Girls, I need your help! Emergency...

Celery,

I just read through this all. Being the hopeless romantic I am, I've been there a few too many times. It's nice you had a chance to apologize and resolve some feelings for both of you. You will move on. Eventually. Will you stop holding a place for her in your heart? No. Will the regret go away? Maybe not, but it gets better with time. As my mom told me, it's amazing our capacity for love- it can always grow to include new people. I think we love different people in different ways, as much as I used to be a 'true love' disciple. The person you end up with depends on willingness to commit to act lovingly to them forever. That could be a different person at a different time in your life if you and she were both ready then. But you weren't. And that's okay. You will find someone's who's ready with you and be a stronger partner to her from this experience.

MO

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Originally Posted by celerystalksme

actually, i've played it out in my head a zillion times last night and in my dreams. to be honest, the only conclusion i can realistically envision is me baring my soul...her baring her soul...and her going forth in her new direction, with a man that to be honest probably deserves her more than myself. and then i just shrivel up and die in a hole.

and despite that, my desire is to lay it all out on the table...why things went the way they did, what i was thinking, why i made the decision that i did, the regret and sorrow i still hold, etc.

i do love her still. and yeah, maybe in some crazy dream world, we'd get back together live out our lives with each other. but really...maybe what i'd like is some closure as well, if nothing more.

i don't know. i guess...i mean, honestly...i mean, of course i'd like to be happy, and i feel like i gave up happiness when i ended our relationship...but i genuinely honestly don't care if i hurt as long as she's found peace. if we both say our peace and she chooses her new life, i'll experience heartbreak all over again...and that's ok! believe it not, there will be part of me overjoyed for her, that she's been able to find someone so special. but i definitely would prefer that we both said all we want to say. and i guess...i hope that's not really as selfish as it seems to me sometimes.

ugh...

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You know what else I learned over the years? I learned that there are a lot of people in this world who can make me happy.

Yes each person is special and unique... but someone else can also be wonderful and give you the same joy, although be it in a different way, that someone else once did.

When you open yourself up to understanding and loving someone else, you will see that... even though she was great... someone else can be just as great... and sometimes better.

I have dated a lot of men (not slept with all of them ladies)... I have been married... and am currently in a 5 year relationship (boyfriend). While I have loved many people... and they were all generally different... other than the @ssholes I have found joy and happiness with ALL of them.

Move on. You WILL find someone else just as wonderful.

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Originally Posted by Irulan

Dude, you really need quit talking to everyone you know plus anonymous strangers on the internet, and get some professional counseling to help you over this.

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geez, it's not like i'm suicidal...

it's been 2 years, maybe a tiny bit less...i've dated several girls, i've been on and off the market since...and yeah, so far, epic fail. i feel like i let the best one get away. i regret it. i wish i could have another shot. and it TOTALLY threw me for a loop when she left that tearful voicemail. that's what has me all messed up. until that voicemail i got the other day...i would have told you i was almost over her. i'd still think about her when i saw or heard something that would trigger a memory...but the urge to contact her was very very rare, maybe once every six months or less...

funny thing is...this girl was supposed to be the rebound girl of a different girl that broke my heart. turns out the rebound girl was so much more than the girl before her. and what do i do? i break her heart. (and mine.)

i'm so dumb...maybe i'm just bad at relationships...

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Originally Posted by Irulan

Priceless.

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Have we been had or something? Google isn't turning up anything red-flaggish for me. Is this guy just a troll? Or worse?

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Originally Posted by indysteel

Have we been had or something? Google isn't turning up anything red-flaggish for me. Is this guy just a troll? Or worse?

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i just googled my own name. so you guys are gonna make judgements about me based on posts i made on some other relationship forums three years ago about a different girl that i later found out ended up cheating on me?

have fun with that.

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Originally Posted by indysteel

Have we been had or something? Google isn't turning up anything red-flaggish for me. Is this guy just a troll? Or worse?

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I'd say not a troll but this is an ongoing pattern. On *many* different forums. Depends on how deep you dig.

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Originally Posted by indysteel

Have we been had or something? Google isn't turning up anything red-flaggish for me. Is this guy just a troll? Or worse?

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+1 Yeah, so he's on some dating sites...

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Originally Posted by Irulan

No, but you obviously have boundary issues and that's a great place to start with counseling.

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boundary issues! what is that? what does that mean? when i was speaking to my ex yesterday she mentioned that she had boundary issues. she confessed to looking for my profile on dating site just to see if i was single or not. is that a boundary issue for her? and what's the boundary issue for me? is posting person questions on the internet? is it something else? and is it...bad?

i couldn't afford a therapist! i'm going to have to use some psychiatric version of webmd or something!

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Originally Posted by mayanorange

+1 Yeah, so he's on some dating sites...

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of course i am! i'm single...i'm trying to meet people. i THOUGHT i was either over or nearly over my ex until she leaves the tearful message on my voicemail the other day...and then i felt like i was back at square one.

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Originally Posted by celerystalksme

of course i am! i'm single...i'm trying to meet people. i THOUGHT i was either over or nearly over my ex until she leaves the tearful message on my voicemail the other day...and then i felt like i was back at square one.

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I meant that as a 'who cares' btw.

There's plenty of personal threads started by people here on TE, and certain ones devolve into beating down the OP. Not always sure why. I'm outta this one.

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Originally Posted by BleeckerSt_Girl

Like I said. :rolleyes:

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a men's forum would say

"get drunk, get laid, get over it'

Anyone been for a ride lately?

Wow, I come back to get an update and I see what this thread had devolved into...not pretty.

So what if this person has a habit of asking for advice on the internet? Plenty of people do because it is anonymous. I don't see that there is anything wrong with that. It's better than dumping your problems on a bartender!

Celery - I'm sorry that you are in pain, but as my mother always (annoyingly) says "this too shall pass". She's usually right, too. ;)

FWIW, I think you did the right thing.

well, whatever...what's done is done. i thank those with honest advice, whether it was harsh or not. and i'm sorry to everyone i upset in some way with this thread.

surprisingly, the attacks on my character or sincerity from some of you have sobered me up quite a bit. instead of moping, i'm in WTF defensive mode! lol

i'm sure everything will be fine. time heals these wounds. this one might just take a minute or two longer.

celery, out!

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Originally Posted by GLC1968

Wow, I come back to get an update and I see what this thread had devolved into...not pretty.

So what if this person has a habit of asking for advice on the internet? Plenty of people do because it is anonymous. I don't see that there is anything wrong with that. It's better than dumping your problems on a bartender!

Celery - I'm sorry that you are in pain, but as my mother always (annoyingly) says "this too shall pass". She's usually right, too. ;)

FWIW, I think you did the right thing.

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I agree.

I don't understand why anyone would "research" Celery to find out if he's a troll. Hasn't he contributed to this forum in a non-threatening way? Is he sending anyone creepy PMs?

I'm not sure why this has turned ugly. If you don't want to contribute in a kind way, just don't post for Chrissake. Put the thread on ignore.

As I said, has the OP sent creepy PMs? Has anyone reported the OP to the admins for harassing anyone here? Nothing he said sounds as if he's hunting for a new girlfriend here. This wasn't his first post on this forum.

How do you know it's the "ugly truth" Zen? Have you been trained in discourse analysis? I have taken a course on it, by the way.

As I said before, if you cannot be kind, put the thread on ignore.