Dear So and So

Dear parents and niece,

I love you all dearly, really, I do. But two weeks of living in MY house with you is just too much! Yes, I do ride my bike EVERY day. NO, I don't eat dinner at 5:00 pm. YES, I do have to actually WORK during the day. NO, I don't have the energy to entertain you 24 hours a day. Oh - and when I was growing up in YOUR house, how come everything had to be exactly so and spotless? What happened to that? Apparently it doesn't apply at MY house now.

Methinks that in the future, I will have to ensure that I have plans for at least part of your visit.

Love from your not-14-any-more daughter,
SheFly

You could have taken refuge here for a few hours!

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Originally Posted by Crankin

You could have taken refuge here for a few hours!

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Thanks, Crankin! I'm actually up in Maine, which makes things a bit worse since the house is smaller, and there's a bit less to do here. I'll manage, but I am counting down the days to Sunday...

SheFly

Is it fair season in Maine yet? We always went to Acton Fair, but I remember it as late August. You could always ship them off for the day to Freeport or the Old Port. If they're up for it, we've looked into day long kayak trips, maybe a sailing trip out of Boothbay? Just driving to tose places would take half the day. :D

It's funny how your house seems perfect when it's the two of you, but you add people... My house seems so SMALL when Thom's parents are here.


Veronica

Not quite yet. Tomorrow they are going to Santa's Village for the day. And I am still managing to get in a ride after work :D. Thought of Freeport as well, and would have actually taken them there, but can't get away from work during the week, and don't want to think about fighting the craziness on the weekend.

Yup - perfect house for Mike and I, not so much when you add 3 more. Oh, and the kitties are all sorts of out of sorts! Especially Ellie, who is standoffish to begin with. We'll all be glad to get back to our routines.

Thanks for letting me vent.

SheFly

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Originally Posted by SheFly

Dear parents and niece,

I love you all dearly, really, I do. But two weeks of living in MY house with you is just too much! Yes, I do ride my bike EVERY day. NO, I don't eat dinner at 5:00 pm. YES, I do have to actually WORK during the day. NO, I don't have the energy to entertain you 24 hours a day. Oh - and when I was growing up in YOUR house, how come everything had to be exactly so and spotless? What happened to that? Apparently it doesn't apply at MY house now.

Methinks that in the future, I will have to ensure that I have plans for at least part of your visit.

Love from your not-14-any-more daughter,
SheFly

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Ahaha. I swear, I am in awe of those of you who manage to have family staying in your house for more than a night or two. I consider myself pretty laidback. Our house is only halfway decorated and is usually a mess. I'll happily live in a tent for weeks on end, with no shower and increasingly dirty clothes. But houseguests that stay more than a day or two have me crawling up the walls. Family are the absolute worse. I guess I'm more territorial than I like to let on.

My own family were great when they came. They do not expect to be waited on and we all have the same habits. We even rented a small 2 bedroom cottage with my parents and kids (they were 18 months and almost 4) many years ago and my grandparents couldn't understand why we weren't fighting! It's the same when my kids come. However, when DH's parents came (twice, in all of our marriage), they expected to be waited on hand and foot.
My house is big enough now that everyone can have space, but we don't have many guests.

I hardly want anyone to stay longer than for dinner!

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Originally Posted by malkin

I hardly want anyone to stay longer than for dinner!

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:) Ditto.

Some days, I don't know how I even manage to put my pants on straight.

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Originally Posted by malkin

I hardly want anyone to stay longer than for dinner!

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YES!

Funny story. When we were buying a mattress for our guest room, the salesman was showing us all the latest and greatest. He was quite taken aback when I told him I didn't want anything comfortable, and his jaw dropped when I further said that I didn't want anyone to stay too long :D

Only a couple more days...

SheFly

We don't have a guest bed, much to the annoyance of my family. We *do* have a futon as our couch. So, anyone who really needs to stay with us, gets to sleep on a futon in the living room. This serves to limit the duration of their stay nicely! I too don't do well with people in my space. I've never really had a helpful house guest - most of them will yell for me every time they want a glass of water, not lend a hand with dinner in any way, etc.

