Getting married- ? do I change my name

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Originally Posted by Grog

In British Columbia and in most places in Canada (except Quebec where neither men nor women change their name) to my knowledge it's the same procedure for men and women. (Or men and men or women and women since same-sex marriage is permitted.)

I would be surprised if it was different in the USA as for civil matters the system is usually the same. Any better info from South-of-49th?

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When my sister married and took her husband's last name all it took was sending a copy of the marriage certificate to Social Security, then sending the new information to everyone who needed it (banks, DMV, etc.).

When my brother changed his last name to his birth father's last name (he was adopted as an infant then became close to his birth father as an adult) he had to get a court order to do it and then go through the same routine of sending the information first to Social Security and then to everyone else.

It sounds more complicated, but getting the court order is no more difficult than getting married. What I don't know is if they'd allow a marriage certificate only for a man to legally change his last name. I think they'd have a hard time denying it, though.

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Originally Posted by sfa

When my sister married and took her husband's last name all it took was sending a copy of the marriage certificate to Social Security, then sending the new information to everyone who needed it (banks, DMV, etc.).

When my brother changed his last name to his birth father's last name (he was adopted as an infant then became close to his birth father as an adult) he had to get a court order to do it and then go through the same routine of sending the information first to Social Security and then to everyone else.

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I am fairly sure that it's related to marriage vs. "out-of-the-blue" (for lack of a better word) name change, not to being a woman versus a man.

If it was related to gender, then it would be a great lawsuit for discrimination waiting to happen!

When we were married, there was a spot on the marriage application for both the man and woman to indicate the name they would use after marriage. This to me, indicates that a marriage certificate would have been sufficient if my DH had wanted to change his name at the time.

Oh, and since we're a state where marriage is legal for everyone, I would also ASSUME (ahem) that in the case of two men marrying, one (or both) would be able to legally change his name as a result.

SheFly (MA)

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Originally Posted by Tuckervill

I do have a friend who created a new name with her husband by combining their two last names. I mean, really, why do the women have to be the ones who abandon their family name?

I wish I had thought of that.

Karen

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When I started using my maiden name at work with my married name about 6 years ago, my musband said if he'd known I wanted to keep my name, we could have each taken the others names - he would have had a double-barreled name too. But that was 24 years ago and it never entered my head...

kept my name, and no regrets on that. I feel it was the name I was born with and meant to have.

I do get the periodic card addressed to me w/husband's last name. I notice, but don't let it bother me much.

since we are having #1 this yr, he or she will get the husband's last name, and I'll be fine with being called the O... family. hope it won't be too much of a pain on the kid forms etc.

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Originally Posted by Grog

I am fairly sure that it's related to marriage vs. "out-of-the-blue" (for lack of a better word) name change, not to being a woman versus a man.

If it was related to gender, then it would be a great lawsuit for discrimination waiting to happen!

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This article is a couple of years old, not sure if there are any updates.

http://abcnews.go.com/us/story?id=2778930

I had been leaning toward changing my name, but after posting this thread and talking more with my fiance, I'm starting to lean toward 2 names. (I had assumed he'd be thrilled if I took his name- turns out he says it would make him feel guilty- he doesn't want to change his name, and therefore feels guilty about the idea of me changing mine.)

Does anyone know much about the legality/custom involved in having 2 names (keeping my current name as my professional name, going by his last name in my personal life)? Does my current last name stay my legal name? (or is it the other way around, which I imagine would make for much more paperwork)? Does custom permit me to go by his last name in my personal life, without it actually being my real name???

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Originally Posted by anakiwa

Does custom permit me to go by his last name in my personal life, without it actually being my real name???

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I'm not a lawyer, in fact I am not even American. But my somewhat educated guess is: yes. You can call yourself Bozo the Clown socially if you want (unless you make money out of it and the real Bozo doesn't find it funny, I guess), but don't expect to sign contracts under that name.

This being said, I will let authorities speak out on this!

