The not-diet

I’ve seen this come up in various threads: what diet are you on? There are a number of us that don’t “diet” yet still eat for weight control/management/loss or just better health. So I thought this might make a good discussion topic.

The short version, is why, if you are being mindful of what you eat, do people assume that you are on a Special Temporary Eating Plan (trying not to use the D work now)

Is it maybe because so many people don't think twice about what they eat?

EDIT: I just edited a whole bunch of stuff out of this post in order to get to the point. Thanks GLC1968 for helping to clarify my thoughts.
sorry SS for messing up the thread.

I know what you are saying, but really, if you eat, you have a diet, right? I guess it rubs me the wrong way that the word 'diet' has become so distorted in today's vernacular.

By the definition that you are using, 'diet' is a temporary thing, right? If so, then I don't diet either.

While I consider myself paleo, it is a permanent choice and not a temporary one to lose weight or whatever. I avoid certain foods for my health and happiness the same way you avoid HFCS or probably trans fat.

Well I've had a small bag of chips twice this wk. Not good..to me.

I do eat a bit differently than I did 5 yrs. ago. It isn't necessarily "better", but not terrible or anything like that. "Diet" is a generic word. I agree with GLC that it's a neutral term but we've attacted many different adjectives to it.

How I eat now:
1. a light breakfast at home. (starting around 5:00 am)

2. Then less than 1.5 hrs. later I have another "breakfast" at my workplace desk (usually around 7:15 am - 8:30 am) where I've bought a coffee with milk and eat something from home or from cafeteria. I've biked short distance to work (flat route.)

Then seldom eat lunch.

3. But may have more coffee. Some other snack.
4. Supper is now eaten often before 6:30 pm. (I'm home by 4:45 pm IF I don't go wandering off on the bike after work. With summer comin' that will change.)

*I very rarely eat processed foods. I cook from scratch. I've tried store bought frozen pizza....6 yrs. ago.
*No white rice (last 4 yrs.) and alot less white bread. It must be artisan bread with no fat, sugar nor eggs if I have it.
*Lots of Veggies: not necessarily salads. It's not my cooking style. I do alot of light blanching or light stir-frying.
*Lean meat 3-4 times per month. Fistful amount each time.
*I do fall down on desserts....a sweet probably several times per wk. :o
*Pasta tends to be 'light" type: egg white noodle, some types of lighter freshly made Asian pasta or dried noodles that I boil.
*Lots of fresh fruit
*Pureed veggie soups that he makes. But I enjoy a light consomme soup with noodles and veggies.
*Now seem to finish 2 litres of skim milk every wk. ....which I consider good since I don't have yogurt that often.
*I have egg replacement-- egg whites, etc.
*I don't eat nuts often nor beans....I find both heavy in my stomach.

Of course, I will have an interesting gourmet sausage, etc. and other richer foods occasionally....I haven't avoided white rice completely. But have sushi, sashimi about 3-4 times per year now. Yea, I know I'm missing alot. But my blood sugar goes up...I feel tired and "off" when I eat too much white rice.

Approx. 40% of my "diet" in cooking style...is Asian in taste, technique. Even without white rice. So now, is "diet" a bAAAAAD word? :D:p No, I'm proud to say...it can be a good word, because food, technique can be...."cultural", in food preparation habits, etc.

It's pretty obvious chunks of my diet has been a long-standing part of me for several decades, so far with some permanent changes here and there. Some improvements while other areas I've fallen down.

Interesting question/discussion...
The boyfriend and I have been "dieting" in that we are tracking calories, to lose weight. The basic plan is eat better, work out, etc.

However, I have noticed that what this does is puts me in sketchy territory. I struggled with an eating disorder for years, and had "kicked it" for about 10 years...but now that I'm aware of eating, it becomes a competition with myself to lose the weight. So much so that tonight's dinner out was less than fun, because food now comes wrapped up with all sorts of anxiety for me.

So, not-dieting is a good thing, for me, but yeah, the more "healthy" food choices are sometimes seen as a "diet" especially at happy hour, or group eating events....

Hmm. Guilty as charged - I guess I do tend to see the word "diet" mean "eating something very specific or very restricted to attain a specific goal, usually weight loss". But GLC is absolutely right, diet does just mean the way you usually eat, as opposed to putting everything you come across randomly into your mouth :D

Mindful eating is a good word. When I cook myself I try to eat food heavy on healthy stuff that I know my body responds well to, like lots of varied vegetables, nuts and legumes, healthy fats, whole grains, not much meat and at the same time avoid certain things for either health or ethical reasons, like factory farmed chicken. But I've never considered myself on a diet, because I'll eat anything I'm served or is available, and I never stress about something I've already eaten. It's more a question of trying to establish good habits for everyday use in the long haul, than what I will or will not eat.

