Guest's unfinished food-do you ask?

[shootingstar]

Yesterday evening we prepared a lovely dinner for a couple --friends we know reasonably well. They bike (though not yesterday), etc. She is a regular jogger and skier also. Conscious about eating certain foods vs. others. I knew she was not vegetarian but liked healthy dishes. No allergies. They have lived on the Northwest coast for last few decades so familiar with the local cuisines etc.

So we played it safe for supper and seafood with stirfried tomatoes, peppers, onions, garlic, ginger, etc. and abit of pasta. When removing the dirty dishes off the table for dessert, I asked if she didn't like peppers since she left behind nearly all the red and green peppers, plus pasta (light) on her plate. She said that at least she ate the mussels. She said she normally doesn't eat mussels.

If it's someone I know, I will ask for my own knowledge next time, to check if the guest didn't like a particular veggie/food especially if they left behind a whole lot of it uneaten.

Do you ask guests that you know well, to confirm that they don't like a certain food if they left behind a large amount of certain foods uneaten on their plate?

[KnottedYet]

No.

I ask all relevant questions before the dinner.

At the dinner, I keep my anxieties to myself as much as possible. Meals are like gifts in that once you give them to someone, what they do with it afterward is none of your business.

If I had a dinner guest who had barely eaten anything, I'd assume my cooking didn't agree with her. Rather than making her uncomfortable by putting her on the spot about why she ate so little, I'd make an open ended offer of another food option like "I was thinking of putting out a plate of sliced cheese and fruit for us all to nibble on with the coffee, do you think folks would like that?" If she didn't like the dinner and was still hungry, she can say "Yes" and fill up on cheese and fruit. If she just wasn't hungry that day, she could say "No" and no harm done, no-one embarrassed.

[shootingstar]

I only want to know in advance, if they have allergies, have significant problems digesting certain foods and if they are vegetarian. But then I usually have a dish (he isn't always around when I entertain my friends) that is suitable for vegetarians.

I actually don't like long catalogue lists of particular food dislikes from adult guests in advance. I just ask what they want when they are served food.

I will ask if people want the next certain dish and serve/not serve amounts accordingly.

And I rarely am asked in advance what my food preferences are. Partially because most people who know me, know I don't kick up a big fuss about food. I do try a broad range of food given to me....except they may know I can only have abit of wine for I get abit drunk..very fast. :p You're right, the dinner for guests is a gift..but a gift like any gift doesn't always please everyone every time.

NB. Despite her health consciousness, she stunned us by eating 2 huge bowls of melted bittersweet chocolate sauce with whipped creme over pears poached in honey and wine with spices.

[kermit]

I'm pretty open about the menu. I will let the guest know what is planned for dinner, for example, our good friend does not like seafood. Sometimes shrimp, but not fish or scallops. We just had them come down from Georgia and we asked, "what would you love to eat that you can't find at home"?. They will usually give us a rundown of what they like and don't like and we can work in what is seasonal down here and figure something out. We always do a cheese plate, some almonds, grapes, etc. The funny thing was he wound up loving our smoked fish dip!

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

Lots of people don't eat seafood and especially shellfish. It's best to ask.
If I'm cooking dinner for others, I always ask if people are vegetarians and if they have any foods they avoid eating.

[Librarygirl]

Maybe I'm really intolerant of people's fussiness, but I would be annoyed if I had a person over to dinner, made quite an effort (as it sounds like you did) to accommodate particular tastes and desires (ie healthy etc.) and they left behind large amounts of food for no good reason. It's one thing to not eat much and explain to the host/ess that you're just really not hungry or not feeling well, or to really not like one particular thing and leave it to the side, another thing entirely to leave most of the meal. Actually, I also think if a person REALLY doesn't like something, they should have the responsibility of letting the host know in advance

Some have said here to see the meal as a gift, well, I always express gratefulness for a gift and I think it comes across as quite ungrateful to not eat what is provided without at least explaining why. Would you just throw a gift that you were given, and didn't like, in the bin in front of the giver?

Sorry, a bit of a rant - I don't know why this gets me so much? :confused:

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

It might have nothing to do with her liking the food. Some people (like me) can get pretty painful indigestion from the skins of red and green peppers, tomatoes, and onions if more than a few little pieces are eaten together. Most foods don't give me a problem, but peppers i avoid particularly. Perhaps she didn't want to be rude and imply that the meal would give her indigestion, so maybe she just quietly ate the mussels and most of the pasta and didn't want to make a fuss about it or talk about her digestive issues. I doubt she wanted to be rude about throwing a gift in the garbage.

[PamNY]

I think Bleecker's reply is insightful. Nothing annoys me more than listening to people blather on about their digestive issues or their dislikes during a meal. I think a guest who behaves with discretion is a treasure -- to me that's far more important than whether someone eats my food.

