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Does your partner have a personality very similar to yours or complimentary to it (having some fundamental similarities but important differences that help diversity your relationship)?
How did you meet (how old were you) and when did you realize you wanted to make a commitment?
I'd say that the BF and I are very complimentary to each other. We met about two and a half years ago when he moved to Memphis and joined the team that I was on. I got to know him through group rides/races, and we eventually became best friends...
Honestly, I knew he was awesome when we were on the road between Memphis and Nashville going to the first race (of many) that we split gas for. We'd been talking the whole way, and I suddenly realized that we were almost there when it had only seemed like a few minutes (though it was almost a year later before we really "dated" :D)
DH is my polar opposite. He's an engineer and extremely logical, and I'm...not. While it can be a crazy ride sometimes it mostly works well because we both help each other to see different viewpoints on things and/or ways of doing things. I guess on things like raising kids, though, we have similar viewpoints, so we're not totally opposite. It works.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ana
We met when he was 17 and I was 18, starting dating a year later, and we married 8 years after that and just celebrated our 11th wedding anniversary last month. *I* was ready to commit 2 or 3 years into the relationship, DH was not :rolleyes: It worked out, though, and that was one of those "opposite" things that I can look back on and say he was probably (*probably* ;) right about.
Just realized I posted this thread in the wrong spot :(
My apologies!
My husband I met at a mutual friend's wedding, in 1986. We didn't start dating until April, 1989. We were engaged by August and married in January, 1990. He was 25 and I was almost 27 when we married. We spent our entire relationship apart, and got to know each other over the phone, and I think that HELPED cement us together.
I think we have complimentary personalities. We're not polar opposites. I'm sunny and upbeat. He's a little more mellow, slow with praise and affection, but very very sensitive. He's also very perceptive about people's characters, and will be able to pick up on when people are lying, etc. This has helped me numerous times, because I trust EVERYbody until they prove untrustworthy.
Karen
I met him when I was 31, but we really didn't getting goin' until a year later. :D
Our personalities are complementary-- his formal training as an engineer (but really wanted to be an architect), etc. probably makes him logical, etc., but with some capacity for visualization. (then I finish the rest of visualization for him :D). But where he deviates here, he can if he chooses, to have a graceful persuasive and patient style of communicating at length in a non-technical manner.
He came into my life at the right time, just prior to him I was wanting to return to cycling. I also suggested that he should get involved in cycling advocacy, given his natural good skills. He didn't get around to it until a few yrs. later.
I'm the sort of person that tends to speak in metaphors, images and half-sentences since I love wordplay, wordsmithing. Now artsy people get it, but he tends to want full sentences to be absolutely aware of what is being said. :p If he didn't know a 2nd language (in a half-bastardized way) then he really would be pissed off at my style. :D
He is a neat freak, I am not. But we are both organized, just a different style. EAch of us are reliable in terms of being on time for meeting, getting things done, etc. After all, we don't have cell phones as a couple to communicate to one another, so we heavily rely on each other in the 6th sense, etc. :)
Neither of us, would shine as the party animal /party leader in a crowd. Nor either of us are the jokester/comedian. We are each similar as plodding along, doggedly getting something done eventually, even if no one else is supporting, noticing or cheering what one is trying to do.
I met my partner at a dinner party ooo about 18 years ago. She was going through her divorce and I was going through mine. Needless to say, we had lots of commonality back then. We are best friends to a point its like we are sisters more than anything else. for simplicity sake, we just go along with the term partners.
She's the artsy type and me more of an engineer type. But I can also see things in artsy way too, so I guess I'm borderline bipolar?? Anyway, she keeps me well grounded in a way I need to be. I keep her grounded in a way she needs to be. And I share my house with her. After what we both went through with our respective divorce, we have zero interest in getting married again or for that matter dating again.
I need my best friend to keep the dark cloud away from my head. She has a wonderful way of making me smile. And I bring bit of stability to our lives and an ear for her to talk. We are complementary in areas where we need some balance, not being so far out in the left field, and similar in areas to have connection between the two of us. Her dogs and my cats are our pets as an example.
for nearly twenty years of knowing my partner and living under the same roof for the last 5 years or so, we have gotten along just wonderfully peachy. :D :D and that't the truth. Yup she's my family.
The short answer I guess is complementary and similar. Complementary in a sense to fill in the deficit not to mean opposite. ;)
Our values and basic outlook on life is very similar, our personalities are complementary. I'm waaaay more easily moved, angered, inspired or brought down, he is very hard to spark and has an inherent dislike of raising his voice. Thank heavens for that. Two of me would have been a disaster. I had to learn to wait and listen, to not override him and let him say his part, and to see how he expresses himself, because he does, it's just not plastered all over his face. He keeps me sane and safe, and I love him to pieces for it :p
Definitely complimentary.
