Elope?

[indysteel]

Who among you has eloped? And by eloped, I primarily mean that you and your SO got married without family or friends being present. Did you do it locally or did you go someplace? What elements of a traditional wedding, if any, did you incorporate, e.g., did you wear a traditional wedding dress and carry flowers, did your SO wear a tux?). Did you tell people that you were getting married or was it a surprise? Did you have any regrets? Did you have a party or reception following the wedding?

I've never envisioned having a formal wedding, in part because I don't really like being the center of attention like. I get really shy and embarrassed. I've also never been fond of the idea of having my parents--who I have a distant relationship with at best--present on what is supposed to be a happy day for me. I saw how they sulked and pouted at my siblings' weddings, and I refuse to let the same thing happen to me. Asking them to be happy for me, while seemingly obvious, is not an option. They haven't even expressed any desire or interest in meeting my BF, which is the topic for another thread altogether. :(

Thankfully, my BF is on the same page in terms of eloping. From there, however, I'm not really sure what I/we want. Part of me wants to wear a pretty dress, carry flowers, toast with champagne and cut a cake. But as a general rule, we're not formal people. With or without a crowd, even that minimal level of formality feels a bit unnatural to me. I think we'd be just as happy to hike someplace pretty--with the officiant in tow and a couple of witnesses--and exchange our vows. No fuss, no fanfare.

Likewise with the engagement. I'm not a diamond ring kind of a person. I've always just wanted a wedding band. During our most recent conversation about getting married, I indicated that I still wanted to be formally proposed to. Beyond that, however, I doubt we'll draw a ton of attention to being "engaged."

All together, I sort of feel like the anti-bride and wonder if I'm depriving myself of some rite of passage that I'll regret. I'd love to hear from those of you who did elope (or did something that fell short of a traditional wedding) about your experience.

Thanks!

[Biciclista]

We had a small wedding at a grange hall. (we did not elope)
I did not wear a white dress, instead I wore a long red print skirt and a white blouse. My husband wore a jacket with a tie in his breast pocket.
I did not get a diamond ring, honestly I dislike diamonds and we were so poor anyway.
It's your wedding. Do it exactly the way that it would be comfortable for you. If you decide you do want a party, don't let anyone's offers "oh, i'll sing for your wedding" overwhelm your sense of what YOU want.

I hated chanting the lovely vows out loud that we found in a book.
My husband, even though he is a lot more outgoing, blew his lines too.
Neither of my parents came to my wedding, they both had excuses.

I wore blue hiking boots under my floor length skirt and when we'd said "I DO" we both jumped off the stage. It was fun, and I have good memories of my wedding.
Good luck. Do it your way.

[Crankin]

Similar to Mimi, I did not elope, but I had a very small wedding with 20 people, none who were my friends, who I wanted to invite. It was a second wedding for me, so we paid for it. We had the money to have a more typical, maybe small wedding at a hotel, but neither of us wanted the hassle of planning it. Both sets of parents had just moved out of state. We had the ceremony in our apartment, with a champagne toast and appetizers, provided by my parents. I wore an off white "dressy" dress from the Limited and my husband wore a nice suit. We bought our own flowers from the Japanese flower growers in Tempe (I don't think they are still there). Then we took the group out for a nice dinner at a restaurant owned by a friend of my in laws. They provided a cake. There was a lounge with music and dancing, where we celebrated after the dinner. My then 15 year old brother took the pictures (he's talented).
Would I do it differently? Yes. First of all, I would not have caved in and invited 2 dorky couples who were friends of my in laws that I didn't know and I would have had my own friends. But, more importantly, I would have had the more traditional wedding. We had the $, but I was so "anti" anything that was deemed feminine (like wedding planning), I refused to do it. It would have been small, but tasteful. I know in the total scheme of things it doesn't matter, but we regretted what we did.
So, when our sons had their Bar Mitzvahs, we had nice luncheons at a local restaurant, with a DJ, no band, and the focus on the kids and the food. There was no "theme" (other than the religious aspect) for the party and I know everyone had a great time. It was relaxed and fun. We had both at the same place. We spent about 1/4 to 1/2 of what others spent, proving you can do it nicely for less money.
I guess the wedding itself really does not matter, since I will be celebrating my 30th anniversary in December. I think you should do what you want, and if that includes eloping and wearing a wedding dress, do it.

