Reunions?

[indysteel]

I'm curious. How many of you have attended or would attend your high school reunion (or grade school, college, etc.)? How many of you would rather eat paste?

The reason I ask is that I've had very strong, negative reactions to both my high school reunion this past August and to a recent invitation to be part of an online reunion of sorts for my grade school. When I say strong, I mean take me off your list, I do not want to be included, no I'm not going/participating, now please leave me alone. For what it's worth, I would mention that I live in my hometown and went to small Catholic schools that have some very active and persistent alumni. They're like cheerful bill collectors.

While I'm okay with just saying no, my strong reaction is a little unsettling and it makes me wonder what's going on in my head. I didn't loathe elementary or high school, but those years were pretty unhappy for me. My family life was very difficult, although no one at school really knew that. I was privately a very sad and lonely kid. Even as I write this, I feel like that kid again.

While I had good friends throughout, some of those relationships soured over time because I often placed overly high expectations on them. I think I wanted them to make up for the love and attention that my parents didn't provide me. That's a lot to ask of anyone, especially a kid. All but one of my friends growing up knew anything about my home life, and she didn't learn about it until we were 18 and graduated.

By the time I went to college and then law school, I wasn't prone to looking back. I just wanted to move on with my life, and I have. My life today feels very far away in so many respects from my childhood. I have a handful of friends who date back to college and two that date back high school. Otherwise, I've made little effort to stay connected to former classmates.

My reaction may have something to do with the fact that I'm single and childless. I'm in a serious relationship, but we're a long way off from a commitment. Many of my classmates married young and now have almost-grown children. I'm happy with where I am, but I'm also a little self-conscious about it not conforming to some traditional ideal.

Finally, I think I just have other/better things to do. I'm busy enough with the people currently in my life to make time for people who have become strangers in the 20 plus years since I've seen them. Why should I bother? But then again, I make time to meet new people when given an opportunity, e.g., I've made time and effort to meet people from TE and Roadbikereview. I'm otherwise a pretty social creature.

Anyway, I find my reaction to be rather interesting. Clearly, something, or a combination of somethings, is getting triggered. Can any of your relate, or am I just a big party pooping weirdo? :p

[divingbiker]

Sorry you have such unhappy childhood memories. I'm sure that doesn't make you inclined to revisit those days. I've found that many of the people who still live in my hometown don't choose to attend our reunions, because they figure that if they wanted to socialize with our classmates they'd do it more often than every 5 or 10 years.

As one of those who moved away after high school, I love going to my reunions, and I always wish that the local folks would attend because I never get to see them otherwise, on my 5-day visits twice a year. I am from a small town, and had a class of 109, many of whom I liked a lot then and still do as adults. We have a great time, and while the 10-year reunion was a bit odd, subsequent ones (my 35-year reunion is coming up next year) have been great fun since time is a great equalizer.

At my 30 year reunion, I got to catch up with a guy who was kicked by a horse a week later and died. We were all glad he had decided to come to the reunion.

However, much as I enjoy my high school reunions, I have absolutely no desire to attend a reunion at any of the three colleges I graduated from.

[Pax]

I have nothing in common with the people I went to high school with, we knew each other for a very short time, a long time ago. I'm fine with the past staying in the past.

[shootingstar]

Indy, you answered your own questions --you've moved way beyond those high school years and have found your niche.

I went to my high school reunion just 2 years after I graduated. So it wasn't super fascinating experience back then. I went primarily because it was 125th birthday for the high school. It is a high school that is of historic significance to the county and regional history. And I was the yearbook editor that discovered....the age of our school and made it a theme for the yrbk. with archival photos from 1920's, 1930's, 1950's. It was fun doing research (by myself) up in the attic of high school.

[lph]

I have never been to any reunions, or received any invites, probably because our address changed shortly after I finished school. Or it could be because I was a weird outcast with very few friends, and they could hardly bother to track me down.

