To ride or not to ride.....

well, this is a delicate situation.....most of you could come to this forum and discuss your spouse and he would probably never know what was said.....but my spouse is a more frequent poster on this forum than I am....so this puts me at a disadvantage.

I have a delimma.....I want to go for a 75 mile ride tomorrow. Mr. doesn't want me too. He says he doesn's so much have a problem with the ride itself but the process with which I communicated to him that I was planning on doing the ride. He won't say whether he wants me to cancel the ride or not....but to do the right thing.

Sigh....

I think you ought to apologize for bad communication and go on your ride! The ride is clearly not what he's unhappy about; so go do the ride and have fun.

That's a tough one.

We can usually talk things out and come to a resolution about what's really upsetting the other one before the event. I think I'd try keeping the lines of communication open. I also think I'd try to listen to the why of what upset him on how you told him you wanted to do the ride. Would not going on the ride help anything (i.e. was there something else planned - I'm shooting in the dark here)? If not, then go.

Good luck to you both!

Thanks! these are good insights. I'll try to communcate better.

P.S. nothing else planned. I assumed that he'd gotten the emails during the planning process and never discussed it with him. He doesn't want to go because it will be cold. I'm getting more used to riding in the cold.

This sounds like something that would happen at my house too. I would talk it over - acknowledge his disappointment and apologize for assuming that he knew and not talking about it sooner. Perhaps plan something special together for another time - (just the two of you :) ?), commit to being more careful in making plans next time.....and go on your ride! Tokie

Thanks again! After an apology and much discussion I went on the ride and it was wonderful. 63 miles at 16.3

Yay!!! Glad things worked out!!

(and I didn't mean to imply that you didn't communicate well:o:o Just sometimes thing break down:))

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Originally Posted by CA_in_NC

Yay!!! Glad things worked out!!

(and I didn't mean to imply that you didn't communicate well:o:o Just sometimes thing break down:))

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I will confirm that I didn't communicate well! On my ride I asked my friend how he and his wife dealt with issues of planning ride and training time. He said that they have an online calendar that they both use to update. So I set up with with my plans. Mr. can check it anytime. But I will still try to communicate better.

We're actually using google calendars to manage our lives - my DH has one for work, a personal one, and a few work related ones (e.g. holidays, paydays). You can view each other's info on your calendar and color code it.

Just a thought:)

CA

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Originally Posted by CA_in_NC

We're actually using google calendars to manage our lives - my DH has one for work, a personal one, and a few work related ones (e.g. holidays, paydays). You can view each other's info on your calendar and color code it.

Just a thought:)

CA

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GENIUS!!!

That's a great tip, and it just helped me out more than you'll ever know! Thanks!

I must be very old fashioned.
I talk to my husband. If there ever comes a time that I need an electronic calendar to do this for me, then something will be very wrong.

Well I think that's kind of unfair.

I talk to my husband too. But sometimes we talk when we're in the middle of doing something else, or when DH who hasn't quite mastered the whole portable calendar thing is away from his computers, and the talk-ee forgets to enter the information on his/her own calendar. Why not have a shared database?

(Personally I have issues with the security of a free online calendar, and to me the "old fashioned" and more secure way is to send vcard invites even when it's not really an invitation but just a reminder of something that you're doing on your own. But in general it seems like a good idea.)

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Originally Posted by Crankin

I must be very old fashioned.
I talk to my husband. If there ever comes a time that I need an electronic calendar to do this for me, then something will be very wrong.

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We do talk. A lot. But we both have busy jobs, and quite frequently one of us will need to schedule something while the other is at work and not necessarily reachable. It's not a substitute for communication the old fashioned way - it's a supplement to it - at least for us!

CA

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Originally Posted by Crankin

I must be very old fashioned.
I talk to my husband. If there ever comes a time that I need an electronic calendar to do this for me, then something will be very wrong.

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Fashion has nothing to do with it. An electronic calendar is no different from a paper calendar, and lots of families use those. It's courteous to share a written record, and it doesn't matter whether it's electronic or written on paper.

Pam

I'm not trying to be unfair to anyone. My husband uses a Microsoft calendar for his work stuff and I guess he puts in other things he has to do because he does not have a great memory. Perhaps I am not as "busy" as others? I have a 3.99 datebook that I write appointments in, but I don't get why one can't just tell your spouse or SO when you have something. I think it has more to do with the fact that about 95% of the stuff I do is with him, so we are planning it together. If I go out for a ride when he's at work or he does something when I'm not around, we don't necessarily communicate about it. Like right now, I am getting ready to go x country skiing; I didn't tell him this. But if he even deviates a little from his schedule, like on the way home, he calls me or IMs me. I guess we are weird because we don't both go off and do long rides or other stuff separately on weekends. We do them together, hence no need to "communicate." Occasionally, I ride with someone else on the weekend, but it's usually not a long ride. Before I started riding, he always went on rides when I was at the gym doing stuff, so we still spent the same amount of time together.