To ride or not to ride.....

well, this is a delicate situation.....most of you could come to this forum and discuss your spouse and he would probably never know what was said.....but my spouse is a more frequent poster on this forum than I am....so this puts me at a disadvantage.

I have a delimma.....I want to go for a 75 mile ride tomorrow. Mr. doesn't want me too. He says he doesn's so much have a problem with the ride itself but the process with which I communicated to him that I was planning on doing the ride. He won't say whether he wants me to cancel the ride or not....but to do the right thing.

Sigh....

I think you ought to apologize for bad communication and go on your ride! The ride is clearly not what he's unhappy about; so go do the ride and have fun.

That's a tough one.

We can usually talk things out and come to a resolution about what's really upsetting the other one before the event. I think I'd try keeping the lines of communication open. I also think I'd try to listen to the why of what upset him on how you told him you wanted to do the ride. Would not going on the ride help anything (i.e. was there something else planned - I'm shooting in the dark here)? If not, then go.

Good luck to you both!

Thanks! these are good insights. I'll try to communcate better.

P.S. nothing else planned. I assumed that he'd gotten the emails during the planning process and never discussed it with him. He doesn't want to go because it will be cold. I'm getting more used to riding in the cold.

This sounds like something that would happen at my house too. I would talk it over - acknowledge his disappointment and apologize for assuming that he knew and not talking about it sooner. Perhaps plan something special together for another time - (just the two of you :) ?), commit to being more careful in making plans next time.....and go on your ride! Tokie

Thanks again! After an apology and much discussion I went on the ride and it was wonderful. 63 miles at 16.3

Yay!!! Glad things worked out!!

(and I didn't mean to imply that you didn't communicate well:o:o Just sometimes thing break down:))

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Originally Posted by CA_in_NC

Yay!!! Glad things worked out!!

(and I didn't mean to imply that you didn't communicate well:o:o Just sometimes thing break down:))

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I will confirm that I didn't communicate well! On my ride I asked my friend how he and his wife dealt with issues of planning ride and training time. He said that they have an online calendar that they both use to update. So I set up with with my plans. Mr. can check it anytime. But I will still try to communicate better.

We're actually using google calendars to manage our lives - my DH has one for work, a personal one, and a few work related ones (e.g. holidays, paydays). You can view each other's info on your calendar and color code it.

Just a thought:)

CA

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Originally Posted by CA_in_NC

We're actually using google calendars to manage our lives - my DH has one for work, a personal one, and a few work related ones (e.g. holidays, paydays). You can view each other's info on your calendar and color code it.

Just a thought:)

CA

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GENIUS!!!

That's a great tip, and it just helped me out more than you'll ever know! Thanks!

I must be very old fashioned.
I talk to my husband. If there ever comes a time that I need an electronic calendar to do this for me, then something will be very wrong.

Well I think that's kind of unfair.

I talk to my husband too. But sometimes we talk when we're in the middle of doing something else, or when DH who hasn't quite mastered the whole portable calendar thing is away from his computers, and the talk-ee forgets to enter the information on his/her own calendar. Why not have a shared database?

(Personally I have issues with the security of a free online calendar, and to me the "old fashioned" and more secure way is to send vcard invites even when it's not really an invitation but just a reminder of something that you're doing on your own. But in general it seems like a good idea.)

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Originally Posted by Crankin

I must be very old fashioned.
I talk to my husband. If there ever comes a time that I need an electronic calendar to do this for me, then something will be very wrong.

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We do talk. A lot. But we both have busy jobs, and quite frequently one of us will need to schedule something while the other is at work and not necessarily reachable. It's not a substitute for communication the old fashioned way - it's a supplement to it - at least for us!

CA

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Originally Posted by Crankin

I must be very old fashioned.
I talk to my husband. If there ever comes a time that I need an electronic calendar to do this for me, then something will be very wrong.

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Fashion has nothing to do with it. An electronic calendar is no different from a paper calendar, and lots of families use those. It's courteous to share a written record, and it doesn't matter whether it's electronic or written on paper.