Are these people you entertain regularly? If so, I'd ask (discreetly and privately) about the matter if a similar incident occurs. Otherwise, I would say nothing and forget about it.

[shootingstar]

I think Bleecker's reply is insightful. Nothing annoys me more than listening to people blather on about their digestive issues or their dislikes during a meal. I think a guest who behaves with discretion is a treasure -- to me that's far more important than whether someone eats my food.

Are these people you entertain regularly? If so, I'd ask (discreetly and privately) about the matter if a similar incident occurs. Otherwise, I would say nothing and forget about it.

We've eaten at each other's homes several times over the years and together at restaurants. Not that I make an attempt to memorize people's specific food avoidances in great detail. Who would,...unless it's your own parents, in-laws, your own childen/grandchildren? I draw the line..in terms of trying to remember people's food avoidances in great detail. :rolleyes::o

My mistake might have been just serving and dividing the food on everyone's plates in similar amounts. I should have asked before serving.

I agree PamNY, it's tiring to hear about someone's list of food dislikes at the dinner table....his 31-yr. old daughter does this. It's gotten to a point for special dinners where I tell him, my partner, he should at least have 1-2 dishes she likes and the rest it's up to her to have it served to her or not. He cooks at least half or more of the menu since he wants to give his "gift" to his daughter. A natural thing for any reasonable parent.

Believe me, her food dislike list is long, annoying..which includes alot of vegetables that we both like/have often. In such situations, I let him determine most of the menu which he enjoys doing anyway. Why frustrate myself?

Compare this against my mother...who only sees me ..maybe once or every 2-3 years since I live in another province. She just goes ahead and prepares whatever she thinks is healthy and tastes good to her, not to me. It's up to me to eat it if I want it. And I do :) because it genuinely is healthy cuisine, even though certain dishes are slightly boring..because she had reduced on salt (which is good), alot less spices than I would use. Ok, I'm eating out of guilt :)..but it's healthy food, thank goodness. :)

[Cataboo]

I was always taught that it was polite to eat everything given to me if I was a guest in someone's house, even if I have to choke it down and clamp my hand over my mouth not to vomit.

And so basically I do :) If I'm allowed to serve myself, I will just take a taste of something I know I don't like - if they ask before serving, I'll just ask for a little bit to taste.

But then I don't really have any strong feelings about food (vegetarian, religious) or allergies.

If I have guests, I usually try to clear the menu with them before hand "I'm thinking of making this, would that be okay?" - and I let people serve themselves so that I don't give someone too much of something they don't like or more than they want to eat. If I'm making a salad and someone says they don't like something, I'll cut up that vegetable and just put it on the side instead of mixing it into the entire salad.

[Laterider21958]

Can understand your desire to serve a meal your guests will enjoy, however I find it a bit difficult to devise a menu which pleases everybody. The last "big" family dinner was 18 people for my husband's 60th. One guest I knew had some dietary limitations, so I asked what she couldn't eat. I got this long list. (Should have asked what could be eaten.) Tried my very best to have a variety available and served buffet style. At least they could pick more of what they liked and leave the stuff they detested or couldn't eat. It was a lot of work and I wouldn't every tackle something like that again. :eek:

Me...I'm just happy if somebody else wants to do the cooking and all I have to do is wait for it to be served. :)

PS My kids came home with girlfriend and boyfriend who didn't like tomato, capsicum or onion. I didn't know this until I'd launched into my signature pasta dish which consisted of canned tomato soup base with both of the other ingredients and sprinkled with parmesan cheese. It was served, but instead of chunky identifiable pieces in the sauce I got out the Barmix and blended the sauce to mush. They ate it and had seconds. If you can't see it it's not there!;)

[sfa]

I'd never ask someone *after* a meal if they didn't like something that they left behind, but I will ask when inviting them if they have any dietary restrictions, allergies, or anything in particular that they don't like. FWIW, though, if someone asked me the same I'd tell them that I avoid shellfish (makes me gag, then serious digestive issues--not a real allergy, but definitely an intolerance) but wouldn't mention any non-main-dishy things (that is, I also can't stand mushrooms, but it's rare that a meal is based on mushrooms, so I've just gotten adept at picking them out). As a fairly picky eater myself, I have a great deal of sympathy for guests who are served a food that they don't like and are then faced with gagging it down or just leaving it behind. I wouldn't dream of being insulted if someone left a food behind. So they didn't like it. No big deal. I also tend to serve meals to guests family style so that they can serve themselves as much or as little as they like of a food, or do some careful editing of a meal to make sure not to pull out too many of whatever it is they might not like.

