The Naming of Bikes

[KnottedYet]

The Naming of Bikes

(with apologies to T.S. Eliot "The Naming of Cats")

The naming of bikes is a difficult matter
It isn't just one of your long-commute games
You may think at first I'm as mad as a hatter
When I tell you a bike must have three different names.
First of all there's the name that the riders use daily
Such as Juju or Oscar, Miz Cakes or Flames
Such as Blue Streak, Green Hornet, Stink or Go-Gaily
All of them sensible bicycle names.
There are fancier names if you think they sound faster
Some for the components, some for the frames
Such as Zephyr, Flosshilde, Hermes and Blaster
But all of them sensible everyday names.
But I tell you a bike needs a name that's particular
A name that's quite unique, and more dignified
Else how can it keep its head tube perpendicular
Or spread out its handlebars, or cherish its pride?
Of names of this kind I can give you a pannier
Such as Shimaluupp, Quaxo, or Serracopyke
Such as Campalorina or else Jerrafloyer
Names that NEVER belong to more than one bike.
But above and beyond ther's still one name left over
And that is the name that you never will guess
The name that no human research can discover -
But the bike itself knows and will never confess.
When you notice a bike in profound meditation
The reason I tell you is always the same:
Its gears are engaged in a rapt contemplation
Of the thought, of the thought, of the thought of its name.
Its ever so pedal-able
Sleek and incredible
Deep and inscrutable singular Name.

[CyclChyk]

Impressive! I like it.

[ColleenT]

when i was a kid( age 10) i would pretend my bike was a horse and i called it Duchess. LOL. funny name for a red 10 speed.

i have not really thought about naming this Blue bike.

[mimitabby]

hey, that's great! I guess i have to look up T S Elliott!
thanks for sharing.

[KnottedYet]

MimiTabby - there is a whole collection of Eliot's cat poems illustrated by Edward Gorey. "Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats"

My copy is really old, but the ISBN is 0-15-668568-X

Here's the Amazon link:
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=br_ss_hs/103-5485126-8062223?platform=gurupa&url=index%3Dblended&keywords=old+possum%27s+book+of+practical+cats&Go.x=0&Go.y=0&Go=Go

[mimitabby]

I searched for the poem and found it on line. (And I vaguely remembered it from years before)
thanks for the book reference, I have a small collection of fun cat books.
(Including cats in love)

m

[Bad JuJu]

Hey, Knot, you're a poet! Who knew? I love the way you parodied Eliot (whose "Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats" has been on my bookshelf for decades!)
Nice use of all our particular bike names, too--very personalized. But I especially love the last three lines--all those wonderful adjectives.

Hey, Colleen--When I was 8 or 9, I named my turquoise bike after the imaginary dog I'd had when I was 5--"White Shadow"--hah!

[ColleenT]

ok, since i usually curse a blue Streak, i think i'll call it the Blue Streak! LOL

[KnottedYet]

And now "Blue Streak" is in there with Juju and Oscar and the others!

[ladyfish]

Excellent! I like the name Blue Streak too! Great.

Thanks for the poem, Knotted!!!:)

[Bikingmomof3]

Great poem! :) My bike is still nameless.

[SouthernBelle]

When I got my bike I had not intended to name her, but Black Beauty just came to mind and stuck. Thus, continuing our literary bent.

Isn't 'Old Possum's Book...' what the play "Cats" is based on??

[DebW]

For those who can't give their bike one name, because a bike is really so much more.

What is a bike? A collection of parts.
A frame and a fork are where the bike starts,
Melded together with a headset of course.
And then there's the crankset,
the levers and brakeset.
Handlebars, brake levers, tape, and endplugs -
Stem to connect them to steering tube and head lugs.
Bottom bracket so vital, connects tubes down and seat,
and holds quarter-inch bearings the crankset to keep.
While crankset holds pedals for shoes that have cleats.
Plus chain and cassette make the drivetrain complete.
Derailleurs for shifting the gears cog to cog,
and cables and levers, gear ratios to jog.
A saddle for holding a TE rider with agility,
and seatpost for giving it adjustability.
Wheels, oh yes, a bike must have two,
But further decomposition now is due.
For wheels are composed of hub, spokes, and rim.
When built with good tension, they tend to stay trim.
Front wheels are symmetric, rear ones are dished
with two or three cross, built as you wished.
And hubs contain axles, bearings, and cones,
with grease in the middle for smoothness of tones.
Washers and locknuts attach to the axle,
then quick release skewer on dropout to shackle.
Wheels must have tires, rimstrips, and tubes.
Cables and bearings must have their lubes.
Brake have their pads, anchor bolts, springs,
Cranksets hold spiders, bolts, and chainrings.
Parts multiply, they never get fewer.
Bikes must have dozens, nothing is truer.
So if you can give you bike just one name,
Then I'm happy for you, but I can't do the same.

[KnottedYet]

oh, YESSSSSS!!!!!!!!

[Kitsune06]

SWEET!

