Odd?

That's an excellent explanation. ODD is most definitely a collection of behaviors, just like ADHD. One would be very careful about a conduct disorder diagnosis, as there's research showing this often morphs into something more serious when the child becomes an adult.
I second the Love and Logic book. I used it with some very difficult early adolescents. Consistency is the name of the game.

ame--we have been doing "sanctuary" at our house, although we didn't have a term for it. I found that it has been good in taking her aggression "out of the equation" so to speak. We put her in her room and she can throw, kick, scream, whatever she needs to do without it affecting or being targeted towards anyone else in the family. It has saved my sanity and allowed me to stay calm and level in the moment.

I was feeling guilty about it--not sure how it would sound to other parents, but the Love & Logic counselor said it was a good thing to do in that situation.

I've dealt with anxiety/depression my entire life. And when I was going to therapy, my counselor had me buy a heavy bag and boxing gloves. I beat the tar out of that thing for awhile. Thankfully I don't need it anymore (probably because of all the mountain biking). I guess I shouldn't be surprised that DD has the same need to act out her emotions physically.

I have her in soccer and she really enjoys that. But she's so aggressive--I was thinking of letting her have a go at karate. They've been wrestling at daycare as part of their summer program--learning about the renaissance. She really loves that. I wonder if there's a wrestling program for girls her age?

Lol, I hear you - "Sanctuary" sounded so sanitized, serene, and safe that when actually his teacher recommended the name we jumped on it. I don't like approaching anything with anger, so I think there is absolutely nothing wrong with modeling giving them and yourself time and safe space to work it out before approaching the problem. And, sometimes I just need a good bellow too. ;)

I'm working on a master's in elementary ed right now and JUST finished with a special ed class where we talked a little about ODD. This is what I know about it: If she does have ODD or EBD (emotional/behavioral disorder), then the types of discipline that work on other kids may not work for her. She may not be acting out just to get to you. She might not know any other way to express her emotions. What I was taught to do if a student has ODD or EBD is, instead of punishing the child for the bad behavior, ask her "Why did you do that?" Sometimes finding the root of the behavior can be the first step toward solving the problem. Is she starting kindergarten this year or next? Has anyone from Early Intervention ever come out to do an evaluation? They would have some great ideas as well, and they will be able to write up an IEP (if it's necessary) so that her teachers know the best methods for effectively teaching her and dealing with her behavioral issues when she starts school.

I was catsitting for a neighbor last night and decided to channel surf on her tv since I don't have one.

I came across SuperNanny and the child was about 9 and she totally acted out towards her mother--kicking, screaming, biting. It was terrible! The mother fought back just as hard and they were both screaming and getting nowhere.

The SuperNanny had what I thought was a very creative idea: she made a very pretty box called a Thought Box, and gave the girl a fluffy pen and pretty paper. The girl wrote thoughts in the Thought Box for the mother to read. Then the mother and daughter would discuss the thoughts. This allowed the daughter to express herself in a non-violent way, and allowed the mother to listen (something she did not do when the child had a tantrum), and allowed them both the space they needed to talk about things.

A 5-year old might be too young, but I thought it was a lovely idea.

I also liked the books mentioned by SFA and Northstar. Parenting is such a minefield of emotions and struggles. I think I also read a book called "Parenting the Spirited Child" (I'm not at at home now- can't check the bookshelf).

I think it is important to find techniques that both parents can work with- it is critical to be a united front. (this is something we still struggle with - though our kids are much older - my husband feels he has to help them with everything- thus preventing them from the emotional turmoil of failure..I could go on and on about this....)

Pick your battles, don't get into negotiations. It's hard work - parenting.
(((Limewave)))

I have great list of resources to check out! I'm heading to the library this afternoon.

I do think that I need to give DD some tools to help her let out her aggression in an appropriate manner. It's okay for her to get angry and frustrated, we just need to find a good outlet for her. Then once she's calmed down we can talk about the situation and do a consequence when needed.

I wish DD could write down her thoughts in a journal or in letters, but she can't read yet. We're working on it . . . I think that would help her a lot.