Bicycle dates

[doctorfrau]

So I'm back in the dating world again.....

I joined an online dating service and posted a photo of me and my bike.
Today will be the third time that a "first date" has been a bike ride.

I originally thought "bike dating" was a good low-key way to meet someone without having all the worries about restaurants and make-up. Now I'm getting mixed feelings about it.

The First time I tried it with a new date, we took an easy rail-trail route. He started making jokes after the first two miles about "Are we there yet?" :confused: . It was to be only a ten-mile round trip - out to the picnic area for lunch and then back again. I thought he was joking with me - he wasn't. We stopped for him to rest once on the way out -- and then after lunch -- twice on the way back. :eek:

I'm not that good - honest. You ladies would drop me in the first 3 miles. He said he had biked alot in the past - apparently it was in the "distant" past. :(

The Second first date with a new guy went better - he knew how to ride and rode pretty well - but I was still going pretty fast for him. He kept saying "we can take it a little easy if you want" - this was on a different rougher rail- trail, we were on Mtb's and were going about 10 mph. :rolleyes: Then, he kept making suggestive comments and staring at my nipples which the sports bra and jersey apparently didn't provide enough camoflage for. :o

So today will be the Third first date with a new guy on a bike. He also says that he has ridden before, but I guess we'll see.

Maybe this bike dating thing isn't such a hot idea. Guys seem to either get intimidated, or else they inflate their experience so as to seem more athletic than they are or something.

I'm not that good, but maybe I'd better come up with a different idea for a low-key date. :rolleyes:

[JLD]

Oh! Don't feel too bad! I am on the other side of the fence-and I can't even get women to come out for a casual ride--and also-I am no fancy speed demon on a bike. I live in a city with a ton of bike paths and such--and lots of people here do pedal-but--clearly-I'm not connecting with the right ones.

[Grog]

It really depends on how important you think cycling is in your life. But it seems to me that that bike-date is in fact a "revelator": it reveals things about these guys that you wouldn't know otherwise. And you WANT to know these things... (the nipples-staring guy is a bit scary!)

Maybe some dating service in your area organizes activities for singles, including bike rides? These could be fun too. Or if you really want to meet a cyclist, maybe a bike club would be a good thing to join. From there maybe you can arrange with someone in particular to go for a ride at another moment, even just for fun.

Even if we don't consider ourselves to be incredible cyclists, we're still much more dedicated to the sport than the average person out there, and you're right that this can be intimidating. But if cycling is a really big part of your life, and if you feel it's closely linked to who you are, then your bike-date is probably a good technique to see right from the beginning how those guys will react to your passion in the long term...

[Trek420]

It's difficult to combine the two: date and bike ride but I plan an attempt today in Golden Gate Park, we'll see how this goes....hmmm.

It is hard to find friends to ride with: ride style, speed, fitness level, fun to talk to at the rest stop and or drink uhm recovery food afterward....I feel sooooo lucky to have this community and a local bike club.

Just try to find that plus uhm elusive chemistry.

What Grog sed~it can be an indicator. As we say in Aikido "you're the same on the mat as you are off the mat" so it is on a bike "you are the same on a bike as you are off the bike".

Add the ego thing if you ride/climb better than your date or they you...I dunno if it can be done.

so....looking for some input from the coupled TE'ers: if your SO rides which came first-the significant other or the bike?

Do mixed marriages (bikers with non bikers) work?

I think we've covered this before but not in a while and not in this way.

[pkq]

I have long since given up on dating. I do not find that many men attractive to begin with. If they are ugly on the inside, I can't see the outside at all.

Have you tried a coffee shop meeting, walk around a park, or a walk around a mall?

A fella' from bikejournal found a girlfriend through cyclingsingles. He is very happy with her although she is not a cycling fanatic, like he is. She is interested in cycling and was involved in other sports prior to cycling. Her ultimate goal is becoming a tri-gal.

I was introduced to a fella' through a friend because he thought we'd be a good match. On paper, we should be but he has too many phobias, including a fairly wide range of conversational topics. We have similar Biblical beliefs but there are some very significant differences and he is inflexible on those points. He is retired already, which is fantastic for him; however, the annoying comments he makes about his position in life are less than fantastic. He says he will call then doesn't, which is very telling even in friendship. I would say we are still in the acquaintance stage so I don't see this going further than distant friends.

And the other stories I could tell of other men ................

I wish you all the luck on finding a mate to share life with. Keep us updated on your experiences.

[Irulan]

married chiming in here. We've always done sports together.

I do see partnerships where one does, the other doesn't and there's more work involved in maintaining the relationship.... less time together, sometimes different fitness levels etc.

I agree that the bike dating is a good first filter.You are going to have to weed out the jerks and the dorks no matter what you do. Does your local cycle club do singles rides? I have heard of that, that to me sounds like fun.

Irulan.

[bluerider]

It really depends on how important you think cycling is in your life.

I agree with Grog too. I spend most of my free time on my bike so it would be nice to have someone who enjoys the sport as much as I do. A friend recommended I join a bike club if that's what I'm after. Most of the guys that have expressed "interest" in biking have turned out to be huge disappointments. One guy actually went bike shopping and showed me the bikes he was considering. After looking at his selection, he picked the top line MTBs (and he's never biked before). I was SO turned off.

Don't be discouraged doctorfrau! It's tough although I don't know why, the guy to gal ratio is like 9:1. As for creepy-nipple-guy, I would've maced him!!! Or a swift kick to the...okay, never mind...

[Trekhawk]

Another married one here. My husband and I have always done some sort of sport together from rock climbing (when younger) to hiking and swimming. Some sports though we have enjoyed on our own. My husband likes diving (scuba) but Im afraid it just not my cup of tea so he accepts that. When we first met I rowed in a womens four and he would come and watch us train and race. He always seemed very proud of me and it was never an issue even though it was something he himself was not interested in taking up.

My husband has been cycling for about 5 years and I took it up originally this year because I thought it would be something we could do together. Well it hasn't really worked out that way we have three little boys so riding together has not happened yet but what has happened is I have fallen in love with cycling. We still talk our rides over together and set goals together but I have realized now that I would ride even if my husband didnt and he would be supportive Im sure as he has been with all my other endeavours.

I guess what Im trying to say is that a partner does not need to always have a passion for the same things you do but they must be supportive and proud of you for what you have achieved. Plus a sense of humour in a man never hurts - being able to make you laugh at life and yourself is a big help in todays world.

[wavedancer]

I met my SO in a club, doing what we both love to do (kayaking). It was a great way to share something that we both are quite passionate about and enjoy our passion for each other, too :p He was also into cycling and encouraged me to get a bike and so added another passion to our lives. My love of cycling has continued to grow...as has our love. We are very different in many ways and having some strongly opposing political views, but being able to share the things that we love doing has made for a wonderfully rich life together.

I never tried the on-line dating or personals, so I can't speak to that, but perhaps the cycling club would allow you to meet some guys/potential dates who have a similar level of committment to the sport. You may not always ride together, but it certainly is fun to share the interest and excitement together.