The only exception I'd make would be if someone was a house guest and I'd have to keep feeding them for several more meals--in that case, to be a good host, I'd want to avoid a food they might not have liked again. After one meal at a person's house, the guest can go home and gorge on anything they like. But a houseguest might get hungry if they don't like peppers and I served stir fried peppers with dinner, peppers in the morning omlette, and steak sandwiches with fried peppers for lunch.

Sarah

[Cataboo]

I do ask how spicy people like food before hand - I like a lot of spice, I like salt. Lots of people's digestive track can't handle that. And when in doubt, I just go very lightly on all spicy.

[Biciclista]

I might ask too, but I try to ask before the meal is served what sorts of things the person will or won't eat.
I don't like Asparagus, but if it's served to me, I just pile it on my husband's plate because he loves it and will eat a double portion. :)

[OakLeaf]

That's something I hadn't thought about - a one-dish meal makes it impossible for a guest to pick and choose. Cooking is so much easier when protein, vegetables and carbs are all part of the same big lump in my dish ;) and that's how I almost always do it when it's just DH and myself.

We don't entertain often, but when we do, it's usually a casual meal same sort of thing. Spanakopita and falafel are two of my favorite "company" meals. I guess with falafel, they could at least assemble their own sandwich, or have the patty and toppings on a plate if they don't want any pita. (Had the neighbors over for falafel last night, nom nom. ;))

It's much easier to have two to four completely separate dishes when you're serving meat, I think. But something to think about.

[TsPoet]

This thread has been fascinating. Thanks for posting the question!
I'm not quite as polite - I usually announce what will be for dinner when I invite people - at least a category.
I'm very simple, though, when I invite people it'll be burgers and salad, or pizza ordered out (I do ask what toppings people want, then order whatever I want taking their desires under advisement), or meatloaf and potatoes... simple stuff.
I do like the separate dishes idea.

[DebW]

The title of this thread made me think that the question you ask your guest is "May I finish your leftovers?" :D It's always a shame to throw out good food.

[Sylvia]

When I invite people over, I usually will ask if there are any dietary restrictions. And I tell them that I have no problems if there are since I grew up in a family like this. My father is diabetic and my mother doesn't eat shell fish due to religious beliefs. I really have no problems if someone doesn't like certain foods or can't eat certain foods, but I ask in advance to try and make it easier for everyone.

[PamNY]

The title of this thread made me think that the question you ask your guest is "May I finish your leftovers?" :D It's always a shame to throw out good food.

I thought the same thing when I saw this thread. I was going to suggest waiting until the guest departs to polish off that chocolate cake.:D

Seriously, this is an interesting discussion. I'm vegetarian but I try really hard not to be a PITA.

[Cataboo]

I had 1 parent that grew up through all the wars in Vietnam and another who grew up through rationing during WWII in Britian - Both were pretty adamant that you did not waste food, you ate it to survive, and being picky was a luxury.

Now, judging from my thighs, I think I have some room for luxury now... And I waste too much food at times.

I'll confess to getting really aggravated with my sister & her 8 year old sometimes. My mother will make 4 different type meat dishes with rice and different vegetables all served buffet style, and the 8 year old will refuse to eat each one for various reasons, and my sister will say "okay, I'll take you to mcdonalds after we leave" or will go get a microwave pizza out of the freezer and cook it for the 8 year old. Generally, at least one of those meat dishes is something that my Mom's made for my little brother who won't eat anything vegetable so should be fine for the 8 year old as well - and another one is usually something she knows my sister's 8 year old likes, so it's not like my mother isn't making an effort. When someone decides to go out for fast food after leaving your house & not make a secret out of it, it's somewhat of a slap in the face.

[badger]

I haven't entertained in a while, but I usually have two ways, one is to announce in advance what is on the menu (thereby they can determine they want to eat it or not or tell me they have problems with it), and the other is potluck.

I've been to a party once where the menu was bouillabase (sp?). It was awaful because I hate shellfish and anything fishy, so I tried to eat a bit but it just wasn't going down all that well. The host felt horribly as well because she thought she was putting on a fantastic meal and I couldn't enjoy it.

[bcipam]

Generally - if having guests over, I ask if there are any food issues before I plan and shop for the meal. Personally I have alot of food allergies myself - I have no problem telling someone I can't eat onion, garlic, salt etc. but it's always nice if they ask me first.

That said, if I am a guest in someone's house and find the food not to my liking, I just politely leave it and not say a word other than thank you for the lovely meal. I would not want to embarass or upset the cook about making something I can't eat.

Unless you and I were really close, I would hate for you to ask "why didn't you eat everything on your plate?" Just assume she had her reasons and let it go. Next time, ask before the meal is cooked are there any likes or dislikes. Or just let it go... it's not that big a deal... I have friends who are terribly cooks. I don't go to their house for the food, I go for the company. The food is secondary.

