Close friends who won't reveal age

[shootingstar]

I have 2 close women friends who refuse to reveal their age to me. It's not a huge deal but it's puzzling to me. 1 woman I've known for last 30 years. We know of each other's health matters over the years and efforts to improve, plus stuff related to our respective families. She likes to look organized, meaning not a hair strand too much of out of place, etc. But she goes for walks, etc.

Another woman who is good trusted local friend I've known for last 5 years. We do stuff together approx. 2-3 times per month. I've met some of her family members and she's met my partner, an important person in my life. Impossible to meet my family members since they live in another province. She is business dress casual because her job requires site visits at construction sites, she's down to earth. She gives me her most honest opinion about stuff. We have very similar family backgrounds --low-income, Chinese-Canadian, immigrant parents, etc.

Yet she refuses to tell me her age. She's probably approx. 8-10 yrs. younger than I, just based on our discussion on past fads, etc.

I dunno, maybe I'm just different. Both friends know my age....plus other friends. I told them. No, I don't tell people at work my age and I wouldn't tell strangers /others ages of friends when they meet my friends.

There are times I think that this is the last milestone of feminism to cross : fear of ageism: and conquer it by feeling free to reveal your age to other women friends whom you trust at least. And both of these women live independent lives, give much to their communities.

Do your close friends know your age?

[Crankin]

I have never felt the need to hide my age to my friends. That seems just silly. I don't share my age with people at work, but my supervisor and the clinic director, obviously know. Most people think I am anywhere between 5-10 younger than I am, but I wouldn't care no matter what.

[Catrin]

I'm not shy about my age the rare times I think about it or it happens to come up. I don't go out of my way with it. I've a good friend who won't tell anyone how old she is. I am unsure if her husband even really knows for sure.

[thekarens]

I'm not the least bit shy. All my friends and co-workers know and I'd tell a stranger too if we were casually talking and it came up. I don't get why people have a problem telling their age.

[Helene2013]

Maybe because I look younger than my 52 (tomorrow) it is probably way easier to reveal. In fact I am proud of my age. I am far from perfect, bodywise, but hey....I'm aging well and that's good enough for me. I probably inherited good genes from mom for little wrinkles.

[shootingstar]

Well, revealing age to good friends (who don't work at same place /dept. as I do), to me, is more a piece of simple info. Living for x years, it's simply a reflection that does probably influence what I've experienced and how I perceive certain things at a certain point in time/history, which is not the same as other friends.

What I'm trying to say is that my age IS an integral part of me, all of my life experiences up to now. And for close friends, it just seems odd to hide that, when you've confided about your love life, etc.
I actually think now, I may look closer to my age ...at least in my face. The rest of me may look younger than what people stereotypically think of mid 50's women.

I don't worry about trying to sound/act youthful. It's better to "be" as oneself and express authentically --with grace and positivity. If one is already receptive to good things in younger generations, it gets naturally integrated in speech idioms, attitudes, etc. At the same time, there's no good reason for me to bury my age with trusted friends.

Actually I gave my age straight in a recent blog post.

Honest I'm GLAD to have lived as child/teen when North American women's lib was breaking out big and more women were taking upon full-time jobs /careers along with raising a family. I'm glad to have lived through the time where affirmative hiring policies first started.... There's a whole reality of understanding major social change and enormous struggle that society went through for some of us who are beneficiaries of pioneers OR we actually were the lonely "first" in the hiring organization.

And of course, change is not over. But certainly how I feel about feminism, race relations (because I remember watching Martin Luther King on tv as child make some famous speeches) is probably greatly coloured by not just personal experiences but also the points in history where I gained awareness.

So against all this, revealing my age...is quite minor act, compared to other life experiences.

[emily_in_nc]

All my friends know my age -- I think. If they don't, it's because it's never come up. I certainly make no effort to hide it, and I am not ashamed of it at all. I think it's odd that a "close" friend would not reveal her age!

[rebeccaC]

I can’t remember ever asking someone her or his age. I care more about knowing someone has a positive attitude and a positive inquisitive mind than their age. I have no problems with anyone knowing my age though.