We met while I was dating her freshman roommate. Our first "date" was actually a bizarre event, concocted by her roommate to be near me at a football game, but it really did backfire on her roommate:rolleyes:, and two months later Silver and I were a thing, and they weren't roommates anymore...But, that's a thread by itself:eek:
I'm a neat freak - she's definitely not, I'm the romantic - she's not, she's creative and artistic - I'm not, she's lean and mean - I'm chubby (albeit less than I used to be:cool:), she's competitive - I'm not.
Sounds like someone is evaluating their own relationship!
We worked at the same place and were friends. We started dating after his divorce. Our overall personalities are similar--laid back, homebodies. We work in the same field, which helps us sympathize with each others work problems.
However, I'm more likely to spend while he's frugal. I'm the talker, while he's more quiet in public. I'm organized and he likes to go with the flow. I get upset and he's introspective. I used to have a temper, but he doesn't participate so we don't fight :-) He's the slob and I'm the neat freak.
I truly believe our relationship is the best pattern. I know couples who are too much alike (both are spend thrifts) or have nothing in common (they can't sympathize with the other's desires/problems).
I used to run marathons and he even tried jogging around the block, but hated it. Cycling is finally something we both love. However, he's so much faster than me that I can't keep up. I'm extremely competitive and I hate it when he leaves me behind. But we've learned to compromise to keep cycling fun!
My partner and I are polar opposites, except in our values and morals. We've been together almost 20 years and while it took us a long time to figure each other out, at this point in our lives we're quite comfortable together. Our differences now compliment our lives as opposed to interrupting it.
Almost: I'm reflecting on relationships in general. I love hearing about other people's lives and how they came to find their place in the world :)Quote:
Originally Posted by cunninghamair
I am currently single (and loving it) but am approaching the age when many of my friends and colleagues my age are getting engaged and married.
Are you me?Quote:
Originally Posted by Pax
We're not at 20 years yet, still at the "figuring each other out" (about 4 years together). But regardless of that it works well. Fantastic, isn't it?
My husband and I are very different and very similar. We like the same things, at different intensities. He likes to camp in the cold, I like it mild. He likes to ride hard, I love to meander. He hates running, I love it for stress release. We disagree on some politics. We like the same music. I have a short fuse, he likes to keep it in and is more introverted. We are both relatively shy and have very dry senses of humor. We are both fiercely loyal and very close to our families. We are also both incredibly stubborn. I am a spender, he is frugal. I am a hopeless romantic, he procrastinates so he usually just gets a card but when he does something romantic he hits it out of the park. I am organized but not a neat organized, he is scatterbrained.
I don't remember meeting him. We both bowled a lot, I was the cute girl he didn't want to really have anything to do with because of my temper and very competitive nature on the lanes. But eventually he wanted a date so he asked me out. I was 16, he was 17. We fought hard to make it through long distance (twice, once married!) and through the growing pains of college. We married when he had just turned 23, I was 22 and fresh out of college. He took two more years to finish up. We have been married almost six years and things change but we seem to ebb and flow together.
My DH and I are mostly opposites. We met in 1987 when we were both in our mid-thirties and we worked at the same place. He is very laid back, absent-minded, never worries, lives for the moment. I am very intense, a worrier always thinking ahead. We need each other to balance out the weirdness of the other. What do we have in common? We are both opinionated and bossy :D and when we both are cat lovers.
In 22 years we have never, ever had a fight. It's quite amazing. Even if the intense part of me wants to fight, the laid back part of him won't allow it. So, we just talk through the problem. We are together all the time... we work out together, shop together and most of all ride together. He's truly my soul mate and I don't know what I would do without him.
Ooops... forgot about the "commitment" part. We had both been through bad marriages and the "M" word was not in our vocabulary. We dated for a year, lived together for 12 years and have been married for 9 years! I think the commitment was always there, though. You don't need to be married to be committed.Quote:
Originally Posted by tctrek
My husband and i are complementary, mostly the same on everything. He has become more like me ;).
We've been married for almost 30 years, so it works. We never fight; once in awhile I raise my voice, but I have a shorter fuse. We are both neat freaks, but he's a lot worse than me...
Truthfully, I could be with my husband all of the time. I know it sounds sickening, but it's the way I feel. We do almost everything together, although we have our own separate and very different careers.