[bcipam]

I
I'll confess to getting really aggravated with my sister & her 8 year old sometimes. My mother will make 4 different type meat dishes with rice and different vegetables all served buffet style, and the 8 year old will refuse to eat each one for various reasons, and my sister will say "okay, I'll take you to mcdonalds after we leave" or will go get a microwave pizza out of the freezer and cook it for the 8 year old. Generally, at least one of those meat dishes is something that my Mom's made for my little brother who won't eat anything vegetable so should be fine for the 8 year old as well - and another one is usually something she knows my sister's 8 year old likes, so it's not like my mother isn't making an effort. When someone decides to go out for fast food after leaving your house & not make a secret out of it, it's somewhat of a slap in the face.

OK that's a whole other issue - someone has control issues and someone knows how to push buttons - guess who is who?

My mother wasn't the greatest but what she taught me is how to be polite and gracious. If I don't like the food I sit quietly and do my best. As a parent I would never overindulge my child but instead use the situation as a learning tool. And using McDonalds as a bride or treat? Lordy not good for the child!!! The child should be told she can pick something off the menu at Mom's or wait until they get home and she can have cereal. I bet she picks something off mom's menu with that choice instead of McDonald's!

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

My mother will make 4 different type meat dishes with rice and different vegetables all served buffet style, and the 8 year old will refuse to eat each one for various reasons, and my sister will say "okay, I'll take you to mcdonalds after we leave" or will go get a microwave pizza out of the freezer and cook it for the 8 year old.

Yikes. Don't even get me started on this subject! How not to raise a healthy and considerate human being. :mad:

[GLC1968]

I have lots of food issues, but no specific allergies. When I go to someone's house for dinner, if they don't ask, I keep my mouth shut and make the best of it.

The first time I went to an ex-boyfriend's parents house for dinner, his mom mananged to make an entire meal of everything I didn't like. No joke! From ham as the main course, cauiliflower in a cream sauce, a sausage based stuffing full of raisins and the salad which was drowning in a mustard cream dressing. I hate creamy things, ham, raisins, mustard, cauliflower (back then) and sausage gives me indigestion! I survived and I handled it like an adult - politely.

When I cook, I ask about alergies or preferences (usually by sharing what I am planning and asking if that'll work) ahead of time. I had a friend who's husband was like that 8-year old. He wouldn't eat about one thousand different things and he (and his wife) would expect us to accomodate them. I would do the best I could to ensure that there were at least a couple of dishes that he would eat, but they would want me to only serve stuff that didn't have his dislikes involved! I mean, yes, I get it if you are vegan or are allergic to shellfish - but you want me to accomodate all of your pickiness? I don't think so. You are an adult. Eating lightly at one meal isn't going to kill you. We eventually stopped inviting them over for meals.

And no, I would never ask someone after the fact if they didn't like something I cooked unless they were a really good friend and even then, only in private.

[shootingstar]

I have lots of food issues, but no specific allergies. When I go to someone's house for dinner, if they don't ask, I keep my mouth shut and make the best of it............................................

I mean, yes, I get it if you are vegan or are allergic to shellfish - but you want me to accomodate all of your pickiness? I don't think so. You are an adult. Eating lightly at one meal isn't going to kill you. We eventually stopped inviting them over for meals.

Encapsulates what I feel also: There is a point as a full-grown adult , one should be reasonably be flexible enough to eat lightly for stuff that doesn't meet personal specifications/demands. Unless the food results in a medical disorder/threat.

In watching my sisters and their hubbies raise their children, they are trying to expose each child's palate to a broad range of healthy foods and flavours. It can be challenge on parents at times in terms of patience. The sister who is a physician and mother of 2 now recommends (even more confidently now that she has become a mother) try the same healthy veggie/fruit on child....20 different times. Even if it means cooking it different ways, etc. Yes sure, her 2 yr. old is helping herself to cooked butternut squash, bok choy,etc. in her mouth on her own.

Of course, it can mean a mess on the child at times as they play around with the food or take extra time to eat.

Hence, my oldest niece who is now 25 yrs., she is nonplussed about eating all sorts of unusual foods and spiceness: no problem. She's beeen acculturating her boyfriend who had been raised in a tiny Ontario village. He didn't even eat Chinese food...which I find strange since most small Canadian towns do have at least 1 Chinese-Canadian restaurant, which may not be authentic cuisine..
He's only 26 yrs. So not born..100 yrs. ago. :p Doesn't even like ANY soups. None. He has no allergies.