[Trek420]

Like you I'd never really envisioned a formal wedding. Actually, batting for the other team ;) I thought I'd never get married at all :p but I found the girl :D and we'd been talking about it ....

Knott's proposal was incredibly romantic. :D She told me to save the date, she had plans and that she wanted to get to the Golden Gate Bridge early. It was Mid-Summer's Day, we drove to Crissy Field and hiked to the bridge. Somewhere around the 2nd tower she dropped to one knee and proposed, :D

Natch I said yes. That was handy because she'd made an appointment at Brilliant Earth to pick the rings.

The wedding itself was both romantic and comical. Concerned about the election I think it was me who said "let's get married now", Knott came down and we rode our bikes to Oakland to get the license. I was so nervous I nearly passed out in city hall. But I recovered :p we rode back and of course stopped at the LBS on the way home. OK, so now we have the paper, on to get married.

Knott had a minister lined up, she'd called from Seattle and made the arrangements. We'd confirmed with him that as soon as we had a license he'd fit us in. That was on Friday, Sunday he of course is busy, we're thinking he'd call on Monday. The next day we planned doing some shopping for the house remodel. On the way to Lowes the phone rang, it was Reverend Stewart "I have some time available today. Can you get here anytime between 2-5?"

Whip the car around, stop at home for a shirt, grab a Lara bar or two, phone Spazzdog for a witness and photgrapher and yes, she's available. As we drive to swing by and get her, Hilary (her land lord and my contractor) is printing directions to the church. The drive is out of Keystone Cops, skirting the worst of Bay Area traffic in and out of city streets. We arrive at the 150 year old church just in time.

A quick tour of the church and we chose a spot. They have a beautiful patio in the center with a fountain. Everyone was in jeans including the Rev :p

We exchanged rings ourselves on a beach near Pescadero (picture of which is on the "where's KnottedYet?" thread).

We will have a party/celebration when things settle down (I need to transfer my job and move) but I am very happy that we eloped, it was perfect.

[GLC1968]

I did not elope, but my mother offered us 10K to do so. Both my husband and I agreed, but then she jokingly laughed it off...she wanted the wedding more than I did! I do like being the center of attention though - at least, when I feel good about myself (which I did that day)...so it was all good. I got to see so many friends and family that I hadn't seen in ages and we had a blast (95% of my guests were from out of state).

Anyway, my brother did elope. He and his wife went down to city hall, signed some paperwork and then went out for dinner. He called me on his way out of the building as a married man and told me. I assume that they had witnesses, but I have no idea who they were. No family, no friends...from either side. My family is close, so we all admitted that we'd have been hurt had we lived anywhere near him at the time. His wife is not close with her family, so there were no issues there. They had already been engaged for about 6 months - so we all knew it would happen eventually anyway.

My personal vision of my wedding was always very, very similiar to the wedding at the end of the 'Runaway Bride' movie where they are in a hilltop in the fall with gorgeous views, foliage and a simple white dress. Friends and family, optional. ;)

[KnottedYet]

Like GLC, I found the final wedding in "Runaway Bride" to be pretty close to my ideal. Tiny tiny ceremony, followed by big party!

There is nothing "falling short" about eloping or tiny weddings. It's what you bring to the event in your heart and what you take away afterwards that really matters, no matter how cliched that may seem.

List out the things that are most important to the two of you, and create the wedding that fits you. Rites of passage have the meanings we give them. (and writhing with embarrassed shyness during a huge wedding would NOT have fit me!)

I'm very active in my church, and it was important to me that we be married by a minister of my church. Rev. Stewart is one of my favorite ministers, I deeply admire him and I listen to his sermons over and over again on podcast. Being married by him was like being married by a rock star! :p

There is nothing particularly legally binding about having a minister sign the license. As a courtesy, the state automatically deputizes clergy so they can sign at any time. You can deputize a family member or a friend to sign your license (it's about $50) or have a justice of the peace or county clerk sign (again, about $50). You can have a ceremony or not, as you wish. You can have the license signed weeks before the ceremony to take the stress off. There's an amazing amount of flexibility built into the system.

