Places we consider home & newcomers

It continues to floor me, since I've moved to Calgary last fall, I've met several folks at different times, who also just moved from Vancouver. I know it is the job market, but man....it is a sacrifice. I thought I was one of the wierd...

Mind you, mountains are 100 kms. west of here. At least if one gets tired of prairied browness/flatness. When locals can afford time and money, they escape there..or Phoenix, AZ. :confused:

People looking at my place..since I'm giving up lease. Gosh, one woman sayin' she missed Toronto. I knew what she meant since I lived there nearly 20 yrs. myself and know it well.

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Originally Posted by shootingstar

I know it is the job market, but man....it is a sacrifice. I thought I was one of the wierd...

Mind you, mountains are 100 kms. west of here. At least if one gets tired of prairied browness/flatness. When locals can afford time and money, they escape there..or Phoenix, AZ. :confused:

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Yep, it's a tough transition. I thought when we moved to Edmonton it would be like any other transition I've done in the past. It turned out to be much more difficult, for reasons I didn't anticipate.

At least in Calgary you have lots of flights to many different destinations. A lot of Edmontonians will fly out of Calgary for this reason. And, you are closer to the mountains.

And the consensus seems to be that Calgary has better restaurants, transit, neighborhoods and a more diverse economy.

I don't get the snowbird thing, either. More than a few of our neighbors spend 4-6 months of the year out of town. IMO, it's not a great way to build a sense of community.

I just can't find it in myself to commit any more of my personal energy to a place where even the locals so readily condone the outflow of the greatest of their financial, cultural and intellectual resources. At least that's how it feels to me most of the time. Life is too short.

I moved quite a bit right out of college. I lived in California, Ohio, Vermont, Massachusetts and Florida ( briefly ). I have no regrets about moving so much... Glad I did it when I was younger but, Michigan will always be "home" to me.

It was hard being away from my family so I am glad I moved back.

My sister is in New York ( Long Island ) and I miss her a lot. It is hard not getting to spend time with my 4 nieces and not seeing them grow up :(

I think that is the hardest part about moving away.....

I moved away from MA when I was 15 and hated Florida the whole time I lived there (almost 5 years). The cultural differences were too much for me, especially in the context of the time period, 1969-1974. When I moved to AZ, my parents had already moved there a few years before me. I considered it home, though I was "from" MA. I never considered moving back east. I had lots of friends, a good job, etc. However, after I had been married a few years, we took a vacation to the Cape. My DH is from Philadelphia and had never been here, but his growing up years were very similar to mine. AZ was getting crowded, polluted, and we kind of saw the political writing on the wall, although nothing like what is going today. I realized I really missed the seasons; when some of my friends started flying to LA to buy gold jewelry, I said "that's it." There's more to life than the newest shopping mall. And endless summer. I hated the heat and at that point, I couldn't afford a condo in San Diego for the summer, or even a cabin in Pinetop. It all came down to values and what we wanted for our kids. It was a huge sacrifice in terms of what we could afford here compared to Tempe, at that point.
Almost 21 years later, I have never regretted this decision. However, I am very glad I have lived in other places. New Englanders are often insular and complain about the weather constantly... what I love and appreciate, a lot of people deal with by going to Florida; ugh. There's a skewed perception about the worth of a private college education here and living in a place where about 75% of the people are college educated (the town where I live) makes people here unable to understand demographics in most parts of the country. The pressures to "achieve" are relentless. I swore I would never do to my kids what I experienced in the city I grew up in, but I did it, and they are better off. DS#2 never really warmed to MA, even though he was 5 when we moved here. He swore he would go back to AZ, which he did for a year, and then he joined the military. When someone asks him where he is from, he says Tempe... on the other hand, my older son is a total city person, the consummate Bostonian.
I do have "warm feelings" for Tempe and we have considered maybe spending a few weeks in AZ a year when we are no longer working. I would not move there, though. We fell in love with Carefree/Cave Creek on our trip last month, as they are still the way AZ was when I first moved there. I would not be able to live in Tempe or Scottsdale again. Too crowded, too many malls, and no place to ride with a stop light every mile or less.

I actually escaped from Edmonton in 2008 (I'm now living in San Francisco), and while I don't miss it terribly, it, like Calgary, is one of those places that you can really love once you get to know. Actually, I've spent plenty of time in both cities, and I prefer Edmonton (sorry, OP), but I've grown to love both.