As you can tell - I'd rather eat paste :D

Seriously - that was a long time ago, I'm a different person, they're different people, and I don't miss either them or the memories of some pretty rough school years. I wouldn't have the faintest idea of what to say to them.

[solobiker]

I have yet to go to a reunion. As a lot of others have said we are different people now. To me, if I wanted to see them I would have stayed in touch with them. I stayed friends with a few people from HS other then that I have no need to go. Paste sounds good right now.

[GLC1968]

Paste for me, please! :D

I 100% get where you are coming from.

High school was pretty rough for me. I have some good memories and a few good friends (most of which I befriended AFTER graduation), but I was new to a very wealthy and close-knit town. I never really fit in and it was quite obvious. I was also very, very insecure (though I played it off well, being the new kid all the time).

So I missed my 5 year reunion because I got stuck at work (I was in retail and the reunion was on black friday!). We didn't have a 10 year and we ended up having our 15th year reunion in the 16th year after graduation because it was also a partial memorial ceremony for a classmate that was on flight 11 on 9/11. By that time, I felt pretty good about my life. I'd started a really good career, I'd met the love of my life (we weren't yet engaged, but it was close), I felt good about how I looked, etc. We flew to Boston for the reunion and I was so excited! I met a few close friends at a restaurant before the reunion for a drink and that was great fun (all of our spouses got along). Then when we walked into the reunion, I was immediately thrown back into my high school days. NONE of my group from when I was in HS was there (the people I was still friends with were not my close friends during the actual HS years), so immediately, I didn't fit in again. Everyone kind of hung out in their same cliques...it was unreal how little changes. I hated how I felt. I hated being an insecure 17 year old again. There were a few good moments and I did connect with one friend...but the balance of the evening was just plain awful.

I will never go to another one again (besides the fact that I now live 3000 miles away) because I have no desire to feel that way again. I can make contact with the people I want to see...that's enough for me.

I would consider going to my college reunion, but it's also too far away now. I went to my 5 year one for that and it was very fun. I'm sure I would enjoy my 20th (which is just around the corner), but I was a different person in college and some of those people are still my good friends.

[kermit]

My high school experience was very disfunctional for me. Went on to college and made new friends and had new interests. Everybody from HS changed and we all lost touch. It happens.

[7rider]

I'm curious. How many of you have attended or would attend your high school reunion (or grade school, college, etc.)? How many of you would rather eat paste?


Count me as one who'd rather eat paste.

I got talked into going to my 10-year high school reunion. I suppose I only agreed to see who got fat, who was bald, and who got married to who. I hated high school. Dreadful place. :(

[Eden]

Count me as one who'd rather eat paste.

I got talked into going to my 10-year high school reunion. I suppose I only agreed to see who got fat, who was bald, and who got married to who. I hated high school. Dreadful place. :(

:D I know how you feel - most of me would much rather eat paste.... but there's a little evil part of me that would go - cause I'm not fat, and the hubby's not bald.... but so far as I know there's never been a reunion for my HS class, so I've never had to see if the little evil part would take over. It's pretty unlikely since I now live about 3000 miles from where I went to HS.

[Biciclista]

i've never gone either; but have kept in touch on line with the reunion committee. They are now planning our 40th highschool reunion. None of my friends go. I hardly know these folks, and now some of us are friends on facebook! (and we still have nothing in common at all!)
lucky for me, they're far away on the other side of the country.

don't go if you don't want to. Do you really want to see photos of their grandchildren?

[ny biker]

I don't get invited to high school reunions. Despite the fact that my parents still live at the same address, so I'd be easy to track down. My sister is also local and her job keeps her in touch with a lot of people, which you'd think would also make it easy to find me. I guess I'm not worth the effort (insert fake tears here).

If I was invited, I think I would enjoy seeing people from high school and chatting with them, even some who weren't my friends at the time, if it were free. But I'm pretty sure it's not free to attend, so never mind.

My parents are in their 70s. They have always gone to reunions for my father's HS class and they still all have a great time. It's pretty impressive, actually.

