unlearning a stress reaction

It was not quite ten years ago we had an enormously stressful year and at the end of it, I was so stressed out I threw up when it was time to go to work. My stomach hurt, I couldn't eat, woke up at 3 am every night. I was able to get out of that job-- my first postdoc experience-- and started playing postdoc roulette, a couple years in one lab and then another. Postdoc positions are inherently horrible and unstable and I had more than one experience that triggered that same stress reaction.

Now I'm finally in my first real job and much happier and I thought maybe I wouldn't have to deal with that again, at least not related to work. I'm almost at the end of my 2nd year here.

I had a meeting with my boss yesterday and he is concerned about my productivity. That sent me headlong into as bad a stress reaction as I can remember except for that first one.

I'm pretty sure it's not that bad, I have another meeting with him tomorrow afternoon, and I think it's just a matter of I haven't been selling myself well enough and there's been some miscommunication (intentional or accidental from somewhere; I have my suspicions). And even if it is "worst case" I still have a year on my contract and we have plenty of time to find something else. (Moving again would suck a lot.)

But that doesn't seem to matter...I have this horrible stress reaction.

What I want to know is, it seems I somehow learned this reaction a decade ago. Is there any way to unlearn it? It's horrible. I've done nothing wrong to deserve sleepless nights not to mention the throwing up and stomach pain and of course the crying. It's not like it accomplishes anything, why on earth do our bodies do this to us? What evolutionary advantage could this possibly have??

You might seek some professional help with this. Throwing up is a pretty significant symptom of extreme anxiety and distress.

(((Melalvai))) I don't have any advice, just a hug. I remember when I used to have jobs with evaluations, and it was always awful. I always thought there was nothing that hurt productivity more than upsetting the staff over dumb stuff.

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Originally Posted by Melalvai

What I want to know is, it seems I somehow learned this reaction a decade ago. Is there any way to unlearn it? It's horrible. I've done nothing wrong to deserve sleepless nights not to mention the throwing up and stomach pain and of course the crying. It's not like it accomplishes anything, why on earth do our bodies do this to us? What evolutionary advantage could this possibly have??

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I agree that getting the help of a therapist is a good idea. Cognitive behavior therapy can help you teach yourself new way of dealing with stress.

Take care! Some years ago I had a bad stressful time and I took anti-anxiety medication for a short period of time. It helped get me over the hump.

As far as evolutionary advantage, maybe there isn't one. One thing about evolution is not everything is useful or best. Our backwards eye. Adaptation to walking upright has resulted in a female pelvis which makes childbirth far more dangerous for humans than other mammals. The appendix. Wisdom teeth. Etc.

(((Melalvai))) I know where you are coming from. While I am an over-achiever and always have the best possible evaluations, there is a part of me that fears and stresses out deeply over them. Is there someone you can speak with about this? That level of stress does seem pretty high and sometimes we need a bit of help to get to a better place.

While a horrible/evil boss would evoke severe anxiety in most people, from what Melavai described, this current issue is not a "mean boss" issue. When we are told that something we are doing doesn't measure up, it can trigger all kinds of anxiety reactions, depending on what we've experienced in the past.
You need to find a therapist to help with this; this is the kind of problem that CBT is perfect for. Maybe talk to the person who helped you with the trauma reaction; she may or may not be able to help with this, or she can refer you.
There is a wonderful book here: http://www.amazon.com/Cognitive-Beha...5394055&sr=8-3
I use it all of the time with clients. Here's another one that I use, too:
http://www.amazon.com/Relaxation-Red...5394219&sr=8-8

Thanks everyone. Yeah, this is what I was looking for. Funny thing is my husband always gives some suggestion that I don't even seem to hear, and later someone else says exactly the same thing and I excitedly tell him about it and he says "Didn't I say that?" and then I do remember he did say it. So he already said everything you said, but I had no idea until he reminded me he had. Poor guy! I try to listen...what?

My boss is actually pretty cool. This stress reaction took me by surprise because it seems like an overreaction to the situation.

I am a lot happier in this job than in the postdoc nightmares previously. I can't say I love the job, and I'm more and more convinced I don't want to be in biomed research, and this might just be what pushes me out. Maybe after my daughter graduates high school, we'll try it with him getting a job and me doing whatever it takes to switch careers (hopefully NOT yet another degree.)

