Food choice defensive

When hosting pot-luck meals involving friends /other family members, I haven't told anyone what NOT to bring. So whatever healthy/unhealthy stuff they bring, I let them. I don't like being controlling in terms of what food is complementary, etc. As long as we don't up with too much of potato chips or potato salads from multiple folks.

However for serious allergies where a guest would land in the hospital, I would tell invitees, not to bring the "danger" food for the allergic sensitive person(s).

It's just alot easier as a host not to deal with the possibility of any emergency situation at dinner.

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Originally Posted by Susan Otcenas

but hasn't anyone but me noticed that the word "garbage" has come up several times already in this thread?

"What I find is that people try to force me to eat garbage...."
"I'm very frustrated about people trying to force garbage down my throat..."

So, it seems to me that on one hand people are complaining that they don't like that people are being judgmental about their restrictive food choices, but at the same time are being quite judgmental about the food choice of other people.

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That's a very good point. Maybe we are rebelling against our culture, secretly eating healthy food instead of tattoos & piercings. I'm sure a few decades ago it was pretty radical to quit smoking.

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Originally Posted by Selkie

At work, there is this group of paleo adherents/crossfit fanatics who preach to everyone else about proper diet (of course, all of them are self-taught nutrition "experts" who will lecture on glycemic levels, etc).

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See - it's people like this that make it hard for the rest of us! I'm really torn on the paleo/crossfit combination. I hate that the crossfit fanatics have taken up paleo as their cry because I find them super annoying myself. And a lot of them are spouting misinformation, which doesn't help the 'cause' at all. Plus, it's not like they invented the concept at all...the idea of eating based on what our paleolithic ancestors ate has been around for decades. Crossfitters used to be all into the Zone diet...so what happened to cause the change?

But, I can't help but be thankful for some of the hoopla because it's these people who are putting out the cookbooks that I'm having so much fun with!

Selkie - I have learned to agree with you. I don't believe in 'diets' anymore either (in terms of a temporary change). Temporary is good for testing food allergies or for certain medical conditions, but when it comes to weight loss or health, only permanent change works.

I don't know what Crossfit is, and I'd never heard of a paleo diet until recently when I read about it on this forum.

I gave up discussing diets with people back when Atkins became popular. Too many people thought it was the best thing ever because they'd lost so much weight. Of course they admitted that they had gained it all back and more when they went back to eating "normally," but that didn't stop them from singing its praises. It made no sense to me. And then I read that many people had bad problems with constipation when they first started the diet, and that just seemed like a deal breaker to me. But if someone wanted to insist that eating a stick of butter and a pile of bacon for dinner was better for them than eating bread, I saw no point in arguing.

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Originally Posted by Susan Otcenas

OK, so I'm just going to put this out there as something for folks to think about.... (Keep in mind that I follow a pretty restrictive diet too, so I understand how hard it is when someone questions your/my choices)... but hasn't anyone but me noticed that the word "garbage" has come up several times already in this thread?

"What I find is that people try to force me to eat garbage...."
"I'm very frustrated about people trying to force garbage down my throat..."

So, it seems to me that on one hand people are complaining that they don't like that people are being judgmental about their restrictive food choices, but at the same time are being quite judgmental about the food choice of other people.

You may not be *using* words like "garbage" when talking to other people about your/their food choices, but we speak with more than words.

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I see the truth in those words, but don't really know how to react appropriately so that people don't get offended by my food-choices and still stay true to my own beliefs.
I don't follow a special diet (nothing that has a name) I just try to eat as healthy as possible to the best of my knowledge (most of the time). I don't "preach" to other people about my eating habits if they don't ask about it.
Unfortunately there are a lot of foodchoices out there that are unhealthy for all that I know, and I don't want to eat them if I can avoid them. If you for instance just try to avoid artificial colour and flavourings, most processed foods are not a choice anymore.