He sort of reminds me of my partner's mom who had a friend who didn't like and never ate any vegetables. Friend was raised on Cape Breton Island off the coast of Nova Scotia. It was strange to see to 70 yr. old woman (who was quite sick after a heart stroke) not wanting any veggies in her meals because she never/rarely ate veggies as a child and onward. Yes, the woman became abit overweight for various reasons, but that food omission probably didn't help.

And for Lakerider on mega-family dinners: For me, a family get-together means 25 people. We just know to avoid making stuff with shrimp and peanut butter for 3 children who have strong allergies to these foods that can become life-threatening. Then the rest is potluck where most people just offer and bring what they want. With this number of people, alot of potluck dishes get consumed most of the time. No one tries to figure out other family members' food preferences. Chaotic, isn't it? But it's fun. :D

The only thing that unites all the hodge podge of potluck dishes is: in our mega-family if your dish is healthy/moderately decadent/moderately spiced, it'll get eaten at least 80% or more. If there is 8 bottles of wine...I guarantee only 3-4 bottles will get consumed for said same 25 people.

[OakLeaf]

I'm surprised no one has mentioned religious restrictions in this thread.

Shootingstar, apparently if your friend ate some of the mussels, that wasn't it. But I would accommodate a guest's religious dietary restrictions the same as I would if it were a physical allergy or sensitivity. Obviously they'd have to tell me first though. :cool:

[Cataboo]

Shootingstar - your guest didn't complain to you about the food or say anything till you asked her why she didn't eat it. So I'm not certain there's anything in her behavior that wasn't adult. You served her something that she either didn't want to eat or couldn't eat and she made the best of it without complaining.

And I'm sure she hated being put on the spot for you asking...

Mussels are kind of a tough one, lots of people have issues with seafood or sensitivities.

[GLC1968]

I'm surprised no one has mentioned religious restrictions in this thread.

Shootingstar, apparently if your friend ate some of the mussels, that wasn't it. But I would accommodate a guest's religious dietary restrictions the same as I would if it were a physical allergy or sensitivity. Obviously they'd have to tell me first though. :cool:


Yes, I would accomodate religious restrictions as well, no problem. Honestly, I would accomodate any reasonable request. Key word here being 'reasonable' of course. ;)

[Blueberry]

To respond to the original inquiry - I think the guest behaved entirely appropriately.

Food was PUT on her plate - she didn't take too much and then fail to eat it. She ate as much as she could, leaving the parts she didn't like/didn't want. Bell peppers are one of the few foods I have trouble choking down - they trigger a very strong gag reflex, and I get very sick to my stomach if I eat them. I likely would have done the same, and move them around/left them on the side of the plate.

I was also surprised at the comment about how much desert she ate - she enjoyed it, there was plenty. She's apparently fit and generally healthy - why is that a big deal?

When asked about my own dietary restrictions - no beef or pork (generally moral reasons) or bell peppers, I will generally cheerfully offer to supplement dinner (particularly if it causes a problem). One of the toughest situations I have been put in lately was being served a plate of veal at a wedding reception. I ate as much as I could without become physically ill, and said nothing. I would have been somewhat embarassed to be asked about it.

Close friends - I might say something like "I was thinking of taking that dish to a dinner party - what do you think?" Most people that come to my home I'm close enough to to be able to have a frank conversation beforehand about their preferences, and allow them to control what/how much they take. Hasn't been an issue at all.

[PamNY]

When asked about my own dietary restrictions - no beef or pork (generally moral reasons) or bell peppers, I will generally cheerfully offer to supplement dinner (particularly if it causes a problem). One of the toughest situations I have been put in lately was being served a plate of veal at a wedding reception. I ate as much as I could without become physically ill, and said nothing. I would have been somewhat embarassed to be asked about it.

I frequently offer to bring a dish as well, since I don't eat meat.

What a very difficult situation with the veal; I know even people who eat other forms of meat who won't touch it. That was a tough one.

[Blueberry]

I frequently offer to bring a dish as well, since I don't eat meat.

What a very difficult situation with the veal; I know even people who eat other forms of meat who won't touch it. That was a tough one.

That was definitely cultural - that's part of the reason I was as accommodating as possible. In the Groom's culture, it would be considered the highest/best thing they could have served. I just "filled up quickly" on the other stuff (each person was served 2 entrees + table salads + buffet appetizers + dessert).

[shootingstar]

To respond to the original inquiry - I think the guest behaved entirely appropriately.

Food was PUT on her plate - she didn't take too much and then fail to eat it. She ate as much as she could, leaving the parts she didn't like/didn't want. Bell peppers are one of the few foods I have trouble choking down - they trigger a very strong gag reflex, and I get very sick to my stomach if I eat them. I likely would have done the same, and move them around/left them on the side of the plate.

