Exactly like that, we are legends in our own minds. :DQuote:
Originally Posted by Trek420
So glad you and Knott are together. Makes life so much better to be with the one we love.Quote:
Originally Posted by Trek420
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Exactly like that, we are legends in our own minds. :DQuote:
Originally Posted by Trek420
So glad you and Knott are together. Makes life so much better to be with the one we love.Quote:
Originally Posted by Trek420
I've been reading lately about the differences between happiness and joy. I'm not sure that I could explain them, but I think that my life is overall joyful, even when there's stuff that makes me unhappy. As an example, there's been a long-term challenge for me at work that, in and of itself, has not made me happy. But because of that challenge, I've made a very dear friend along the way and learned some very important lessons. These things never would have happened without some pain and frustration as a catalyst. When I look at it from a larger, longer perspective, I'm able to find joy in the whole experience and consider the next chapter.
I'm rambling, I know...
Sunrises and sunsets from a peaceful vantage point, hugs, spooning, seeing people smile, knowing I’ve done a good job on a work project, cresting a really hard bike climb, autumn rides through woods that look like stained-glass windows, dancing late into the night, feeling/being creative, a great meal and conversations with people I care about, doing yoga, doing random acts of kindness, rather than just getting somewhere quickly learning the joy of random discoveries, turning life’s friction into physical momentum
…..and like that time while on a steep climb having a butterfly land on my arm and ride to the top with me
Just wanted to comment on this -- sometimes we have the ability to make changes to address the parts of our lives that make us unhappy. But it's not always that easy -- there can be complex reasons why you can't just DO something and stop whining.Quote:
Originally Posted by Helene2013
About 15 years ago I had a job that sucked all the life out of me. I was working 7 am to midnight every day for a woman who was insane. She would routinely yell at people until they ran out of the room crying. The client was impossible to please, I was in way over my head and had no one to help me. If I asked someone for help, the crazy b*tch yelled at me, told me if I didn't know the answer to a client's question I should just make something up. I was losing weight, unable to eat more than half a meal a day. And I was exhausted. One day I was walking down the street and a complete stranger who was passing me asked why I looked so miserable. But when I tried to update my resume and look for a new job, I was too exhausted and stressed out to think straight. And I was afraid to just quit, because unemployment didn't seem like a good choice.
As it turned out, the lunatic who ran the company reorganized and eliminated my position. When she told me, she clearly expected me to be devastated (since in her deranged mind there was no finer place to work). Instead I smiled and asked if she wanted me to leave immediately or stay long enough to transition my work to someone else. After my last day on the job, I hopped a plane for a weekend away with friends, and I still remember feeling like a thick fog suddenly lifted from around my brain, and I could think again.
(And then the stress finally overwhelmed my system, and I was sick with a bad cold, bronchitis, pink eye, you name it, for about six weeks, too weak to walk, nearly fainted while trying to do Christmas shopping.)
And that was just a job. Imagine feeling trapped in a hopeless family situation, where you can't just quit and find something else, where you might be living in fear, for yourself or for others if you leave. You might want to leave but don't know where to go or how to support yourself or how to find someone to help you.
If you have a happy life with the ability to solve problems by making a few changes, you are actually quite lucky.
NY Biker,
As I said also :Change is hard. Rarely anyone like to change what seems to work for them, and even when not. The unknown and readapting is never fun. In general that is. Sometimes we are so deep into something we can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, and when we see it, it's the train ramming into us.Quote:
True, sometimes it is harder (when a serious illness like cancer get in your way). But for the most part, when a door closes, another one will open. Always keep all your options opened!
But nowadays, we have the tools and we should use them. I've had my share of issues when young adult. My picture was not all pink and full of glitters. I made tough decisions. Could have taken the wrong ones but I did not care. When you go through a burn out in your early adulthood and need to consult various types of specialists (and they make you swallow pills like they were M&Ms) to regain your life back but in the better, you don't see life the same way.
