sad.. just need to vent!

[ehirsch83]

Hey Ladies,
Just need a little spot to vent and relieve this little bit of a funk I have been in today.

So, I have been with the SO for 2 years and I love him dearly. We have had our rough spots, but I always figured things would work out.(a lot of the rough spots though had to deal with me feeling more like his mom then his SO, cleaning up after him,etc).

So this past week I have been housesitting for my dad, about 40 minutes from where we live, and he kept blowing off coming over at night. But I understood, to a point. He is an elite duathlete and just made his entrance into the tri world and qualified for oly distance nationals for age group(in his first tri ever). He is working towards going pro at the longer distances and I understand that he has 2 a days almost every day around work.
Ok, back to the story, so Tuesday night he blew off dinner for a run and then later texted me saying we needed to talk about us the next day at lunch(he had wed. off of work and said we would have lunch to make up for missed nights).

Of course... I couldn't settle with finding out the next day and made him talk to me on the phone. Pretty much, he has decided he doesn't have time for a relationship with training, he is very close to having his dream come true and being able to be a pro triathlete is worth more then us.

I am inbetween jobs at the moment, so this just sucks b/c i don't have money to move out at the moment, so I still have to live with him for a little bit.
He says i am his best friend and he doesn't want to lose me as a friend, but to me, that makes it harder.

I have never been so sad that I have spent the whole day in bed, but that is what I did today.
I slept on the couch all day. I got myself up to walk around the neighborhood for a half hour. I never touched my bike, which is bad. I have a race on sunday and i needed to get in some efforts today b/c i have been taking is super easy all week(over trained the past few weeks)

and it is weird b/c for the past few weeks i kind of thought our relationship wasn't working, with how busy he was, but I wasn't prepared for him to end it.


Thanks for letting me vent! even if no one reads this, I think it helped just to write something out.

[nolemom]

I have no words of wisdom but am sending a hug.

[Blueberry]

Big hug and lots of sympathy headed your way. That just really sucks:( Especially the having the live in the same house for a while part. Any friends you could crash with to get a little bit of space?

Take care of yourself - there is no should or shouldn't in determining how to deal with these kinds of situations.

CA

[Iris616]

Oh. That sucks. I'm sorry you're in so much pain.

[shootingstar]

I'm sorry to hear about this. It's going to be tough living with him for awhile, considering this is break-up time too.

Got any local friends who are willing to rent out for awhile?

[ehirsch83]

Thanks girls!
The problem is, I have also been so involved with training and work up until now that I blew off most of my friends. It seems my close friends all live in other states or they live with roommates with no room for me.

Oh well, maybe I will use this time to just move elsewhere, I don't love south florida and I miss Boulder,CO. I have nothing holding me here now!

I could go to Boulder or to Albuquerque, or even San Fran.

hmmm so many options to change my life now.

[redrhodie]

I'm so amazed by your ability to think of the new possibilities coming your way! You're going to get through this, and be stronger from it.

[salsabike]

Thanks girls!
The problem is, I have also been so involved with training and work up until now that I blew off most of my friends. It seems my close friends all live in other states or they live with roommates with no room for me.

Oh well, maybe I will use this time to just move elsewhere, I don't love south florida and I miss Boulder,CO. I have nothing holding me here now!

I could go to Boulder or to Albuquerque, or even San Fran.

hmmm so many options to change my life now.

Ah, Emily. I'm sorry. It's hard stuff.

Why not come visit Seattle and see if you like THAT? A bunch of us would take you out to dinner or for a ride.

[tc1]

Aw, sometimes life just sucks. Stay on the couch and mope for a couple days.
If you are housesitting for your dad, can't you stay at Dad's house until you find another place?

[Mr. Bloom]

E: This really stinks and I'm sorry for what happened.

This guy is having an affair...with himself, his dream, his addiction. It's no different than alcoholism or a romantic affair, but it's more sinister because it has the appearance of being "healthy and constructive" because it's competitive and exercise...and what's more healthy than that? But you found it out before it's too late...and once he got past this obsession, there would be another, and then another.

I don't want to minimize the pain, because it's genuine. But, there is a bright side that you've already found - you're not encumbered by job or relationship, and you're not happy where you are...you are free to pursue what you want.

I think that somewhere beyond the pain, there's a whole new world opening up for you!;)

[malaholic]

Oooh, Boulder...I interned there for a few summers while in college & I love it. Sounds like a great place to make a fresh start.

I'm sorry that all this is happening. I'm sure you're going to end up in a better place for you and with a better person for you, but I know it'll hurt for a while (been there, done that!). Make sure that during this transition that you take care of yourself & your needs first. Him wanting to keep your friendship is nice and all, but if you find it painful to be around him, then find a way to keep your distance and don't worry if losing your friendship hurts him - you need to take care of yourself first. I'm not sure what your options are regarding moving out, but I'm sure you'll be able to find somewhere else to stay for the time being. Or even ask him to go stay with his friends/family for a while.

And if you get feeling lonely, keep reminding yourself of all the times you've had to clean up his dirty dishes or pick his dirty socks off the floor, and allow yourself to be a little glad that you don't have to deal with that anymore!

[solobiker]

I am so sorry. I am sending you a hug right now.

[NoNo]

Ugh, that just sucks. You're entitled to several days of laying in bed, or doing whatever else you feel like. I can't imagine having to live with him. As was suggested, can you stay with your dad for a bit? Hell, I'd rent a hotel before I stayed with that guy. I'm amazed at your ability to see the silver lining at this point, I think you're a much stronger person than I am.

[pfunk12]

I'm sorry to hear about your pain, Emily, but as they say "time heals all wounds". It hurts now but it will get easier with time. It sounds as if you are already starting to think optimistically about this situation and it can become a positive life changer for you (a move to a new fantastic city). Take care of yourself. Hugs.