You don't even have to exchange rings at the ceremony or signing, if you'd rather do it in private.

If you don't want a diamond ring, you don't have to have one. You don't have to have an engagement ring at all. Trek chose a channel-set sapphire band for her engagement ring, she's not a diamond ring kind of gal, either. I didn't want an engagement ring, so I'm right there with you.

Our elopement was the wedding of my dreams, and really what I'd wanted all along. Very small. We will get as formal and elaborate and big as we want for our celebration (probably on an anniversary). I've already got the dress picked out!

Whatever you choose to do, make it something you will both love and feel comfortable with. The wedding is for you, the party is for everyone else. It will never "fall short" if it's yours.

[Triskeliongirl]

We didn't elope, but we had a 'surprise wedding' with just our immediate families present. We didn't want to do the large wedding/planning, etc. So we just invited our immediate families to dinner at our apartment, telling them it was to celebrate my husband's birthday. We hired a justice of the peace to come to the apartment, we wore normal nice clothes (I wore a pretty hand made white knee length dress I had bought when visiting greece) and we got married. Then we cooked and served our own wedding dinner (roast lamb, hmmmmm!).

[WrensMom]

We didn't exactly elope, but we did get married pretty spontaneously with few people there. We did it at the magistrate court in Santa Fe. None of my family were there, but a few of his came (mom, dad, sisters), and a couple of our friends. Afterwards we all went out for dinner. I wore a purple dress that I liked (and got on sale!) and he wore a regular suit. We both just have plain white gold bands, nothing fancy. It was great not having a big old event to stress over. Our little cool thing was that we got married 01/01/01 at 1pm. Like everyone else said, do what YOU want, and be happy!

[GLC1968]

Whatever you choose to do, make it something you will both love and feel comfortable with. The wedding is for you, the party is for everyone else. It will never "fall short" if it's yours.

Yes, yes, yes!

Even though I wouldn't have opted for the big huge, formal wedding we had, I did control the ceremony - 100%. I wrote it, actually. We wrote our vows together (completely original) and I put the rest of the ceremony together using bits and pieces from multiple cultures/traditions. As a couple, we had to compromise on a few things because I refused to be married in a church but yet my husband insisted that we had to be married by a member of the clergy. I had some very strict rules about what could and could not be said by the minister and luckily, he was very forward thinking and very accomodating. We had to interview quite a few before we found someone I was comfortable with...

I was adamant that there would not be one single thing about that day that made either me or my husband uncomfortable. I didn't care how difficult it made things (it really didn't), but it was incredibly important to me. There were songs the band was not allowed to play, there were 'traditions' that would not be followed, and there were words that could not be used...all in the name of our choices.

Make the day YOURS. That's what matters the most, no matter what it is you do with it...

[Andrea]

You should ask the same question on that "other" forum... :D

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

Like GLC, I found...


:eek:


Welcome back. :)

[indysteel]

You should ask the same question on that "other" forum... :D

LOL. I don't think either one of us is ready to broadcast this there. Madness and mayhem (aka Gutfiddle) will ensue. So, you can keep a secret, right? :)

[SheFly]

We "eloped" and I loved it!

This was a second marriage for both of us, and we didn't want all of the hoopla that went with a wedding [again]. We didn't tell anyone we were getting married, but went and got the license and blood work early in the month, and planned a date and time at town hall. No witnesses required.

Funny story - I did plan on a new outfit (purchased specially for our 5 minute ceremony), grew my hair, and had a hair appt for an updo. Funnier? When I donned my new outfit, FDH said, in all seriousness, "You didn't buy that to get married in did you?" He hated it. So, five minutes before the ceremony at town hall, I was rifling in the closet and wore a burgundy silk suit I had there (DH wore khakis, sport coat and tie).

We went to the town hall where we were married by the town clerk - no friends, no relatives, no staff, just the three of us. Afterwards, we came home, changed clothes, packed the truck and drove to the Cape for the weekend (we got married on a Friday). When we returned home on Sunday, we called both sets of parents to tell them. I actually announced to all of our friends by email!