I was also surprised at the comment about how much desert she ate - she enjoyed it, there was plenty. She's apparently fit and generally healthy - why is that a big deal?

Blueberry, somewhere earlier in this thread I did admit I didn't ask her in advance when dividing food up on everyone's plate. This topic thread just has deviated into other exploratory corners, so might be hard to pick up that detail. :)

For religious restrictions of others, I find it easiest to include a veggie dish. It's always a safe bet --a veggie dish.

We've had visitors from outside of North America. Believe me, it's worked out fine ..even without knowing people's food preferences in advance. Usually they want to eat our food...because it's expensive/rarer to prepare in their home country similar dishes.

[Cataboo]

I think it would generally work fine to have guests from outside of north america. Most of them are exposed to a much wider variety of food/meat choices to begin with. The exception being the British, who are as bad as Americans :)

You go to an American super market, and your meat choices are cow, pig, chicken or turkey. If you look a bit and if it's fancier, you can find some veal, maybe some buffalo, quail, duck, or cornish hens. But the average american is exposed to eating cow, pig, chicken or turkey. Anything more exotic than that is strange - horse meat is normal in europe, most americans couldn't stomach eating horse meat, because that's dog food and horse are nice creatures you ride. But go into a european super market, you'll find horse, goat, ostrich, emu, antelope, venison, and various other african species, etc.

I'll admit to finding it vaguely annoying when I have friends that are picky eaters, but for the most part I know that it's a product of how they grew up. I feel really really sorry for them if we go to an asian restaurant and all they can do is order fried rice, because they know they like that. If I'm going out with those friends, I will go to a burger joint or something like that and get a salad. If I'm having them over, I'll order pizzas or I'll make spaghetti or I'll put the grill on and bbq some meat & burgers. My sister's daughter told me a month or so ago "My Mommy says you only know how to make spaghetti, but you're really good at that" and that's because - my sister & daughter = picky eaters, they get spaghetti with a meat sauce - they like it, it's easy for me to make and they can't annoy me too much by being picky with it. I will say that my sister's 8 year old who can be picky, does eat a lot of vegetables and blue cheese and such like that, that I wouldn't have touched when I was 8.

I have other friends that I know will eat anything that I eat, and we go to various ethnic restaurants all the time and I'll happily cook for them and enjoy the fact that they appreciate it. But they do tend to be foreign born or have foreign parents or to have done a lot of traveling.

Now my bf would claim I'm a picky eater, but it's more of a - there are times when I don't think it's worth the calories to eat something because I just don't like it that much and there are basic bits of food sanitation that I like to observe that he's pretty cavalier about. And I figure since he's a bf, I don't have to be polite anymore.

[shootingstar]

I feel really really sorry for them if we go to an asian restaurant and all they can do is order fried rice, because they know they like that. If I'm going out with those friends, I will go to a burger joint or something like that and get a salad. If I'm having them over, I'll order pizzas or I'll make spaghetti or I'll put the grill on and bbq some meat & burgers. My sister's daughter told me a month or so ago "My Mommy says you only know how to make spaghetti, but you're really good at that" and that's because - my sister & daughter = picky eaters, they get spaghetti with a meat sauce - they like it, it's easy for me to make and they can't annoy me too much by being picky with it. I will say that my sister's 8 year old who can be picky, does eat a lot of vegetables and blue cheese and such like that, that I wouldn't have touched when I was 8.

Maybe there's hope since she likes blue cheese. Seriously.:)
There IS value when a child is exposed in a casual, positive manner to other healthy food prepared and offered by extended family members --grandparents, aunts :D, uncles, etc.

I know my oldest niece and nephew wouldn't have had as great diversity in their taste for Asian food if they had not eaten other stuff from other family members, outside of their parents, which is not normally eaten at their home. It's important that adults themselves don't make a big deal how certain foods look (ew, ugh, etc.) unless it really is unhealthy.

Relook at your role, auntie. But take tiny steps in this area. :)

As for only eating fried rice in an Asian restaurant....yea, sad. Ignoring 1,000+ years of complex, amazing gastronomy. It's like having only French onion soup and ignoring the whole wonderful legacy of other French dishes.

[Zen]

The title of this thread made me think that the question you ask your guest is "May I finish your leftovers?" :D It's always a shame to throw out good food.

"You gonna eat that?"
My brain goes that way too:p

[badger]

I don't think you can blanketly say that picky eaters are a result of their upbringing.

My brother and I grew up in a mish-mash of cultures and was exposed to many different things. I usually liked to try different foods and surprised people when I liked things traditionally not liked by children (natto and salmon roe for starters).