I had a job similar to yours (then). That woman was millionnaire and could not care less if she lost staff by the dozen. She wanted them replace like yesterday. Period. I remember seeing her hit her bodyguard! Then right after she could be rolling on the floor with her dog and having fun! Lunatic you say! But she is one of the brightess person I ever met. She did make me grow a lot, in a way as she would push you to be the best you can and offer the best service. I still carry this today. But one day I had enough and told my husband that I could not last that long. I was afraid of dropping a 13 year old job. Hard to go back with your cv in this wild world again. He told me to find a job before quitting. It would look better. I promised him to work hard at it. 2 days later...they abolished many positions and mine was in it! The best thing that ever happened to me - work wise. Sure it was scary, I had unemployment, but it is nothing compared to my regular pay, no clue how to present myself anymoreetc. But I then worked for a phone company for 10 years (before being let go again in a buy-back). But the burn out I went through in my mid-20s taught me that nothing is worth stressing about. No job, no boss, no marriage. I have people in my life that I chose to be around. They bring me good things, and in return I hope I give them good things too.
All this to say, abilities are not for everyone and you are right. Timing is sometimes to meet the right person that comes along in your life and you can make a turn for the better. But you have to be opened and willing to make a change. You have to be able to grab that opportunity and turn it in your favour. Being "strong" is not given either to all of us. And often, it is easier said then done. I know..been there!
Right now I could not have a better life, better philosophy. I have my ups and downs and own issues to go through. But nothing to prevent me from sleeping. There is a solution to every problem. Most of the time.
Yes, indeed. One of my closest friends lost her relatively young husband to a horrible illness, and is now on her own in trying to cope with having a very mentally ill adult daughter who has tried every conceivable program and medication with limited effect. There really are times when all of the available tools and the attempts to have a great attitude are not enough, and people cannot always control what happens or solve every problem. It is harder for some people to find happiness than others, and luck can play a big role.Quote:
Originally Posted by ny biker
Things that make me happy: Being outside. Animals. Birds. I feel very lucky in my friends, who are smart and funny and sane and care deeply about the world. Lucky to have my husband whom I still consider to be the coolest guy I know. Music. Books. Our cats. Other people's dogs and children. I like kids a LOT--they sort of renew the world for me (nothing like hearing a baby laugh with delight, right?). Art. Hiking, especially in Glacier Park. Traveling. Tandem rides that are hilly. People who care about the world and try to do their bit to make it better.
To be fair some people are in very difficult situations especially if they have young children and cannot /choose not to walk away from their responsibilities. And then combine that responsibility with serious depression.It's much easier as a single/child-free person to have greater latitude of choice/independent action.Quote:
Originally Posted by Helene2013
So I can say, that I know what makes me happy -- being in a safe, warm home, food, loved ones, doing stuff I enjoy whenever I want after work/earning money each day and being independently mobile. This suite of benefits alone is a lot. I feel joyful to be alive and mobile but only that. AS nyc said, there are different levels of happiness at different times in life.
I don't want it to sound like all my happiness comes from my DH! It's just I see so many people in unhappy relationships, and I know I am lucky. I'd rather be single than stick with an azzhole. I had an early, horrible marriage/relationship and when I got divorced, I swore I'd never let myself get in that situation again. I made some bad relationship choices between ages 17 and 24. Well, actually one really bad one at almost 18, and a few minorly bad ones at 23-24. It all worked out for the best, but sometimes I think, "What was she thinking???" I made the wrong decisions even as I knew I was making the wrong decision! I tried to convince myself I was happy all through college, but I was miserable.
This topic is quite appropriate for me today. I don't really want to discuss why, but the person on the other end of my really bad decision ended up in a hellhole situation... and is still paying for it, 43 years later. I truly am thankful and happy that my DH is around! Every single one of my close friends from AZ are divorced (ones DH committed suicide right before we left, she's been married twice since and is now happy). I was always jealous of these people a bit; they did a lot more stuff when we were young, traveled, etc. I definitely ended up in a better place than some of them.