My in-laws did have a SMALL (immediate family only) party with cake for us, and my parents celebrated with us when they came for their next visit.

Would I do it this way again? Hopefully I never have to, but ABSOLUTELY YES! It is a very special memory to me - a day shared by my DH and I alone, focused on our marriage, and not on the wedding.

Good luck!

SheFly

[snapdragen]

LOL. I don't think either one of us is ready to broadcast this there. Madness and mayhem (aka Gutfiddle) will ensue. So, you can keep a secret, right? :)

Of course we can....... //evil grin:D



I don't let this place overlap with that place..:cool:

[indysteel]

Of course we can....... //evil grin:D

Now remember Snap, "you're the nice one"! :D

Thanks for keeping mum. I appreciate it.

[Reesha]

I imagine for myself and if all goes well in a few years, my current boyfriend a destination elopement. Nothing secret, no vegas, but somewhere beautiful and a place we'd feel good about going straight into our honeymoon. Bermuda has always been a favorite place, but other places I've thought about are the Mediterranean (Sicily particularly), Iceland. I really just want the wedding to be me and him (or whichever guy I end up marrying). I know it's nice for family to see, but I am also really into the intimacy of doing it privately. Ultimately the vows are between us and no one else. When we get back I want to plan a big lakeside bbq with a giant raspberry tiramisu!

Also I'd like to wear an ankle length strapless dress made of eyelet cotton :)

[indysteel]

We "eloped" and I loved it!

This was a second marriage for both of us, and we didn't want all of the hoopla that went with a wedding [again]. We didn't tell anyone we were getting married, but went and got the license and blood work early in the month, and planned a date and time at town hall. No witnesses required.

Funny story - I did plan on a new outfit (purchased specially for our 5 minute ceremony), grew my hair, and had a hair appt for an updo. Funnier? When I donned my new outfit, FDH said, in all seriousness, "You didn't buy that to get married in did you?" He hated it. So, five minutes before the ceremony at town hall, I was rifling in the closet and wore a burgundy silk suit I had there (DH wore khakis, sport coat and tie).

We went to the town hall where we were married by the town clerk - no friends, no relatives, no staff, just the three of us. Afterwards, we came home, changed clothes, packed the truck and drove to the Cape for the weekend (we got married on a Friday). When we returned home on Sunday, we called both sets of parents to tell them. I actually announced to all of our friends by email!

My in-laws did have a SMALL (immediate family only) party with cake for us, and my parents celebrated with us when they came for their next visit.

Would I do it this way again? Hopefully I never have to, but ABSOLUTELY YES! It is a very special memory to me - a day shared by my DH and I alone, focused on our marriage, and not on the wedding.

Good luck!

SheFly

That all sounds great. There is definitely some appeal to getting hitched here and then "running off" to our honeymoon. Between my boss and my former boss (both judges), City Hall, and any number of attorney friends who can become judge pro tems for the day, there are a lot of options.

When I look at places, say in California or Utah, that cater to destination weddings, whether elopement or otherwise, I start to sweat. Granted, I really do lack the bride gene, but it feels oddly contrived, but I like the idea of a romantic setting. We spent some time this spring in Tennessee. It would be nice to go back there (though not to Pigeon Forge/Gatlinburg) for the ceremony.

Clearly, BF and I need to talk in depth about what we want. I'm the planner as between the two of us, but all of these decisions need to be made jointly. I'd like to at least present him with the most viable options, however.

Thanks for all the stories. I'd nice to see that so many of you don't have regrets and were able to fashion something that felt right for you. And congrats to Trek and Knotted!

And if TrekJeni is out there.....let me know what you decided to do about your own wedding. I haven't seen an update in a while.

[badger]

not sure if it's technically eloping as they had some friends, but my parents more or less eloped. My dad was in Africa doing some engineering work and my mother was in Japan. Her father didn't approve her marrying some white man, so she pretty much ran off to Africa to marry him. My grandfather was so upset he went to the local police office to say some foreigner's stealing his daughter! :eek:

My boyfriend and I don't really want to get married but we may eventually need to out of practicality (taxes, benefits, etc). If we need to, it would be super casual and with not many people present. I like the idea of running off somewhere warm and getting married in my bare feet.

