Should Men be allowed in a Women's Forum?

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Originally Posted by siume99

How would “real” women get into the forum to search for input? If it’s by invite, not everyone knows “somebody.”

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This is true. I still haven't figured out how to get in the women's forum on the bike forums website. It's hidden and apparently you have to email someone but I don't know who. This forum is much easier to get on to.

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Originally Posted by MDHillSlug

I've tried to avoid this thread and keep my mouth shut but just got sucked in anyway. I feel that discrimination is wrong.

I need to ask: if you want to keep this a forum for women only, what criteria would you use to validate "Woman"?

Behavior: passive, non-aggressive, subservient, nurturing...does anyone actually believe any of these "traditional" descriptors to actually be valid and apply to ALL women and ONLY women?

Physical metrics: Estrogen level, breasts, female genitals, female internal organs. Let's throw out the postmenopausal women because their estrogen is too low, those who've had mastectomies, those who've had hysterectomies.

Are we going to need to pass a physical for entry?

This is a women's forum by virtue of the fact that it concerns itself with women's biking issues and is populated by (mostly) women.

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I've just been reading this one from afar, but I must say...Touche!

I shared this issue with DS#2 (aged 14) a few days ago. (Not in great detail - 14 year old boys are not ones for great detail and finer points as a rule and he is no exception).
He brought it up again yesterday evening: "What's up with that guy still on your forum? There are such things as unwritten rules on all the forums. You just have to use your intuition"

[smiling proud-mother-smile and thinking proud-mother-thoughts, margo49 wonders if there is a "smiley" for this ]

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Originally Posted by caligurl

there is a HUGE difference, though..... THIS forum is WAY better moderatoed than the forums at BF are.... since this is a women's forum.... for the most part the boys stay away.... whereas at BF you have all the boys who are already there spouting off their garbage... posting pics of 1/2 naked women.... beind sexiest and dirty..... it would be a nightmare to control... they can't control the co-ed forums from the smut and trash!

yes this forum is public.... but it's also well moderated and advertised as a women's forum.... so most men can't be bothered to show up... if they cause trouble they are booted....

heck.... look at the trouble in the closed BF forum when we had a male moderator for a short time! YIKES!!!!! it's just a different "crowd" there than here....

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I hadn't visited this thread in a while, and it's taken an interesting turn. I don't belong to the 'closed' forum at BF, and probably never will. I can't believe that someone would put a guy in charge of a woman only closed forum, but it does seem to go with my having noticed that there are some not so good moderators over there. How many female moderators are there? One? Two? Koffee got chased out, partially because she wouldn't allow them to post their filth.

You are absolutely correct, this forum is well moderated, and no, the co-ed forums over there are not moderated for smut and trash. I sometimes wonder what is going on over there. I know I have logged on in the wee hours of the morning, reported spammers, and three hours later, the spammers are still there but a moderator's been on all night, posting gaily away.

Moderators have responsibilities. The moderators here do their jobs very well. And, our mods here are inobtrusive. I don't ever remember seeing a mod appear. But when I've reported spam on a few occasions, it's disappeared shortly thereafter. If it were only so in other places. I don't know about the rest of you, but I like well moderated forums.

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Originally Posted by donnambr

It seems like any discussion of a women's health or clothing issue there turns into a thread to post pornographic images of women.

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I don't want to see women sitting naked on bicycle saddles. I don't need comments about, well 'that's what I'd rather be following' showing a woman's rear end. We're here (and there) to learn about our passion for bicycles. If you have a passion for pornography involving bicycles and women, please set up your own private smut board. There are such things as 'members only' fora. But don't post it in public, on a site which is considered 'child friendly'.

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Originally Posted by donnambr

There's also the more subtle issue of opinions posted by females from a female-specific perspective being totally dumped on.

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It's sad, but true. Does anyone else remember the infamous thread about long distance randonneuring in Canada, and how it turned into a 'you should carry a gun' never mind that the OP stated quite specifically that she was in CANADA?

It doesn't even need to be a discussion of women's clothing in order to be turned into something with inappropriate images--there's a relatively recent thread about the wearing of championship jerseys in the general cycling forum. One of the last comments was

"I agree. Some people shouldn't wear championship jerseys."

and showed a photo of a woman wearing bibs. Not wearing anything on top, and holding her arms so that you thought her elbows were her breasts. I couldn't view the thread after that.

Perhaps the owner of the other site doesn't care about alienating 25% or more of his membership. All I know is that I get a lot more respect here than I do there, I don't have to put up with smarmy smut, and we have far better moderators.