(((Melavai))). I've dreaded work and other things and I've had strong physical reactions--not pleasant ones. I agree that sometimes our body is wiser than our minds are, and when we don't listen, things get very loud so that we cannot continue to ignore our situations.

Outside help could really be beneficial.

And if and when you want to change careers, remember that people want to know what you CAN do for them, not what you've done in the past. Another degree will not guarantee anything (although you might find it interesting). Certainly not another PhD, though! You know how to reach me if you have questions about that...

Hugs to you Melalvai! I hate evaluations too, but I try to teach myself ways of reducing stress from things like this. One that helps, when it works, is not relying on my first gut reaction, which often can be very uncomfortable. I know intellectually that I easily jump to conclusions and over-react, and sometimes I can talk myself through a different kind of reasoning, and try to think how I would react if that were the case.

Let's say your boss is concerned about your productivity because he values you very much, sees great potential, and is concerned that you're unhappy or stressed in your personal life, or that something at work is holding you back. How would you feel about that? Just a thought to try out. Sometimes bosses just word things badly.

Your stress reaction sounds very severe and painful, I hope you figure out how to reduce it.

Every place around here has long waits so it took a while to get in. Since I knew I'd have to wait no matter where I went, I was a little bit selective. At one of the FLATS steering committee meetings (FLATS is the paved trail we're trying to get built), someone asked "Does anyone know this person? She made a donation and I wondered who she is." No one knew much about her but one person did say she's a therapist and she bikes out to the lake (on highways, which is something few people, especially women, around here do).

That was enough of a recommendation for me! I got an appointment scheduled (only 3 months out) I had my first visit with her last week, and a 2nd visit this week. It turns out--I knew her from spin class!

In the meantime I was reading the "Cognitive Behavioral Workbook" that Crankin recommended. At first I tried to read it thoroughly keeping a log and doing all the exercises and making notes on them. That was discouraging because what I kept learning is things that didn't really seem to work or make much difference for me. I'm sure they're good exercises, they're just not priority for me. I quit reading it for a while, then started reading again but just reading, not trying out all the exercises.

In our first visit she tried out this Pranic Healing thing on me. That was pretty cool. I felt so calm and relaxed and peaceful for the rest of the day. Like I'd been drugged or something.

Then a couple days later, I started to have another stress reaction. I'm having trouble identifying the trigger on this one. It happened because of a meeting I was in, I just can't figure out why that meeting triggered a stress reaction. But I didn't worry about that too much because the past 2 stress reactions have had triggers that were laughable, so I don't think the trigger is important anymore.

Anyway I headed this one off by going through the Pranic Healing steps on my own. I had to do it 2 or 3 times over that evening and next day, but after the initial panic the stress reaction didn't materialize further. I didn't get nauseous, I had a decent appetite. The stress reactions typically take about a week to run their course, so this was a pretty major achievement.

I saw her again yesterday and we did the Pranic Healing focusing on some of the postdoc experiences/traumas that are really what has led to me having these stress reactions now. That was more intense, but it really took the sting out of those memories.

It's really something to be able to visit those memories without that repulsion. I've just been avoiding the memories as much as possible.

I had my husband go with me both times. She was fine with that, and it was really nice having him there. He dozed off during my Pranic Healing bits. It's very relaxing.

I tried to look up more info on Pranic Healing. I'd asked her for a book or article, and she said "I do have that, but not for you, because your approach is to research a problem and fix it, and I want you to try another approach." Yeah... I looked it up online anyway (because she's spot-on about my approach) but I couldn't get past the mystical mumbo jumbo. Oh well.

Congratulations on finding a good therapist, Melalvai, and taking positive steps in dealing with it.



I missed this thread the first time around, and while reading through it just now, I thought, oh my. This sounds a bit like the stress/anxiety reactions I was having a couple of years ago when my job was going to absolute hell while I was simultaneously trying to train for a difficult ride. Neither of which turned out well. I'm beginning to wonder if this could be a cause of why I don't really enjoy biking much anymore, it sometimes takes me back to that awful time. I might look into Pranic Healing and the other things mentioned in this thread. Thanks!