[shootingstar]

not sure if it's technically eloping as they had some friends, but my parents more or less eloped. My dad was in Africa doing some engineering work and my mother was in Japan. Her father didn't approve her marrying some white man, so she pretty much ran off to Africa to marry him. My grandfather was so upset he went to the local police office to say some foreigner's stealing his daughter! :eek:

The police station story is a real twist..will remain forever in family folklore as good tale to tell. Guess it took your grandfather awhile (several yrs.?) to get over this one..ie. accept the marriage.

You don't need to say any more..lovechild. :p

[Iris616]

First, Congratulations!

After that, I didn't elope (although my dad encouraged it!)- And he had the right idea: The wedding is a day. The marriage is a lifetime. Focus on the lifetime, and what ever the two of you decide will be incredibly special for you. Have fun!

[indysteel]

First, Congratulations!

After that, I didn't elope (although my dad encouraged it!)- And he had the right idea: The wedding is a day. The marriage is a lifetime. Focus on the lifetime, and what ever the two of you decide will be incredibly special for you. Have fun!

Thanks, Iris for the well wishes and sound advice!

[Selkie]

I eloped and have no regrets. It'll be 21 years this August. Reasons for it were similar to yours. The money we would have spent on a wedding (yes, my dad would have never paid for it) was our down payment for our first house.

Both sets of parents had separate small parties for us to meet each others families.

No engagement ring, either. He gave me one on our 19th anniversary but I didn't want it and rarely wear it (it's very pretty but I'm too much of a clod and worry about losing the diamond).

A few years after we eloped, we were married by a priest but it was just w/my dad, DH's parents, and my brother & his wife present. We did that out of respect for my very traditional Irish/Catholic family. No mass, no fancy dress, no flowers - just the vows and a blessing.

[msincredible]

We eloped last December to SF City Hall. One friend came along as a witness and also took pictures. We booked it online a few days in advance - can't beat 5-minute wedding planning. :)

My parents and his mom were all for it (we talked about it in advance). His brother was the only one against it. It's my second marriage and his first.

The witness and a date took us out to dinner afterward.

http://paularickert.net/albums/userpics/normal_wedding26.JPG

http://paularickert.net/albums/userpics/normal_wedding31.JPG

http://paularickert.net/albums/userpics/normal_wedding32.JPG

[channlluv]

First, congratulations on getting married!

It's hard to add anything to what Knot and Trek said (you two are so romantic!), and GLC, too. The wedding should be what you want. Make it so.

My D*H and I sort of eloped, meaning we just went down to City Hall and were married by a clerk there. We didn't go off anywhere - didn't have the time or the money then. We celebrated with a dinner at one of the city's best restaurants and I had some pretty flowers and a new dress. (Second marriage for me, first for him.)

We never really had a honeymoon, either, as I was working as a teacher at the time and couldn't leave until summer vacation, which was still a couple of months away. As soon as school ended, we packed up and moved house to California. We drove cross-country in four days in a 24-foot Ryder truck. Not exactly a honeymoon.

We just celebrated our 14th anniversary, though, and just returned from a really wonderful vacation in Hawaii. We spent a a week in Waikiki and a few days on Maui, and if you're into tropical hikes, snorkeling, diving, and the like, I can highly recommend Maui as a place for a destination wedding. Apparently a lot of people choose this option because I saw "Just Maui'd" t-shirts there, and one of the frequent questions was whether we were celebrating a wedding or anniversary.

It truly is a romantic place. I can recommend the Ka'anapali Beach Hotel. It's low key, laid back, not at all commercially fussy like some big chains, and the people were really wonderful, and they have a small lawn right on the beach for weddings.

There's snorkeling right off the beach, too, and if you walk north about 200 yards, there are turtles at Black Rock, one of the most sacred places of ancient Hawaii, so it's pretty cool if you can catch it just before sunset - really creates a mood when the Hawaiian guy goes out to light the tiki torches along the top of the rock, does a chant, throws a lei into the water, then dives in from 20 feet up.

You can rent decent snorkel gear there, too, which saves on the packing. Go as light as you can. I pretty much lived in my bathing suit and sarong all week, with a couple of dresses for dinners out.