Good luck in finding that special someone!

[cindysue]

I guess what Im trying to say is that a partner does not need to always have a passion for the same things you do but they must be supportive and proud of you for what you have achieved. Plus a sense of humour in a man never hurts - being able to make you laugh at life and yourself is a big help in todays world.

YES YES YES! ALL so very important! Thanks TrekHawk!

doctorfrau,

ONLINE Dating: Don't give up - I've met plenty of great guys online where one of the major criteria was biking. Maybe spend a little more time chatting online before meeting - you might be able to weed out the pretenses.......


I met my SO online. I was definitely drawn to the fact that he is so active. While we both like cycling, he's more into MTB, me road, but he will come out with me so we spend that time together - and i will go out with him on some of the stuff he loves to do (haven't yet tried MTB but must).

So the thing that makes him so special is not all that we have in common - although it sure is GREAT! - It's that he genuinely cares about, and supports, my interests and life goals. He also has a great sense of humor - which is huge in my life - because I am constantly stressed between school, two jobs, organzing a cycling team, yadda yadda yadda...... He's also the first guy to get me to open up - and we are so much closer for it.

gush gush :D

[KSH]

I guess what Im trying to say is that a partner does not need to always have a passion for the same things you do but they must be supportive and proud of you for what you have achieved. Plus a sense of humour in a man never hurts - being able to make you laugh at life and yourself is a big help in todays world.

That's the truth. I know I am very fickle about hobbies and if I only dated someone who would do what I do... such as triathlons... SCUBA diving... etc... etc... I would have had a new man every year!

As far as cycling for the first date. It's a great idea if you really want someone who is into cycling... and fit. If those are not that important to you... then it could be rather bad.

Some guys are very competitive... well... most of them... and riding with you... and if you are better... makes the first date kind of uncomfortable... ya know?

Oh well... best of luck!

[sydney_b]

Married here to a non-sporty, which works out a-ok, because I'm a non-music person. I ride bikes, horses, run, etc. He composes, practices and plays his guitar. Sometimes I get him to go for slow rides now that he trusts me to go slow and the destination includes a cocktail or picnic. ;) We appreciate our differences and enjoy sharing what we've learned in our respective domains.

IMHO, you have to pick a short list of what you really can't compromise on, and as much as I love my sporting activities, there are many other qualities with higher priority.

The benefit of not both being gung-ho about one thing is the non-competition aspect AND you don't ever have to listen to a bunch of unsolicited commentary about your decisions in your area.

[Hammer]

I'm very much a creative type indivdiual and I seem to be drawn to the same type of guys... law school types, creative/literary types... And I really haven't had much luck with them. We're tortured souls. :-) Actually, haven't had many boyfriends. Lately I've been hanging out with lots of different guys. Had a date last Friday, this guy and I have similar personalities, but totally opposite hobbies. He's a farmboy, gearhead, etc... that's cool... very much not me. Though, it could be handy to eventually have a handy person around.

Last boyfriend was athletic, he started running when he broke up with his nasty ex. He's into movies, music, books. I was too, but I felt bad when I couldn't keep up with his literary references, though I could match him on other stuff. We broke up, he ended it. I'm a competitive individual. I bought my bike when we broke up. He trained for a marathon this year, wants to do triathalons next year. I had hoped we'd get back together, thinking it'd be fun to do rides together. But we're both competitive and I would've become a bit dissapointed when he peaked his learning curve and became faster than me. But, I know I'd be able to hang with him for awhile. Anyway, it's kinda of a moot point.

This new guy is completely not who I'd expect myself to be with... but his personality is on course. And we're both really curious individuals, so I may be able to get him to bike a little bit... if things work out. If things progress, our lifestyle goals could be the rocky point. That doesn't matter right now, it's just about getting to know someone new.

But, I can relate to trying to find someone to at least sorta share a mutual hobby with.

[margo49]

I was born to ride.Rode with the BF all over the world. (Till he found some little Dutch girl called Heidi can u believe).
Current SO (20 years and counting) doesn't ride. Said he isn't particulary anti- or uninterested but wouldn't want to because it is so much MY thing and everyone needs their own space and not have it taken over by some forced togetherness on one person's part .(BTW he said that in a *good* way not as an excuse or a hint like a lot of them)
Good thing I don't live in Teheran or Riyadh because I go all over by myself on roads, agricultural and 4WD tracks.
Can't imagine that I could find anyone to ride with who would be suitable - for riding with - not Other Things ;) ;)

[doc]

Another married voice here. I am much more athletic than DH. He joins me when he can: skiing, hiking... But we've tried cycling together and - no way. He just doesn't have it and doesn't particularly like it. So, wonderful man that he is, he watches our daughters on weekends while I ride from 2-4 hours each day. Of course there are things I do in return. I make sure he gets a few hours at the gym (his thing) or to do something else important to him. It works out great because we are both happy about how our days went, and we share in the afternoon or evening.

All that being said, psychologists agree that couples who share interests which lead them to spend time together tend to be the successful couples. Pretty much what veronica said. As with everything else, one must strike a balance. Don't give up on men yet. There are some good ones out there.

[singletrackmind]

I got to know my husband when we were both racing mtbs. We eventually got together for a ride and after several of these found we had many similar interests, morals and personalities so started dating. :)

[mtbdarby]

WOW, Doctorfrau, what good timing on this thread.

I too have been trying on line dating and have hit a very frustrated point. I actually changed my profile a bit this morning downplaying the fact that I love biking (mtb in particular), because I'm starting to think it's intimidating to guys. I was in a funk all weekend long - partially because it was cold and rainy - but partially because all of a sudden I really missed my ex boyfriend, a fellow mtb'er who dumped me 7 months ago. We never even road together so I guess I am starting to think that even though I'd love to have a SO share my love of biking, what's more important are the bigger things to me - having a partner who has the same religious and family beliefs, moral and values, and a passion for other hobbies in life. I'm pretty sure my SO (if he's out there) will like some type of sport, I just haven't figured out how to find him yet.

Right now, I feel dating sucks. The guys I like aren't the guys that like me (that's a drinking toast, right?) so for now I'm just trying to focus on being the best me and loving me for who I am and where I'm at with my life right now. The worst part of it for me is that I'm lonely. I have friends, but I miss having a relationship with a SO that fills a different kind of void, you know? Winter makes that more evident because of the weather and not being able to be outside as much, as well as the holidays which are quickly approaching.

Maybe we could check each others profiles out and see what kind of vibes and person we are protraying? I have never had a friend read it so maybe I'm giving off psycho vibes or something?? :D Who knows. But thanks to those with great dh's and so's for sharing your great stories and keeping the hope alive for the rest of us!

[Trek420]

mtbdarby "WOW, Doctorfrau, what good timing on this thread."

yes, thanks for bringing this up.

"I actually changed my profile a bit this morning downplaying the fact that I love biking (mtb in particular), because I'm starting to think it's intimidating to guys."

I dunno about that, I would not change a thing in your ad mrdarby, but in true lesbian fashion I feel one just has to put it out there in the universe.