I don't go to alumni day or homecoming for my college, but that's mostly because I always have other things going on at the time. At some point I expect to be taking part in them again.

[Karma007]

Mmmm....paste! I moved as far way as the continent would allow. I'm really aprehensive about people contacting me even on facebook, etc. Anyone I was friends with, I am still now. High School was a miserable experience for me, and I have no interest in reliving it. It's odd now, my daughter goes to the same hs, and has some of my old teachers...wierd...

[Bluetree]

Interesting thread.

I've had a lot of people try to contact me through my professional web site, through Classmates.com or Facebook, and the sad truth is that I don't remember them AT ALL.

Sure, a few of the names sound familiar, but I have no memories of them –– good or bad ––– even though, for some reason, they seem to remember me pretty well. So the main reason I never went to my reunions is that I didn't want to embarrass anyone (or myself) by seeming to have walking Alzheimers or something! :o

Truly, the only strong memories I had about school were my teachers, as I had some very good ones, and... studying, studying, studying.

[indysteel]

I'm glad to hear there are some other paste eaters out there! The weird thing for me is that I didn't hate high school. I didn't love it either. I'd love to see some of my old teachers. They meant a lot to me. But neither school nor my classmates was awful.

The bottom line is that I feel like a different person today. Going to a h.s reunion would reunite me not only with classmates but also to a version of myself that doesn't really exist anymore. It's sort of weird to think of the current you being so removed from a past you.


What bothers me about this is the strength of my reaction to just the thought of a reunion. I feel like I have some additional work to do to release some old baggage. Doing that work doesn't mean that I'll end up wanting to go to a reunion anymore than I do now; just that thoughts and memories of the past would have less hold on me than they apparently do. I've already done a lot of work in that regard so it was surprising to feel so emotional about it today.

Anyway, thanks for sharing!

[bmccasland]

AC/DC
I grew up an Air Force Brat - so I went to two different High Schools. DID NOT like the one I graduated from. This was pretty much reinforced my freshman year of college when I went back for Homecoming, and got the glance, and "oh hi", nothing more.

Haven't been to a university reunion either per sae. About 5 years after I graduated I was invited to a "departmental" reunion camp out - multiple years of students and professors (I was a Wildlife Ecology major). And that was an absolute blast! Was fun meeting some of the students that were the legends, pranks, by the time I was there. And hearing retelling of some of the stunts I was a part of.. Moi? Innocent Moi? was amusing too. Nothing quite like passing around a collection jar to buy a professor a new pair of jeans because he blew the crotch out of his playing volleyball at the event, and didn't know it. :eek: We were all happy he had on tighty whities.

The difference between the two: High school, I felt like I didn't fit in, thus absolute no desire to see those people again. College - I did, and was a student in a small fairly close knit department of a major university. Of course it's been mumble mumble mumble 27 years since I've graduated, and I haven't attended anything since that camping trip.

[Crankin]

I moved in 10th grade and went to a really small private school after that.
However, when my mom died 12 years ago, one of my friends from middle school saw the obit in the Boston Globe and got my phone #. She called and said the 25th reunion was in 2 weeks! We went...
It was great. Most of the people there were the kids from my elementary school and neighborhood. None of my other close friends except the one who called (and actually lives about 20 miles from me) were there, but my first serious boyfriend was. Oh yes, the one I still saw until I went to college, flying up to MA from Florida. It was actually therapeutic. And the, ah, girls who still live in the city where I grew up were horrified we we hugged goodbye in full view of my husband. I had fun, but once was enough.

[Aggie_Ama]

I had a decent high school experience. Was involved (newspaper and civic type things) but I don't care about my classmates much. I live in the same area and sometimes run into them at the store. I find it often turns into a pissing match of what you have done, what you got and who you still run with. Funny thing is a run into people who didn't really consider me cool enough to be their friends, I didn't care then and I don't really care now. I do not talk to any of my high school pals. No big grand falling out, we just became different people. I am married to the boy I dated in high school but he went to another school. We didn't go to his 10 year, I think he would have liked to but I wasn't too thrilled. Mine is next summer, I don't see myself wanting to go.