It has equally much to do with filtering out what actually is a "special occasion". Family birthdays, yes, Friday afternoon, no.

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I struggled with an eating disorder for years, and had "kicked it" for about 10 years...but now that I'm aware of eating, it becomes a competition with myself to lose the weight. So much so that tonight's dinner out was less than fun, because food now comes wrapped up with all sorts of anxiety for me.

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How much weight does he want to lose? And for you, is it just a few lbs. or weight maintenance?

I've never counted calories ingested per day --yet. I think I tried once or twice and gave up: saw no point since I wasn't wanting lose much more weight than..uh 3-4 lbs.

However I have a general idea what I should eat /not eat. What helps me is to cut down on certain foods, increase healthy foods that are nutrient-rich,but makes me feel full. ie. pureed veggie soups,....squash soup, carrot soups.....but without creme/milk base. Also eat dinner early evening. Eat up to feeling 80% full.


Dearie, lost about 15-18 lbs. or something like that recently. He needed to since he had regained about 30-35 lbs. within the last decade. (He initially lost 50 lbs. 20 yrs. ago.) But he has been like me: he doesn't count calories. But instead cuts down on certain foods and upped his cycling to 40-50 km. ...per day. (He is semi-retired.)

What am I'm trying to say, is to develop more of a style of how to eat in a way that isn't obsessed on every food dish and its calorie count. (But you knew that already.) Combine it with cycling daily if you can.

I don't know the dynamics with your partner if his quest for greater fitness, losing weight has prompted things for you.

Hope other things in life are going well.

And yes, the older we need to get into a happy but "mindful" eating style since our metabolism does slow down a bit.

I also feel the way Irulan does. I hate it when people say "what diet are you on?," assuming the way I maintain my weight is by some magic plan.
I have made many changes to my eating habits in the past 20 years. But, the way I eat now is a "for life" thing. Sure, it's leaning toward low glycemic, low carb compared to when I was in my thirties, but I also make accommodations for special occasions, etc. For me, too, I get in a competition with myself, although I have never had an eating disorder.
Basically, I eat a lot more veggies, no white rice or pasta, or bread. The only exceptions I make is for really good bread in a restaurant and occasionally home made pasta in a restaurant (like once in the past 6 months). I don't eat dessert unless it is a special occasion. I have never been a junk food eater, I don't buy it and don't eat it. No soda, chips, cookies, etc.
I eat 2 squares of dark chocolate and have a glass of red wine almost every day. That makes me feel decadent enough; along with weighing myself everyday and adding in weights/boot camp twice a week, I can easily maintain my desired weight.

I often refer to my "diet" and am always misunderstood.

I mean my diet--as in what food I eat. Not a "Diet" like Weight Watcher's, Jenny Craig, Atkins, etc. Not a temporary plan. Although sometimes I temporarily tweak my "diet" to aid in cleansing, detox, or help break a food addiction.

I will again tweak my diet in the couple of weeks leading to a big race in an attempt to lean up just a bit for the event.

I do read about diet plans and sometimes take bits or pieces of it to better tweak my every day diet. I've recently read "Eat to Live" and that has inspired me to make some home-made salad dressings and eat more plant based food.

I've also found that the word diet makes people think in terms of perfection or flawless compliance. If I eat a taste of something non-paleo at a restaurant with friends, I get "but I thought you were on the paleo diet?". Yes, but eating paleo doesn't mean absolutely never-ever indulging in a bite of cheesecake. Flawless compliance is a lousy goal and it only sets one up for disordered eating (at least it does for me). I prefer to think of my nutrition as a guideline...not a set of rules. I know this is confusing to people though as so many think in terms of only black or white.

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Originally Posted by shootingstar

How much weight does he want to lose? And for you, is it just a few lbs. or weight maintenance?

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What am I'm trying to say, is to develop more of a style of how to eat in a way that isn't obsessed on every food dish and its calorie count. (But you knew that already.) Combine it with cycling daily if you can.

I don't know the dynamics with your partner if his quest for greater fitness, losing weight has prompted things for you.

Hope other things in life are going well.

And yes, the older we need to get into a happy but "mindful" eating style since our metabolism does slow down a bit.