Sure we TE'ers can veg with the best of them but you need to say that if sitting in front of the tube and PC is all they do...you're not gonna be a happy camper...or biker or kayaker or whatever. That's just being honest.

"I was in a funk all weekend long - partially because it was cold and rainy - but partially because all of a sudden I really missed my ex boyfriend, a fellow mtb'er who dumped me 7 months ago. We never even road together so I guess I am starting to think that even though I'd love to have a SO share my love of biking, what's more important are the bigger things to me - having a partner who has the same religious and family beliefs, moral and values, and a passion for other hobbies in life."

Sorry about the break up. ::sighs:: realizes stand back folks the TE board is going to shift into SAD mode soon, days are shorter, days are colder, we can't ride as much, indoor trainer, spin classes they just don't cut it, we're heading for a season of funk unless we make good friends with winter sports.

"I'm pretty sure my SO (if he's out there) will like some type of sport, I just haven't figured out how to find him yet."

He's out there!!!! You just have to find him or vice versa.

It's been suggested some sort of TE warning/rateing/review system here for the single gals along the lines of: went on a date with "he'sallthat" (fictitious name) on match.com I give him 1 out of a possible 5 chain rings for nipple stareing and it wasn't at the ones on my spokes. ;) :cool: :rolleyes:

[mtbdarby]

Trek, you crack me up! I thought I'd try the profile change and see if it produced any different results, good or bad. I'm still smarting from the last guy I met - who I actually liked for a change - and he emails me and said "I'm not interested in dating you". For some reason, that bluntness just smarted. And I would have liked to know why so I can focus on different kinds of guys that I would be a better match with but hey, it never works out that way, does it?

The dreaded time change happens this weekend. Isn't there a way to repeal that stupid decision? Why does Arizona not have to do it and who else? Parts of Michigan and Indiana? I may whine all week over that.....Good thing I broke down and bought a light for my bikey!!! Should be here Wednesday :p

[Trek420]

mtbdarby "Trek, you crack me up!"

I'm not kidding. :p We test ride and rate bikes for each other, right? Bianchi vs Specialized, Trek vs Giant...why not men? :cool: :rolleyes: ;)

Just kidding all you guys who are lurking here (we know you're here, we see the seat left up)

[AutumnBreez]

Advice from the Married, DH is out on a 2 day charity ride as I write this.
He was riding for over a year before I got my bike. He rides with other guys at his/higher level on the weekend days, I don't have the same ability, nor do I feel I could ever catch up to these men anyway- not average riders, and accepting it slowly. When he rides on the weekends in the morning, sometimes he will go ride with me later, on my safe roads. So that he can get it out of his system early. I don't think that you can base a whole lot on the bike dating . Fact is you may find a really great guy who cycles but he may still want to hang with those that challenge him, if you meet one that is a machine like my dh. Be prepared. But remember there are much more other great qualities to look for in a person then the bike rider before you. Attention for those who mention beliefs/ religion: If your beliefs/religion really truely have a high importance to you, foremost, your priority should be more focused on finding your potential partner in life with those belief qualities you admire, adore, and appreciate (the 3 A's) and willing to live with- no expectations of human perfection. As things will fall into the right place from there. Beliefs that one holds are generally far more solid of a foundation, one that has been forming throughout the years.
There may be someone out there perfect for you, and may, or maynot have rode a (mtb/road) bike in the method you desire. We all began to ride at one point or another.
Perhaps you will find your life partner with all the virtuous qualities you want and can accept, AND purhaps he has never experienced cycling till you introduce him to it. Since I (we) can't and shouldn't try to change a persons beliefs, I would rather find the good qualities in someone first off, than to ride a bike with them anyday. Don't look too hard! Every thing in moderation! Cheers!

[emily_in_nc]

Just chiming in as an old married gal here - married 20 years. When we got engaged, I was just a little athletic - did aerobics and a little jogging, but my fiance and soon-to-be husband was much more so - played on a softball team, ran 10Ks, lifted, cycled some. A few years into our marriage, he gave me a road bike for my birthday, and I was thrilled! That didn't turn out to be the perfect bike for me (it was too big, go figure!), but thus began a multi-yeared love affair with the sport of cycling that Barry already loved. I've been on-and-off with it over the past 15 years or so, we've had many bikes apiece, tandemed for awhile, even tried recumbents, and now each have four single bikes and still love riding. He created a bit of a monster! :D

Over the years, we've evolved into a pretty sporty couple. In addition to riding, we both lift (not a lot, just enough for good tone) and walk, and just this year have gotten into kayaking and more serious hiking. We were never able to have kids, so having shared activities is very important to us in keeping our marriage strong. We both have a few activities that we enjoy alone, but we enjoy our shared activities very much indeed. It's so nice to have a riding partner right here at home! I think I'd have a very difficult time being married to a non-rider. But that's just me!

Emily

[doctorfrau]

Darby -- I too have wondered if my profile is intimidating or "psycho vibe"! :D Have tried different permutations of it too - just to see. Mostly I just have to be myself, and I think you should too.

Trek -- Ratings and "test rides" eh??? .... I give him an A for strength and flexibility of his frame, but performance was only a C, as he wasn't firm enough in the saddle.... ;) :p

So, here's the date report....

We met up at noon on Sunday. Parking near the trailhead was crowded due to there being a festival in town this weekend. Weather was cool and damp, but do-able. I took it a little easy at first, because his bike looked like it hadn't been ridden in awhile, and he had to stop on the way to where we met so that he could buy a helmet. He was right up there with me though and we soon settled into a nice conversation as we rode. I gave him a few opportunities to say that he wanted to turn around and go back, but he didn't. He had hot muscular calves too! :D We ended up doing the whole 40 mile round-trip, so I was really impressed and the conversation was great - made the trip go really fast. When we got back to the parking area......... both of our cars had been TOWED!!!!! :eek:

We had to find a restaurant to call around to see where they had been taken. Turns out that the other cars had parked in front of the "no parking" sign that we didn't see :rolleyes: So we rode the bikes about another 5 miles across town to the impound place and stood around in the 45 degree weather for half an hour - sweated through and losing core temperature while waiting for the guy to show up.

We had to cough up $157.50 ..... APIECE........ CASH ONLY!!!! :eek:

By then we were so cold, that we proceeded to the Blue Moose to drink copious amounts of Hot coffee and talk for another hour.
Bit of an expensive adventure for a first date, but he seemed really nice and seemed to take it all okay..... we'll see if I ever hear from him again!!! :o


Thanks for all the great advice and commiseration!

[Rakekay]

By then we were so cold, that we proceeded to the Blue Moose to drink copious amounts of Hot coffee and talk for another hour.
Bit of an expensive adventure for a first date, but he seemed really nice and seemed to take it all okay..... we'll see if I ever hear from him again!!! :o
!

Hey, any guy who'll ride 45 miles with you (who hasn't ridden for a while), wait around in the cold to get your cars back and STILL want to spend more time with you drinking coffee and talking for another hour is well worth a second date. Don't wait around for him to call you -- you give him a call if you don't hear from him soon!

