Lost a mechanic (long post)

I am extremely frustrated and feel a bit disgusted. Also very disappointed.

I thought I had a great mechanic at my LBS. The guy takes great care of my bike, and goes above and beyond. He's helped me with a lot of things. BF and I sometimes run into him during our rides and we all end up chatting for a few minutes. However, I started to notice that this guy was developing a bit of a crush on me. He would start calling me "beautiful" and things like that. So I felt uncomfortable and stopped going to the store. If I really needed something done for my bike, I would take BF with me. (I have taken my bike to other places and I am definitely not happy with the way they treat it). So the guy backed off and started telling us about his 17 year old son and his wife and bla bla bla.

Well, the other day I had to take my other bike in because I was preparing to sell it. So I wanted it in great shape. BF and I dropped it off, and I had to pick it up by myself because BF had a baseball game to play. The stupid mechanic would not let me take my own bike to my car, he just had to hold on to it and felt the need to help me. I already felt uncomfortable and told him to give me my bike. He just walked out of the store with it! So I open my car from a distance and watch him put my bike in the back. I then lock the car and wait for him to go back inside the store. Instead, he walks up to me, and asks for a hug. I say no. The guy just hugs me and says: I wish you didn't have a boyfriend. I try to get him away from me, and as I turn my head away and get ready to push him, he kisses my cheek. I pushed him off and felt disgusted and violated. I yelled at him that he has a wife and that he knows my BF and how dare he! I wanted to go back into the store and look for his manager, but was too embarrassed. I just got into my car and raced off.

I am never, ever going back there again. I don't understand why some men are like this. Now, I have to look for a new LBS and a new mechanic too. I hate this!

What on earth was he thinking???? You really should report him to the manager, I mean it may cost him his job but this is unacceptable in so many ways. Just for you as a customer you shouldn't feel uncomfortable and as a person you shouldn't have to deal with that strong of an advance. ICK!!!

He probably does this to other women customers too. The manager/owner should know about it. Hugging and kissing you against your will!!?? That's serious stuff.

Ditto what the others have said. That's really not cool behavior, and I would call the manager.

CA

ditto what the others said. YOu need to go see the manager and tell him what happened. If he has done it to you, he could very well be doing it to other women. That and think how that reflects on and impacts that store. If they are losing business due to this person, they need to know it.

Don't let him win by your silence!!! Stand up against him and do something about him. You will be surprised by how much better you will feel once you do something.

Fujichants, I'm really sorry that happened to you.

There is something wrong with our culture that causes women to feel guilty when this happens to them. Forgive me if I'm totally wrong about that, Fujichants, but I sort of sense it a little bit in your post. I'm pretty sure there's a part of me that would feel guilty in that situation too, as though it was my fault in some way.

Not your fault. He's a jerk.

should have run him over with your car...for real real...not for play play...

what a creep. just stay away from him and the store... who needs that kind of stuff... there are other fine mechanics out there....

Call his manager. Seriously.

call his manager. He needs to have consequences for his actions or he might do it again. OR WORSE.

please?

wow

ew

what they all said, let the mgr know!!!

Don't be embarrassed! ( that is what is wrong with our culture!!) Be mad. He's the one that should feel that way. I would call the manager and MAKE AN APPOINTMENT so they know you are serious.

and bring your boyfriend with you!

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Originally Posted by Biciclista

and bring your boyfriend with you!

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Why?

for moral support. And besides, the abuser is probably going to say "she asked for it." It will be harder to make that statement with the boyfriend sitting there because HE knows how hard it's been for her.

Because having her man present will 1) give her emotional support and 2) to keep the manager from brushing her off.

Fuji, that stinks. +1 to reporting him, and I sure hope you find a new mechanic soon.

I'm with the ones who say don't bring your boyfriend to talk to the manager. I TOTALLY get the desire for moral support, but chances are the manager will take you less seriously if it appears you're not there on your own.

I guess I am just surprised at that. While I don't disagree, I do think we need to stand up for ourselves and not be dependent on that man waiting in the wings to back us up. To me its' simple enough, if you aren't believed, you go straight to the cops and file a sexual harrassment/assault charge. It's much more empowering to take care of this stuff on your own.

What a tough situation, and I'm sorry it happened to you. Go speak to the manager. You might save a less savvy/stron/confident woman from a much worse situation. You had the common sense to try not to get near him, and he still was that aggressive.

um... I would hate to sound like I'm somehow supporting harassment or something, but to me he just sounds like a besotted idiot with bad impulse control, not some creepy jerk who does this to women all the time. I feel sorry for the guy. And of course - double sorry for fujichants who has to deal with it all.