When I say we have odd luck some of you know we had a long distance marriage for nearly 5 years while I a) did an extreme makeover of my condo so I could sell it b) saved an emergency fund and c) waged a heroic battle to try to transfer my job from my title in CA to the same dang job with the same dang co in WA.Quote:
Originally Posted by Pax
I accomplished a and b but could not do C.
So I quit my job of of nearly 20 years.
Five (5) days later the company offered a buyout which is where they pay you big bucks to leave. Missed it by that much.
But we're happy and I'm very glad I left. It was one of the best decisions I've made other than joining TE and marrying knott that is:p
You can't always be the master of your own destiny. That's easy to say, but not always possible to do. I've been lucky in that I've always had a decent place to live and plenty to eat, but I've known others who have suffered financial ruin due to no fault of their own and I've also known people with chronic life threatening and fatal conditions, not much you can do about that other than try to be as positive as you can.
Also with the job market not everyone can just quit or accept less pay. I know I can't, I don't have any debt other than a car and a mortgage, but I do have a kid in college and pets that depend on my income.
But on the bright side I do have the things that make me happiest, my wife, our kids, our pets.
Aside from those things the things that make me happiest is being out in nature. I love being out in the woods or in the mountains (non existent in UTC of Texas) It just makes me feel alive and happy to be there.
Easy questions are the hardest to answer. Yes?
I'm not sure what makes me happy. Completing my many projects with successful result gives me contentment. Not sure if that is happiness.
Snuggling with my favorite cat and she, purring away and kneading, makes me content for giving her sense of peace an safety.
When I was working, I was a bit of sociopath so making boatloads of money made me smile. Then taxman taketh away and that made me sad. One of my former boss didn't care for me, so I responded in kind. I always managed to weasel my way out of a pickle (pull a bunny out of a hat and smelling like a rose after being covered in poop) and made my boss look like a pig with a lipstick. I had chutzpa!!
Guys at office always like to one up each other. Especially about their car. One day I showed up with my new Lotus. Boys were not all that happy. That made me smile. It seemed that the boys always saw a bulls-eye on my back. But I was a target they all missed all the time with exception of two. All made me smile except the two where I was royally burned. That made me angry.
Watching my bottlefed rescue kittens growing up and think I was their mom made me smile.
Oh I know playing tag/chase with my 80 pound Pyrenees. You can see her face light up with fun, happiness. That makes me happy. I have fun too for being chased by her. My Pyrenees cheats though...
So I bought myself a new portable speaker so I could listen to music in my condo without it being too loud for the neighbors. And it was working, in the sense that it's been helping my mood a lot. Except the neighbor just knocked on me door to tell me it's too loud. So, waste of $200 and back to being miserable most of the time.Quote:
Originally Posted by ny biker
Maybe try some quality headphones at home? My honey and I have VERY different musical tastes so I use headphones LOUD and jam. :p
What a bummer that you can't really listen to music a notch higher!
I think I would go nuts as I am used to have a really good sound system in the basement and we train to almost the sound of a concert hall. hihi I'm sure you can hear the music pounding outside but my neighbours are really far away.
Too bad that too many condos are so not well in noise reduction. My brother-in-law lives at the top of triplex (but still attached to others left and right) and he had to pay big money to get his whole floor redone so walls/flooring is sound-proof or just about.
If I had to move out of a house and into some type of apartment, I think my 1st question would be: what type of soundproofing do you have. hihi
Or shoulder speakers? I don't like wearing headphones, I'm not a naturally fearful person, but not being able to hear things around me freaks me out. But shoulder speakers might give you your music while keeping the outside volume very low? Maybe not too late to exchange your speaker?
Becky, without knowing what you've been reading, just in my head I feel like it's the opposite, that joy is transient while happiness is more a way of existence. Joy comes reasonably easily to me, mostly from situations where I'm outdoors in flow, like motorcycling, fast descents on the bike (not that I've done that lately), distance running. But having been independently diagnosed three times with double depression, it's safe to say I'm not naturally a happy person ... if I don't deliberately put myself into joy (which usually involves NOT doing most of what needs to be done :rolleyes:), my natural state is pretty miserable ...