Wherever you choose to go, I wish you luck and a safe journey.

Much love,

Roxy

[indysteel]

We eloped last December to SF City Hall. One friend came along as a witness and also took pictures. We booked it online a few days in advance - can't beat 5-minute wedding planning. :)

My parents and his mom were all for it (we talked about it in advance). His brother was the only one against it. It's my second marriage and his first.

The witness and a date took us out to dinner afterward.

http://paularickert.net/albums/userpics/normal_wedding26.JPG

http://paularickert.net/albums/userpics/normal_wedding31.JPG

http://paularickert.net/albums/userpics/normal_wedding32.JPG

Awwwww. Congratulations! You both look so happy. And you look very pretty. I'd like to know more about SF City Hall. How much do they charge you and how do you arrange it? Most of the photos of weddings there look like big to-dos. But I love that area and would love to go there with him. Are you from California?

[snapdragen]

This might answer some questions...

http://www.sfgov.org/site/countyclerk_index.asp?id=5565

[indysteel]

Thanks, Snap! That is helpful. It sounds pretty easy. I like the idea of San Francisco. Back when I was in law school, I took a trip there that included a drive down the coast to Carmel, a few days in the city and then another few days in wine country, with a hike in Muir Woods on the way there. It was a fantastic vacation. Brian's never been. Hmmmmmmmm.

[Mr. Bloom]

Indy! You can't be talking about this until Silver and I have given our approval!:eek::mad::rolleyes:;):p

But, we had a HUGE wedding with all the pre-wedding family drama of the busy body aunts butting in. 30 minutes of music followed by a 10 minute procession, followed by an 8 minute ceremony, followed by a 3 hour exhausting reception.

Don't do it! Keep it small and simple...focus on the commitment and the celebration, not the event!

Put the money and planning into a biking honeymoon in Tuscany instead!

[Aggie_Ama]

We had a relatively large wedding mostly because I wanted to include our large families. We got married May 24 but on May 4 my dear Pawpaw died right before I graduated college May 9. So instead of having the most important man (behind my Dad) in my life there I was dealing with depression. His widow (my Nanny) has severe depression and could barely keep it together so I spent much of the wedding worrying about her. My Mammaw got ill and couldn't come. On the way to the wedding I would later find out my sister-in-law told my brother she wanted a divorce. The pastor gave a sermon that included a shout out to lingere which was bizarre. So to me the magic has never been in the day. My dress was gorgeous, the church I had wanted since I was a child, my flowers and cake perfect but the summer following a mess.

The marriage has been more than the wedding ever could be. My husband loved our wedding, it was an amazing day for him. For me, I am just glad I had the choice and married my best friend. We planned everything about our wedding, it completely had our personalities, right down to the purple beading on my dress. But was a big wedding all it is cracked up to be? Not in my case. The honeymoon was a blast though we stayed in state, even went to the zoo and stayed in less expensive hotels we already knew we loved. It was the best part of getting married!

Do what makes you happy and you will never regret it.

[msincredible]

Thanks, Snap! That is helpful. It sounds pretty easy. I like the idea of San Francisco. Back when I was in law school, I took a trip there that included a drive down the coast to Carmel, a few days in the city and then another few days in wine country, with a hike in Muir Woods on the way there. It was a fantastic vacation. Brian's never been. Hmmmmmmmm.

Glad Snapdragen found the link for you, that's exactly how we did it, arranged online. Feel free to PM me with any questions. :)

[sgtiger]

We eloped during spring break twelve years ago. The local county courthouse was booked two months out. So we ended up in Oregon City, two days before Dh's birthday, being married by the judge that presided over Tonya Harding's indictment. It was all very funny in a cosmic sort of way for us. BIAK went to Oregon City H.S. and his hoodlum friends were tried by this judge. Tonya Harding went to my high school for a while with his ex. Anyhow, I wore a long spaghetti strap summer dress with a print on it and Dh wore slacks and button down shirt. I don't think he wore a tie, but I could be wrong. I forgot to ask the witnesses (court employees) to take our picture even though I had my camera with me. Nerves and excitement, I guess, so we don't even have a picture of our day. We spent our honeymoon in San Francisco visiting Golden Gate Park, the Exploratorium, and Ghirardelli Square. I have no regrets about not having a formal wedding. For us, it's always been about our marriage and helping each other thrive. Well... after those first few tempestuous years, anyway.:rolleyes:;):D

[Mr. SR500]

Congrats!

