Tension Relieving Responses...

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Originally Posted by Flybye

I don't know where I came up with it, but I responded with a shrug and started faking sign language. Not the bird or anything crass, but like I was really trying to communicate with her via American Sign Language. She was dumbfounded. I was very satisfied and had a great laugh!

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That made me laugh out loud imagining what you must've looked like. I guess it wouldn't work when riding a bike- but it might. Too funny!



What a jerk, Mr! Sounds like you handled it well enough- and I liked all the responses you posted- especially the one about after 49 miles it already feels like your bike is up your *#@. Funny! I never think of clever things until after the moment, but those are all good to keep in mind if the situation ever comes up. I like the sign language thing, too. I know just enough ASL to make it seem like I could be deaf. ;)

But really, guys and gals. We should be easier on the cars we slow down. It must be really frustrating to have to wait, oh I don't know... 10, 20, even a whopping 30 seconds to get around a bike. It must be sooooo hard on them when we cut into their precious time so much (insert extremely sarcastic tone and rolling eyes here). People in cars need to just RELAX!

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Originally Posted by Tri Girl

But really, guys and gals. We should be easier on the cars we slow down. It must be really frustrating to have to wait, oh I don't know...

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I know you're kidding here, but there is a note of truth here as well. Here's what I do:

• If someone is patiently waiting to pass me, I wave them through when I see it's clear (which is usually before they do)
• When they pass carefully, I give them a nod or a thumbs up
• When someone is stopped at a cross street and letting me by, I give them a nod as well.

Notwithstanding my confrontation yesterday, I do still see myself as an ambassador (albeit one who doesn't take cr@p).

The local club (which we're not part of) has notoriously poor manners on the road...and that's what he was reacting to. Unfortunately, he was attacking a few of the good guys/gals and not the ones responsible for his frustration.

You are dead on, Mr. Silver. I experienced this today on my metric with a club I belong to, but don't lead for. So many rude riders. Mr. Crankin finally yelled, "get in a single line," because we had yelled car back so many times and they were *still* riding 3 abreast.
Yea, I saw the same guy as you on Saturday, in Groton, MA...

You're right, Mr. Sometimes cyclists are TERRIBLE examples of how to share the road. We expect it to be shared, but sometimes we hog it all up. The other day my club did a TT around a local lake. While waiting for the start, the group took up the WHOLE lane. The couple cars that came up behind us had to wait to get around the group. I'm sure they were frustrated- I was getting frustrated at the group in the road (and said something which was brushed off with a rude comment from one of the club "jerks"). We need to be just as courteous to drivers as we expect them to be to us. It only takes one ignorant cyclist to get the 20 drivers around them to hate us all.

The most disarming thing you can do to someone is try to understand their point of view... i.e. "Cyclists around here been frustrating you lately?" It's really difficult for someone to stay angry when you respond by trying to understand them. I'm far from perfect at this myself, but it can help diffuse tension and may make them a little more tolerant of other cyclists in the future.

Still laughing from the first response... "After 50 miles..." :D

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Originally Posted by blondiebiker

The most disarming thing you can do to someone is try to understand their point of view... i.e. "Cyclists around here been frustrating you lately?" It's really difficult for someone to stay angry when you respond by trying to understand them. I'm far from perfect at this myself, but it can help diffuse tension and may make them a little more tolerant of other cyclists in the future.

Still laughing from the first response... "After 50 miles..." :D

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You are right on the money from a counseling perspective. If you add "man, you are really ticked off, cyclists around here been have been frustrating you lately" he won't have any idea what to say. Sweet.

The after 50 mile response just happens to be my favorite as well.

Well, speaking from the other side of the gender divide, a clever response usually doesn't work any better with these types of people. What one gets back is something along the lines of "how about if I just &&& you instead?"

One of our cyclists, who commutes and travels across a bridge, was recently told by a Bubba that he's going to "teach them a lesson the next time there's one on the bridge". We have those people with a missing chromosome here too. :rolleyes:

I also agree that having the cell phone out is the best response... it changes the dynamic from "big guy in a truck anonymously asserting his dominance" to "what I'm doing is going public."

*sometimes* the right verbal response can relieve the tension but boy, you'd have to have darned good intuition or dumb luck to assess the whole psychology of the situation (which of course you would do without 'profiling,' eh?) and come up with the properly disarming response.