I guess I've been lucky. I love having guests, but I guess because I've mostly had good ones, and not too often.

I'm not a fan of houseguests either; I like my routine, and I always stressed out over meals, house cleaning, what to do with them during the day, TV preferences, ETC!

Being a traveling nomad is perfect...I no longer have a place for guests. I know it disappoints our parents not to be able to visit us, but we visit them, and they always seem thrilled to have us visit. Works out well all around. :)

I've had enough, and tomorrow I am escaping to my house in VT where DH has been all week (he is gutting that house). Tonight I went out for a ride and was asked before I left what time I would be home... Sigh. Time to get back to my own routine. Nice to see them come, but really nice to see them go ;) (and yes, I really do love them!).

SheFly

p.s.
I'm very glad to hear that it's not just me!

Sweetie, I know you mean well, but...tenting your fingers and hissing "Exxxcccellent" like Mr Burns is NOT the same as saying, "thank you".

Attachment 17303
Leaving this here.

You know, life could be worse. It's been better on occasion, it's been so effing hard many times. But today was a good day overall. Yeah, a good day.

Hmm. I've been spending a lot of time with someone who could really be someone extra special in my life for years to come. The kind of person who, no matter what, you at least know they should be a great friend at least. I have a hard time trusting these days though, after the last long "relationship" I was in. That one was personally destructive on so many levels. I didn't see it happening but it crept up on me slowly, an insidious worming into my brain and taking over of my natural senses to walk away and move on. And now... here is this exquisite creature who is my equal, grown up, handles life head on like I do, doesn't have to like everything I do but has a mind of her own and I am encouraged to have my own and stick to it. I don't have to tread delicately over every little or big thing anymore because she can handle it... and I'm realizing that I still have these Easter Eggs in my brain yet from the last one... They sneak their way out every now and again and I stop and take a moment and think... where did that come from? Oh, yeah. There. Wow. What conditioning I've gone through that now has to be recognized, thought about and dealt with so I can overcome it? So much of it is so foreign to my normal nature that I'm just stunned when it sneaks out. It has taken me the better part of a year to let down some of my defenses and relax and breathe and know that I'm so much stronger alone than I ever was with that person. I've dealt with some really big things over the last year. From Mom's cancer coming back and handling everything from 2600 miles away to how I talk to people in my life. Things even from when I was a kid or young adult have come full circle. I've made peace or at least stopped hurting so badly and started truly healing instead of pushing it under and acting like I'm okay. Which, I think, is what many of us do. We don't have time for that **** right now. So... Let's push it under and it will just go away. It doesn't. Just so you know. It really doesn't.

Since I haven't had some extremely needy person to care for nonstop, every minute, I've had time for me. Which is why I moved out to OR for over 7 years ago in the first place. My first instinct was to stay single for a while, get my own head back on straight, start my whole life over and choose my own distinct direction. And then if someone happens to fall into that direction nicely, try a relationship. But, that's not what I did. I had someone so needy in every way imaginable fall into my life and, being someone who is a care giver and can't say no, I went down that path and lost myself further than I've ever been lost. I regret that. I really can say that I totally regret that decision. I help people everyday as part of my career. I help total strangers out of politeness and that it's the right thing to do. Stop, extend a hand to your fellow man, leave them better off than when you first met them if you can. It's how we do things back where I'm from. They would do the same back for you. Because they were brought up that way as well and you can count on it being just out of kindness. I thought everyone was like that. I was naive. Some people really just want everything they can get and then when you can't give anymore, they move on to a new one who can give and give until they too are bled dry in every way. I pity people who feel they have to do that to others. It must be such a horrible existence. They will never find what they are looking for because it doesn't exist.

I've been going to counseling for a while now, and I'm glad I did it. I had a friend send me to her and it was the right fit. That means a lot. I've been taking my own path, adventuring out into the world, making new friends, hanging with the old ones now that I give myself permission to. And moving forward and in a positive direction. Getting back to my roots and growing new ones as well. I've been biking more. Kayaking. Paddle boarding. Taking classes. Napping. Smiling a whole lot more. Flying or driving off out of the blue and seeing what is out there. I've paid off all of my debt and found out that I have disposable income now that I'm single. Lol. Got closer to some special friends in my life and I appreciate everything they've helped me with and didn't say... I told you so. Just hugged me, took my hand and helped guide me to the path and encouraged me to walk it.