Can't help much, we had the big wedding, but had a blast!

Do exactly what you want: dress, place, size, everything, it's your day - your memories. Have a blast. I think it is worth sharing with a few close friends.

[silver]

Indy! You can't be talking about this until Silver and I have given our approval!:eek::mad::rolleyes:;):p

But, we had a HUGE wedding with all the pre-wedding family drama of the busy body aunts butting in. 30 minutes of music followed by a 10 minute procession, followed by an 8 minute ceremony, followed by a 3 hour exhausting reception.

Don't do it! Keep it small and simple...focus on the commitment and the celebration, not the event!

Put the money and planning into a biking honeymoon in Tuscany instead!

I completely agree with what my spouse said! Especially the biking honeymoon in Tuscany part!

[Crankin]

I think I was the only one who said she would have done the wedding differently! That sounds kind of negative, but really, I think is a reflection of the fact that at age 26, I was not strong enough to say "no" to my in laws and their demands to invite people who meant nothing to us. If there had been 50 people at the wedding, it would not have been a big deal, but with only 20, it was. I didn't want a "huge" wedding, but one that reflected us a little more.
On this topic, what do you all think of, or really does anyone here have experience with weddings where the groom's parents are in control, let's say for financial or other reasons?

[Biciclista]

No, Crankin, not so. A number of us implied that the COUPLE should not cave to other people's expectations, because it's their day.

I chose to remember and recount the parts of my wedding that I liked, but I too have regrets, and most of it is about letting other people's egos get involved with your wedding. That's the beauty of elopement.

[indysteel]

Thanks for everyone's input and well wishes. I think we'll figure it out; I was just sort of overwhelmed yesterday with options. Who knew not having a traditional wedding could be so complicated. I'm feeling better about it today.

Thankfully, we're totally comfortable with the idea of eloping. I don't think either of us has given serious consideration to having a traditonal wedding--big or small. I'm totally relieved that BF's family (he's close to his parents, unlike me) don't object to an elopement. Things would be sticky if they did. My parents long ago gave me the blessing to elope, which is surprising given some of their statements about my siblings' non-Catholic weddings. So, it really is just up to us, which is nice. :)

I'll keep you posted!

[Trek420]

I completely agree with what my spouse said! Especially the biking honeymoon in Tuscany part!

Tuscany? Tuscany?? Marry in San Francisco (or Carmel, or Monterey or ....) then take the biking honeymoon in the Sonoma County wine county.

It's every bit as beautiful. Our Sonoma and Mendocino coastline rivals the Amalfi coast.

Do it for you, do it for the US economy :p :cool: ;)

[ASammy1]

Hi Indy!

Congrats on your upcoming wedding! I'm getting married too and we are also facing the same "issues" as you. It will be both of our second weddings and we do not want to go through the hoopla (or spend the $$) of a big wedding. My first wedding was the big deal with over 200 people and I hated every minute of it. I wanted a destination wedding and my now ex said no they do the big wedding at home. I should have known then it wasn't going to work LOL :eek:

This time around my fiance and I wanted to elope but knew our families would be very upset, so we are having them rent beach houses (we live on the east coast in a beach town and our families are both from different cities in the midwest). We are going to have a very simple chapel wedding and then go back to one of the houses to a catered dinner.

It's not eloping, but it's the closest thing we can get to eloping!

[indysteel]

Hi Indy!

Congrats on your upcoming wedding! I'm getting married too and we are also facing the same "issues" as you. It will be both of our second weddings and we do not want to go through the hoopla (or spend the $$) of a big wedding. My first wedding was the big deal with over 200 people and I hated every minute of it. I wanted a destination wedding and my now ex said no they do the big wedding at home. I should have known then it wasn't going to work LOL :eek:

This time around my fiance and I wanted to elope but knew our families would be very upset, so we are having them rent beach houses (we live on the east coast in a beach town and our families are both from different cities in the midwest). We are going to have a very simple chapel wedding and then go back to one of the houses to a catered dinner.