[Midmichigangal]

My ten year high school reunion was supposed to have been in 2004 (I graduated in 1994)but the person in charge of planning it decided to change it to the following spring/summer but haven't heard anything since.

It would of been interesting to see how much older everyone looks, like adults instead of teenagers back in high school.

[Flybye]

I just went this summer with my husband to his. He didn't really like high school. We both had a BLAST. I can't say enough about how great it really was. I felt bad for those who stayed home and missed out. People really changed. There was one click who didn't, but the rest of the folks were FUN FUN FUN!!

[shootingstar]

Indy, you answered your own questions --you've moved way beyond those high school years and have found your niche.

I went to my high school reunion just 2 years after I graduated. So it wasn't super fascinating experience back then. I went primarily because it was 125th birthday for the high school. It is a high school that is of historic significance to the county and regional history. And I was the yearbook editor that discovered....the age of our school and made it a theme for the yrbk. with archival photos from 1920's, 1930's, 1950's. It was fun doing research (by myself) up in the attic of high school.

to continue since I had to return to my work...by interupting myself.

I went to lst reunion ..more because I felt I had some involvement it bringing to the attention of others about the age of our school.

Then fast forward 25 yrs. later just a few years ago, there was a mega-reunion since school celebrated its 150th birthday. Brought together 3,000 people over 1 weekend. THere was even a website set up for it for registration, photo-sharing. I didn't go..and didn't want to. Heard about it through 1 friend, the only person I've maintained contact since high school. At least she showed me photos of what our classmates looked like now.. That part was interesting.

Don't consider my childhood nor teenagehood with great fun. Would say the last 15 years of my life so far, much better and more fun. I feel less inhibited now than I did back then. Back then, it was bottled up energy, simmering dreams and trying hard to conform to expectations of others just to get to next stage of life.

So no reunion is no loss. Most likely other classmates didn't expect that I would end up in Vancouver, cycling, etc.

[OakLeaf]

My childhood was generally miserable. Like Crankin, I spent my last two years of high school at a school where almost all of the other 20 members of my class had been together since lower school.

But I went to my 25th and actually had fun. I'd cut my hair, I wore a dress, I even put on makeup. Nobody recognized me. :D All the men were fat, all the women looked fabulous. After the school event we all went to one of the women's house for a few more drinks and talked about our lives now and the GOOD parts of the old times - yes there were some, and G*d knows the only parts of my life that were good back then took place at school.

I'm on my class's email list now, and once in a while I respond to something. I don't have a great desire to go to another reunion - I might've gone to the school's 50th anniversary this fall if I hadn't just got back from Texas though.

So no paste for me as far as the high school reunions. More like baked potato - I could take it or leave it. Actually, I'm much less likely to go to college and law school reunions. I feel so inferior compared to all those people's achievements. It surely didn't help that a woman who was a good friend of mine in 7th grade was plastered all over the national news this year for an important book she co-wrote. I do sometimes feel like I'm the only person I've ever known who hasn't gone on to stellar achievements. :o:(

[ginny]

Excellent timing for this thread... thanks, Indy! So, I just went to Facebook for the first time ever... and I 'found' a couple of friends from HS. I emailed them and ...blah blah...

Now, maybe I'm going through an uncertain time at the moment (just moved, don't think I like the new job all that much, miss my old friends...), but I look at everyone's pictures or whatever, realize I haven't seen nor spoken with any of these people in years, and think: they look so happy - they have a brood of children, I have no plans for kids, and I think, wow! Have I totally chosen stupidly for my life? I chose science and a 'career' of sorts over a stable family life and children. I ride my bike, I run, I ride my horse and walk my dog in the woods. I am an athiest and all these people are absolutely religious. I think maybe I should leave the past in the past and realize I made much different choices from the people I grew up with.