East Hill

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Originally Posted by East Hill

I hadn't visited this thread in a while, and it's taken an interesting turn. I don't belong to the 'closed' forum at BF, and probably never will. I can't believe that someone would put a guy in charge of a woman only closed forum, but it does seem to go with my having noticed that there are some not so good moderators over there. How many female moderators are there? One? Two? Koffee got chased out, partially because she wouldn't allow them to post their filth.

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WAS lol! it's now moderated by two lovely ladies.... (yes... the only two female moderators that i'm aware of) although, of course i'm sure joe (owner of the forum) has acces if he wants it.... i just found out it's his girlfriend who actually gives the women the "secret handshake" and not joe himself! so it appears even he distances himself!

there is really nothing going on in there and no reason not to at least get access! it's probably the slowest forum on that site! but i check it out just to see if there are any questions cuz there ARE ladies in there who have stated they won't venture into the other areas (they really need to come over here!!!!)

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Originally Posted by East Hill

You are absolutely correct, this forum is well moderated, and no, the co-ed forums over there are not moderated for smut and trash. I sometimes wonder what is going on over there. I know I have logged on in the wee hours of the morning, reported spammers, and three hours later, the spammers are still there but a moderator's been on all night, posting gaily away.

Moderators have responsibilities. The moderators here do their jobs very well. And, our mods here are inobtrusive. I don't ever remember seeing a mod appear. But when I've reported spam on a few occasions, it's disappeared shortly thereafter. If it were only so in other places. I don't know about the rest of you, but I like well moderated forums.



I don't want to see women sitting naked on bicycle saddles. I don't need comments about, well 'that's what I'd rather be following' showing a woman's rear end. We're here (and there) to learn about our passion for bicycles. If you have a passion for pornography involving bicycles and women, please set up your own private smut board. There are such things as 'members only' fora. But don't post it in public, on a site which is considered 'child friendly'.



It's sad, but true. Does anyone else remember the infamous thread about long distance randonneuring in Canada, and how it turned into a 'you should carry a gun' never mind that the OP stated quite specifically that she was in CANADA?

It doesn't even need to be a discussion of women's clothing in order to be turned into something with inappropriate images--there's a relatively recent thread about the wearing of championship jerseys in the general cycling forum. One of the last comments was

"I agree. Some people shouldn't wear championship jerseys."

and showed a photo of a woman wearing bibs. Not wearing anything on top, and holding her arms so that you thought her elbows were her breasts. I couldn't view the thread after that.

Perhaps the owner of the other site doesn't care about alienating 25% or more of his membership. All I know is that I get a lot more respect here than I do there, I don't have to put up with smarmy smut, and we have far better moderators.

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i can't even add anything to the above... except to say you've basically covered it! i agree wholeheartedly! i, too, am one that cannot stand the smut.... (i don't mind chit chat... but the smut (images AND words) just has NO part in a BICYCLING forum!)

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Originally Posted by caligurl

i can't even add anythint to the above... except to say you've basically covered it! i agree wholeheartedly! i, too, am one that cannot stand the smut.... (i don't mind chit chat... but the smut (images AND words) just has NO part in a BICYCLING forum!)

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I come from a motorcycling website that makes BF look tame. The ONLY rules in the off-topic area are No posting of nipples, and No threats...anything (and I do mean anything) else is fair game. Women are routinely treated like filth and someone telling a joke about rape is considered funny and encouraged. I had over 15,000 posts on that board over four years and just completely reached my limit...it's just SO unnecessary to behave that way in a public setting.

I have come to TE over the last couple of years to soak up the nurturing and comforting vibe of other women. This place is so unique in cyberspace, I credit the women who belong here, admin, and mods for keeping it that way.

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Originally Posted by siume99

Other times it’s just a seedling that the answer grows out of.

A “forum” is successful because it’s a community of people. If I knew, without a doubt, that a particular person had the answer to my problem, why would I voice my question to everyone else? Why not personally email or call that one individual? When you limit your audience, you limit the number of opportunities.

If someone posts a question and doesn’t find a response that works for their situation, then the forum failed them. If the original poster was looking for congratulations on an accomplishment and didn’t get any, the forum failed them. If the original poster was looking for an understanding shoulder and none offered, the forum failed. But, if one person offered the celebration or shoulder, then that one person met the expectations of the original poster. The forum was successful.

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Absolutely brilliant. People with minds like this, and who say it so eloquently should be allowed on whatever forum they like!

Please stay. I personally welcome your input.

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Perhaps the owner of the other site doesn't care about alienating 25% or more of his membership.

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so why exactly do you gals hang out there if it's such a terrible place? If you don't like a board, leave. If you hang around and continue to post.. you've got no right to complain as boards are privately owned and you are choosing to be there - i.e, no one is forcing you to participate.