My brother, on the other hand, was a PICKY eater. Didn't like this, didn't want to try that, etc etc. We couldn't be more different in terms of our tastes.

He did eventually "outgrow" his pickiness and he'll eat pretty much anything now. But he's got his payback; his elder daughter is just like he was and is super picky. I'd say in this case the pickiness is genetic!

[Cataboo]

You can't actually blanketly state anything about people in general. All stereotypes breakdown. I didn't mean to state it as an absolute vs. a trend.

[GLC1968]

I was the pickiest eater EVER when I was a kid. Not only have I never liked creamy things (I wouldn't even drink whole milk as a small child), but I hated all types of sauces. My mom would make me a plain pork chop when the family had BBQ'd chops. I would eat spaghetti with butter and garlic when the rest of the family had meat sauce. I'd wipe everything off my pizza and just eat the bread/crust (no joke). I hated jelly, and would only eat PB & Fluff and I hated all cheese except velveeta (which is so NOT cheese!). Anything fried with a coating? I'd wipe it off and eat what was on the inside (chicken, fish sticks, etc).

My brother couldn't have his food touching on his plate. All hell would break loose if his peas rolled into his noodles or something. We had a ton of little tiny bowls at our house!

We both outgrew it all. We are both normal eaters (with the exception of my creamy repulsion), so a picky child isn't necessarily doomed to be a picky adult.

[badger]

ha, my pickiness was related to meat. I've always had issues with meat, like fat or gristle, or anything that you bite in to and feel gross. I'd cut off all the fat, which my mother complained was half the meat, but it always grossed me out, and still does. Another thing that irked my mother endlessly was when I was always suspicious that my meat was undercooked. To this day she hates it when I inspect my food before I put it in my mouth.

I'm mostly vegetarian now (flexitarian?), I never buy meat at home. It's just simpler to avoid it and I never really liked the taste of meat anyways (except bacon and sausages...)

[rubywagon]

Nobody ever invites us over for dinner because we are vegetarians. Whats up with that? :P

[Crankin]

I was the pickiest eater imaginable, until I was well into my teens. When I was five, I had to be put on a diet to gain weight and get some, ah fiber into my body. I distinctly remember my mom sort of shoving a banana down my throat, along with some really gross, thick chocolaty stuff, that I think was for constipation... I had been living on white bread and butter/milk for months. My stomach always hurt and I was seriously underweight. Then I went through a phase where I just gagged on everything, when I was about eight. The smell of tuna fish made me nauseous and I don't think I ate a vegetable or crunchy fruit until I was 16.
Now I eat everything. I think when I was in college, I started eating more fruits and vegetables and ethnic stuff. My dad was in the wholesale food business at that time, and I often got to go to restaurant openings. Also, my mom always was an outstanding cook. There were never any mixes or prepared foods in my house. I learned to cook just from watching her.
I have never had bad "guest" experiences. I did a have a couple of friends who ate virtually nothing, because that was the only way they could maintain their weight. This was a long time ago; I do remember one sort of annoying me when she pushed the food around on her plate at a holiday dinner.
I had one kid who was just like me. He was in the 5th % for weight growing up. In some of the pictures from when he was around 3, he looks like a concentration camp survivor. Guess what? When got to high school, he had a lot of friends who were vegetarian. They exposed him to lots of stuff/restaurants and now he eats just about any ethnic cuisine. Still doesn't like crunchy veggies or fruit, though.

[HoosierGiant]

Nobody ever invites us over for dinner because we are vegetarians. Whats up with that? :P


Ditto.

[ny biker]

I was once invited to dinner by a friend who served pot roast. I cannot stand the taste pot roast. I'm also mostly-vegetarian in that I just don't like the flavor and/or texture of most meats. I do like most vegetables, and I love potatoes.

So I filled my plate with potatoes and vegetables and ate them all, even though they were infused with pot roast flavor. I never made a face or said anything about not liking the food.

My friend got really mad at me for not eating the pot roast.

We're not friends anymore.


A few months ago, one of my neighbors invited several people over for dinner and announced she was making paella. Most of the things in paella make me gag, so I lied and said I already had plans for that night.

I fully admit that I am a picky eater and yet some of the things I love are pretty strange combinations that I will never admit to in public. :eek: But I do my best to keep it to myself when I'm someone's guest.

BTW I get left out of dinner parties mostly because I'm single.

[Zen]

BTW I get left out of dinner parties mostly because I'm single.

They don't want you stealing their men ;)

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

Nobody ever invites us over for dinner because we are vegetarians. Whats up with that? :P

Half of our friends seem to be vegetarians, so at potlucks there are always many veggie/vegan dishes. (And usually way too much tofu for my taste. :cool: )

Maybe you should cultivate more vegetarian friends? :p

[Blueberry]

Nobody ever invites us over for dinner because we are vegetarians. Whats up with that? :P

Throw themed vegetarian potlucks?:) We have lots of veggie friends - but it's not that often that we visit someone's house or have someone visit ours. Just our lives/schedules...

