He didn't do a thing for my 30th birthday! [Archive] - Women's Cycling Discussion Forums

milkbone

05-10-2008, 09:11 AM

I'm sorry I just need an outlet to vent and maybe some different opinions to make sure I'm not crazy - My BF of almost 2 years (best friend prior to relationship) did nothing for my 30th b-day on the 8th, nothing.... he works a 24 hr shift (firefighter) came home that morning wished me a happy birthday then asked me what I wanted to do, my answer and most common "I don't know" and I told him I figured he would have had something, anything planned, since for his 30th 2 years ago, I took him out to a massage, lunch and dinner out, plus gifts, etc...I was still tired and getting back to a normal schedule from working all night the 6th, so I was content with a lazy day at home, which was fine, I took a 2 and a half hour nap, then asked him what he got me for my b-day? His answer was, uh, nothing... and he was serious - nothing - I got upset started crying and left to go pick up my kids from school, he then left and attempted to get a birthday cake which still sits untouched in the fridge.

It's been some small talk conversation/silent since - I asked him what was up yesterday since he didn't even say good-bye to me on his way out the door to work.

He says since I didn't tell him what I wanted for my birthday and he didn't have anyplace to put a gift, and that we are always together, what did I expect him to do? He came home this morinng I told him he really hurt me and I started to cry again, he wouldn't even look at me, I said it makes me feel like he doesn't care, and he went off rattling the same excuses, I said sitting there crying, "I'm sitting here crying, and you can't even tell me your sorry for hurting me." The whole time he wouldn't look me in the face, when I said it seems like he doesn't care he didn't even argue in the slightest... he says I need to see his point of view ??? What that he doesn't care and I'm hurt badly and he can't even say he's sorry

Last week before my birthday he was even telling me how it's my 30th and should be special, etc etc.

I left took the kids to the park, and just came home, not surprisingly he's not here - I think he went out on his road bike.... I just don't get it - I thought I was going to marry this man, he's always made comments about getting a bigger house in 4 years, when the boys get older...he always seemed so committed and now ??? I don't even know what to think, I'm deeply hurt and he can't seem to see that.

Any words of wisdom, encouragement, etc. even some man bashing might help : ) Thanks ladies. :confused:

Flybye

05-10-2008, 09:21 AM

I don't have any words of wisdom or encouragement for you- I just wanted to say that I have had a bummer birthday in the past, too. It wasn't forgotten altogether, just last minute - WAY last minute. There really isn't an excuse that works in this situation - he was just plain wrong and he screwed up. He's know when your birthday is for a year - kind of strange how we know way ahead of time :(
I just wanted to say sorry. You have every reason to be upset. Sorry he forgot. HUGS!!

sundial

05-10-2008, 09:27 AM

Milkbone, I'm really sorry your birthday was a real let down. http://bestsmileys.com/hugging/6.gif

It sounds like your boyfriend is putting the commitment on hold for now. Maybe he's working through some personal issues of his own and as a result is not as emotionally available right now. Perhaps he feels his needs are not being met and he's confused or angry and is distancing himself from you. :confused:

Do you have some girl friends to do stuff together? Have a girls night out? Shop and do lunch together? Watch each other's kids for a day so you can have a break? Meet with some of the TE'ers and go for a long bike ride? :)

I wish you well and hope things get better for you both.

Irulan

05-10-2008, 09:38 AM

he works a 24 hr shift (firefighter) came home that morning wished me a happy birthday then asked me what I wanted to do, my answer and most common "I don't know" and I told him I figured he would have had something, anything planned, since for his 30th 2 years ago, I took him out to a massage, lunch and dinner out, plus gifts, etc...I was still tired and getting back to a normal schedule from working all night the 6th, so I was content with a lazy day at home, which was fine, I took a 2 and a half hour nap, then asked him what he got me for my b-day? His answer was, uh, nothing... and he was serious - nothing - I got upset started crying and left to go pick up my kids from school, he then left and attempted to get a birthday cake which still sits untouched in the fridge.

It's been some small talk conversation/silent since - I asked him what was up yesterday since he didn't even say good-bye to me on his way out the door to work.

He says since I didn't tell him what I wanted for my birthday and he didn't have anyplace to put a gift, and that we are always together, what did I expect him to do? He came home this morinng I told him he really hurt me and I started to cry again, he wouldn't even look at me, I said it makes me feel like he doesn't care, and he went off rattling the same excuses, I said sitting there crying, "I'm sitting here crying, and you can't even tell me your sorry for hurting me." The whole time he wouldn't look me in the face, when I said it seems like he doesn't care he didn't even argue in the slightest... he says I need to see his point of view ??? What that he doesn't care and I'm hurt badly and he can't even say he's sorry

Last week before my birthday he was even telling me how it's my 30th and should be special, etc etc.

I left took the kids to the park, and just came home, not surprisingly he's not here - I think he went out on his road bike.... I just don't get it - I thought I was going to marry this man, he's always made comments about getting a bigger house in 4 years, when the boys get older...he always seemed so committed and now ??? I don't even know what to think, I'm deeply hurt and he can't seem to see that.

