((((tj)))) my heart goes out to you, I'm sorry to hear this :( but you will get through it... there are lots of great words of wisdom here, keep peddling.
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((((tj)))) my heart goes out to you, I'm sorry to hear this :( but you will get through it... there are lots of great words of wisdom here, keep peddling.
(((tj)))) listen tokeep pedaling. And oh, by the way if my Ex-DPITA who got me back into riding is lurking here ..... brphhhhphttttt :p ;) :rolleyes: She picked a fine time to leave me (while my Dad was dying) but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do I suppose.Quote:
Originally Posted by kenyonchris
My oh my I'm much happier now than I was then and I've got a much better ..... bike on my arm than she has now.
Yes, that's it. I've got a better bike ;) :p :cool:
Living well is the best revenge. Ride baby ride.
Her name wasn't Lucille, was it?Quote:
Originally Posted by Trek420
Here I am feeling very sad for TJ and Zen pops a zinger! Guffaw!!!!Quote:
Originally Posted by Zen
TJ, listen, maybe print Kenyon's (and those before her) wise words, she's been there.
((((TJ))))
Remind me not to read Zen anything while drinking tea. It's good I have that plastic thingy over the keyboard that KnottedYet gave me specifically for Zen posts. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Zen
I think I can clean the screen. :p
No, not Lucile :rolleyes: and I kept the bike shop. :p
I figured it was a good time for a chuckle :)
or a round of beers .... or chocolate. :cool:
Chocolate, beers, and hugs for (((((TrekJeni)))))
Reflecting on TrekiJeni & kenyonchris where their love of their life, at that time, was tied from beginning and into relationship to cycling.
Cycling is tied with dearie from nearly the start of our relationship (let's see, nearly 18 yrs. ago) and infuses our lifestyle. The wonderful thing is discovering more good surprises each year that have absolutely nothing to do with cycling.
As for the difficulty of cycling without loved one...when he and I lived apart for 2.5 years since his company forced him to relocate to Calgary and I stayed in Toronto for career reasons: I found myself avoiding 1-2 bike particular routes. And instead cycled routes that avoided passing by his former home in Toronto.While I already did some solo cycling when he lived in the same city, it was the painful knowledge at the beginning of our long distance relationship, he wasn't immediately around in the same city.
So I rode solo for 2.5 years except for the times we visited each other in each city.
thankfully we phoned each other longd distance each evening to share the day's stuff. Always a pleasure...even now for the times he has gone solo touring in the past few years in Europe or across North America.
I do recommend every woman cyclist to become strong and learn to cycle also alone happily...those times will happen ..or forever, one day for those of us who do have cycling loved-partners.
Don't mean to be negative, but to treasure those rides together --now. And not fight/argue on the road much.
Here is what helped me over the marriage breakup, we had been part of the same group and lifestyle. These things are so individual I wouldn't dream of saying this works for everyone. It is what worked for me.
1. Spend lots of time exercising that beautiful dog.
2. Throw yourself into your job for awhile, and accumulate as much money as you can. This is not a permanent way of life, cause it is not healthy longterm, but it is a good short term way to more independence. Don't stint on taking the dog out though.
3. Thank the fates or deity or whatever you believe in that he is being relatively kind and mature about all this. Make this your mantra "he is not a psycho stalker". This breakup could have ended much worse. If you have a bit of a morbid streak, read a couple Ann Rule books.
4. Don't see him. Not for coffee or anything else. If you must meet to discuss business, bring a friend. And if you see him by yourself anyway, bring contraception.
Be strong. You will feel better after awhile.
(((((TJ)))))))
I have another tip. Go away to a cycling camp. Preferably one for women. Go ride someplace you haven't ridden with him before. Immerse yourself in other people who ride and don't remind you of the ex.
And, of course starting a new relationship at this point is not a good idea but it is a great way to meet people. It's how I met my current BF and a lot of my good new friends over the last year since my breakup.
Take care and keep riding.
Wahine, that's a great idea.
If you can afford it, I highly recommend Women's Quest. Not all of their camps involve cycling, and the coaching is minimal, but the great thing is that they do a lot of emotional work in addition to the athletic parts of the day. It's a wonderfully supportive way to kick-start your moving forward.
I hope you are doing well tkj! Please check in. Lastnight over a tasty dinner of tamales w/the running family I recounted your post. Running hubby said "tell her to get a different colored streamers. But she should keep them if she loves them. Maybe a different color. And she should have a new stem cap made w/ a saying that reminds her that she is strong." I was kinda shocked that he actually had input, and kind of impressed actually.. ;)
Not sure how it relates, but...
This weekend, I went down to visit my BF. We went for a long, long ride, ending up in a National Park. We found a new road to explore and realized it looked vaguely familiar - we both remembered that we had been on that road, on bikes, when we dated the first time around, 25 years ago. Who knew then that life would circle us back together, years later, on our bikes, together again.
Life goes on, and sometimes takes you right back to where you always belonged.
I'm so sorry TJ. I have known similar heartache, so my heart goes out to you right now. It does get easier; I promise.