So, now I'm in this interesting crossroad in my life. I've never liked being in Portland OR much. No offense PDX'ers but it has never felt like "home" to me. Part of that was the disconnected way I had to live with my ex. Part of it is... I'm no hipster and I never want to be. There. I said it. I'm not a city girl at all. Never will be. But in my profession, I need to be near enough to a city for the job. And there is such a place. I've found it. I'd like to continue on my single path a while longer so I'll get a few room mates for a while and make sure that I'm not rushing the relationship. You see PDX, I prefer to hang on a few acres, take my bikes out on the trails that run all around, play with the dog, chase the cats out of the barn, ride horses, clean the barn, buck hay for the winter feeding, put in fence, pull it back out and put it in correctly, drive the tractor, mow the acreage with my iPod in my ears and tune into my own world while tuning out the rest for a bit, crank up the chainsaw and trim back the firs and pines, watch the sunset from the deck while having a soft hand to hold on one side and a margarita in the other. I don't need to be the first to hear a band. I'm okay with what I have and don't need to collect stuff to prove I'm successful. As a matter of fact, I've given away a ton of stuff I that I don't need. I just want to walk barefoot in the freshly munched grass, handing out a carrot every now and again, have one of the horses lay their head on my shoulder and fall asleep there as I sit on the fence and feel the earth around me during breakfast. I choose this path. With this person. I hope it works out for a long time. But if it's meant to be friendship, I welcome it with open arms. Because she's just that damn cool. And because I'm just fine the way I am. It's nice to finally know it and accept it. :cool:

Loved reading that, X.

Sigh….. Why do people have to suck so much…. so I went to the garden store today, bought some plants, some compost and a new door mat. When I got back I parked my wagon near my front porch (and my raised beds) and went in to get a pot and some gardening tools to plant what I purchased. By the time I got back out front someone had stolen my door mat - REALLY PEOPLE- you need to steal a door mat? Yeah it was cool, but come on. Keep your sticky fingers off stuff that doesn't belong to you.

Ugh, Eden. That really stinks.

A doormat?!
What is wrong with people!?

I've seen the change here on campus too, Eden. Seems the rule is now "if you don't lock your stuff up 100% of the time, it's your fault if it's stolen". Whatever happened to DON'T TAKE STUFF THAT ISN'T YOURS!

We're having a lot of work done on our campus right now and frequently my students have to walk by work trucks. They park adjacent to the playground. I always stop and remind them not to touch the trucks as they walk by. "If it's not yours, you don't touch it." One of the workers heard me yesterday and thanked me. They get so upset if someone messes with their stuff, but have little respect for other people's things. Bugs me!


Veronica

Dear Bourbon,

I show you some love and all you offer in return is a stomach ache, that's it, I'm breaking up with you.

Signed,

Sore tummy in IL

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Originally Posted by Pax

Dear Bourbon,

I show you some love and all you offer in return is a stomach ache, that's it, I'm breaking up with you.

Signed,

Sore tummy in IL

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Mean old Bourbon, how dare it treat you like that. Kick it to the curb & replace with some good port or rum - but then again, I WOULD suggest that ;-)

:p

Definitely switching back to the grape.

As I can't post this on facebook, I will post here. To me, if you consider me a "friend" and a former neighbor, than perhaps you would support my business by perhaps at least calling or emailing and asking about the bike you just bought, from someone else, even though you know we carry that brand... Such is life I guess. It will be hard to engage with you at the next social function though.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Sky King

As I can't post this on facebook, I will post here. To me, if you consider me a "friend" and a former neighbor, than perhaps you would support my business by perhaps at least calling or emailing and asking about the bike you just bought, from someone else, even though you know we carry that brand... Such is life I guess. It will be hard to engage with you at the next social function though.