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For me, it was just a few pounds (20) to drop, his goal was to drop about 60. And of course, due to size difference, he still gets to eat 3x the calories I do, it seems like!

I've never been huge, but I started grad school full time in the fall, and that led to a lot of "i'm too tired to cook, lets order pizza" nights, which didn't help. We do try to get out 2-3 x a week for bike riding, and I track what I'm eating my My Fitness Pal, for the most part. I've been a vegetarian for 20+ years, so eating has always been a challenge (because I'm also allergic to peanuts, so the primary source of easy protein is pretty much out for me!)

It's definitely got something to do with getting older, too. *sigh* I see it my face, I see it in my hips, lol. I'm trying to transition away from the weight loss focus now to the muscle building/performance eating, to build lean muscle. I was a ballerina for 12 years, though, so I am used to seeing myself as long and lean, not dumpy and potbellied like I am now. :p

I've come to the conclusion that I simply do not have to tell anyone about how I eat. I'll let my actions speak, rather than making an announcement. Announcements lead to questions and judgments, and all kinds of bother. I'd rather just eat the way I want to without having to justify anything.

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Originally Posted by tulip

I've come to the conclusion that I simply do not have to tell anyone about how I eat. I'll let my actions speak, rather than making an announcement. Announcements lead to questions and judgments, and all kinds of bother. I'd rather just eat the way I want to without having to justify anything.

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Well yeah, that's true. I don't announce anything either...but man, they sure do ask! I've found that it's a very rare person who won't ask about my 'diet' when I order fajitas without tortillas, rice or beans.

I'd like to eat the way I want without having to justify anything too, but it doesn't always work out that way. :( People are curious folk.

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Originally Posted by GLC1968

People are curious folk.

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Totally off topic, but this comment reminded me of this: Mr. Roger's Garden of the Mind video. lol.

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Originally Posted by GLC1968

Well yeah, that's true. I don't announce anything either...but man, they sure do ask! I've found that it's a very rare person who won't ask about my 'diet' when I order fajitas without tortillas, rice or beans.

I'd like to eat the way I want without having to justify anything too, but it doesn't always work out that way. :( People are curious folk.

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I would give a non-answer like, "I just prefer it this way," followed by "How 'bout those [local sports team]" to change the subject if needed.

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Originally Posted by ny biker

I would give a non-answer like, "I just prefer it this way," followed by "How 'bout those [local sports team]" to change the subject if needed.

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But that is tough; it feels like a slap when maybe a slap is a bit much. If I was with GLC and she ordered fajitas without the tortilla, beans or rice I might ask is she tended to follow a particular type of diet, like paleo or low carb, out of simple curiosity and to start a conversation. What people eat interests me.

On the other hand, I can understand how it would feel intrusive if people always were asking why you eat a certain way. Back in my working days one of our staff members would always bring food from home a reheat it. Her food always looked and smelled fabulous. I know I commented at least a couple of times when walking through the lunch room how great her food smelled or looked. I thought it as a complement. Other people may have been doing the same thing because she complained to the office manager about how people were commenting all the time about her food and it felt intrusive. I never said a thing again.

Tough to know what to say sometimes.

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Originally Posted by goldfinch

But that is tough; it feels like a slap when maybe a slap is a bit much.

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It's not a slap if you say it with a smile.

Yeah, food choices can be a sensitive subject. Basically, I just try to say as little as possible unless some asks specific questions. In the case of the fajitas, it's pretty weird, so I'd actually be more likely to order something less odd if I were dining with people who didn't already know my diet choice. A salad, hold the croutons, is decidedly less attention grabbing!

I will say that if a coworker was always telling me how yummy my food smelled, I would be flattered, not offended!

Order the fajitas and just don't eat the beans or rice or tortillas. No one will notice. If the do, say you don't care for them. Works for me, it really does.

If someone asks me I'm vegetarian, I tell them no except I eat lean meat 3-4 times per month. That's the end of it. I don't choose to anticipate any remarks from the questioner and move on to other topics.

They ask me if I drink wine, I say yes but please only give a small amount (ie. mean less than 2-3 inches high in the glass). I might make a semi-joke that I get drunk very easily probably due to allergy or whatever to alcohol. Which I do.

I do occasionally tell people foods that I no longer eat...ie. white rice. which of course, I add without them asking: "I don't feel well anymore when I eat lot of it It raises my blood sugar." The conversation touches into my former diet, which I allow it, even welcome it...since people assume that white rice is healthy for everyone. But no, I've never had people think less of me. I don't defend and just move on to other topics.

