My Mammaw- Why aren't they invincible?

My mammaw had a stroke Saturday night. While the were able to give her the wonder drug (that one that can stop a stroke) and are pretty optimistic that she will have little long term damage. I am still pretty upset about it. I mean she is 91 but she is supposed to be unstoppable. With her I really thought I could handle if she got sick because she has had such a full life but yesterday I just sat on a log at the trail and had a cry.

I still feel like I want to have a good bawl your eyes out session and I feel like such a drama queen because my Mom is all cool as a cucumber about it. Is that her way of coping? Am I just a big baby? She is still in ICU but looks like she dodged a bullet, so why am I obsessing over it?

I am assuming mammaw means grandmother. I was very attached to my grandfather and I still feel grief over losing him. It doesn't seem fair that such people (to whom we are attached and love unconditionally) should have been born so much earlier than us, so we can't really be with them that long. My grandfather was 88, he lived a long life, but I wasn't born until he was 53. It just didn't seem fair!

I think that's part of why it hurts so much.

(((((Aggie)))))

Cry as much as you need to and don't let your parents' way of dealing with things become a judgment on you. You already have enough on your plate with little Maggie, and now this. :( In both situations, you're preparing yourself for a loss that thankfully hasn't come yet, but is inevitable eventually.

Keeping you all in my thoughts.

Perhaps your mother, being a generation older, has dealt with old age decline and death before. Also, your mother is likely thinking about her own age decline coming up. This can be very sobering. I'm pretty sure if I was 20 years younger when my mother faded out and died, then I would not have been able to handle it as steadily as I was able to 2 years ago. Perhaps your mother is not 'cool' but rather 'steady' in this situation. Remember she has had very different life experiences than you, and more of them. You will be in her position one day, and you'll likely be more able to get through it with more strength then than you are able to now.

It's always so hard to see a loved one slipping away, I'm sorry! Crying is helpful to get us through.

((((Aggie))))

Aggie, you're long overdue for a good cry. You've had so much lately with your doggie and now with your grandmother. We always think they will live forever. It's hard thinking about the loss of a wonderful grandmother when they've been a part of our lives for so long. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Aggie, please cry all you want. I got tears in my eyes just reading your post and my grandmother died in 1976. I was 26 years old at the time, but I felt like throwing a three-year-old tantrum. I still do, for that matter.

Don't worry about how your reaction differs from your mom's. As Lisa pointed out, age and life experience affect how we experience these things, and your mother may well be projecting a calm exterior regardless of how she feels inside.

The loss of a loved one is painful and frightening, and illness reminds us that these losses are inevitable. There's just no way around the awful feelings; they are the price we pay for knowing love.

I'm so glad to hear that Mammaw has dodged this bullet, and I hope she is with you for a good long while.

Pam

Thank you all. I went to see Mammaw at lunch and feel so much better. Apparently she had an 11 on the stroke scale but since she got to the ER within an hour she was an excellent candidate for the TDA drug. She is now quite alert and we had a great hour long visit. I got the key to her spice cake, promise that she was going to find a book I am coveting from her house and tons of alone time. I will cherish today for sure!

She told me all she wants is for no one to have to take care of her, like a nursing home. She is a spitfire.

I am sure my mom being older helps. She has also dealt with the death of her Dad in 1982 which ripped her apart. I am sure in her own way she is worried sick but what is dwelling on it going to do? I tend to be a drama queen anyway.

My Pawpaw (Dad's father) died of a massive heart attack in 2003. I still am prone to tear up thinking of him and not a day goes by I don't miss him. He had congestive heart failure but I didn't believe he only had 74 years.

I still need to go home, warm bath and a good cry. Too much stress out there.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Aggie_Ama

I still need to go home, warm bath and a good cry.

---

That's the ticket. Do what ya gotta do. (((Ama)))

Just wanted to add some positiive thoughts flying your way. I'm glad she is feeling ok and you two got some really good time together. Keep making that time with her... you'll cherish it the rest of your life.
The bath, a glass of wine and a cry sound like your best medicine.

Oh my gosh! That drug, t-PA, is a miracle. She is getting released today! I went for a run last night and then took a nice warm bath. I felt great. It still was a wake up call that yes, she really is 91 and no that isn't the secret to living forever in her front yard, it is just a bird bath.

This morning I sent my husband's family "Amanda's PSA" letting them know strokes are more common in women and that drug exists so get to the ER. I can't believe Mammaw is coming home already! Happy dance!! :D:D:D:D

Aggie- I'm so sorry about your mammaw, but it seems like it's good news (and she's coming home- hooray!). You're not being dramatic, she's your grandma and you love her very much. Cry all you need to. If you didn't cry when she got sick, THAT I'd worry about. ;)
Keep us updated on her progress, please. Thinking of all of you... :)

Great to hear your Mammaw (I can hear the Texan accent as I type..;)..I think of JR from Dallas saying Mammaw) is being released today! Sounds like one tough lady!