I think the keys are digging a bit below the surface and also just getting out into your new city rather than sticking close to home. Whereas in a place like Vancouver, there are always lots of things happening, and the weather is nicer, so it's easier to get outside, and it's easier to hear of interesting things happening, in places like Calgary and Edmonton, you need to keep your ear a bit closer to the ground. It's also easier to want to go out in a 9 degree Vancouver winter than it is in a -35 Alberta one, but once you just force yourself to get out of the house, even though it's cold, it feels great.

Oh, and the other thing is be sure to check out your local libraries, coffee shops, music stores, book shops, and bike shops. All those places can be community hubs, and nothing makes you feel more at home like finding friends and a sense of community. Also, read the free weekly papers - there are always listing of things going on, which are useful, but you also can get a feel for the issues people are concerned about in town, which I always find makes me feel more engaged with my surroundings.

I don't know how new either of you are to Calgary and Edmonton, but if either of you is interested, I'd be happy to post some of the good places I know there if that would be helpful!

All in all, Alberta is a weird place, and I can imagine it's the kind of place that takes a while to "get," but it can also be a wonderful place to live that people become very, very attached to, so I hope you both come to love it!

Born and raised in the military, and still haven't settled down. I have trouble with the question about "hometown." Where are you from? That's usually the last place I lived.

I loved New Orleans, but then there's the politics, poor public schools, hurricanes, crime rate. But when they play "Do you know what it means, to miss New Orleans" on the radio - YES! The thick soft air, ferns on the ancient oaks, Spanish moss, music, where being called "Baby" isn't a bad thing.

And now I'm in the PNW, where I'm having trouble breaking into the click of the office groups, missing my friends. Not quite knowing how to fit in.

I keep looking for a reason to stay, somewhere.

[QUOTE=bmccasland;565821]I loved New Orleans, but then there's the politics, poor public schools, hurricanes, crime rate. But when they play "Do you know what it means, to miss New Orleans" on the radio - YES! The thick soft air, ferns on the ancient oaks, Spanish moss, music, where being called "Baby" isn't a bad thing./QUOTE]

Amen to that! And crawfish boils in the spring, blue crabs in the summer, fresh shrimp delivered to your back door by the guy that caught them, the sound of a fiddle and an accordian, sugar cane harvesting, being called "Chere" by people you don't even know... I could go on and on. I know many, many people would disagree, but South Louisiana is a place unlike any other, and it's where my heart will always be!

KB

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Originally Posted by bmccasland

Born and raised in the military, and still haven't settled down. I have trouble with the question about "hometown." Where are you from? That's usually the last place I lived.

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Me too, except that I wasn't military - just had a Dad (and a family) that went where the oportunity took us. I've never lived in one place longer than 3 years, even as an adult on my own. I'm a gypsy at heart.

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Originally Posted by bmccasland

I keep looking for a reason to stay, somewhere.

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Again, me too...until we moved here. I LOVE it here. I was worried that I wouldn't, but I do. I can't explain it except that moving here felt like moving 'home' even though I'd never been here before. Oddest thing I've experienced in all my years of relocations.

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Originally Posted by GLC1968

Me too, except that I wasn't military - just had a Dad (and a family) that went where the oportunity took us. I've never lived in one place longer than 3 years, even as an adult on my own. I'm a gypsy at heart.

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Me too! Longest I ever lived in one place, until AFTER college, was 3 years. I have moved over 30 times, and went to 14 schools between kindergarten and the beginning of high school, including stints in BOTH Calgary and Edmonton. I've lived in our current house for 15 years :eek: Maybe it's time to move ;).

Home has different connotations for me, because of all of the relocation growing up. I was born in Mississauga, ON, and that's where I lived before moving to the US. It's not "home" though. When I talk about home, it's the tri-cities area (Kitchener-Waterloo, Cambridge) where I spent the most number of years growing up (although not in any one house...).

But MY home is where I've been living for the past 15 years. We have invested a lot of time, $$ and effort into making this our home. Home is where I am, where my DH and kitties are, and where I am happy and comfortable.

The funny thing is when my mom and dad ask when I am coming home to visit. They live in a town that I have NEVER lived in ;)

I think "home" is complicated...