I usually try to have witnesses to the altercation. Sometimes it's best to let them blow steam and go away. At other times, I have a "talk" with the person.

"Dude, own a house? and is your dually fully paid?" "good, keep it up and I'll own your house and your pkup" Usually a dim light comes on inside their amoebic brain, with "F you" and other explatives and they drive away. Being an avg height woman (bit on the short side), the angry knuckle dragging visigath don't dare lay their hands on moi.

Now on the other hand, if the rabid, foaming in the mouth, visigath looks homocidal, I usually try to find witnesses and then say, "sorry I was in your way. Next time I'll be more careful. " It's not worth getting killed or be hospital bound over who is right. I ain't proud. :D just not worth it.

Sometimes, letting angry person "walk over you" is the best recourse. I usually go for a potful of turkish coffee afterwards to calm my nerve and be angry over for being violated. Still better than be crippled.

smilingcat

I usually just ignore the guy. DH would chase after him and try to start something :mad:...

Honestly, we've run into more "Bubba's" here in Oregon that we did in North Carolina. We just were talking about this yesterday. Where we rode in NC, there were always a few drivers annoyed at us, but in general, it wasn't too bad. Here in Oregon, people seem fairly considerate in town, but get out into the country and we've been stunned by the hatred & violence. It's unreal!

Yesterday we were out riding and a big white pickup gunned their engine, drove way too close while passing us and then swerved to the right in front of us. Since he hadn't given us much room when he passed, his right swerve in front of us actually had him off the road. He barely managed to bring the truck back onto the main road before a huge ditch. I was so hoping that he'd have ended up in the ditch! I would have laughed my a-- off at him!! All in all, there was no reason for his anger. We were the only cyclists, there was no traffic, we were riding single file, and it was easy to pass us (and he didn't have to wait at all). I find their violence alarming.

I've been thinking about this in spare moments when I'm not getting mad/upset/freaked out about losing-my-fellowship situation (and I've completely forgotten about the For Sale sign in front of my [rented] house). Here's what I finally came up with.

There's a big difference between how you respond to someone who has harrassed you on the road and is now long gone, and someone who has actually come after you to confront you. The first is frustrating because you don't get a chance to respond, but definitely the best course is ignore it, not react, at the most get a picture or report it, but certainly do not try to chase them down or bother responding at all. I used to have certain responses rehearsed like yelling "cager" or "I love you" just to let out my anger (they can't understand my words any more than I can make out theirs), but now I just flat out ignore everything and make a mental note of a license number. This is as important a skill to develop as, say, coordination or taking the lane. And it doesn't come as easily.

The second is just downright scary. Now, I do want to be an ambassador for cycling. I want these people to ride bikes. Maybe Bubba will never touch a bike (other than to violate someone with it), but I have a suspicion that my former friend, who did grow up in rural Missouri, might have had a touch of Bubba in him, because he kind of dropped a hint once that he may, in a former life, have done his share of cyclist harrassing. So it is possible that Bubba may one day ride a bicycle.

Is there anything we can do to make that day come sooner without risking ourselves? Staying calm would help a lot, if possible. I'm not sure I could. Taking steps to protect ourselves--such as taking pictures--is a priority. After that, using our best judgment, we might consider calmly responding to specific complaints by, for example, pointing out that on page X of the [State] Driver's Handbook, cyclists have the same rights and responsibilities as drivers of motor vehicles. (That's page 16 of the Missouri Driver's Handbook.)

So, that's my 2 cents.

The homicide detective on our Tri-Team said we should have called 911...that really provoked my perspective.

If I swore out a complaint over the threat - he would have known our name/address. :eek:Hmmm:mad:

As it was, we were anonymous to him, but we had the benefit of his license plate #. :)Hmmm, that's what I call the "upper hand":D as long as he doesn't go homicidal

I think I've reconciled myself to the difference between firmly holding your ground on something and being antagonistic. Holding your ground doesn't escalate a situation, but being antagonistic doesn't.

I saw a relevant sign on a church marquee today. "Pray for those you fear."

You probably wouldn't have had to swear out a complaint. The cops would have come and he probably would have left already, if he's smart. If he's not smart, he might have antagonized the police, too, and then they'd have their own reasons for taking him in, no complaint required on your part.

It is my experience that calling the cops can make things worse--some people see that as aggressive and escalating.

Karen