[Trek420]

cool, great "date review" ;-) we will stay tuned.

As for me, discretion being the better art of valor I will just say I do not see a U-haul in my car port in the near future.

[pkq]

Since I've worked in a predominantly male environment for years, many men have said independent, strong women intimidate them. That shouldn't be cause for any to change their profile. It's better for them to know long before than shortly after. It's better for you, too. Being strong and independent is something you can't hide and shouldn't want to either. Be yourselves and Mr. Right will come along. Hopefully Mr. Right will not want to change you either.

Above all, live life to its fullest and be happy regardless of relationship circumstances. Being in a relationship can be very trying and difficult at times so you need that stability and independence going into a relationship. You only have one shot at this so make the most of it. People, including men, are attracted to women who enjoy life, are interested in life, are positive, happy, and have hobbies. You can't expect a man to fulfill your deepest needs. Humanity is too frail for that kind of pressure.

People cannot make you happy but they can enhance your happiness.

doctorfrau, him taking the parking mishap and fine in stride is a good thing. That would tick some off and you'd hear the soap box lecture for 5 minutes.

[SadieKate]

Doc, great story! It's on par with Bubba's and my first date (involving a broken down car, turkey farm and a 13 hr first date). We've coming up on our 18th wedding anniversary and will have been together 22 years.

[shewhobikes]

As someone who's just lived through a 2nd divorce (both at my initiation) let me say that I'm in this boat because I "changed my profile." Not online, literally, of course, but I adjusted and accommodated myself to be more of a fit, and wound up very unhappy. And I really tried (13 years the first time, 10 the second).

So now, yes, sometimes I'm lonely. But lonely beats miserable hands down.

I'm really not bitter ;) but I've learned my lesson. I'll be myself (best foot forward, of course) and if my real self attracts someone, it'll be for the right reasons.

Now, where are those cycling single web sites? :D

That said, I'm sure none of you are putting out psycho vibes because you are all great women and wonderful people. Doctorfrau, your date sounds great to me!

[Trek420]

shewhobikes asks "Now, where are those cycling single web sites? :D"

you mean this one?

www.CyclingSingles.com

[Bustertb]

I've been married going on 11 years. Having your mate ride with you won't be a sticking point years after you are married because you will WANT to go on a ride BY YOURSELF!

Everyone is different and my situation isn't the norm. DH and I work together so we are together more than ppl who have different jobs. I am someone who likes her space. I LOVE my DH. But my bike rides are my time to cleanse my soul as well as my legs.

And it'll be nice to be able to leave the kids with hubby and go for a bike ride without him wanting to go too and then getting in a row over who can go for a ride.

Use your heart to find him, but use your head to decide if he's the one. Good luck! :D

[bikerchick68]

docfrau and mtbdarby... OMG! I'm sooooo with you on this! (I'm late here to chime in but caught the dreaded flu bug that was going around so have been outta commission briefly)

I have yet to actually get anyone to schedule a cycling date... as soon as I mention that I have ridden a century ( I don't even tell them 6 so far this year) they get all nervous. I really don't CARE if someone is at the same level, would just like them to be willing to at least TRY it.

Then we start talking and they ask my other interests... well let's see I love to couples dance and did so competetively for a few years, OH and have I mentioned I own my own home and have a great career? :eek:

my friends are convinced that I intimidate the **&^%* outta men... I'm not sure that's what it is... but I seem to be the "one date wonder"... I cannot get a second date to save my soul. Oh wait, I take that back... I had a second date with one guy I liked but the 3rd date fell thru when he found out his ex-wife was pregnant... :rolleyes:

I have to believe there is SOMEONE out there who will like me as I am... but dangit... WHERE is the knucklehead??? :mad:

OK, vent over... thanks... great post... I feel better now too! Hmmm... off to check out the cycling singles website :D

[Trekhawk]

I've been married going on 11 years. Having your mate ride with you won't be a sticking point years after you are married because you will WANT to go on a ride BY YOURSELF!


Bustertb - LOL thanks for giving this married person a good laugh for the day. :D

[doctorfrau]

Bikerchick I am totally with you on the intimidation factor. I'm not only divorced with three kids, but I just graduated in mid-life with both an MD and an MPH (Master of Public Health), I bike a little, I ski a little, I own my house, I'm independent and I'm outspoken. What's to be intimidated about :confused: :eek:

I guess they want cocktail waitresses?? :confused:

I haven't heard from my Sunday date yet either. :(
And yes, I emailed him briefly that evening to say thank you and that I enjoyed his company and sent him a weblink that I promised I'd send him. That was three days ago. :(

At least I can't say that he didn't get an accurate picture of me. I was totally myself that day - no make-up, no dressed up clothes, no restaurant decorum. I laughed, I talked, I asked him questions, I had to stop and pee in the woods, I laughed some more and then swore when my car was gone, I sweated, I smiled, I drank coffee and had a great time....... I guess that wasn't good enough. Oh well. No regrets.

[Trek420]

you peed in the woods and he hasn't called you back?!

That's it, we're takeing away his 4 chain-ring rateing.

[On_yer_left!]

doctorfrau, sounds like you had a good time, and that's really all that matters, actually. If the guy didn't, he's braindead. That sounds like the perfect date to me!

Funny, I started cycling with someone I was a bit in love with, and did it because she loved it and I wanted to experience what she loved. Well, she won't go for rides with me anymore because she can't keep up (our last ride together made that clear); she won't talk to me at all anymore because I finally told her how I felt about her. What I got out of it? This amazing sport/obsession/anti-depressant that has changed my life.

Think I got the better end of the deal.

Keep cycling, keep dating, keep having a great time despite people who can't or won't. ...

[mtbdarby]

Doctorfrau - ROFLMAO on the peeing in the woods! Gee, most guys profiles I read have the same line in it "I love to be outside and live life to the fullest, blah, blah, blah". I think that your date would definitely qualify. I'm hoping your date calls - sending pick up the phone vibes to him*****.

Maybe you and bikerchick are right, I'm divorced with a 3 yo, have a great career, own my own home, a little outspoken :D , know what I want kind of girl. I do think it intimidates a lot of guys so we're looking for a special breed.

Bikerchick, heck, you intimidate me having done 6 century's, but it's more of an "I'm in awe" than actually intimidated. You go Girl!! Can't wait to hear about your next date review :p

[Irulan]

Doctorfrau - ROFLMAO on the peeing in the woods! Gee, most guys profiles I read have the same line in it "I love to be outside and live life to the fullest, blah, blah, blah". I think that your date would definitely qualify. I'm hoping your date calls - sending pick up the phone vibes to him*****.

Maybe you and bikerchick are right, I'm divorced with a 3 yo, have a great career, own my own home, a little outspoken :D , know what I want kind of girl. I do think it intimidates a lot of guys so we're looking for a special breed.