Pam

I'm not trying to be unfair to anyone. My husband uses a Microsoft calendar for his work stuff and I guess he puts in other things he has to do because he does not have a great memory. Perhaps I am not as "busy" as others? I have a 3.99 datebook that I write appointments in, but I don't get why one can't just tell your spouse or SO when you have something. I think it has more to do with the fact that about 95% of the stuff I do is with him, so we are planning it together. If I go out for a ride when he's at work or he does something when I'm not around, we don't necessarily communicate about it. Like right now, I am getting ready to go x country skiing; I didn't tell him this. But if he even deviates a little from his schedule, like on the way home, he calls me or IMs me. I guess we are weird because we don't both go off and do long rides or other stuff separately on weekends. We do them together, hence no need to "communicate." Occasionally, I ride with someone else on the weekend, but it's usually not a long ride. Before I started riding, he always went on rides when I was at the gym doing stuff, so we still spent the same amount of time together.

we use calendars AND talk a lot. We still double book FREQUENTLY and forget stuff and... well... sometimes life is just too too full, imho.

Silver, I'm glad you rode.

We started using the google online calendar a couple months ago... and it's been great. We have 3 calendars (his, mine, ours) & they show up on the same virtual calendar in different colors.

This is a supplement to talking in person, not a substitute. Neither of us can keep our schedules straight in our heads. I don't think I know anyone who doesn't use a calendar, really. The nice thing about having it online is that DH can see it at work.

Another unexpected bonus is that it's easy to see if our individual activities are getting too lopsided. With the color coding, we can see visually when the week's gotten over booked with separate activities, and then we make the effort to compensate with something like a lunch/coffee date in the middle of the week. We love it.

Blueskies

Well, I don't use a calendar...
I didn't use one when my kids were around, either. Important notices about events went up on the fridge, but that was for their benefit, not mine. Since the other 3 people in my family have different learning styles than me, they all did whatever it took for them to remember stuff individually. I made sure they never had more than one activity in addition to religious school, so it never got too crazy. They all use technology a lot more than me, but I don't think my sons use an electronic calendar for anything except work, if that. When I was teaching, I wrote meetings down in my plan book, but the two million email reminders we would get probably would have done the trick, too. Now that I'm in school, I just use the syllabus for each course to see what's due, but I do map out a study schedule in advance as to when I need to work on each part of each assignment. And I actually write it down on paper and stick it up in front of the place where I keep my books and notebooks. It's on line, but writing it helps me remember what I have planned.
I do write very important things down in my little date book, but generally, I remember it all. If you remember the thread on technology, you might recall I said the same thing before.
It's just me and my husband now; and although we socialize with other couples on the weekends and I might meet someone for lunch during the week, most of what we do revolves around outdoor sports, which we plan together or with our friends who cycle and ski with us. That's the stuff I keep in my head.

Well, how nice.

I think every family needs to work out their own communication style. It doesn't matter what it is, as long the family members agree that it works.

Veronica

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Originally Posted by Veronica

I think every family needs to work out their own communication style. It doesn't matter what it is, as long the family members agree that it works.

Veronica

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Well said. :)

I totally agree. I just can't believe that so many are dependent on electronic calendars for their personal lives. I know I am an anachronism. To me, it's all a symptom that the world is too crazy, over booked, and over stressed.
I am not putting anyone down; but when someone said that she didn't know anybody that didn't use a calendar, I would beg to differ. I know several people who don't, at least for social stuff.
But it's true, I am generally a technology hater and a last adapter. I think I secretly enjoy it, too.
Heck, my brother doesn't even have a computer or cell phone and he is a generation (11 years) younger than me!

You just said you used a 3.99 date book.

Isn't that a calendar?

Isn't that technology?

Using electronics does not mean we are overbooked or overstressed. It just means we incorporate useful things into our lives as they become available. Like date books, but comprised of bits and bytes.

Karen

I'm your basic Luddite, but even I use a Blackberry for my calendar. I would't say I'm overbooked, but I have a number of activities and obligations that I need to keep track of. I was starting to lose track of things, so I decided I needed a better way to maintain a calendar

The nice thing about the Blackerry is that it's programmed to ding at me when I have an appt. Plus, it's synched to my work computer and email. It's helped me stay much better organized. I still don't have a home computer, but I love the Blackberry.

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Originally Posted by Tuckervill

You just said you used a 3.99 date book.

Isn't that a calendar?

Isn't that technology?

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Ah, that is one of my favorite arguments. Filling in a calendar is pretty much the same process whether you write by hand or type. And sticking a paper calendar on the refrigerator makes it interactive. Way too much importance is attached to technology (sometimes).

Pam