OMG This hurts SO bad

I'm so glad I posted here. Your girls are so wonderful. Thank you for saying such nice things. I just can't believe this is actually happening.

It's just going to be so hard to really let go of him. I don't know yet, but I just don't see myself being able to be friends with him again in the future. I did already apologize to him when we talked the other day. I told him it's not fair for him to have to put up with this from me because he's been very clear and consistent with me about only wanting a friendship and that's it. He responded by saying it's ok, you can't help how you feel.

I think the combination of heart break, losing my best friend, and accepting that he never wanted me is just a lot to take in all at once. I really thought he was serious about being a bachelor forever. He told me sooo many times that relationships aren't worth it, but then complained about how lonely and empty his life was. Now I know it was me all along that wasn't worth it. And that he'd rather be lonely and unhappy than take a chance on me. And that he must find me completely unattractive and repulsive. And now someone worthwhile has come along, and it's like he's morphed into a completely different person.

I wish I could go on vacation. I wish I had family close by. I wish I could go ride but I can't because I can't eat!

You hurt, we care
(((((Rollie)))))

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Originally Posted by RolliePollie

I wish I could go on vacation. I wish I had family close by. I wish I could go ride but I can't because I can't eat!

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I remember that feeling, not being able to eat from heartache. Ugh. Maybe try a smoothie, or some soup, just something you can sip, just to get a little something in you.

You're doing good. You will get through this. Don't worry about riding. Maybe go and sit outside if it's nice out.

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Originally Posted by RolliePollie

he must find me completely unattractive and repulsive.

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I understand that rejection makes you feel this way. But you're NOT.

You're beautiful. Cherish yourself. Just because you're not the one for him - and I know that hurts - but just because of that, doesn't make you less of a person.

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Now I know it was me all along that wasn't worth it.

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To sort of piggyback on Oakleaf's response,

No, no, no. If you weren't worth something to him you two wouldn't have ever been friends. While it hurts excruciatingly bad right now, it sounds like the romantic chemistry you hoped for wasn't there for him. Has nothing to do with your worth.

Others here have offered some good advice. Take extra good care of yourself. Cry yourself through boxes of tissues then go do something nice for yourself. {{{hugs}}}

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Originally Posted by martinkap

Go for it. Go and run. Outrun and pound into the pavement every little pain you have. [...snip...] Go and cry on the move. Don't cry sitting. For some reason, this helps me dealing with psychological pain.

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You know what, this is very good advice. When my dad died in a car accident, I grieved beyond what I could handle. I thought I'd never stop crying. So, I started running. I don't know why, but it helped. I cried while I ran, I ran while I cried. At some point, the crying became less and less, even though I still thought about my dad almost exclusively during my runs. When I first started smiling on my runs, I knew I was healing. It was a long road, but there's something about physical activity that helps deal with it; it's cathartic. If you can't run, walk fast; but as martinkap says, just move.

Aw ((rollie)))
Sorry you're feeling so lousy right now. Be gentle with yourself and take care of yourself as if you were taking care of a friend.

Oh, and I love the Sierra Foothills! I have family roots there and terrific memories of camping and river trips, and stuff that happened in my 20s that I am not going to disclose on a public forum. ;)

Pretend that you are me on vacation there while I am here in SLC. Smell the air for me, and get a view of the moon through the oak trees, ok?

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Originally Posted by nancielle

To sort of piggyback on Oakleaf's response,

No, no, no. If you weren't worth something to him you two wouldn't have ever been friends. While it hurts excruciatingly bad right now, it sounds like the romantic chemistry you hoped for wasn't there for him. Has nothing to do with your worth.

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Exactly. I know it's impossible to believe right now, but it's the truth. My second relationship after my divorce ended up like this, and it was for reasons outside myself that I kept moving at all through the searing pain. But I did, and when I look back on it now I remember, but it seems so far away (about 2.5 years ago now) both in time and space. The running thing seems like a great idea; an actual representation of what you'll be doing: putting one foot in front of the other until it seems natural again to lift your head.

((((rollie)))) You can do this.