[Tuckervill]

My friend got really mad at me for not eating the pot roast.


That is just sooo wrong. Asking why someone didn't eat what was served is wrong, too. Rude and nosy. Don't do it.

I can't tolerate onions anymore (they give me gas, raw or cooked), but I LOVE the flavor of onions in my food. So, I pick them out while savoring the flavor they may have left behind. If someone asked me why, I'd tell them they'd be happier being around me if I didn't eat them (same with bell peppers, but I LOVE them). If the person got mad, I'd have to tell them to shut the heck up. I mean, really! How rude!

Karen

[shootingstar]

Greenbeanw, are you sure it's because you're vegetarian for the non-invites? Of course, these maybe people who love their barbecued meats, etc. :)

Here in Vancouver at home, we barely have enough space to include 2 other people for dinner. OUr home space is small. So potluck here: no. But when I lived in Toronto and with several family members in rotation, there would be/still a potluck meal every few months. It's the only way to feed a very large family with young kids running around and without overstressing the hosts on food prep. It's also most fun since it allows people to break up casually in groups and move around to chat, since we cannot all sit down at 1 table. Too many of us.

If I included all cousins, spouses and their children in Metro Toronto..that is over 60 people. :p

So here I am in Vancouver...lone ranger. :o Sharing of food prepared by multiple parties and being pleasantly surprised most of the time by what other family members prepare (or buy :)) because usually we don't know in much detail what the entire menu will be, is just normal for me in terms of big family meal celebrations. Usually the host gives vague instructions/gathers vague info. what people will bring...otherwise a person would go insane stuck in food minutaie pre-planning.

I genuinely do come from a family with fairly flexible palates...alot of it learned from each of our childhoods.

[Cataboo]

Unfortunately my house is rarely ever clean enough that I invite people over :) I tend to do it if my house is clean.

If vegetarians come over - they get pasta with veggies mixed into it and salads... portabella mushrooms, bell peppers, zuchinnis, what not. that's sort of the extent of my ability to cook with vegetables only.

[Skierchickie]

ha, my pickiness was related to meat. I've always had issues with meat, like fat or gristle, or anything that you bite in to and feel gross. I'd cut off all the fat, which my mother complained was half the meat, but it always grossed me out, and still does.

Me too! All my life. My DH loves steaks - we have steaks, and I have half a plate of fat and junk left, and his is practically clean (shudder shudder):( I'm the one that gets a mouthful of gristle, or a fragment of bone, or hidden vein of fat, or some other horrible thing in every hamburger, pasty or piece of sausage (sausage - yuck - I don't eat much of that.).

There are stories about my great-grandmother hovering around during dinner, and then picking the fat scraps off people's plates and eating them - "Can't let that go to waste!". Eew.

[ny biker]

Me too! All my life. My DH loves steaks - we have steaks, and I have half a plate of fat and junk left, and his is practically clean (shudder shudder):( I'm the one that gets a mouthful of gristle, or a fragment of bone, or hidden vein of fat, or some other horrible thing in every hamburger, pasty or piece of sausage (sausage - yuck - I don't eat much of that.).

There are stories about my great-grandmother hovering around during dinner, and then picking the fat scraps off people's plates and eating them - "Can't let that go to waste!". Eew.

Yuck. Just reading this makes me ill.

(I have the same issues as you and badger.)

[rubywagon]

Greenbeanw, are you sure it's because you're vegetarian for the non-invites?

Actually, can you believe it is our own PARENTS who won't have us over because we don't eat meat? The last time we ate dinner over at their house the conversation went something like this:

Them: So what are you going to eat if you don't eat the roast?
Us: The potatoes, green beans, rice, side dishes, etc. No worries!
Them: That isn't even a meal.
:rolleyes:

I need to move somewhere where there are lots of TE'ers apparently! Ya'll are downright hospitable. :p

[PamNY]

This thread is really making me appreciate my friends and family.

My parents were very respectful when I stopped eating meat. They cooked a wide variety of foods, so it wasn't really a problem.

They also had only one food rule when I was growing up: I didn't have to eat anything I didn't like, but I had to be polite about it. I wish everyone's parents had taught them that. Shutting up is a valuable and rare gift.

My friends are all accommodating about my non-meat needs, far more than I would ever expect or ask for. We do have a years-long history of entertaining at my house, so perhaps I'm reaping goodwill.

Regardless, I consider myself lucky to have a happy food past and present. Even luckier to have a bike so I can eat a lot.