It's not eloping, but it's the closest thing we can get to eloping!


Congratulations to you as well! Your plan sounds great. I'd actually love to do something like that if I had any interest if my family wasn't a bit dysfunctional.

Have a great time and best wishes for a happy union!

[channlluv]

Hi Indy!

...This time around my fiance and I wanted to elope but knew our families would be very upset, so we are having them rent beach houses (we live on the east coast in a beach town and our families are both from different cities in the midwest). We are going to have a very simple chapel wedding and then go back to one of the houses to a catered dinner.

It's not eloping, but it's the closest thing we can get to eloping!

The fun thing about this is that it's your families having to do all the traveling. It also sounds like a blast in that you'll have all your family members there for a vacation at the beach, in your own hometown, so you already know all the fun things to do. That is just so darn clever. I love it.

I hope your ceremony is beautiful and the family celebration afterward just as special.

Love all around today. I like it.

Roxy

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

I think the whole point of all this is for each couple to do what would make them happy. That's different for different people, of course. :p:p

[ASammy1]

The fun thing about this is that it's your families having to do all the traveling. It also sounds like a blast in that you'll have all your family members there for a vacation at the beach, in your own hometown, so you already know all the fun things to do. That is just so darn clever. I love it.

I hope your ceremony is beautiful and the family celebration afterward just as special.

Love all around today. I like it.

Roxy

Sorry for the thread hi-jack Indy...

Roxy-that was the plan! That way we didn't have to decide who's family had to travel and who didnt. We are also planning on doing it early Thanksgiving week so we can have the reception at one house and then Thanksgiving dinner all together at the other house. :D

[Karma007]

We're sort of eloping. I've been married before (okay twice, but who's counting?) The first time was a shotgun wedding (we welcomed my daughter 6 months later), the next time around was a large formal afair, and we spent way too much money on things that I now realize didn't mean a thing.

My fiance and I were going to go to Las Vegas alone, but now it looks like our entourage is up to 15. We're not paying for anyone's anything, but will arrange dinner and have a small cake post-ceremony. Basically folks are using it as an excuse to go to Vegas, which is fine.

My dress is actually the one I wore in a previous lifetime, but I've had it modified to better fit the me that I am now, and to make it easier to wear while partying in LV; I might as well have some fun, I'm never wearing it again. The boy will wear a suit, b/c he needs one anyway. I did order invites, but only 25, more just for fun than anything else. I can't wait!

[indysteel]

Have fun, Tofu, and best wishes!

[indysteel]

I think the whole point of all this is for each couple to do what would make them happy. That's different for different people, of course. :p:p

I agree. The purpose of my thread was to help me discern what might make me/us happy. Beyond the general idea of eloping, I can't say that I'm completely sure. I know more of what I don't want (a big expense, family feuds, extra stress) than what I do. Or, if I do know what I want, I'm not entirely sure at this point on how to translate it.

[Andrea]

LOL. I don't think either one of us is ready to broadcast this there. Madness and mayhem (aka Gutfiddle) will ensue. So, you can keep a secret, right? :)

I'm not tellin' if you're not!

[mtbdarby]

Congrats Indy!

For what it's worth, I did elope and I would not do it again for the following reasons:
We eloped because we could not agree on any part of the wedding. In hindsight, this was an indicator for issues in our marriage.

I have a very strong faith in God and really felt like we did not have a strong spiritual foundation for our marriage.

I'm a daddy's girl and I REALLY wanted my dad to give me away and have my family's blessing. They did not know we were eloping and although they never said a word, I know they were disappointed (I'm the youngest girl).

Our marriage didn't survive and I don't blame eloping, lol. I do, however, look back at why we did it that way and see that I compromised some of my core values at the time and now realise you can't do that and not end up resenting your partner at some point for it. Be true to yourselves and discuss everything before getting married to make sure you do share the same core values. I still have my dream wedding planned in my head and it's a small family affair. If I ever get married again I'll do it differently.

Enjoy your day however you want to!