+1,000!Quote:
Originally Posted by channlluv
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+1,000!Quote:
Originally Posted by channlluv
Dear in-laws: I've now written some version of this letter about five times, but I think I'll just keep it at this: I am sorry that you feel all alone when we aren't there for a holiday. On some level, that's sort of sweet. On another level, it's pretty darn sad. The two of you have one another. If that's not enough reason for a little Christmas spirit, then I feel sorry for you. But my sympathy does not obligate us to spend every holiday with you. We'll do our best to celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas with you each year in some fashion, but you have to alter your expectations a bit, too. It makes me sad that you would begrudge my parents a holiday with us because you see yourself as more "alone" simply because I have siblings. How many times have I told you that my parents are basically estranged from my alcoholic siblings. Regardless, that attitude isn't really fair to my parents, is it?
Let's just hope Holidays 2012 go a bit better. I at least have a better idea of what kind of thinking/feelings I'm dealing with. But, please, try to stop feeling so sorry for yourselves. You see us plenty IMO. It seems to me that you are choosing to view the holidays through this prism.
((((Indy)))))
Been there, done that. No easy answers. You have a very positive attitude!
(if my family had their way, DH and I would split up for the holidays so everyone gets their child, and they have some "alone" time with me - not gonna happen)
Yeah, I'm pretty sure my in-laws would prefer it, too. And, like you, that isn't going to happen. What bums me out even more is that for all their pining away for some holiday ideal, they aren't exactly festive and celebratory. Even with us there, it's pretty somber. I can't win.Quote:
Originally Posted by Blueberry
Sounds like my father. He gets a card. The last time we came for the holidays, he didn't have a single decoration up. I bought food, cooked Christmas eve dinner and something on Christmas day (both of which weren't, apparently, to his taste), and we drove home. Now, we either travel or deal with my mother and her side. We would, I think, prefer to stay home - but they are close enough that it would be very awkward to decline to visit.Quote:
Originally Posted by indysteel
this Christmas for us was quite different. although we couldn't stop the train, only delay it; (we're doing all the nonsense on the 30th instead of Christmas day) what Donald and I did was: we went to the movies and saw the adventures of Tin TIn, then we went to a great Chinese restaurant with our son who lives in town.
I highly recommend Chinese food for Christmas dinner!
That sounds like a fun day, Mimi. I am so, so glad that Donald was home for Christmas!
Sounds lovely. I am so glad he's home.Quote:
Originally Posted by Biciclista
Mimi-Quote:
Originally Posted by Biciclista
Sounds like a perfect day to me! I love Chinese food - our restaurants are closed on Christmas, but open leading up to...when we got home from all the craziness, we had Chinese leftovers! Yum!!
You know, I guess my DIL has decided she doesn't want to share my son (the one who lives in CA) for the holidays. He has been incognito for about a week and *I know* they are in Philly, for the holidays. I don't begrudge her wanting to celebrate Christmas with her family, and Chanukah is not that important of a holiday, but it is definitely the case that I guess he can't fight her on this, because he is close enough to visit. They live in San Diego and we only see him once a year, maybe twice. This whole thing has upset my DH so much; after we went there in May, she treated us like crap and I could tell my son knows it. The only reason I haven't said anything is that he is coming to Quantico for 2 months of training and he will come here when he is DC, and we will also go down there. Frankly, I *am* looking forward to seeing him alone.
Of course, I only have a vague, Facebook suspicion of where he is (from her, DS is not on it), but it is possible that they are on vacation somewhere else. However, i will never insist on anything. I had the in-laws from hell and I swore long ago I wouldn't be like that.
I dread the first kid.
I am sorry that you're in that position. Have you ever spoken to your son in private about it?
Trust me that I have tried to put myself in my in laws' shoes. I have tried to keep their feelings in mind, but by the same token, they do little to help their cause. They are depressed people who have allowed their world shrink to almost nothing. It's oppressive and they put a lot of weight on us to keep them entertained. DH senses it as much as I do, but he's better at blowing it off. Unfortunately, I think they blame me for the distance between us, but I think their own son is as much to blame.