Yes, a woman SHOULD be able to go into a shop and make a complaint without her "man" present. But there's an angle here that you are missing. it's one person's word against the other. Once the boyfriend walks in and says, yes, I"ve seen how he makes her uncomfortable, it's TWO against one.

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Originally Posted by lph

um... I would hate to sound like I'm somehow supporting harassment or something, but to me he just sounds like a besotted idiot with bad impulse control, not some creepy jerk who does this to women all the time. I feel sorry for the guy. And of course - double sorry for fujichants who has to deal with it all.

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Same.
I think the wrong response would be to feel victimized.
It's possible he's done it before, but I lean on the side of caution and just brushing it off. I'd talk to him first and get an apology.

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Originally Posted by Biciclista

Yes, a woman SHOULD be able to go into a shop and make a complaint without her "man" present. But there's an angle here that you are missing. it's one person's word against the other. Once the boyfriend walks in and says, yes, I"ve seen how he makes her uncomfortable, it's TWO against one.

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I disagree.
A competent business manager will take her at her word.
With the boyfriend present it could be construed as a jealous boyfriend.

I agree the boyfriend doesn't need to be there. A reasonable manager should take your word for it. Do it in person, not over the phone. Bringing in your boyfriend as your boyfriend weakens your stance as a paying customer, male or female.

However, there is value in having the boyfriend there to say "if you don't fix this you will lose 2 customers." Be sure he doesn't say or demonstrate any flexed male muscles and ego.

And both of you should say that you will be sure the word is passed along to all friends that there is a mechanic there whose behavior cannot be trusted outside the store.

So what if he is a besotted idiot and how would anyone know if he does this to other women unless the manager is notified? I'd sure be questioning whether battery has occurred.

I didn't say, or mean, that the manager should not be notified. He (or she) should be notified - if fujichants wants to - but I was questioning the responses that thought this guy would do this again or has done so to others. I found it hard to tell from the story.

Fujichants, creep, indeed! I'm inclined to think that the mechanics actions were more than mere social blunders. The impression that I received from your post was that you did all you could to spurn his actions yet despite that he went ahead and made inappropriate advances. I'd make a formal written complaint to the manager/owner with a detailed account of what happened. That way you can keep a copy and notify the LBS without having to speak to them in person. You should clearly spell out for them every instance where he acted despite your protests. Whether the LBS does anything or not at least you they've been made aware of the events that cost them a customer and you have a copy to file with the proper authorities if the mechanic should ever try to contact you in any way again.

Well, I guess I'm an old fashioned southern gal but I still feel that having her boyfriend there will help. I don't feel that having a man present weakens the testimony. If anything, it will strengthen her case.

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Originally Posted by lph

um... I would hate to sound like I'm somehow supporting harassment or something, but to me he just sounds like a besotted idiot with bad impulse control, not some creepy jerk who does this to women all the time. I feel sorry for the guy. And of course - double sorry for fujichants who has to deal with it all.

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I hate to think how many other women might have had to tolerate "poor impulse control".

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wow

ew

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Well said. guy sounds creepy and a bit sad. Sorry you have to find a new mechanic. That's the toughest part here.

WOW! That's really bad. :mad:

Flirting... annoying, but no harm. Walking out to your car and then kissing you on the cheek? YUCK! Way over the line.

There is no way you can go back there. What a freak that guy is. Just wow.

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Originally Posted by sundial

Well, I guess I'm an old fashioned southern gal but I still feel that having her boyfriend there will help. I don't feel that having a man present weakens the testimony. If anything, it will strengthen her case.

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How does it strengthen her case?

I think the opposite, bring BF with speaks volumes: I'm too intimidated to do this own my own so I brought my boyfriend with me to provide intimidating glares".

Fuji...

PM me the name of the store and the mechanic. I know some LBS owners/managers in the area and may be able to help.

No one should have to deal with that (with ANY kind of business) and the owner/manager should know about it.

EDIT: BTW, if that had happened to me I wouldn't avoid him or the shop. I'd give that guy (and the LBS) a piece of my mind and it would be loud enough so everyone within a 10-block radius would hear about it. Not only would I make it clear how intolerable that behavior is, I would make sure every female rider in every single Los Angeles cycling/triathlon club knew about it. Then I would then threaten to organize a boycott of the store if I didn't get a suitable response from ownership.

But that's just me. ;)

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Originally Posted by Bluetree

Fuji...


EDIT: BTW, if that had happened to me I wouldn't avoid him or the shop. I'd give that guy (and the LBS) a piece of my mind and it would be loud enough so everyone within a 10-block radius would hear about it. Not only would I make it clear how intolerable that behavior is, I would make sure every female rider in every single Los Angeles cycling/triathlon club knew about it. Then I would then threaten to organize a boycott of the store if I didn't get a suitable response from ownership.

But that's just me. ;)

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With or without your bf ?<gdr....>
Best answer yet.

