Relationship/trust probs...

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Originally Posted by OakLeaf

Healthy individuals in a healthy relationship will not "cheat" (agreeing to an open relationship is something different). Adultery is NOT an "addiction," and even if it were, addicts can and do get clean when they have a relationship they value more than their junk.

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I agree to a point. We may be splitting hairs here, but adultery addiction does exist, we simply call it something different - hypersexuality and pathological lying are recognized clinical disorders; adultery can be a symptom of these disorders IMHO...but I also would agree that they are better controlled in a healthy relationship, albeit, it would be hard for me to imagine someone with these disorders actually having a healthy relationship.

I'm curious how like2 is receiving all these thoughts and if the situation has evolved/improved any...

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Originally Posted by Mr. Silver

I agree to a point. We may be splitting hairs here, but adultery addiction does exist, we simply call it something different - hypersexuality and pathological lying are recognized clinical disorders; adultery can be a symptom of these disorders IMHO...but I also would agree that they are better controlled in a healthy relationship, albeit, it would be hard for me to imagine someone with these disorders actually having a healthy relationship.

I'm curious how like2 is receiving all these thoughts and if the situation has evolved/improved any...

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I think if you are "hypersexual" or are a "pathological lyer"--that disqualifies you from being a "healthy individual." And I would think you'd have to be a healthy individual before you can be in a healthy relationship. Not that you can't get treatment or be cured from those things . . . .

Thanks for all of the good advice. I tasked my husband with finding a counselor...we'll see how that goes.

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Originally Posted by Mr. Silver

I agree to a point. We may be splitting hairs here, but adultery addiction does exist, we simply call it something different - hypersexuality and pathological lying are recognized clinical disorders; adultery can be a symptom of these disorders IMHO...but I also would agree that they are better controlled in a healthy relationship, albeit, it would be hard for me to imagine someone with these disorders actually having a healthy relationship.

I'm curious how like2 is receiving all these thoughts and if the situation has evolved/improved any...

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To continue the discussion...it appears you are equating adultery with sexual addiction. That's pretty simplistic. I disagree with you that someone who commits adultery automatically has a "disorder," which connotes a pathology, a disease. There are two people in a marriage, and each has equal responsibility to make that marriage work--in all sorts of ways. Marriage is not solely about sex, and neither is adultery.

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Originally Posted by tulip

Marriage is not solely about sex, and neither is adultery.

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I have to chime in and agree that that is indeed, the crux of the biscuit.

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Originally Posted by tulip

To continue the discussion...it appears you are equating adultery with sexual addiction. That's pretty simplistic. I disagree with you that someone who commits adultery automatically has a "disorder," which connotes a pathology, a disease.

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My impression from reading his words is that Mr. Silver did not say or imply that. Wasn't he talking about 'adultery addiction' as opposed to simply adultery?
...as in addiction, meaning "the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma."
He also said that adultery could be a symptom of a disorder such as hypersexuality and pathological lying. He did not say or imply that people who commit adultery automatically have a disorder.
Also, a minor point, but- a 'disorder' does not necessarily connote a disease or pathology, but rather:
"a disturbance in physical or mental health or functions; malady or dysfunction as in: a mild stomach disorder".

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Originally Posted by BleeckerSt_Girl

My impression from reading his words is that Mr. Silver did not say or imply that. Wasn't he talking about 'adultery addiction' as opposed to simply adultery?
...as in addiction, meaning "the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma."
He also said that adultery could be a symptom of a disorder such as hypersexuality and pathological lying. He did not say or imply that people who commit adultery automatically have a disorder.
Also, a minor point, but- a 'disorder' does not necessarily connote a disease or pathology, but rather:
"a disturbance in physical or mental health or functions; malady or dysfunction as in: a mild stomach disorder".

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Lisa, perhaps I should have taken out my dictionary.

However, I stand by my point.

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Originally Posted by tulip

There are two people in a marriage, and each has equal responsibility to make that marriage work--in all sorts of ways. Marriage is not solely about sex, and neither is adultery.

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I certainly do agree with these points. :)

I am acquainted with the situation - no, it's not me.

First, Lisa did interpret my meaning precisely.

But, to expand - there are MANY non-sexual forms of adultery. Adultery is one form of rebellion. Rebellion may have a psychological basis in a disease or disorder OR, it may be caused by other non-pathological social motivators.