But I've never gone to anyone's home with their food offering and declare: "I can't eat white rice." I can still eat it, just alot less of it.

To me it's less of an issue probably because I hang out with people who are used to differences in food choices, etc. and aren't really that interested in much of an explanation anyway. They really don't care (nor really care to hear much of one's reasons). Even the people who I work with who I barely know.

My family is where I have the most difficulty. I suppose we don't eat out that often with friends (since I'm not in an office that dynamic is gone). Our diets are fairly open - reducing here and there, but not that many absolutely won't do's. However, we do not eat beef or pork and haven't for 10 years. It's always an issue at family holidays - particularly with my grandmother (who is otherwise a delightful person). She just can't wrap her brain around that requirement, and makes snide comments every time.

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Originally Posted by tulip

Order the fajitas and just don't eat the beans or rice or tortillas. No one will notice. If the do, say you don't care for them. Works for me, it really does.

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I'd much rather explain my choices than waste food though. And I do often use the line that "I'm not a fan" of whatever it is. 'Saving room for X' works well too (X often = quacamole!) ;)

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Originally Posted by Blueberry

She just can't wrap her brain around that requirement, and makes snide comments every time.

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How sad for her.

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'Saving room for X' works well too

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That's an excellent comment to help deflect attention to some food that is more "positive" for oneself. :)

Family issues are hard. Thom's mom likes to cook with Splenda, which gives me a headache. My family never met a deep fried thing they didn't like. :rolleyes:

And Cool Whip... I've always thought that stuff was nasty. :p

Veronica

see- I'm totally different. I eat a plant-based diet, so often people will ask if I'm vegan and I say yes. Mostly they're curious about what I eat (they don't think you can eat anything but raw vegetables), so I try to educate when asked. I don't openly go around boasting that I eat like a Vegan, but if it comes up I will not back away from it. I often have to ask servers at restaurants for tips about what to get on the menu (although I'm getting good at piecing meals together from various menu items).

This isn't a diet (although technically it is). I haven't lost much weight, and even though I need to, that doesn't bother me. What matters is that my cholesterol has dropped 45 points and I don't have to be on statins. And that my nails are longer and stronger than they've ever been in my life, and that I sleep so much better, and recover from hard workouts faster. Diet sure has become a 4 letter word in our society, and that's really quite a shame.

It's a language problem too.

I know in Hebrew the word for diet is "dee-etta" so it is a straight borrow from English. It is the word people use for a Special Temporary Eating Plan Towards a Goal.
But a food discussion on life-long (long term) plans or changes uses the word for "Nutrition". Which is much more accurate of course.

How can we distinguish in English?

How about "No, I'm not on a diet. I just like to eat this way :)"

I think what irks me the most is when I go out for lunch with my mother and sister (both overweight for many years now) and I order a healthier choice they sometimes look at me accusingly and ask what fad diet I was on now. They have also been known to order dessert and eat it as indulgently as possible to spite me. I think they see my choices as a critique of them, but that's their issue not mine.

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Originally Posted by Reesha

I think they see my choices as a critique of them, but that's their issue not mine.

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That's a very healthy way to look at it.

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Originally Posted by indysteel

That's a very healthy way to look at it.

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+1
It's definitely their issue!

I think a lot of times people know they are eating poorly and need to make a change so when someone is eating the way they know they SHOULD be, they get defensive (which is really quite stupid).

I will shamefully admit that when I was VERY overweight, I hated eating around thinner people who ate healthy because it was a reminder of how fat and unhealthy *I* was and that really bothered me deep down and made me feel bad about myself. They did nothing wrong and it was no fault of theirs, but their healthy choices made me feel bad about my unhealthy ones and that came across as me being judgemental (although I don't know that I was ever snarky about it or ever said anything rude to anyone about their choices). Does that make sense?

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Originally Posted by Tri Girl

I will shamefully admit that when I was VERY overweight, I hated eating around thinner people who ate healthy because it was a reminder of how fat and unhealthy *I* was and that really bothered me deep down and made me feel bad about myself. They did nothing wrong and it was no fault of theirs, but their healthy choices made me feel bad about my unhealthy ones and that came across as me being judgemental (although I don't know that I was ever snarky about it or ever said anything rude to anyone about their choices). Does that make sense?

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Yes! I think you articulated it very well.

I have a generally healthy diet, but am overweight. I feel like when I have a rare splurge (e.g., going out for ice cream on my birthday), people are judging me. They aren't. It's clearly my issue.