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Originally Posted by Irulan

so why exactly do you gals hang out there if it's such a terrible place? If you don't like a board, leave. If you hang around and continue to post.. you've got no right to complain as boards are privately owned and you are choosing to be there - i.e, no one is forcing you to participate.

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"Right to complain", beings how it's still a free country (and the board is located here) I figure we gals can complain til the cows come home if we want to AND still choose to participate on that board. :D

Sometimes folks just need to vent, that doesn't mean the board is completely without merit.

I don't agree with that. I've posted on some boards that left me regularly with an icky feeling for one reason or another. It dawned on me one day that I didn't have to do that do myself - why put myself in a place that doesn't make me feel good or ok, or that just p*sses me off all the time? To me, the logical choice is to not go there, keep a little serenity in my life.

Now that we've slightly drifted onto the topic of other forums, I should add my 2c worth about Bikeforums. The thing I've noticed is that the smutty co-ed behaviour tends to be confined to a couple of the subforums, no doubt reflecting the average age of the posters.

If you look at the subforums where more "mature" individuals hang out, like the touring, long-distance cycling and over-50 subforums, then you get a completely different feel for the place.

TE works well on a couple of levels .... the feeling here tends to be inclusive rather than exclusive and any inappropriate posters are dealt with promptly. As far as I am concerned if someone has thoughtful and relevant information to post then I welcome them regardless of their gender.

TE is the only other cycling forum I go to daily. I come here for info, hang out, and cyber fun w/ this great group of ladies(and gent) and I'm community leader of Cycling & Triathlons over at ivillage.com. Since I head up that board, I keep it clean and fun like I receive here. So anyone is welcome to visit. Ivillage has strict rules too and I like them, they help keep spammers and inapproprite conversations off the boards. Jennifer

Here's the link
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-fbextreme

Queen and matagi are both correct!

Queen, because this is a free country, and we get to vent.

Matagi, because the behaviour is generally confined to certain fora. I must confess that I am disappointed when I see a posting which degrades women by someone that I would have thought would know better, but I suppose we all have our lapses.

It's funny, because this evening at work, I spotted a brand new poster at BF. I clicked over to say hello, and this brand new member had already included an avatar of female anatomy, sitting on a motorcycle seat, and wearing a thong. I think that we just were talking about this!

Irulan--we understand the point. However, BF is supposed to be a family friendly website. We refuse to keep getting driven away from what is supposed to be a family friendly site just because a few people can't control themselves.

What are we supposed to do? That withdrawing from confronting bad behaviour is what causes sexual harrasment to continue. I'm not going to allow it to continue if I have my say so, and I believe that most of the women here would agree. I've seen my fill of women being harassed simply because no one would put their foot down and say 'stop'.

East Hill

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Originally Posted by matagi

Now that we've slightly drifted onto the topic of other forums, I should add my 2c worth about Bikeforums. The thing I've noticed is that the smutty co-ed behaviour tends to be confined to a couple of the subforums, no doubt reflecting the average age of the posters.

If you look at the subforums where more "mature" individuals hang out, like the touring, long-distance cycling and over-50 subforums, then you get a completely different feel for the place.

TE works well on a couple of levels .... the feeling here tends to be inclusive rather than exclusive and any inappropriate posters are dealt with promptly. As far as I am concerned if someone has thoughtful and relevant information to post then I welcome them regardless of their gender.

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Matagi - I think that's the key - at Bike Forum and even here, there are threads that I might find well not interesting for me so I tend to stay out of them. At BF - there are lots of cliquey forums but thankfully there are also alot of informative forums like the over 50, MTB, road cycling etc. I have found different people find different things offensive and I guess we need to respect that. Even in the cliquey forums - I can stay out of the "chatty" threads and review, answer or post only what I find informative.

I guess where I am going with this is that there is something for everyone, especially here. TE folks tend to moderate themselves and when something gets out of hand it's ended quickly. I see no reason to change anything right now. I suspect alot of men have read, reviewed and posted here and we never knew. That's the way it should be.

One interesting note - I post on another forum that is very large, even larger than BF. It has many different topics and there is a forum for women only and even a sub-forum for women's personal issues. Neither is locked out so I suspect men go in and read those forums regularly. My thoughts, never post something on the internet that you want to be a secret. Again the whole glass house thing.

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Originally Posted by Queen

"Right to complain", beings how it's still a free country (and the board is located here) I figure we gals can complain til the cows come home if we want to AND still choose to participate on that board. :D

Sometimes folks just need to vent, that doesn't mean the board is completely without merit.

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as they would say there: +1

however i have cut back my posting there considerably!