile which is why I have some money to buy my new mountain bike. Selling my business just eliminates the safety net. I think it will be good for all of us.Quote:
Originally Posted by tulip
((((Limewave)))). I'm glad you're taking some positive steps on your own and within your marriage to get things sorted out. I hope the upswing continues.Quote:
Originally Posted by limewave
((Limewave))
sometimes one ends up somewhere out of necessity- like a job for dh and being close to overseas educated daughter as she started in the American education system in college in Texas because short of NY, University of North Texas had the best music education available within her field.Quote:
Originally Posted by Crankin
Maybe someday we will get to live where I want to live, but in the meantime....I don't begrudge the years overseas, but .......Texas- well.....;)
My ex boyfriend is at UNT for grad school. Denton is one odd little town.
Dear whoever built the wall upstairs:
What were you thinking? It's a gazillion degrees up here in the summer...we'd have a lovely little cross breeze from the windows at either end of the house except that there's a giant slab of drywall in the middle.
Dear self:
That second room upstairs isn't a legal bedroom anyway. Learn how to do electrical work and take that sucker DOWN.
Dear Amazing, Wonderful, Supportive, Sweet, Heart-of-Gold Husband,
If your sorry @@@ tells me to eat a rice cake ONE MORE GD TIME, I am going to shove my size 8 foot right straight up your rectum until I reach lung.
Love always,
Rebekah
p.s.,
Thanks for putting my new grips on my bike super early this morning when it was your day off and the last thing you wanted to do was get up at 7am to wrench a bike. You're the best!
p.p.s.,
Really, rice cakes are the devil and they taste like snot. Dried snot. I'll just be fat if it really comes to that.
[QUOTE=jessmarimba;589901]My ex boyfriend is at UNT for grad school. Denton is one odd little town.
didn't spend enough time there to appreciate its' intrinsic differences, but Austin (whose motto is "Keep Austin Weird" ) is definitely my king of town, much more than Houston.
I think I would take it as a given that anywhere in Texas that is a small college town will have some "unique" aspects, more so than possibly any other town in any other state in the nation.
marni
Dear mom--
Seriously, lay off. I'm not sure where you get the idea that since I'm "an adult", I should only buy boring and strictly practical bedding, notebooks, etc, should stop wearing t-shirts, and that I should now be okay with you purging my books or pretty much anything in my room that you deem "childish". I'm pretty sure that you also object to my bike riding as some kind of childish escapist behavior, but at least you've gotten over thinking I'm going to kill myself by riding.
23 may have been "old in the '60s" (I think you're referring to the 1860s...), but it's not the '60s any more, and hasn't been for a while. (And if you' are talking about the 1960s, you were a child at the time. Of course 23 was "old"!)
Seriously, I will be extremely happy once I'm at a point where I won't have to move every year. That way I'll have somewhere to keep my books :|
Owlie, your parents sound like mine. I think my dad told me that he bought his first house at 23 about a thousand times. Well thats nice, Dad, your first house was about what I paid for my last car.
Dear neighbors -
If I find out that you are the reason that my fence decided to spontaneously start collapsing in the direction of your yard I will be very, very unhappy with you. I don't have the money to fix that right now. I can't wait until you move out.
Dear idiot who ran into me this morning -
Seriously, who stops in the middle of a road and PUTS THE CAR IN REVERSE?? Especially without checking the rearview mirror? :mad::mad::mad: I don't know if my radiator was low on fluid b/c you smushed it, or my car just coincidentally started overheating today, but GRR!! It better have just been a one-time deal, b/c if I have to take that car in tomorrow neither of us is going to be very happy.
Dear trail building crew -
Thanks for being awesome. That was the best part of my week.
For your information, dear Tim Melton, news commentator on Houston's channel 13 10:00 pm news,and I quote
" not that anyone is paying attention. Nobody does since Armstrong isn't riding anymore, but tomorrow is the last day of the Tour de France. When there are no Americans riding, no one cares."
Excuse me? and what about the other American riders? What are they, chopped liver?
marni