Dear Nintendo:
Rereleases of certain older games compatible with new systems would be appreciated...
Dear self: Go to bed, You left the video games behind for a reason.
indy, I know how you feel. This is the reason I've gradually become a Christmas grouch - it's absolutely impossible to keep everybody happy because expectations are so sky high. No matter how much I actually do like both my in-laws and my parents, in each their way, we connect best doing certain things that we have in common, not trying to be this warm and fuzzy knot of happy family all together at Christmas time.
Last year I finally got to do what I wanted, and we ran away on holiday to the Middle East. It was great :)
We both tried talking to him once, quite awhile ago, after his wedding reception, with happened about 9 months after the wedding. He told us that we have done nothing and that we were nuts to think he was mad in any way.
But, things have changed a bit. I really worry about her, as her dad has significant bipolar disorder and she seems a bit ah, moody.
We are definitely going to talk to him when he is here next month; I know he still loves us, which is what is important, but I can't compete against her family, which is big, loud, and other things which I think, he wanted as a kid, as opposed to us.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Crankin
I'm sorry to hear that, especially to the extent mood disorders have a strong genetic component. I hope your visit with him goes well.
As I've mentioned a number of times, my own family of origin leaves a lot to be desired--although my parents have thankfully gotten easier to deal with over the last few years. I desperately hoped to marry into a more functional and happy family. While my husband is, thankfully, a functional and happy person, his parents aren't and there isn't much in the way of an extended family either. But, I'm not going to let that ruin my holidays! I think one of the reasons I'm so careful to lay some boundaries with my in-laws is that I feel a very strong need to create my own happiness around the holidays--something I was deprived of for so long.
But that said, I'm not trying to hurt them unecessarily either. I do think there are plenty of perfectly acceptable compromises that will meet most of our needs most of the time. To the extent they would rather look at the bleak side of things, that's their decision. I'm trying really hard not to feel compelled to fix all of their feelings.
And maybe I'm not giving them enough credit. Maybe they're happier than they appear. I dunno. What I do know is that one of my New Year's resolutions is to worry less (and complain less) about them.
It's been over 10 years since I've spent Christmas with my birth family, parents and siblings since I've lived in a totally different province far away.
I've contemplated visiting at Christmas but have concluded each time that several family members are too busy themselves around CHristmas with seeing their in-laws, etc. and with their young children. I wouldn't be comfortable staying with them during that time vs. ie. summer or Thanksgiving time.
Dear Coworker: Can you please explain why you chose not to close the stall door before using our public bathroom? I mean, you're not the first person I've ever seen pee, but jeez. They put doors on the stalls for a reason. How strange to walk into the restroom to see somebody openly sitting on a john.
Lordy, the public restroom at my office has turned into something out of the Twilight Zone.
I think it needs an exorcist:p:p:p:pQuote:
Originally Posted by indysteel
Cue the Twilight Zone music...Quote:
Originally Posted by indysteel
Hope things improve here Indy, you've recently shared other issues with your workplace restroom....
Maybe you should start a blog.Quote:
Originally Posted by indysteel
A video blog.Quote:
Originally Posted by PamNY
***************
<whine> Dear Back - why do you hurt? And why do you hurt in such a weird spot where you never hurt before? This is so infuriating. Quit it, I would like to concentrate on other stuff now. Owwww. </whine>
My company restroom is SO boring. The best high drama we have is who gets stuck in the stall with the crooked seat!
They should improve. We have been in temporary quarters on a different floor since October while our regular office space was renovated. We move back on January 10. I think some of weirder people with whom I currently share a restroom will no longer be an issue. Praise be.Quote:
Originally Posted by Catrin
I hope so for you and your co-workers sake! Makes me quite thankful for our boring restroom...Quote:
Originally Posted by indysteel
Well, you are welcome to come visit the asylum where I work anytime.Quote:
Originally Posted by Biciclista
My husband works at an engine plant. The plant supervisor sent a memo out recently reminding employees that underwear should not be flushed down the toilet. So, I guess it could be weirder.