SheFly

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Originally Posted by GLC1968

Me too, except that I wasn't military - just had a Dad (and a family) that went where the oportunity took us. I've never lived in one place longer than 3 years, even as an adult on my own. I'm a gypsy at heart.

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I did my share of moving around growing up as well...my dad's job was with a construction company that had to go wherever the job was (now he's at the home office of his company, so he and my mom won't be having to do that anymore). Born in CA (Bay Area), then lived in VA for a few years, then in MA where we were lucky enough to be able to stay (because the construction project in question was the Big Dig) until I started college. Actually, the toughest move was the one where we moved from one town to the one next to it due to the lease on our rental house being up--I was going into 6th grade and the middle school in the new town started with grade 5 so all the other kids had already had a year to get to know each other...starting at that school was awful and I never really did fit in socially there or at the high school. I am getting ready to move soon for a new job and hope things work out really well so I can settle in and stick around. Hopefully if/when I have kids I won't have to put them through moving around and changing schools...it can really be the pits especially if a kid isn't all that outgoing to begin with.

Here's how I knew I'd come to think of San Diego as home. True story:

I remember walking through the Orlando airport one time, going to our departing flight for San Diego, and I was feeling edgy, although I didn't really know why. The people around me seemed nice enough -- lots of families doing the Disney thing, t-shirts and stuffed Mickeys and all. All very normal, blonde-haired, blue-eyed people. Lots and lots of them. I thought maybe they were a family reunion or something. And they were getting on my flight. The more they chattered around me, the edgier I got, only I didn't recognize it at the time.

We get on the plane and take our seats, the blonde family gets on behind my daughter and me -- all of them, and I hear them talking about getting home to Houston, our layover. So they're Texans. Okay. And then behind them, in this sea of blondeness, a young Filipino woman gets on board. She's alone, and as soon as I see her face, I relax. One word flashes in my mind: Home.

She looked like home. All those white people who looked mostly like me were making me nervous with their chatter and just the vibe they put out, but this young Filipino woman calmed me down.

I should point out that I live in an area of San Diego called, sometimes derisively, Manilla Mesa. I love my neighborhood. It's a nice place to live. We've been in this house for over fifteen years and it's the longest I've ever lived anywhere.

Roxy

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Originally Posted by SheFly

Me too! Longest I ever lived in one place, until AFTER college, was 3 years. I have moved over 30 times, and went to 14 schools between kindergarten and the beginning of high school, including stints in BOTH Calgary and Edmonton. I've lived in our current house for 15 years :eek: Maybe it's time to move ;).

SheFly

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YIKES to the number of schools you went to and the number of times you've moved! :eek: It's also interesting that of those of us who moved around growing up, some enjoy moving around and others (like me) want to avoid it if at all possible because of bad experiences. Maybe the ones who liked it are more social?

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Originally Posted by SheFly

The funny thing is when my mom and dad ask when I am coming home to visit. They live in a town that I have NEVER lived in ;)

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That is funny. I go visit my mother where I actually did live for over 10 years, several as an adult, but it's not "home", it's her place. Home to me is where I live, with my own family. But I know many adults who will call visiting their parents going "home", even if they lived there maybe ten years, and have since lived somewhere else for thirty years.

I've wondered if it has to do with local identity, if you come from a small place. But your story suggests it has something to do with family connection and identity instead.

I always said, "I am going to see my parents." They moved to San Diego in 1979. I have never lived there, though, but have spent a lot of time there, especially as a young mom, when I lived in AZ. So, I feel a connection to San Diego, but it's not home. I also feel like my home has always been where I am living. I've lived in a lot of houses/apts., too, in addition to the 3 states I've lived in.
We moved when our kids were young enough that it wasn't overly traumatic for them. The youngest was entering public school. The other one was going into second grade, had a little bit of a hard time, but nothing like I had when I moved in 10th grade... really, that was just about the worst thing that has happened to me, in terms of how much it screwed me up. We made another move to another close by town when my kids were 11 and 13. They were well prepared and already had acquaintances/friends in the new town from religious school. And all of our friends were in the new place, too. But, I still remember my oldest son saying he thought he was going to throw up the first day I drove him to his new school! They did very well, though.

I never lived anywhere for very long. I was torn between wanting stability, and enjoying a slightly nomadic existence. Now my husband and I just bought the house we plan to retire in, and admittedly, it's a little unnerving. I can't imagine ever wanting to leave, but at the same time.....