Would I go to a reunion? Not after my facebook experience! Please pass the paste!

[Crankin]

Oakleaf, when I went to my reunion, I would say about 95% of the people (both genders) were lawyers or therapists. I was 42 at the time and my kids were 14 and 12.5. Everyone else had kids under 5, if they had kids and I got a blank look when I said I was a middle school teacher. Some people "couldn't believe" that. I wasn't sure if it was because they thought I was not smart enough or that because I was kind of wild as a teen, they couldn't picture it! I still had fun, though.
I guess I fit in now, because I am in school to become a therapist. It must have been in the water.
I found it funny to see how everyone had turned out. I had lots of friends in school and was very active in student government. Some of the former nerds were very successful people.

[Bluetree]

Some of the former nerds were very successful people.

That reminds me of the chant at CalTech basketball games (when they'd get slaughtered by the university teams):

"That's all right! That's okay! You'll all work for US one day!"


LOL

[indysteel]

I had a good laugh over last night's episode of 30 Rock. Liz Lemon (the Tina Fey character) went to her high school reunion and had a horrible time.

[ny biker]

This is a really interesting thread.

I honestly don't care if someone I went to high school or college with looks down on me because I'm not as "successful" as they are. I went to a big, well-known college that has churned out its share of movers and shakers. But so what - they all still put their pants on one leg at a time.

I made a conscious decision about ten years ago to become downwardly mobile. I had enjoyed my career for a while, but over time became dissatisfied with it. So I decided to just do what made me happy even if it meant less income, working in a cube instead of a private office, and a less impressive title on my business card. I'm good at what I do, my clients appreciate my work, and I'm happy. Anyone who looks down on that can kiss my butt.

Same with family. I'm sure some people who look happy in photos with their spouse and kids really are happy, but there's no way their life is perfect bliss because no one gets that. And plenty of those people are probably not happy at all.

[Pax]

I just chatted with my mom about this thread, she says she thinks I'm a "once you leave, you never look back" kind of person because of growing up military we moved constantly...and you never went back, never saw those best friends again.

[lph]

I think the various experiences in this thread have in fact summed it up nicely - the people you feel were and still are your friends are people you've stayed in touch with anyway, and would see regardless. Minus perhaps a happy handful that you are friendly with, but only see at reunions. The rest of them are just a bunch of people you happened to share a school year or two or ten with. You could be lucky and rediscover them as friends now, but chances are the things you end up talking and thinking about at a reunion, apart from school memories, are just the outer symbols of success or failure, jobs, wages, where they live, family. Whether they look fit or not. What they're wearing. Making friends takes longer and runs deeper.

I liked indysteels point about re-connecting to a person you no longer are, too.

[Mr. Bloom]

Indy, FWIW, Silver and I think the world of you where you are because it's clear to us that you are indeed happy with where you are;)

Also, FWIW, I too went to small Catholic schools and have similar emotions. (Although it's interesting that at Silver's 10 year reunion, it was funny when she leaned over and said that she had more fun at mine:eek:)

I don't know about your schools, but at mine, the nuns applauded superficially pious behavior, careers in the arts/sciences/medicine (as opposed to business/law), and were wholly uninspiring to me. Even though I've been successful, I don't fit their ideal of success (although they're persistent in hitting me up for money that will NEVER be offered!)

I didn't go to the 20 year reunion (we were in Venice) and expect that I won't go to 30...maybe by 40, I'll be mellow enough to enjoy it...