I read up on it once, and of course the law is different from state to state. But the general consensus I remember is that as long as you are not trying to defraud anyone, you can call yourself anything you want.

Karen

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Originally Posted by Biciclista

I'll confess; I remembered (what MCP meant)

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I used to call my son (jokingly) a male chauvinist piglet when he was little.

In fact it got to be a running joke. He'd think up something semi-obnoxious to say just to get me to call him that, LOL!

To this day every once in awhile he'll pop out with something very definitely not PC to get a laugh, such as (and I quote):

"I happen to know that women are emotional timebombs who must be sheltered from the ways of the world lest they be overcome"

LOL!

I don't think he remembers how it got started.

As for the name change stuff, I didn't and I'm glad. This was discussed with my ex prior to the marriage at some length and then lo and behold, like 3 days before the wedding, he claims we never talked about it. I wasn't about to let him pressure me into a name change at the last minute, but it was a warning sign that the marriage was in trouble before it ever started.

The stuff about kids and last names is pretty silly as well. There are tons of yours-mine-and-ours families these days, should the kids with the "different" names feel badly? Of course not. My son had a different last name than I did for his entire life and he thought that was entirely normal. He's working on a PhD, no drugs, alcohol, STDs, car wrecks, stealing, vandalism, arson, or out-of-wedlock children. I didn't list murder, because he is a notorious killer-of-houseplants.

The fact that he had a "different" last name than I did doesn't seem to have kept him from growing up to be a well-adjusted adult.

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Originally Posted by SheFly

When we were married, there was a spot on the marriage application for both the man and woman to indicate the name they would use after marriage. This to me, indicates that a marriage certificate would have been sufficient if my DH had wanted to change his name at the time.

Oh, and since we're a state where marriage is legal for everyone, I would also ASSUME (ahem) that in the case of two men marrying, one (or both) would be able to legally change his name as a result.

SheFly (MA)

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Actually, the federal Defense of Marriage Act prevents the US government from recognizing name changes for same sex couples via marriage licenses. Such couples CANNOT change their social security card or get a new passport with their new name to match their state driver's license and other ID unless they get a court-ordered name change. There may be equality in our state, but definitely NOT in our country.

I HATED my name growing up! Hated it!! 28 years of being teased to high heaven because of my last name made me not as appreciative of the symbolism as I may have been. So I was thrilled to be able to change my name to my first husband's last name. I love it so much (made me sound like a character in a book), I kept it even after the divorce because my daughter has the same last name, and I did not want to go back to my birth name. When I got married again, I kept my name for a while - and actually kept that name, but used my new husband's last name, too.

Grog is correct - you can use any name you want as long as do not use a name in an attempt to defraud. I have many friends who use both their birth and married names. It's only when legally signing documents that you really need to make sure you are using your legal name (of which you only have one). I ended up changing my name (5 years into my marriage) when my DH got airline tickets to Hawaii with me as my first name, his last name. To change the name of the ticket was harder than changing my name, believe it or not, and it didn't really matter to me. My name is now officially My first name, my 1st husband's last name and my 2nd husband's last name. As my birth last name is fairly common, my parents were not upset.

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Originally Posted by ZenSojourner

I used to call my son (jokingly) a male chauvinist piglet when he was little.

In fact it got to be a running joke. He'd think up something semi-obnoxious to say just to get me to call him that, LOL!


"I happen to know that women are emotional timebombs who must be sheltered from the ways of the world lest they be overcome"

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That's funny!

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Originally Posted by ZenSojourner

"I happen to know that women are emotional timebombs who must be sheltered from the ways of the world lest they be overcome"

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Overcome? By "the vapors"?
check out the treatment for the vapors :D

Probably. When he said it (we were IM-ing), I pointed out that one of our founding fathers, Patrick Henry, had locked his wife up in the basement because she was "crazy". That's what too much reading will do for a woman.

He promptly Googled it - I must say he hasn't been as trusting of me since the Jackalope incident when he was 9 - discovered it was true, and proclaimed, "Patrick Henry is my Hero!"

He's a pistol.