I started out as very unhealthy, very overweight person. There may be people who aren't as affected by unhealthy choices, so they don't have to deal with those problems, but my body obviously can't get away with it. If I eat unhealthy and too much on two days a week (family weekends), I struggle to stay at a normal weight. My whole family is overweight and diabetic (type II), so obviously they can't get away with it either. I'm not sure if this is judgmental, maybe it's just true that a lot of the things we are sold by the food industry IS garbage and makes us sick, or at least some of us who have to choose if they want to be healthy or loved by their families ;)

Interesting discussion. It's almost like religion or politics for some people. A few meandering thoughts...

I have been on Weightwatchers again for the last 2 1/2 years. My "base diet" is pretty healthy with a lot of fruits, veggies, lean meat and whole grains, but I am definitely not on the paleo track. Luckily I don't have any allergies or other problems. And I am prone to give in to sweets- almost never tempted by salty/greasy snacks, but give in to chocolate, cookies and weird things like saltwater taffy...

That said, at home, it is never a problem to figure out good choices and exercise portion control (if I am not straying from staying on the WW program). However, when I first got back on WW, the band I was in was traveling to a number of out of town gigs. One of the guys, who usually did the driving, was inclined to stop for pizza, hamburgers etc, or visit Circle K for a coke, chocolate milk or a Hershey bar. It's really hard to find something healthy / WW friendly at McDonalds and Circle K! But I couldn't really rock the boat and complain too much- there was already a fair amount of tension under the surface for other reasons, and he's an alpha male kind of guy. And I would get definitely get "vibed" by the other woman in the band for discussing food choices! The sad thing is, the guy I was describing is overweight and on medication for type 2 diabetes, and gets almost no exercise :(

In an interesting turn of events, the other man in the band moved to a completely raw food diet. That initially struck me as extreme- sometimes it's hard not to be hypocritical! After he shared his reasons, that he felt much less tired etc, that was pretty much the end of it. He would bring his own food with him for most of the trips, and rarely eat in a restaurant unless it was a salad bar. But when we were staying in private homes, our hosts would often be quite disconcerted in trying to figure out what he would eat.

One last thought- I think it is really a challenge for people to visualize or accept other people's food choices when they are really different from their own. They can't imagine giving up the foods they love, substituting new foods for what they are familiar with, or just finding enough to eat if they can't have ____________. When my DH experimented with a modified paleo diet, I was frustrated because I didn't want to shift my diet to accommodate him. It irritated me because it seemed like it was more expensive to keep buying him all that meat, avocados, nuts etc, and planning meals that we could both enjoy was challenging. I also could not really see the logic that determined which foods were okay or not. In the end, he started losing weight (which he didn't need to do) and could not get enough carbs to support his running and cycling activities, even when he supplemented with non-paleo foods before big events. So he's moved away from the paleo diet.

Food is such a big part of our identities--cultural, spiritual,ideological-- that it is not so surprising for people to be extra sensitive to differences in diets and that various groups tend to be as judgemental about the food choices of others as they are about all the big moral issues. That said, my husband,who tends to identify with certain conservative, fundamentalist groups (and, by that token, oppose most others) delights in eating my now famous non dairy, egg free pumpkin cheesecake, but refuses to touch the brownies I regretfully labeled as vegan
(even though you seriously cannot tell...). Tricky things, those labels...

I think most people don't really think or care much about what other people eat when they're alone or with their families, but it becomes an issue when we share food. Food is so closely connected to hospitality. Over here you can scarcely have a visitor, even a total stranger, in for more than a few minutes without offering him or her at the very least a cup of coffee.
And a lot of what people would call "garbage" (I do too, but affectionately :)) is what other people consider the best they can offer. It's not supposed to be ultra-healthy, it's supposed to taste good, and the more luxurious and packed with cream, butter and sugar the "better" the host is. Gently pushing people to eat more is also considered polite.

It's not only when hosting a visitor, sharing food in any way is a way of connecting. I would be a bit disappointed if I invited a friend out to share a coffee and a gorgeous hot cinnamon roll or something with me, and all she wanted was an apple. Because I would have wanted to share the experience of eating something I really like. I would have no right to question or sneer at her diet choice, though. Just pointing out some of the reasons why people do react with their own feelings to other peoples diets.