Right on the nose, as ever :cool:Quote:
Originally Posted by Zen
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Right on the nose, as ever :cool:Quote:
Originally Posted by Zen
Here is my suggestion and experience. I have managed large groups of people who because of my job think I am their shoulder to cry on. It is both a male and female thing, just happens at different stages in our lives. I have had people tell me some really personal things, I mean REALLY PERSONAL. I never tell anyone at work these things. Maybe that is why they come to me. Because they trust me. Anyway. From my personal experience I can't say enough about taking charge of your life. Why rely on another person for all of YOUR happiness? I have told this to people. Sometimes I just listen and nod my head, because they is all they want.Quote:
Originally Posted by Bluetree
So maybe for you, they see a female who has the opinion they would listen to. They don't want to go to a therapist because that is like admitting you have a problem. But seeing this is causing you some discomfort, you should take care of yourself. Simply say, you sympathize with their situation however you are perhaps not the best person to help them out and while you want to remain friends, you are feeling a little bit weighed down by this situation.
Then if that doesn't work the more upfront approach: Guys stop complaining, weigh all your options, take into account the negative consequences to what you think will be a positive outcome, get off your behind and do something. But I don't want or need to be your life coach.
And slapping people upside they head feels really good sometimes too.
Okay, that is just MY opinion.
Sign me, divorced female who did something about her un-happy ex-spouse.
WOW, this is quite a thread. There is a whole lot I could say, but how about this for one thing (in addition to what has already been said)...
OK, you say you are friends ALSO with the wives of these guys (or aquiants etc.)? Umm, what happens if the WIVES start talking to you ALSO or mention something, ask your opinion, etc. :eek:
That is where the guys reaaally need to get a big dose of stfu medicine. If they have any brains what so ever, any respect for you as a friend/aquiant, etc. they ***should*** understand if you mention how ackward/uncomfortable this topic would be if presented by their SO...
Like... are ya suppose to lie for them? :confused: Tell the truth? :confused: Fumble the question:o... and maybe have their wives brains start working overtime as to why you are having trouble answering? :eek::eek:
Ahh, yea... that's got all kinds of possibilities to it *shudders*.
totally awesome!!!!Quote:
Originally Posted by Miranda
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bluetree
You know what, Bluetree? I think your first instinct was actually a pretty good one (slap is optional).
There's venting and then there's VENTING. Sometimes we all need to just get things off our chest and have a sympathetic ear so that we can go on with our lives. Voicing feelings can make us reexamine those emotions from a different perspective. It can make us realize that the thoughts we're having don't sync up with reality or that we need to make a change.
However, I have found with some people that they get into a bad habit of constantly b!tching about their SO. Usually it's just a couple of issues that they may be unhappy with, but the rest of their relationship with their SO is pretty good. For these people it takes a wake up call for them to realize that they're poisoning their relationship. Constantly thinking about and recalling a bad event can become a self-feeding loop of negative energy and bring down the people in the relationship and anyone that they dump their feelings on. I have found myself on the receiving end of this and feel like I'm being used as their emotional tampon.:( Which is the impression that I'm getting from your post, Bluetree.
IMHO, part of learning to express our emotions is finding the time, place, manner and people with whom we unburden ourselves. Having a close friend who knows us well enough to know when we're venting and lending a sympathetic yet detached ear at those times is invaluable. They realize that the emotions we're expressing is out of anger, frustration, fear, sadness, loneliness, boredom, depression, grief or ??? and know that those are not how we feel the rest of the time. They'll let us unload, maybe give us an anecdote or two to let us know that we're not alone in having those moments, and know when to turn things around - at which time they can give us gentle reminders of the things we love about our SO.
I think as a friend listening to the situations it's important to stay detached otherwise it gets messy. Either it turns into a situations where the one listening says things that may come to bite them back later (Example: Yeah, I always thought he was a jerk but I didn't know how to tell you.) or it becomes a SO bashing event that leaves all involved feeling blacker.
ETA: It's better to be honest about how you feel about your friends unburdening on you, because if it's done in a manner that's bringing you down then it's not healthy for your friendship with them and the friendship that you hold with their SOs.
My $.02 anyhow.
Absolutely have to agree, MrS. I work in a female dominated environment (4 of the 28 people in my office space are male, 3 of my 78 students this year were male, almost all the teaching centres I visit have no male teachers).Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. Silver
And being in this female environment I absolutely know this "my spouse doesnt understand me" is not gender related...
Just had to say this was a good 2cents :)Quote:
Originally Posted by sgtiger
I don't know how or why people start this habit, it is so ultimately self-destructive... and so unpleasant to listen to...
Everyone needs to watch a feel good movie or read a "nice" book and take lessons from that.
Road ~raised-on-Pollyanna~ Raven
Don't be frightened...Guard your heart, learn from others' experience, and resolve to work hard at making a mutual relationship successful;)Quote:
Originally Posted by Syndirelah