Thanks for posting your update. It gives me hope that we all can overcome these hellish moments in our lives. I too go to the therapist but never heard of Pranic Healing. I will have to do some research about this. Thanks again for sharing.

I learned Pranic breathing in an Expressive Therapy Holistic methods class. I have used this with clients very successfully. This is one Eastern tradition method that has been extensively researched and vetted. We tend to forget here in the west that breathing, yoga, and meditation are not just forms of exercise or relaxation. They are actual systems of healing and psychotherapy with thousands of years of use in other places.

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Originally Posted by Melalvai

...It turns out--I knew her from spin class!
...I'd asked her for a book or article, and she said "I do have that, but not for you, because your approach is to research a problem and fix it, and I want you to try another approach."

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It sounds like she'll be a good fit for you!
Good luck and best wishes.

Oh, how I can empathize! it's horrible when your head knows one thing but your body just runs off on its own.

I, too, have had anxiety problems and having a hard time dealing with stress.

I'm currently thrust into a position I never wanted but because we're so short staffed I'm the only one marginally trained in it to keep it going after the encumbent quit. I work about 200% more than I normally do with people coming from different directions asking/telling me to do this, do that, and do it yesterday. I can't even finish one thing before I'm distracted into doing something else. The desk looks like a bomb went off.

I get paid slightly more doing this, but honestly, it's just not worth all this stress. It affects other aspects of my life and just puts my anxiety into overdrive. I really want to go back to my lower-paid position where I go home without taking work home.

I would suggest a cognitive behavioural therapist to try to get your brain and body in sync. Good luck, and I know it's so much easier said than done, but don't sweat the small stuff, and even if it's big, THINGS ALWAYS WORK OUT (note to self: take heed what you tell others)

ugh anxiety and stress are the worst. I am so sorry you are having to go through this. I was diagnosed with PTSD just this past winter after leaving an abusive marriage. Debilitating panic attacks/nervous breakdowns plagued me for months and come to find out this is quite damaging to your brain and body the more you experience it. Their are some good resources out there but it is just a matter of finding them. You are correct in saying that you somehow learned this behavior and unfortunately our mind and body now uses that response in order to protect itself or warn us. You can train your mind to respond differently. I just started EMDR and a few people I know are going through this as well. It retrains the way you respond to a stressor.

http://www.emdr-therapy.com/emdr.html

There is also neurofeedback which is another method that remaps the way your brain responds to a stressor.

http://www.eeginfo.com/what-is-neurofeedback.htm

I hope these resources help. The EMDR and Neurofeedback have both helped the people that I know that have gone through the treatment.

I truly hope things get better for you and that you can get at the root of the anxiety.

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Originally Posted by kamikazejane

I just started EMDR and a few people I know are going through this as well. It retrains the way you respond to a stressor.

http://www.emdr-therapy.com/emdr.html

There is also neurofeedback which is another method that remaps the way your brain responds to a stressor.

http://www.eeginfo.com/what-is-neurofeedback.htm

I hope these resources help. The EMDR and Neurofeedback have both helped the people that I know that have gone through the treatment.

I truly hope things get better for you and that you can get at the root of the anxiety.

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I've had debilitating anxiety/panic in my early to mid twenties, and I had EMDR when I went to see a psychologist for it. It was one of those things I felt didn't work right away, but it certainly did over a period of time.

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Originally Posted by badger

I've had debilitating anxiety/panic in my early to mid twenties, and I had EMDR when I went to see a psychologist for it. It was one of those things I felt didn't work right away, but it certainly did over a period of time.

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I am so sorry you have had to go through that as well. Yeah, people I have spoke with have said the same, that I didn't notice right away but over time they saw results.

The jury is still out for me on the outcome with EMDR since my therapist is on vacation for like a month :( but I got to the point that I was willing to try anything in order to alleviate the anxiety and panic attacks. That's also when I really started to get into cycling this past spring. Sometimes I think cycling has helped me more than anything else. When I take 2 days off from cycling I can feel the anxiety and depression start to build up again and if I go out and crank on the pedals it all goes away.

One of the first things I prescribe for anxiety is physical activity. It's written in every treatment plan.
You wouldn't believe how many people think this is crazy and won't even try taking a walk. For people who do embrace the idea, it doesn't take very long for them to see how it helps.