Glancing quickly at the title, I thought this was a thread for schizophrenics...
It really is! My ex and I were very much alike and we ran out of things to talk about at the dinner table after a couple of years, my honey and I still manage to have stimulating conversations daily, even after all these years.Quote:
Originally Posted by Grog
Hee-hee :D I'm still trying to figure out how this one ended up in 'open topic (cycling related)'...Quote:
Originally Posted by Kalidurga
:confused:
My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 and a half years.. We met when I was 18 and he was 19, in class.. I introduced myself (which is really rare, I'm usually super shy) and we just started sitting together all the time, and then he finally asked me out about 3 months later.
We're alike in a lot of ways, and very different in others. We have a lot of the same priorities in life, which I think is really important. We're both total goofballs at times, which keeps things fun. I'm a lot more short-tempered though, he's a lot more level-headed and patient. He keeps me grounded. He's a lot neater, and I'm a slob that spreads my stuff out everywhere. I'm a lot more athletic than he is, but he still jogs when he has time. I'm hoping he'll get more into cycling later! Right now things are kind of at a weird point, we're both still in university and still figuring out who we want to be.. But so far it's working out really well. We moved in together this past September, and it's been fabulous so far.
It's great to see that there are some couples out there who met around the same age me and my boyfriend met! I like to think that this is the man I'll spend the rest of my life with, but sometimes it seems pretty unlikely.
My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year. We're both in college and had some of the same friends, so we were living on the same floor. It took both of us quite a while to realize that "the like" was reciprocal, and he finally asked me out over spring break, after about two months of slightly awkward conversations and trips to Starbucks.
We're complementary, I'd say. We're similar in a lot of ways--we like similar music, we're completely silly most of the time (keeps things fun), our politics are the same. He's a little more laid back than I am. I don't take crap from people, he's more willing to let things slide. I'm a workaholic, he's not. I'm hoping to go to grad school, he says he's done with school after he graduates. (In fairness, he'll be going into a field where it's easy to be overqualified.) We're both still in college and trying to figure ourselves out, and while we're hoping to stay together after we graduate, one never knows...
My DH was a bachelor through his thirties, no serious relationship before me. I was a divorced single mom. He is the quiet man and very neat and organized - a tool guy who can fix or build anything. He loves history and rides a 1982 Colnago. I am a chatterbox and a slob. We both love to read and we love our farm and do just about everything together, so I would consider him my best friend. He is not the best person to take to a party and he is sometimes without words at the dinner table and doesn't always know how to relate to my (also quiet) artist teenager, but he's come a long, long way. I've known him since 1996 when I was still married to the first... we met in a Thomas Hardy book discussion group on AOL. We were all friends and he and I dated a little after the divorce, broke up, dated again, and finally got married in 2006. It was well worth the wait.
My partner and I have been together for 13 years now. We met through a mutual friend who invited us both to a party and told each other about the other person in advance. She was playing matchmaker. We both laughed her off at first but, of course, she was right!:)
I would have to say that we are complimentary. I am a neat freak and a control freak, she is more "come what may" and "that can wait." It helps keep me balanced. I do not like to yell and prefer logical discussions, she has a quick Irish temper, so I help to keep her balanced. While some of our interests are shared, we have different ones as well. For instance, I love biking while her bike gathers dust and she prefers running or walking. At our core though, we share the same or similar values, have similar beliefs re: what's important in life and we share enough interests to have fun together. She is also my best friend and the first person I want to talk to when something goes wrong, and the first person I want to share good news with. Another key: we make each other laugh, often.
Very intersting thread! I would love to tell you all the story of my fiance' and I, but it would be a novel. In a nutshell, we met (and fell in love) 14 years ago, but it took that long to get the timing right. If it weren't for his fierce belief in me, and in destiny, I would have never found the courage it took to find my way back to him. We'll be married in October, not just for forever, but for "No Matter What".
On a practical level, we are complimentary; I'm detail oriented, and he's a big picture kind of guy; he's handling the logisitics of buying a house, and I play with the details of planning a wedding. (We give eachother daily updates).
We've both been through some rough stuff over the years, so learning what the other one needs has been our focus right now. We know from experience that poor communication can be fatal. In a previous relationship, for example, each of us gave %100, but it just wasn't what the other person needed. You have to talk.
So we talk. And laugh. And sing, and are generally annoying to other people, and it's grand...