[OakLeaf]

((((((((Emily))))))))

I'm so sorry to hear that. Take care of yourself.

[solobiker]

I would have written more in my previous post but I was so tired I could barely focus. Once again, I am so sorry you have to go through this. I think Boulder would be great, we could get together for lunch or a ride or both;) I know it must be hard to be living there as "just friends". You may want to take this opportunity to move if you would like and focus on you and your dreams/goals in life. Let me know if you need any Boulder or surrounding area information and I will do my best to get it for you. Hang in there.

[tride]

hello,

i'm still relatively new to this forum and i'm relatively new to Boulder, also, BUT (and I know this doesn't ease your heartache at all~so sorry about that), I moved here about a month ago for a few reasons, cycling being one of the big ones. If you decide to come 'check things out' give me a shout-out and we can go for a ride if you'd like. I could possibly even set you up with a temp. housing situation if you needed it. Bikes totally welcome, of course!
Best,
Kimberly

[wannaduacentury]

Aw, sometimes life just sucks. Stay on the couch and mope for a couple days.
If you are housesitting for your dad, can't you stay at Dad's house until you find another place?


+1

Sorry to hear about this Emily. You are looking on the bright side though, explore somewhere new and let this guy go. His loss. Take care. Jenn

[tulip]

Big hugs to you.

He's being honest--he's not willing or able to hold onto a relationship now. There's nothing inherently wrong with that; it is what it is. Better to know that up front and move on than to pretend it's something different.

Now you can decide what you want to do and where you want to be.

[channlluv]

{{{{Emily}}}}

I think it's pretty amazing that you're already looking ahead. Give yourself some real time to grieve the relationship, but kudos for being strong enough to consider your future here.

I was going to suggest staying at your dad's, too. Can you go pack up your stuff and put it in storage somewhere?

I was thinking, too, since you're completely open to relocating, that you could put your resume out there with one of those national headhunter sites, like Monster.com, and see what kinds of response you get. I don't know what your field is, but that could bring you some opportunities that you're not even aware of at this point.

I saw a great piece on Patagonia (the clothing company, not the region in South America) and it looked like a really fun place to work if you're super active and have clothing design/marketing/business/whatever-they-need skills. It's a woman-friendly company and they're a block from the beach, so they all get to go surfing on breaks and such.

Have you ever made a Vision Board? You get a piece of poster board and put words and images of all the things you want in your life. It helps you get focused on what's important to you. You find all kinds of great things, but when it comes to committing it to the Board, you really consider if it's what you truly want for your life.

I wish you lots of love and luck in finding a new place to alight.

Roxy

[indigoiis]

Emily,
I'm sorry about your breakup! In some ways, it's better to know sooner than later, right?
It's still a major bummer, though!

[ehirsch83]

Thanks everyone!
Today is a much better day:)
I did ride solo though, I was supposed to ride with a guy friend today, but I decided I just needed a little me time- went and and had a good 2.5 hours this morning.

I just got asked to come back to the LBS that I worked at previously part time, and I loved working there. And yesterday I had someone ask me to nanny 1 or 2 days a week.
So it looks like I am going to stay in south fl for a little and save up some money, and then move:)

And to everyone from Boulder, I will definitaly be getting in touch when I decide to move in a few months!! I used to live there for 3 years, but I wasn't very active then(i did some trail running, but that was it). So when I move, I would love to have people to hit the road with and learn the area on the bike.

Thank you so much everyone, your little words have been a huge help!

[ekcjwc]

I was in a relationship for years that sounds kinda like your relationship. When it ended, I thought that it was the end of the world. Sometimes we can't see the future because of the "funk" we are currently in. After that break-up I meet someone new and we have been married for 20 years! Better things are ahead for you! :D

[colby]

Things are looking up already. :) Hang in there, Emily.

[retread]

We all know how grief stricken this whole situation is and our hearts ache for you. This may set you back physically and don't be too disappointed in your race results-of course the opposite may happen-you might focus your anger into your race effort and you may go that extra yard and kick some ***! I can't wait to hear. Now may be a time to re-evaluate your direction, what direction you want to go, a time to grow. Good luck and we stand behind you.

[tribogota]

arg, sorry,
take as much time as you need to recover, don't let people push you to get over it quicker, and don't get mad at yourself for feeling down and out!
everyone has their own recovery and grief!:(

[lph]

Aw, Emily, this sucks. Big hug to you. It sounds like you'll be making a better life for yourself out of it, but it's bound to hurt at times.

[kenyonchris]

I so know how you are feeling...sort of in the same place myself. As I was submerged in my mess today, my Lt. and friend called and asked if "I wanted to get dirty."....we went for a mountain bike ride in the 110 degree heat and hammered it. I almost killed myself, but I rode hard and felt better. I am glad to have work to go to tomorrow.
Men! Sorry, Mr. Silver and others.

[ehirsch83]

Thanks girls:)
Well, I raced today and it sucked. I dropped out about 15 minutes into it!
I have never done that, we voluntarily combined the girls with the cat 3 men b/c we didn't have a lot of girls(7 maybe?). The speed was fine, but mentally I was just fried from this week.
I went out to lunch with friends afterwards and analyzed things and am now set to get back into training and focus on me and move forward!

I may be going to SF the first week of sept. to cat sit for my older sister, and then I am going to figure out life.


I am excited to start this new chapter in life, even if I stay in South Florida, and am happy to know I can come here and share my feelings and have so many warm thoughts from everyone.
It really helped me out and everyone helped me realize that yes, he is nuts, and yes I do deserve better.

I love everyone here for being such strong individuals(thats right, we have mr.silver and a few others, so no.. not women!! but yes, individuals)