Okay, I can see that happening at a school. But adults... really! :eek:Quote:
Originally Posted by indysteel
Veronica
Dear young person who found my debit card at the park yesterday: I didn't even realize it had fallen out of my jersey pocket until this morning. Thank you so much for turning it in to the bank - I wish you had left your name so I could have thanked you appropriately.
Dear bank receptionist,
Thank you for calling and letting me know the card was turned in. I was just about ready to call and report it was missing.
Dear crazy woman,
I told you in the most diplomatic way possible that I found your stalking behavior disturbing. I asked you nicely to stop. The proper response to my request was not to send me two more emails in rapid succession--first to apologize and say your were going to leave me alone, and then a follow-up to try to explain your behavior.
As I told you, I have no desire to be part of any drama you're manufacturing. I don't know you. I don't want to know you. No, I will not meet you for coffee...or any other "beverage of (my) choosing."
It's unfortunate that you misinterpreted your friendship with my ex-boyfriend as something more than it was (if it's any consolation, you're not the first woman to trip into that crevasse), but it's really not my problem. I will not be your counselor. And since I am still friends with him, and we do a lot of work with each other, I most definitely will not be supplying you with any information or energy to help fuel your obsession with him.
And for the record, the old blog of mine that you found where you thought I was describing the beginnings of my relationship with him was in fact not about him at all. I know you think you see all kinds of similarities, but they simply are not there.
Now, leave me alone.
Feeling more than a little disturbed,
Me.
Dear self:
Go to bed.
Weirder plumbing-related things have happened. A few months ago, a photo of a memo that was sent by a university here to its male students to remind them that they should not engage in certain *ahem!* personal activities while in the showers as the pipes were being clogged up by their bodily fluids. I still can't decide whether it was someone's idea of a joke or for real...Quote:
Originally Posted by Veronica
Unless they, uh, "exude" glue that's a joke! :D
Ultraviolet - :eek: perhaps you should block "crazy woman's" email address.
Ultraviolet, since you're still friends with your ex (kudos) and sometimes work together, do you think he might need a heads up about crazy woman's stalking behavior? She sounds kind of scary. Desperate scary.
Alexis...ohemgee.
Roxy
Dear brain, my eyes started hurting from tiredness four days ago. Do you think maybe you could shut down for a solid 8 hours so they can rest instead of staying jumpy, awake and hyperactive, demanding entertainment in the form of reading (anything! As long as it can be read!!) at all hours? I'm sick of sleeping at 3 in the morning because you can't stand the boredom of the period between putting down the ebook and waiting for sleep to come and waking up 4 hours later because you're done sleeping even though the rest of me is still exhausted.
Dear Facebook,
Thank you for helping my extended family communicate so much more easily during this difficult time. It's terrible to lose a family member under any circumstances, but at least we can all "virtually" be together and share our sadness and love from wherever we are with greater ease now. Technology can indeed bring people together.
I'm not sure of the details, Emily, but you and your family have my sympathy.Quote:
Originally Posted by emily_in_nc
Thanks Indy. It's my uncle, my father's brother. He's been in the ICU for two weeks with multiple organ failure, and his immediate family decided yesterday to withdraw life support. He's still alive, but unconscious and receiving only a morphine drip. They don't expect him to live another week. I was holding out hope for a slow recovery for him until just recently, so this is very sad news.Quote:
Originally Posted by indysteel
It's been heart-wrenching for his family and even though I hadn't seen him much in recent years, very sad for me as well. He was a good man, and having lost my own dad, I so feel for his son, my cousin; and of course my uncle's wife and siblings (my other uncle and aunt) as well. It has really helped me to be able to keep in touch with them all via Facebook since I am so far away and telephoning is difficult.
It's so awful when things like this happen at the holidays. :(
It's really sad when the first sibling of a generation passes, especially if they are close to their brothers and sisters. My thoughts are with your family.
Roxy
So sorry, Emily. What a gut wrenching decision it must have been to withdraw life support. My prayers are with you and your family.
Sorry, Emily. It must be hard not to be there.