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Ah Sky King - my sympathies. This must be frustrating. As someone who tries really hard to support (several) local shops, I hope this post is never written about me. I'm getting ready to order a bike from a local shop. It's the one I trust with most of my mechanical work, plus they had the bike in my size and I could test ride it - but I'm sure it will hurt feelings at another local shop (who could get the bike, but the mechanicals there aren't as solid). I consider them all friends, and I try to order small things from the other shop too - when I can.

I know the shop I bought both of my bikes from will be pissed when I buy my next bike, because they only sell "boutique" brands that I am not interested in; hence my next purchase will not be there. We have sent them a lot of business, but they have a terrible reputation for being snobby. Mechanics are good, and we occasionally use them, but DH does most of the wrenching here.
I am seriously thinking of buying a Madone, after riding one on my tour. The other local shop, even closer, sells them. We have a long standing acquaintance with them, as DS worked there in HS. The owners are getting older and are slightly nuts (I think the woman has some kind of memory issue, based on recent conversations with her), but our friend bought a Project One bike there last year, because there's a new fitter/sales guy who he found to be excellent. I have bought some accessories there over the years, as they cater to a more all around riding population.
Sky king, I would be pissed, too, if I were you.

I'm struggling with this now, as the shop I race for and sometimes moonlight at doesn't sell the frame I want. I feel guilty about buying the frame and fork elsewhere, but hope to appease my guilt by ordering the build kit from "my" shop.

Thanks Crew, good insights and perhaps these "friends" think of the bike shop where they bought the Surly as the LBS for where they ride their fat bikes. It is in a resort town where they have their second home and that is where they ride said bike. I just have a hard time when it is flaunted in my face - my issue :) Crankin, We have some great customers who don't own the Surly's - how can that be - hee, hee. Yet they do buy all sorts of other items from us and I appreciate each and every one of them. I have adjusted my attitude, AGAIN all because of you thoughtful fellow bike riders.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Crankin

I am seriously thinking of buying a Madone, after riding one on my tour. .

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Crankin, I'm still loving mine 2.5 years later. It is a Project One.

Dear Current Employer,

The pay rate you offered me today to switch to a department I love working in is a slap in the face. To make $10/hr less working every full weekend, nights? Are you crazy? And to have taken a $16/hr paycut to move here? I love Colorado, but their treatment of nurses is abominable. Looks like I'll be heading back to the PNW, back to all of my friends and a liveable wage. So tired of moving! At least I have it down to a science now.

Another (CO) nurse bites the dust.

Dear "Friends",
I have tried to stay in touch. I invite you to our usual Sunday night beer nights. I keep trying to keep the friendship going. I reach out. I try to plan things. Sometimes I get a response, sometimes not. I see you have new friends, new groups that you hang with (thanks FB). I try to "like" or comment on your posts. You don't seem to have time to "like" or comment on mine. Maybe we are not friends. I know I am tried of trying. Maybe we weren't really that good of friends. Maybe there are better people for me to spend my time with. If you still want to be my friend, do things with me, if you care...the balls in your court. I am moving on!
K

Right up there with the "friends" who are only around when they need you to do something for them

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Originally Posted by katluvr

Dear "Friends",
I have tried to stay in touch. I invite you to our usual Sunday night beer nights. I keep trying to keep the friendship going. I reach out. I try to plan things. Sometimes I get a response, sometimes not. I see you have new friends, new groups that you hang with (thanks FB). I try to "like" or comment on your posts. You don't seem to have time to "like" or comment on mine. Maybe we are not friends. I know I am tried of trying. Maybe we weren't really that good of friends. Maybe there are better people for me to spend my time with. If you still want to be my friend, do things with me, if you care...the balls in your court. I am moving on!
K

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Originally Posted by Sky King

Right up there with the "friends" who are only around when they need you to do something for them

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Thankfully, I've managed to shed those types. It's amazing what getting sick does to your "friend" pool.

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Originally Posted by snapdragen

Thankfully, I've managed to shed those types. It's amazing what getting sick does to your "friend" pool.

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Definitely (moms illness), when she finally passed away I looked around and we were down to about five friends total. The good ones. :D

Quote:

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Originally Posted by snapdragen

Thankfully, I've managed to shed those types. It's amazing what getting sick does to your "friend" pool.

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I thought it was just me.

Hope you're feeling good snap.