Take care AM :)

How is your doggie btw? Can you give her a hug from me?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by crazycanuck

How is your doggie btw? Can you give her a hug from me?

---

My dog is still here and wandering around the kitchen looking for food at the moment! Another one who just doesn't listen to logic, her blood values are still high but she just doesn't seem to notice. I will give her a hug from the southern hemisphere and I think I will get up to feed her.;)

TG- Thanks. My Mammaw is home now. She has the most amazing amount of fight. And I am so glad she is still here to hit my cousins with her cane (they say they deserve it) and tell us all stories. Plus I still don't quite have the spice cake down! Now I can pick her brain some more since the doctors saved it. ;)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Aggie_Ama

It still was a wake up call that yes, she really is 91 and no that isn't the secret to living forever in her front yard, it is just a bird bath.

---

Hey, you never know, it could be. Maybe she could teach us all a thing or two about slowing down and appreciating this giant gift that is life and the world.

I'm glad you're feeling better, and you got quality time. Everyone has their own way of dealing with things and some people put on the stoic face. Doesn't make your way wrong, or theirs. Just how it goes. Me, I cry like mad. It's cleansing sometimes. So much so that I do it for fun.

It's tough to realize that resilient people don't live forever. Crying on my mom's "shoulder" last night felt great and then I realized I don't get to do that forever. Sucked, a lot. My hero just passed away a few years ago, and there was a photo in the book he wrote of him sitting on a horse, teaching a roping clinic on like his 92nd birthday. I think doing what you love keeps you going much longer.

Aggie, I'm so glad your grandmother is doing well. And bonus for you: you've got great genes there. I hope you enjoyed your cry. I think we all need one of those every now and then.

Roxy

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by smurfalicious

Hey, you never know, it could be. Maybe she could teach us all a thing or two about slowing down and appreciating this giant gift that is life and the world.

My hero just passed away a few years ago, and there was a photo in the book he wrote of him sitting on a horse, teaching a roping clinic on like his 92nd birthday. I think doing what you love keeps you going much longer.

---

You know she is legally blind since my mom was 18 and has not driven since but she has been doing it her way for years. She gardened tons when I was little (I remember snapping beans!) and has always done the crossword in pen. She makes a killer homemade pickle, lucky for us all my cousin Jared loves to garden and is trying to get those pickles down. My Dad's mom is not fairing well because she sat on her butt, drank heavy, smoked heavy. She did nothing. Mammaw laughed at the Stroke advocate when I was at the hospital and said "It took 91 years but you finally get to meet me!" Mentally or physically refusing to slow down keeps you young. And maybe you are right, stopping to watch the birds or the flowers doesn't hurt? Maybe there is something in that bird bath, like a slower pace that keeps you sane?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by channlluv

Aggie, I'm so glad your grandmother is doing well. And bonus for you: you've got great genes there. I hope you enjoyed your cry. I think we all need one of those every now and then.

Roxy

---

Yup, a cry sometimes just washes it all away. I hope I got her genes. My dad's natural mother died when her aorta (sp?) split in her 30's but I like to think I will live to be old and feisty like Mammaw. Her own mother lived to be 89 and her sister well into her 80's. Her dad still moved cattle on his ranch at 79 when died due to a heart attack. They are tough stock.

My mom did tell me this morning the doctors were adamant she WILL have another stroke and she should go back on a medicine to help prevent it. My mom's sister and brother sat with their heads in fog not listening but at least my mom heard it. My mom is taking her to see her cardiologist in 10 days for a follow up. Unfortunately, my Mammaw lives with my Aunt who should be listening so she can be on high alert for another stroke. Come on people you only get so many chances and coming out of a stroke unscathed is a miracle! :rolleyes: But I will try to focus on the positive, Mammaw is happy to be home.

Might be a good idea to phone your grandmother often. I'm sure she would be thrilled to hear from you.

Life is very strange and you never know when a person goes...

For instance, one of my aunts became sick for awhile but got better. Meanwhile we (myself &siblings) got togethr to give my mother a collective birthday gift of plane ticket to fly down to San Francisco. so ticket was booked. I accompanied my mother..her lst plane ride since immigrating to Canada to marry my father.

My aunt died just 1 day before we were scheduled to fly down. So we attended a wake instead... During that vacation I met my 2nd eldest aunt for the lst time. My mother had not seen her since she left China when she was 23, and was shocked to...see an old woman at 75. This aunt died a few years later.

And I might have said months ago here, few days before my partner's mother died, some relatives from Germany visited her. It was a happy time. She also had a few very clear, happy days, singing "Edelweiss" (from Sound of Music) with other residents. She died peacefully the next morning at 93.

So your grandmother to have lived this far...it is impressive.