[azfiddle]

I think my friends know my age- I had parties to celebrate 50 and 55 and I expect I'll do one next summer when I turn 60. I don't feel my age, and I think I look younger than my age as long as my hair color is fresh...;) Wearing a bike helmet disguises a lot of wrinkles too.
Anyway- I don't make it a secret but I let my students puzzle over it. I usually tell them I'm about 157 years old and ask them, "don't you think I look pretty good for 157?"

[shootingstar]

Sure would be nice to celebrate key birthdays with these friends who are so cagey about revealing their ages.

Anyway their choice. A few wks. ago , the older friend that I mentioned at beginning of this thread, cheerfully and suddenly told me, as we were admiring some stained glass art in a historic church, that she had planned her funeral service. Needless to say, I was quite surprised at unprompted/unasked info. but then she has been a minister's daughter..long ago. She has been to several funerals in past few years...and it's given her some ideas for her own. :cool:

I haven't revealed to some work colleagues that their parents are ...in same age bracket as I. Then some tell me about their parent's health problem...to which I politely listen and offer some minor food choice changes perhaps they could bring to their parent for a dinner. These are people who hardly know me (and nor am I interested in them knowing more).

[marni]

amen to your reply. Personally I don't think it should be anyone's business to know how old people are especially with friends and whom you cherish for them selves and your interactions with them.

[OakLeaf]

I agree. If someone wants to reveal it, great. If not, why should anyone care?


I'll be 111,000 in a few weeks! Gender may not be binary, but age is. :cool:

[lph]

I would tell friends, family, random strangers, the postman and shout it from the rooftops, if anybody cared.

But if someone does not want to tell their age (I'm not using "reveal" because that implies that's a secret to be kept in the first place) it's presumably because they have been, or feel they will be judged for it, in one way or another. Maybe in a positive way, as in "wow, you look great for your age", maybe in a negative way. And maybe they just don't want to talk about whether they fulfill somebody else's ideas of age or not.

Womens magazines are continuously telling us how to look young and fabulous at every age, assuming 1. looking fabulous is what we all aspire to 2. looking young is really important. Nothing wrong with a little vanity, but on a daily basis I consider my age about as relevant as my height and shoe size.

[GLC1968]

I actually find myself telling people my age (or at least the range by saying something like "being in your 40's" etc) purely because most people assume I'm much older than I am. I was on a tour with a group a few weeks back and the leader looks to me and says "you remember the Dean Martin Show right?". :eek: Um, no...but thanks for thinking I'm a few decades older than I am! It's really odd when people my parents age assume I'm their age and would get their references and stuff. I usually try to clear it up right away to avoid anyone's embarrassment.

On the flip side, I don't think I've ever asked anyone their age. It doesn't matter to me. If I think they may be close to my age, I might ask when they graduated HS or something just for reference when we are talking about music or nostalgia or whatever... but the number? I truly don't care.

[emily_in_nc]

I actually find myself telling people my age (or at least the range by saying something like "being in your 40's" etc) purely because most people assume I'm much older than I am. I was on a tour with a group a few weeks back and the leader looks to me and says "you remember the Dean Martin Show right?". :eek: Um, no...but thanks for thinking I'm a few decades older than I am! It's really odd when people my parents age assume I'm their age and would get their references and stuff. I usually try to clear it up right away to avoid anyone's embarrassment.

On the flip side, I don't think I've ever asked anyone their age. It doesn't matter to me. If I think they may be close to my age, I might ask when they graduated HS or something just for reference when we are talking about music or nostalgia or whatever... but the number? I truly don't care.

Wow, I am surprised people think you're older than your age, GLC! I think I remember that you stopped coloring your hair, so that's all I can figure...gray hair = "old" in so many people's eyes. But your face looks young!

I never ask anyone's age either. It's none of my business, and if they want to mention it, they will. But I would find it odd if a fairly good friend didn't volunteer it at some point. I know I would eventually volunteer mine. Often it will come out in a conversation going something like "Well, you're a lot younger than me, so bla-bla-bla", to which they reply "Oh no, I'm not...I just turned xyz", or something. It doesn't matter, I have friends younger and older, but I do kinda like to know so I don't stick my foot in my mouth about something age-related.