Bikerchick, heck, you intimidate me having done 6 century's, but it's more of an "I'm in awe" than actually intimidated. You go Girl!! Can't wait to hear about your next date review :p

you women are awesome. Don't give up anything about who you are.
And jeez, if a guy can't handle you peeing in the woods, wait until you blow a snot rocket....

[bikerchick68]

well dangit... docfrau... now I want to date you! LOL... :D you and so many others here are women after my own heart... gotta love a woman who can pee in the woods and curse like a sailor when her car turns up missing!

by the way... what does that mean "I live life to the fullest"? UGH! Comeon people... of course you do... no one is gonna say I live a half assed life. :rolleyes:

my other gripe is all the men who say "I'm just looking for my princess..." Yeah, that AIN'T me! :D I need to find the one who says I'm looking for a girl with bike grease under her nails...

mtbdarby- that may be the NICEST thing anyone has said to me! But don't fool yourself... anyone on this board can ride a century. Ya just have to decide that's what you're gonna do, and then DO IT! A little training, a reasonable pace and decent weather and you're good to go! Heck, if I can do it anyone can!

[mtbdarby]

Bikerchick - riding a century is on my list of goals for next year. I'm still trying to work out my saddle and tailbone issues. **Whispering*** Don't tell anyone, but if I can do back to back centuries I'll be ready for my first 24 solo mountain bike race, which is my REAL goal for the end of July 2006! I think about it every day so I need to figure out how to train for such an event. Any ideas where to start looking?

[bikerchick68]

mtbdarby... you could check out the racing forum here and also on the mtbr.com forums... that is a mtn bike dedicated forum...

I am SO not a racer that I would be useless to you... I have a friend who is getting his first road bike this weekend (got the 06 Specialized Tarmac Pro... WOOT!) and wants to do the Ironman in 08. He asked me to help train him. I told him I can get him up to doing a century by Feb but then he will need to find a coach to train for the racing aspect... I'll create the foundation and then he'll be outta my league after that! :)

[doctorfrau]

my other gripe is all the men who say "I'm just looking for my princess..." Yeah, that AIN'T me! :D I need to find the one who says I'm looking for a girl with bike grease under her nails...



LOL you gals are SOOOOOo good for me! :D Thanks for the support.

Yeah "looking for my princess" is right up there with " knight in search of damsel in distress" -- GAG ME!!! :rolleyes:

Irulan - I almost spit my tea when I got to the "snot rocket"! :D Thanks for the belly laugh!

[Trek420]

what On_yer_left! sez "Keep cycling, keep dating, keep having a great time despite people who can't or won't."

that way you're haveing a great time and meanwhile your legs keep looking better and better and....so when you meet the cyclist or non cyclist of your dreams....that theory works for me.

[pkq]

by the way... what does that mean "I live life to the fullest"? UGH! Comeon people... of course you do... no one is gonna say I live a half assed life.

More than one, of both genders, will not do what interests them unless they have that special someone to do it with. Dull, boring, and uninteresting! That is not living life to its fullest.

More than one allows depression, blue feelings, low self-esteem, etc. to chronically dominate their minds without that special someone. They are defined by having a mate.

[bikerchick68]

maybe THAT'S why we scare them off! LOL... I don't need a man in my life... I am self supporting, self sufficient... and please stay outta my way if I get a flat kind sir... I know you mean well, but I'm faster than you at changing it... no insult intended. :D

I want to find someone to do stuff with... but need is a whole different subject! ;)

[doctorfrau]

I want to find someone to do stuff with... but need is a whole different subject! ;)

Exactly!! We are quite awesome on our own thank-you. A suitable male would make a nice addition, but he is certainly "optional equipment". :D

[margo49]

My sentiments exactly
Plus we should all realise that unlike women in *some* cultures at least we *can* ride without suitable male escort and in activity-appropriate clothing

[Trek420]

doctorfrau "Exactly!! We are quite awesome on our own thank-you. A suitable male would make a nice addition, but he is certainly "optional equipment". :D"

Trek shuffles off and finds the lyrics to the Malvina Reynolds song “We Don’t Need The Men” (1958). The second verse goes:

We don’t need the men,

We don’t need the men.

We don’t need to have ‘em around,

Except for now and then.

They can come to see us when they’re

Feeling pleasant and agreeable.

Otherwise they can stay at home and

Holler at the T.V. programs.

We don’t care about them,

We can do without them,

They’ll look cute in a bathing suit

On a billboard in Madagascar.....

there's also a verse about their being handy to have around when you need to move the piano, but I think we can do that too.
;) ;) just kidding to the guys lurking, you know we love ya' :)

[pkq]

OK ladies, there is a man at bikejournal looking for a good woman. Read The Joe Chronoicles - Chapter 2.

[SadieKate]

The world doesn't revolve around you, Professor Higgins!

-- Eliza Doolittle

OK, pdq, off to read Joe's thread.

Back, looks like he comes with a sense of humour, his own roadbike, a mowed lawn and best of all? He's big enough to provide a good draft. That was my #1 requirement in a husband, well, maybe not #1 but definitely on the list. :D

SK

[Trek420]

there's also a thread there about two bikejournal'ists who tied the knot :D

Trek-gracefully-steps-outa-the-way-of-the-rush-of-women-running-off-singing-wheeeere-the-boys-are-420

[CorsairMac]

there's also a verse about their being handy to have around when you need to move the piano, but I think we can do that too.


yuppers - Cmac moves her own piano. OTOH: it sure would be nice to have someone around when I'm trying to hang wallpaper borders! ;)

[Yasmin]

I'm with a great guy, but we don't have much together time. Actually, our marriage is under threat & has been for a while. He has the job from hell & little time for anything or anyone else (including himself). He's a neurosurgeon & obviously you can't rest on your laurels with that kind of pressure. All n/surg spouses experience the same thing, but I'm finding it hard going & very lonely. I should say we've only been married 3 1/2 yrs...first marriage for both & together for 5 1/2 yrs. No kids on either side & no family support here. He's 53 & I'm 49. I don't know if it ever gets any easier. He bought a bike but fell off within the first week & received a 100% dislocation of his right acromio-clavicular joint (lumpy bit at end of collar bone). Too dangerous for him to try again. If my marriage ends I don't think I'll bother anymore. I find that guys don't accomodate very well, they always expect us to do the accommodating. This is my third long term attempt (1st & only marriage) & it's always been me upturning my world for the guy. So when it ends guess who has to start from scratch again?. I'm too old for all of this.
Disillusioned & sad. Y.

[Grog]

This is my third long term attempt (1st & only marriage) & it's always been me upturning my world for the guy. So when it ends guess who has to start from scratch again?. I'm too old for all of this.
Disillusioned & sad. Y.

Oh Yasmin this is such a sad message... It's okay to be a bit sad but don't be too disillusioned. I have nothing intelligent to say, but I do believe it's possible to find true, respectful, caring companionship, at any age. Whether your relationship with your husband works out somehow, or outside of it, I wish you the best.

Big hug.