But I think values and morals (along with shared vision) are the most important things. Once you get past the "ohmygosh you like sushi? I LOOOOVE sushi, it must be fate!" stage of your life, you realize that all sorts of things change but who you are as a person, doesn't. The little stuff beyond that, as long as you can live with it, is great. Differences ensure life is never boring!Quote:
Originally Posted by Pax
DH and I have the same core values, we place the same importance on our relationship, and we enjoy spending time together. While the little things (I can be oblivious about things not being in their right place and he is more of a lean manufacture/engineer type person) make life interesting, we balance each other and learn from each other. Like some others here, we do most everything together. He even went wedding gown shopping with me and helped me choose it...and I daresay that is a faux pas :D
Oddly enough, we've never been in a fight. We've had disagreements and there are times we feel the need to express our opinions (sometimes strongly), we can do that and then go on with greater understanding about each other.
My partner and I have been together 13 years. We met at work. We made the committment after a year of dating. She is the artsy type, quiet type, muscially inclined. I am more outgoing, technically minded, not artsy. I would say we are more alike, we enjoy most ofthe same hobbies.
And another thought--it's good to be opposites. Once I tried my hubby's laid back philosophy on a vacation. I usually over plan--what time we need to catch our flight, rental cars, hotels, things to do when we get there. And I get upset when things that I spent a lot of time on, don't work out. SO ONCE, I WINGED IT! Guess what happened? We landed, DH said "where's our hotel?" I didn't have one. Spent all day trying to find a hotel that wasn't sold out.
Now, he doesn't complain when I make plans. And when things don't go as planned, I've learned to chill and follow hubby as he wanders off.
My SO have known each other for a few years. We are both in the same profession (both cops) which, I think for us, is really important. It is sort of one of those jobs that you can't understand unless you have been one. I would call us compatibly alike...which means we are very much alike, but not so much that we can't balance each other out. I was married very young (at 20!) to a guy who I was the polar opposite of, and it never, ever worked. We struggled through it for 13 miserable years. I met a man who had similar interests as I did, but our core way of doing things was so totally different that we wound up driving each other crazy. My SO and I cycle together sometimes, but he is crazy fast and I know he worries about me, so sometimes I ride with another friend or two and he does his thing. We can talk about it at the end.
My husband and I met when we were in our mid-30's. We met on Match.com, actually. Our first few phone conversations were 4+ hours. Our first date was at Busch Gardens. It was almost an instant thing for us and we attribute that to two things: 1) having already 'been there, done that' in terms of relationships, and 2) we truly are a perfect match.
For the most part, I'd say that we compliment each other, and yet we often share the same brain. We bought each other the same exact gift for our first valentine's day. We complete each others sentances and often communicate without speaking. We often get asked how long we've known each other and most people can't believe it's only been 7 years now (we've been married for 6 of them). And yet, there are sizable differences. I'm controlling, he's not. He's quick to anger, I have more patience. We are both engineers, so we are both analytical and practical. We have different views about raising children, but since we've chosen not to have any, it's not really an issue. We value the same things and share the same dreams...so it all works.
Until I met him, I didn't understand those people who had to call their significant others every chance they got. I didn't understand how one could want to spend that much time with any one person. I was fiercely independent, and I expected to always be that way. I am. But now I have someone with whom I want to share that independence. Weird? Maybe, but it works...for both of us.
My husband and I met when I was 19 and he had just turned 30. We both knew pretty quickly that what we had together was something more than just dating, but we were both hesitant to make any kind of committment, he because he was recently divorced and I because, well, I was 19 and self aware enough to realize I was WAY too young to be thinking about a long-term relationship. I've now spent more than half of my life with him.
I'm not sure how to describe our personalities. We are very, very, very different in many ways, but very similar in probably an equal number of ways. Does that make us complimentary? Similar values and often similar interests, but different personalities. I think that's the best way to describe it. We both like intellectual pursuits, but he goes with philosophy and techy stuff while I like history and art. We both need to work with our hands to stay sane, but he builds things and I grow things. We both love to argue about politics and will often take a side in the argument not because we agree with it but because it's fun to argue the point. Our sense of humor is nearly identical.
But he's far more laid back than I am, much less of a worrier, can't keep track of dates and times for anything, and doesn't mind living surrounded by chaos. He is inclined to service more than I am--he goes out of his way to help people and has a soft heart. I am a planner and like to know what is happening when. I don't like surprises. I am mentally completely on top of things and am better with "real world" stuff like paying bills and moving ahead professionally. He's the sort of person you want at your party. I'm the sort of person you want managing your party. I'm inclined more to committment and responsibility--if I say I'm going to do something I will always follow through and will not let other distractions get in my way.
Sarah