I have a "no tolerance" personal policy when it comes to behavior like this. I don't make excuses for a guy's bad behavior ("poor guy, he musta had a bad day") nor do I think anyone needs to "prove" their worthiness or their word by bringing back-up. That mechanic screwed up, royally, and you are not the one who should pay for his actions by being inconvenienced or made to feel bad.

Embrace your power, girl, both as a person and as a paying customer.

I'm inclined to agree with Bluetree, although in all honesty I don't know how I'd deal with that if it happened to me. Certainly I'd go to the manager, and I think the suggestion of a written complaint is good just for the record.

Anyhow, I'm sorry you got stuck in this nasty position, and I hope you can find a good new LBS & mechanic in the future.

It might be a good opportunity to learn to work on your own bikes.:p

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Originally Posted by Bluetree

I have a "no tolerance" personal policy when it comes to behavior like this. I don't make excuses for a guy's bad behavior ("poor guy, he musta had a bad day") nor do I think anyone needs to "prove" their worthiness or their word by bringing back-up. That mechanic screwed up, royally, and you are not the one who should pay for his actions by being inconvenienced or made to feel bad.

Embrace your power, girl, both as a person and as a paying customer.

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Right ON sister!

If I were the owner or manager of this shop, I would want to know if I had jerks for employees. I wouldn't want someone running my customers off.
I would talk with the owner of the shop and let him know what happened and how you don't want to use his shop anymore. It can only be a win-win.
They either talk to this guy and get his behavior corrected or fire him for harrassment. I feel sorry for the wife....I wouldn't be embarrassed. I would be angry.

Here's my 2 cents....

The way I see it, the guy did two things wrong.
1. Took your bike to your car when you told him not to.
2. Gross violation of your personal space.

Problem #1:

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Originally Posted by Fujichants

The stupid mechanic would not let me take my own bike to my car, he just had to hold on to it and felt the need to help me. I already felt uncomfortable and told him to give me my bike. He just walked out of the store with it! So I open my car from a distance and watch him put my bike in the back.

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You told him to give you your bike, but he still took it. I can understand why this would make you angry. I prefer to load my bikes by myself, and when people offer to help, I say, "no thanks". But if they persist, that polite "no thanks" turns into a very strong "NO THANKS". Then if they still don't get the picture, I say "NO!!"

By telling him to give you your bike back, but then opening your car so he could put it in the back, you weren't really being clear with him that "no means no".

Problem #2:
There's no excuse the hug. And it seems very clear that you were quite firm in declining his advances. I agree that you should speak with the owner/manager. Remember that the mananger didn't do anything wrong and you aren't angry with him, but be sure he knows that this guy was way out of line!

And in the future, just be sure that you really mean it when when you say, "No"! It's not only the word "no", but it's your tone and actions that are important.

Fuji, please do something about it.

I had something similar happen when I went car shopping in Feb. I knew something was up when the sales guy I talked to said I sounded beautiful on the phone. I should of just went somewhere else. Duh.

But no, I wanted this jeep so bad, I went to the dealership at night (strike one) and went on a test drive alone with him (strike two) where he grabbed me and tried to kiss me (strike three). I promptly spun the jeep out and went back to the dealership. It could have been worse. I just wanted out of there. Yes, I was embarrassed, I have no idea why but that quickly turned to anger. Here I was, all alone on the east coast, this guy has my address, knows where I live, knows everything because I filled out my info before test driving. So I left.

The next evening, I came back. I did bring a male with me and had him stand off to the side. Little did anyone know, it was my bike mechanic. I went to the salesmanager and told him what happened. I wanted the sales guy to know that I wasn't alone. He wasn't a part of conversation, he was just there. He didn't hear any of the conversation, just outside displayed nicely in the big plate glass.

The guy got fired. End of story. They were very apologetic in fact, very surprisingly apologetic. Which makes me think this wasn't his first complaint.

The reason I went back? All night I kept thinking, what if he did that to another woman and didn't take no for an answer...what if she was me but 20 years old? I have to tell you ladies, in my 20s I was not this bold. I learned by being tested, and I just kept thinking, if that happened to someone's daughter or sister, I would by very mad.

The reason I brought the bike mechanic? I wasn't scared, but I wanted to make sure if this guy was a wingnut that I did have someone in my corner if something happened to me. I didn't want to be followed, or harassed.

So Fuji, do what you think is right, but just make sure you do it how your gut tells you. BF in the car, right next to you, whatever...listen to that instinct that we were given and use it...sometimes we all need a little help and there is no shame in that. I would say that having him next to me would be unnerving for me...

Actually it was way more than an "invasion of personal space." If the guy so much as touched her it could easily be construed as "offensive touching" if not downright assault. You have to follow up on this one.