[Yasmin]

Oh Yasmin this is such a sad message... It's okay to be a bit sad but don't be too disillusioned. I have nothing intelligent to say, but I do believe it's possible to find true, respectful, caring companionship, at any age. Whether your relationship with your husband works out somehow, or outside of it, I wish you the best.

Big hug.
Thanks for the hug. When I re read it I realsed it is quite sad. Sorry, didn't mean to whinge. I know there are many who are worse off than me eg violence. He's never like that, only neglectful. It could be worse.

[Trek420]

Neglect is still pretty bad. I'm so sorry you are haveing a hard time, the professions are so hard to balance your life. Is there a Doctor in the house? Are there ways to find a balance? And does he see it as an issue? That's so important that he buys into working on it I think...not that I know anything about relationships ;-)

And what Grog sed. I have to believe it's possible to find true, respectful, caring companionship, at any age, or re-kindle it..I better. :::skips off to make a note to self, might not want to date a doctor::::

What made you fall in love with him in the foist place? That still there?

[Irulan]

I know lots of medical professionals,and most of them do not have balance. It's a passion, a calling, a drive. I asked one ( a busy surgeon) about working less when he was complaining about the crazy hours... and the reply was that he didn't want to sacrifice any of the $$ to bringing another doc into the practice. So there are tradeoffs, I suppose. I know a few that only work 3/4/5 days a week but it's been a conscious choice to take control of their work and personal life.

(warning, major generalizations here)
I think as women we need to look at why we have a tendency to choose partners that aren't really available... whether they work too much, drink too much, play too much, afraid of intimacy or whatever. It's really hard to look at one self, and the part we play in our own choices, but if it's done sucessfully, looking at the roots of things within, it can be transformational in terms of getting what you really want out of life and relationships. Having a partner that is willing to look at thier half of the equation helps, though.

[tatormc]

Yasmin - I'm not really sure what to say but just don't give up. I've been married 4 years and it's not always easy. But my hubby is the perfect person for me and we have our hard times and work through them. I'm a person who does not believe in divorce and am very saddened that it happens so often. I will be praying for you and your husband.

[doc]

Yasmin,
The current theory that is generally accepted by the majority of marriage counselors is called Imago Therapy. I recommend the book by Harlin Hendricks, the inventor of imago. It's a little weird at first. But after you read the book, I suggest you try to find a therapist with imago training. You can find it online. It seems like your husband does not have time for weekly sessions. There is also something called imago weekends. You get intensive therapy over the course of 2 days. I have heard it is very good. I would imagine weekly therapy is better but I'm sure he gets a wekkend off once in a while!
It is a very positive approach to marriage issues. No bashing or badmouthing allowed. It hinges on improving communication and "getting the love you need" which I think is the title of the book.
Good luck.

[Trekhawk]

Yasmin - Im sending hugs your way.

COMMUNICATION is the key to all relationships. In a perfect world we would all get to spend as much time as we wanted with our partners and family but in the real world this is not always possible. Quality time not quantity is what is important and trust me I know. My husband is a pilot in the military and away a lot, last year he went to the gulf for six months which was hard not only on me but on our children. We maintained email contact when we could and voiced any feeling we were having. Sometimes your partner may not be aware that there is even a problem they get so caught up in the pressures of work and if you dont communicate well they assume if nothing is said everything is fine.

Anyway I know each relationship is different but try to sit your husband down and tell him how you are feeling. Discuss what you and he want out of the relationship and remember that no marriage or relationship is perfect it is something that takes a lot of work and nuturing (from both sides) if you want it to blossom.

Thinking of you.
Leslie

[bikerchick68]

Aw, Yasmin... I've been in your shoes... and I know how it hurts. I'm one of those people who got married with all the hopes and dreams of what could be... and yet it fell apart. I didn't believe in divorce either. When my marriage began to crumble, the ex and I went to counseling for months... but the reality is BOTH people have to want the marriage to succeed. If either lacks the commitment to make it work, then unfortunately the healthiest thing to do is end the marriage. Believe me, that's no easy decision. I stayed in an unhealthy marriage longer than I should have, because, 1) I didn't want to "give up", 2) I didn't want to fail and 3) I was scared, really scared to be alone again. In the end, even the counselor said we were trying to do CPR on a dead marriage. My ex was no longer committed to the relationship and really wasn't willing to be bothered even trying to recapture what brought us together in the first place. My ex is not a surgeon, but his work got in the way too. It and his friends were higher priority than his relationship with me...

I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you've exhausted all resources for keeping it healthy, sometimes you have to make the healthiest choice for yourself not for the relationship.

I really hope you and your husband will be able to renew the marriage... hugs... gawd, I hurt for you too... hugs from me too...

[Trek420]

Also reflect that 'tis the season, around now the world seems full of happy families and couples and we all expect that. Especially if you're single or in a relationship that is struggeling, the holidays can be tough.

So I raise a glass of eggnog, or maybe cyteomax and (((hugs and a toast))) to all TE gals whether with/or without a SO/DH/DP.

Yasmin, I'm not saying that your pain isn't real, far from it. Reflecting that around now stuff sorta amplifies.

Be good to yourselves, it'll be Spring before long :cool:

[Irulan]

Yasmin,
The current theory that is generally accepted by the majority of marriage counselors is called Imago Therapy. I recommend the book by Harlin Hendricks, the inventor of imago. It's a little weird at first. But after you read the book, I suggest you try to find a therapist with imago training. You can find it online. It seems like your husband does not have time for weekly sessions. There is also something called imago weekends. You get intensive therapy over the course of 2 days. I have heard it is very good. I would imagine weekly therapy is better but I'm sure he gets a wekkend off once in a while!
It is a very positive approach to marriage issues. No bashing or badmouthing allowed. It hinges on improving communication and "getting the love you need" which I think is the title of the book.
Good luck.


Imago counseling saved my marriage, only we didn't know it was called that!
"getting the love you want (need?)" was required reading, as was following certain scripts to teach us new ways of relating. It was some of the toughest things we've ever done together ( intense marriage work, both partners) , but we both beleive we have our dream marriage now. I'm of the belief that any marriage worth saving is worth making time for the hard work.

irulan

[Yasmin]

Thanks girls. I'm really touched by the care & advise that you all show. Last night DH & I had another talk. He does see there are problems, that we've grown apart. We went to a marriage councellor last week but won't be going again. The psychologist could see that we still had genuine feelings for each other but you're right Doc, he doesn't really have the time to attend sessions. Thanks for the book idea. I've downloaded the details. If we're not too far gone it may help. You're right too Irulan...I can see why I pick people who are unavailable. Dad left when I was 2 1/2 & mum had a mental illness (schizophrenia). Reads like a bad novel, doesn't it? Anyway, I can fit the pieces together & it makes sense. I've been working on myself for decades & thought I'd resolved most of the issues. There's always something going on in life, isn't there? Oh for the simplicity in life.
Your caring is invaluable to me. It's so nice to be able to open up here. It does feel a bit weird putting my life in print like this...I sense that DH wouldn't approve. I don't have any close "girl friends", so I really appreciate all of you.