[wildhawk]

Good thread. I have not attended any of my class reunions (Class of 1974 - whoo hoo!). But that is mainly because the group that organizes and attends these events are the “in-crowd” clique that basically snubbed me in high school. I did not socialize with them then and I can see no reason to now. The friends I had in high school and college that I cared about I have kept in touch with - we are very close. I do feel a pang of curiousity about the others when reunions roll around, but not enough to make me put my life on hold and use vacation time to hear them brag about their lives - some people in my past need to stay there - in the past. Just my two cents worth…

[indysteel]

Indy, FWIW, Silver and I think the world of you where you are because it's clear to us that you are indeed happy with where you are;)

Also, FWIW, I too went to small Catholic schools and have similar emotions. (Although it's interesting that at Silver's 10 year reunion, it was funny when she leaned over and said that she had more fun at mine:eek:)

I don't know about your schools, but at mine, the nuns applauded superficially pious behavior, careers in the arts/sciences/medicine (as opposed to business/law), and were wholly uninspiring to me. Even though I've been successful, I don't fit their ideal of success (although they're persistent in hitting me up for money that will NEVER be offered!)

I didn't go to the 20 year reunion (we were in Venice) and expect that I won't go to 30...maybe by 40, I'll be mellow enough to enjoy it...

What a wonderful compliment. Thank you! I think the world of you guys, too!

And, boy would I rather go to Venice than a reunion!

[uforgot]

Guess I'm in the minority, but I haven't missed a reunion yet. I've enjoyed every one. Our class president is still the funniest guy I know and has missed his calling as a stand up comedian. The opening speech alone is worth the trip. It's the only time I keep up with my classmates as I've moved away, but it's fun to meet and talk to the interesting people they have become.

[Mr. Bloom]

Guess I'm in the minority, but I haven't missed a reunion yet.

That's wonderful!

I think that for me, High School represents an awkward time. I was popular, but not cool; bright, but not self confident. I found my groove in college and never identified with that more awkward time period...

[wildhawk]

Exactly! If I had “fit in” more, I would be inclined to go to the reunions. But high school for me was a very painful time. I not only had a difficult time making friends because I was shy and overweight (still am, although not shy so much anymore!) and my brother was killed in a hit and run in my senior year, so it became a blur after that. The only time the more popular students wanted to include me in any of their activities was when they wanted me to use my art talent to their benefit. I particularly remember one girl (who BTW, always heads up the reunion planning). She lived on a farm and had horses. She asked me to create some hand-painted props for her talent portion of a beauty pageant and promised that in return she would have me come over and go horseback riding with her. I loved horses so much that I agreed and did the work. When I asked her at school when we would get together to go riding, she very loudly made fun of me in front of her friends and said that I was too fat to ride her horses. Everyone laughed at me and of course I was totally humiliated!! I got used over and over again for my art abilities, but was never included in any social activities. So, seeing some of my former classmates brings up some bad memories. I think that if you had a great experience in high school that a reunion would be fun and interesting. But for me, that is not the case.

[indysteel]

Oh, Wildhawk. I'm tearing up over your story. How cruel of that girl. No wonder you don't want to go to your reunions. Here's a very big virtual hug.

[Aint Doody]

Wildhawk, that is so mean. How awful.

I have an amusing reunion story for y'all. One summer I was in Pensacola, FL, at a restaurant that was also the site for a 10-year class reunion for some high school in Pensacola. I enjoyed watching the young women walk in all decked out in their finest. But the one who took the cake was a young woman in a mink coat--in Florida, in the summer!!!!

[sundial]

How many of you would rather eat paste?

LOL! :D If someone really wants to know what I'm doing, they'll find me. ;)

[tulip]

<snip> What bothers me about this is the strength of my reaction to just the thought of a reunion. I feel like I have some additional work to do to release some old baggage. Doing that work doesn't mean that I'll end up wanting to go to a reunion anymore than I do now; just that thoughts and memories of the past would have less hold on me than they apparently do. I've already done a lot of work in that regard so it was surprising to feel so emotional about it today.

Anyway, thanks for sharing!

No shame in doing some work. When my marriage ended, I realized I had a whole lot of work to do, and I've been doing it and things are much better than they were; in fact, they are much better than they have been in a long, long, time, maybe ever. In my case, my "work" centers around a very unhappy young childhood where always felt like I was in the way...from as early as I can remember. I encourage you to follow your instinct and explore doing that work (I have a great therapist, and that's one way, but there are others, too).