You ladies have inspired me. So while I'm sitting at work today (all too soon! Blargh!) I'll write something on the naming of bikes. =)

[Bad JuJu]

Working on the holiday weekend, Kitsune? So sad! :( My bike and I will ride a couple of miles for you and MizCakes.

[pooks]

Wow -- I'm so impressed, and what fun!

I named my bike Dynah (because it's a Dynamic) and my husband's bike Mic. Neither of us actually uses the names, though.

However, I do think I might use Blue Streak, for the same reasons already named. Ha!

[Lise]

Great poems!

I just got the name decals I ordered for my dear Green Hornet. I'll take pictures and post them for you all! :D

[Kitsune06]

:D Lise- where'd you get the name stickers? I've long been considering putting stickers over the name brand lettering on my bike (theft deterrent, to a point) and those would look good...

Ok... not *entirely* about bike naming, but I tried, I really did.

A cyclist glides down the road
in panniers a heavy load
pedaling with effortless grace
and a little smile on her face.

She stops quick at the traffic light
And -geez- she's quite the sight.
With steel frame between her thighs
in rearview mirror, she sees my eyes.

"Morning!" I grin and nod
quite the awkward, staring clod.
"Hey" she smiles and pedals off
leaving me in dust to cough.

I hammer then, to match her speed
muscles grumble for my greed-
an easy ride is work enough
why bother with this "faster" stuff?

We meet at the following signal
Impressed, she suppresses a giggle
"Not too bad on a mountain bike."
I ask if it's a race she'd like.

She smiles, sits back on her seat
says there's someone I should meet
On the top tube, it's engraved
"Valkyrae takes you to your grave"

I arch an eyebrow in askance
She slips into racing stance
Says aside to her new prey
"If you really want to race today."

"Your bike's name is valkyrae?"
A little voice, I know it's me.
She nods and suddenly Val whispers
"I'll eat your frame" through her shifters.

"What?" I peer at the 'cycle
my racer's heart is turning fickle
Again it whispers "You're dead meat."
From the steel down between her cleats.

Handlebars turn with soft sigh
the headlight's cycloptic eye
peered at me, and in distain
clicked her perfectly well-cleaned chain.

"Maybe I'll take a rain check on that."
I feel nervous as a frightened cat.
"Someday," smiles the friendly stranger
and departs upon her steed of danger

"Valkyrae." I whisper and release the brakes
Trying to goad reluctant Miz Cakes
She'd wanted to race, and told me so
and no one was going to tell her "No."

Suddenly I'm sent flying
past the steel I'd been eyeing
Valkyrae, who'd unnerved me to the core
was soon a speck and nothing more.

I feel a yell within me rise
"Woo!" I shouted to the skies
Miz Cakes takes a curb with a little hop
when we make our usual stop.

"You know, hon, that wasn't a race,"
I say with perfectly straight face,
"Your little claim to victory sparked
while your archnemesis was parked."

Miz Cakes just sat tall and proud
pretending I hadn't said that aloud.
She knows she's far more sleek and scary
without the dork she has to carry.

[Lise]

Funny poem, Kit!

I got the decal from www.bikenames.com

It wouldn't cover anything--but maybe the site has that option.

[hellosunshine]

and the dashund!wot an ace dog!is it yours?



the bike,MALE OR FEMALE?

[Bad JuJu]

Whoa, Kitsune--that reminded me of "The Rime of the Ancient Mariner," with the scary Valkyrie taunting you and MizCakes, like Death.

Our poor bikes, eh? Stuck with their slug-legged riders while they aspire to valiant deeds! :D

[Kitsune06]

:D Glad you guys liked. I don't write a lot lately, but it was such a neat topic that I really wanted to contribute something.

[KnottedYet]

Nice poem, Kits!

I think it's kinda funny that you had a Valkyrie taunting you and Miz Cakes, and I just named (dependent on if it suits her) the Waterford after a Rhine-Daughter. Not quite a Valkyrie, but sort of related...

wanna race, little girl? <evil leer>

[Lise]

and the dashund!wot an ace dog!is it yours?
the bike,MALE OR FEMALE?

The doxie is not mine--but looks a lot like my Schatzi in her prime. Unfortunately, all the pix I have of her are from her later years, when she mostly lay on the bed and stared at you with her old dog eyes.

The bike is female, although a very tough one! :D

[DebW]

Great poems, Kit and Knotted. Now I've even learned something about Norse mythology (never heard of Valkyrie before, I'm so uncultured).

[Kitsune06]

Nice poem, Kits!

I think it's kinda funny that you had a Valkyrie taunting you and Miz Cakes, and I just named (dependent on if it suits her) the Waterford after a Rhine-Daughter. Not quite a Valkyrie, but sort of related...

wanna race, little girl? <evil leer>

Only if you have full panniers, just like the chick riding the steel-framed Valkyrae... and stop at some point so I can pass you... ;) :D

Sometimes I *swear* I can hear Miz Cakes sigh with frustration when I'm huffing and puffing and about dying crawling up a hill.

...Weren't the Rhine-Daughters called Rusalki in Russian, or am I totally confused?

[pooks]

LOVE the poem, Kit!