[Irulan]

The psychologist could see that we still had genuine feelings for each other but you're right Doc, he doesn't really have the time to attend sessions.


(tough girlfriend stance)

Honey, there is no such thing as "doesn't have time". Not enough time it total BS. It is a matter of choices: choosing to make the time or not. Otherwise known as, just how important is it? I don't know of any busy doc (or other professional) who can't tell the front office to leave a two hour window - no appointments- if it's important enough to them. Or, make time in the evenings. Or, make time in the early am. And there are plenty of helping professionals that keep goofy hours.

~I.

[Yasmin]

Thanks Irulan. This leopard isn't gonna change his spots any time soon.
Doctorfrau: What have I done to your light-hearted post? I seem to have changed the tone somewhat. Whoops!

[Irulan]

my tough girlfriend stance comes from my own experience. Any individual can do all the counseling in the world on thier own issues, but when it comes to a partnership, it takes two. Guys do not like to do this kind of work, typically it's a rock bottom situation, not just a moment of introspection. I have the greatest guy in the world: when our marriage was headed pretty swiftly down the drain, he stepped up to the plate and pulled his share of the load to drag us out of the mess we'd made for ourselves. It was really tough going for a while, but we have no regrets.

also, I have a good friend who is a neurosurgeon who makes plenty of time for the things that they feel are important to themselves - while still working tons.

~I.

[Trekhawk]

I don't have any close "girl friends", so I really appreciate all of you.

Hey Yasmin there is a pretty good chance that one day in the future we will be living back in Adelaide and if that happens Ill be sure to give you a call girl.

Just thinking of Adelaide Im starting to feel hungry such yummy Cafes and Restaurants there. Its sounding better all the time, girl friend to ride with, chat with, eat yummy food with. Hmm sounds good to me. :) :)

[SadieKate]

Uh, Trekhawk? Could you put a comma between call and girl? I think you are saying that you want to give the girl a call not a paid-for-good-time. Well, maybe you are. Don't know you too well . . . :D

[Trekhawk]

Uh, Trekhawk? Could you put a comma between call and girl? I think you are saying that you want to give the girl a call not a paid-for-good-time. Well, maybe you are. Don't know you too well . . . :D

LOL - and I thought I had a naughtly mind. Sorry to clear that up I did mean a phone call to a girlfriend not the other. Hey dont want people calling me Pimphawk.
:D :D

[Yasmin]

when our marriage was headed pretty swiftly down the drain, he stepped up to the plate and pulled his share of the load to drag us out of the mess we'd made for ourselves. It was really tough going for a while, but we have no regrets.
~I.[/QUOTE]
That's such a nice story, I.
As far as the too busy earning $'s thing, until 1 yr ago DH was a 100% public hospital doctor. In Australia that is very poorly paid. He's been 1/2 public & 1/2 private for a year. Unlike most of his colleagues he spent 9 years in the public system in Australia & 6 years in Ireland & the UK national health systems. He is not a big money earner & has too many morals to do unneccessary operations. These values are some of the reasons I married him.
Your husband sounds like he really loves you to have put the work in like that. I agree, guys don't like looking at the emotional stuff. More credit to him for doing so.

Trekhawk: That would be soooo cool if we could catch up here. You'd be blown away by the increase in cafe's & al fresco dining. Not to mention the cycling. The hills here are fantastic for that. Going to Lobethal is one of my favourite trips. It's safe (not many cars) & the scenery is breathtaking. I'll look forward to it.
PS- SadieKate: I wouldn't have minded any interpretation...callgirls are more honest in their lives than some other professions I could think of! ;)

[Trekhawk]

Trekhawk: That would be soooo cool if we could catch up here. You'd be blown away by the increase in cafe's & al fresco dining. Not to mention the cycling. The hills here are fantastic for that. Going to Lobethal is one of my favourite trips. It's safe (not many cars) & the scenery is breathtaking. I'll look forward to it.
PS- I wouldn't have minded any interpretation...callgirls are more honest in their lives than some other professions I could think of!

Yasmin I use to live pretty close to Lobethal when we were living there last time. I love the Adelaide hills. Are they still doing the Lobethal lights at Xmas? We use to go and it would be the only traffic jam you would see for the year. Did you get to see the Downunder (is that its name now) bike race in the hills. I saw it one year when we were living there and fans had spray painted Go O'Grady on the roads all over the place. I wasnt riding when we lived there last time so riding the hills in SA would be a whole new experience for me.

[Yasmin]

Are they still doing the Lobethal lights at Xmas? We use to go and it would be the only traffic jam you would see for the year. Did you get to see the Downunder (is that its name now)

The are still doing the Lobethal lights at Christmas...just. The premier (Mike Rann) questioned stopping it because of "wasted" power (!). However, opposition against that idea won. However, power in SA is VERY expensive & not as many homes are doing it, but it's still good to see. Kids love it.
They call the race the "Tour Downunder", as opposed to the Tour De France.. Yes, I go every year & just love it. They have a section that anyone can ride. They call this leg the "BE Active Tour" & it is supported by BikeSA. It's part of the course the professionals do before the pros come through. I did it last year & the crowd support was great...especially when they see a women as only 5% of riders in Aust are women. It was 150km. Really tough..34C (93.2F), humid, no wind. People were cramping up everywhere. This yr I'll miss it 'cause I'm doing the Alpine Classic which is on about the same time.
See what you've got to look forward to when you come back? It'll be fun sharing it with you.
Cheers, Yas :D

[DirtDiva]

Hey dont want people calling me Pimphawk.
:D :D

Might have to. We all saw those Colnago Beauties you posted. :p :D ;)

And Yasmin, wouldn't dream of offering relationship advice to anyone, but {{{hugs}}} to ya.

[crazycanuck]

Yasmin,

If we have time while driving to melbourne we may make a stop in Adelaide. We're leaving Perth on the 21st-(kalgoorlie overnight) & then taking it from there..would be cool to "talk"

c

[Selkie]

Marriage is hard work. I've been married for 17 years (to the same guy), and we've had our share of ups and downs. We get on each other's nerves at times, but when all is said and done, we know we're there for each other. Yas, my husband is very dedicated to his job and some of his assignments have required him to work long hours, including weekends. There have been many times when I felt like I was low on his list of priorities. I guess you just have to have faith that although your husband's work is very important to him and takes a lot of his time, he loves you. It sounds like your marriage means a lot to both of you, so it almost certainly will be worth working on/making compromises/sticking it out. It is hard but in my experience, worth it. Try to have faith and have reasonable expectation. I've come to the realization that I won't change my husband, so I decided to accept it and be responsible for making sure I was content. In other words, I do my own thing when he's at work or brooding about work, etc. Sounds like you are finding ways to enjoy yourself, too (cycling). You can have a decent marriage and still have your own life/interests. There are things that, for me, are relationship breakers---infidelity, abuse, bad habits (drinking, drugs, gambling, etc), controlling---and I know I was lucky to find a guy whose bad points (dedication to work & obsession with U of MD football) are minor in the grand scheme of things. He's loyal, he loves me, he's got good character & ethics, and he lets me buy bikes! Believe me, after a few more years of being married, you'll savor your "private time" when he's off at work!! ;) There are Saturdays when I say "don't you have to go into the office?" haha

[Yasmin]

Thanks Mickchic...I guess we both got married late in life & are both stuck in our ways. Thanks for sharing your story, it's helpful to know how others deal with/look at things. :)

[Yasmin]

Yasmin,

If we have time while driving to melbourne we may make a stop in Adelaide. We're leaving Perth on the 21st-(kalgoorlie overnight) & then taking it from there..would be cool to "talk"

c
That sounds good. As far as I know we should be in Adelaide over Christmas, although Steve's (DH) dad's health has been very bad & we might need to do a quick dash to Sydney. But so far, so good. I've just worked out how to send private emails, so hopefully it worked. :)

[Irulan]

Marriage is hard work. I've been married for 17 years (to the same guy), and we've had our share of ups and downs. We get on each other's nerves at times, but when all is said and done, we know we're there for each other. Yas, my husband is very dedicated to his job and some of his assignments have required him to work long hours, including weekends. There have been many times when I felt like I was low on his list of priorities. I guess you just have to have faith that although your husband's work is very important to him and takes a lot of his time, he loves you. It sounds like your marriage means a lot to both of you, so it almost certainly will be worth working on/making compromises/sticking it out. It is hard but in my experience, worth it. Try to have faith and have reasonable expectation. I've come to the realization that I won't change my husband, so I decided to accept it and be responsible for making sure I was content. In other words, I do my own thing when he's at work or brooding about work, etc. Sounds like you are finding ways to enjoy yourself, too (cycling). You can have a decent marriage and still have your own life/interests. There are things that, for me, are relationship breakers---infidelity, abuse, bad habits (drinking, drugs, gambling, etc), controlling---and I know I was lucky to find a guy whose bad points (dedication to work & obsession with U of MD football) are minor in the grand scheme of things. He's loyal, he loves me, he's got good character & ethics, and he lets me buy bikes! Believe me, after a few more years of being married, you'll savor your "private time" when he's off at work!! ;) There are Saturdays when I say "don't you have to go into the office?" haha


Really good post. To sum it up, we are ultimately responsible for our own happiness. We can adjust our attitude and reactions; we don't have to be a slave to reacting to what someone else does. We can take action to ensure that our needs are being met.

[Yasmin]

All your posts have been insightful, intellegent & caring. Your comments & feed-back have helped me a lot & I really appreciate that. It's not often that we can really be ourselves, but on this forum that's allowed. There's something special about the way women share feelings. Geez I'm glad I'm female. I think the guys really miss out by not having the same freedom to share feelings like we do. They're human too & I know they hurt inside just as bad sometimes. I feel lucky that I can share in this way. Thanks again. :)

Irulan & Suzanne...I can tell from your posts that you're both lovely people & I admire the way you seem to deal with life & it's issues. Go girls, all power to you! :D

[sandra b]

I met my honey online, and our first date was a bike ride, then dinner afterward. Almost a year later (just last week), he just proposed, after a bike ride, and dinner at the same resturant. He does Triathalons, I don't run, but we ride together a lot.

We both agree that riding is important to us, and it is important to us to have a partner who "gets it".

On our second date I asked him for his view on politics, religion and a woman's right to choose. Since we were compatible in these areas and bikes, I thought he was perhaps a keeper.

Just last night he told me he could see through the shorts I was wearing, and that I had them on for our first date as well....

[mimitabby]

Saturday we rode 100 miles together. We ride a tandem and have been married 28 years, 2.5 years with the tandem.
Some of you might remember that the weekend before we'd had a real stressful ride which included pointless interchanges like "if you don't like it, you get up here and be the captain"

So I was rather filled with anxiety when we drove out to Wenatchee the night before. we bickered a bit, but nothing serious.

The day of the ride we were both up early, fairly refreshed. the sky was blue (rather cheering after 2 weeks of Seattle rain)
we got dressed, ate, got on the bike and started the ride. The wind was very mild, it was a little chilly, which is to be expected at 7am. We started down the trail, the gentle morning sun on our right, and joked as several other early birds passed us. After about 10 miles on a highway (with very little traffic because it was saturday morning) we turned off on a mountain road and for the next 7 hours we just cruised up and then down this mountain road.
It was gorgeous. We could hear the birds, the rushing full river; and we could smell locust trees and sagebrush.
We pulled into the rest stops (25, 50, 75 and 85 miles) without problems, ate great food (including washington apples!) We got along great. no hassles,
no quarrels; smooth pedalling, stopping (except for when we mired in the gravel on the side of the road and fell over!)
It was just about the most romantic date i could imagine!
we got back to the park, where we basked in the glory of having ridden
100 miles in one day and both of us were still able to walk, in fact, we felt pretty good.
The sons of Italy catered the dinner, and the food was absolutely delicious.
After we got done there, we showered and took a leisurely walk in the comfy hour of dusk (not hot, not cold) because he wanted an icecream (I got a small orange sherbet)
pretty nice date huh.

I came in late for all the marital advice stuff; i will start listening now.

[colby]

Do mixed marriages (bikers with non bikers) work?

I think we've covered this before but not in a while and not in this way.

My husband isn't a hugely athletic guy, but I have tried to keep him involved in my activities so he doesn't feel left out. I had him try snowboarding with me, which worked for a while, but it just wasn't his thing. He stayed supportive, though, and became my "ski caddy" ;) He's done the same thing with running. Not a big runner, but comes to events that I do and gives me support. I can't see him doing a triathlon, but he's there with me at least.

Bikes are something we can do together; even if he doesn't have the same amount of endurance right now he is willing to go for a ride with me on weekends, and I compromise about distances and where we go depending on conditions. A lot of times I'll let him stop for a rest and go pedal another extra few miles hard, loop back around and enjoy our time together on the return trip.

He enjoys things that I don't invest my time in, like video games and some other non-athletic stuff, but I make a point to "be there" for his adventures just like he is there for mine, listening to him talk and being an active member of discussions with him so we can always find common ground. Sometimes our different priorities might be a point of contention, but I try to focus on not sweating the small stuff and compromising. If it's not worth arguing about, don't.

I also have found having other people around that I can do things with helps take a little bit of the pressure off of him to not feel like he has to do everything with me, and makes me not bug him so much to go do things with me all the time ;) It also helps when we both schedule something at the same time, so we don't feel left out of each others' activities. Honestly, if we weren't smart about how we did it, I would be really lonely. I really like to do things *with* someone, so it's hard for me to enjoy something by myself all the time.

I've never heard of a bike date. When I was dating (college) it might not have been something I considered, but if I was in that position now I think it'd be fun. My dad would probably kick me if I suggested he try it, but then we're not in a hugely densely populated area so it might be harder to find. I also like the bike club suggestion -- just like any other club or group, you can enjoy other peoples' company and use that as an opportunity to do the first round of voting potential candidates off the podium ;)