Any words of wisdom, encouragement, etc. even some man bashing might help : ) Thanks ladies. :confused:

I'm sorry your feelings are hurt, but to me it sounds like you've got a nice guy who's working very hard and you a) expect him to be mind reader and know that you think he ought duplicate what you did for HIS birthday two years ago, and b) you tell him "I don't know" and then complain when he doesn't have anything.

No wonder men think women are crazy.

My hubby used to pull 24+ hour shifts in the oil field. I learned to cut him a lot of slack. Frankly after that many hours on the job, most guys want to just eat and sleep, much less think up specialness for their ladyfriends.

You might consider giving him an apology for expecting him to know what you aren't telling him, and for not considering that he was fried from his shift.

I.

BurrOakBobcat

05-10-2008, 09:45 AM

milkbone, cry all you need to. Sometimes a good cry is good for my soul. I'm sorry you feel hurt. Nobody wants that for their birthday.

My husband is not a very romantic guy. If I want something special done for what I view as a special occasion, I have to plan it-- my birthday, our wedding anniversary, whatever. I used to have high expectations and, like a kid at Christmas I'd wonder about what great gift he'd buy, then be let down when some nice gift and dinner didn't appear.

After awhile, I learned that this wonderful fellow just had little knack for creating special occasions. When we celebrate our 28th anniversary in a couple of weeks, it will be because I planned all (or most) of what we do. ;)

Good luck, milkbone. I hope next year's birthday is happier.
Robin

Trek420

05-10-2008, 10:00 AM

I'm sorry to hear this. I've had some bummer birthdays in the past, not forgotten just kind of last minute. But the _5 & _0 ones are kind of special so I can understand this hurt and you're entitled to feel royally ticked off.

You've been together for a while, how has he treated your special day in the past?

He says since I didn't tell him what I wanted for my birthday and he didn't have anyplace to put a gift

I was asked by a training buddy about to get married "what do I get my wife for holidays etc? what do women want?" I told him I'd always kept a list, don't count on us to say "I want ___" unless that's your arrangement and some of us do that with our SO's "here, get this".

I told him to watch, listen to her. The catalog with the post-it, the jersey she stares at and holidays, special days, just because and the all important "ooops, I f#cked up, sorry" you have ideas, you're out somewhere and "ooh, there's ____ she wants one" and so on.

He's still happily married, maybe it helped. :p

But it's not just men who forget these things. Small personal rant about the ex DPITA here and since she rides I've never mentioned this so .... ____ if you're lurking welcome to TE :) But I'd do that and she'd wonder "how did you know I wanted _____?" "well, you told me, not in so may words but we were ___, you stared at ____ here it is :D".

I'd tell her what I wanted and get the same thing almost every time. So it's not just a guy thing. :rolleyes:

Thoughtful gestures, fun time out together, not just spending all your time together but make it special, do something fun, try a new sport, go for a ride TOGETHER .... I have that now :D

Hope you two will work things out and that things go for the best.

I get the impression from these posts that men have a different take on the whole shopping/gift/occasion experience. Personally I would not mind hearing from our TE guys about their thoughts on the matter.

Milkbone; my philosophy is it's never to late to have a happy birthday (anniversary, ground hogs day etc). Celebrate!! You're 30, whooppeeeeeeeee, live it up.

jobob

05-10-2008, 10:01 AM

I forgot my husband's birthday once.

I knew it was coming, and thought about what to do for it, but that week at work was a big prep for a partner meeting and I was stressed and cross-eyed tired all week.

Then one evening that week I came home late from work and I saw that Lee got a couple of birthday cards in the mail, one from his parents and one from his sister, and I thought "oh how nice Lee got some ... Birthday Cards !!!!" :eek::eek::eek: Seriously, it completely slipped my mind until that very moment.

So it can happen.

Lee thought it was a hoot the way I reacted - I completely freaked and practically burst into tears over forgetting - so in the end it was different than your situation. But I'm just saying, under duress anyone can let a birthday slip from their minds.

Just my 2 cents - I think you assumed a lot. Maybe some guys would have made a big production number over it, but maybe your guy isn't that type. I don't see that as a sure sign that he doesn't love you and is not committed to the relationship. OTOH, the way you reacted probably speaks volumes to him, and possibly not in a good way.

Sorry, in my experience the male species is not particularly good at mind reading. It's like that Gary Larson cartoon What humans say / What dogs hear ("blah blah Ginger").

He hears: "blah blah blah blah I don't care blah blah blah "
You think: "Oh surely he will have had something wonderful planned since I did something wonderful for him 2 years ago."
He thinks: "Oh OK if it doesn't matter so much to her maybe we can do something this weekend when I'm not so busy" - he might not have even articulated this thought, just a subconcious "we can do it later".

milkbone

05-10-2008, 10:55 AM

Thanks ladies, he does work a 24 but they can go to sleep at 8 and only need to get up if they have any calls - and lately and that night were quiet. So the tired issue would be greatly into consideration if that had been the case, working nights as a medic I know how that is.

A good cry has helped, he still hasn't said I'm sorry and feels he did no wrong, I'm upset and as all things - This too shall pass.

Thanks ladies. : )

Trek420

05-10-2008, 11:30 AM

Meanwhile, you're 30! Whoopeeeeeee! Live it up. It's not one day, it's a whole birthday season, there's no limit to how long you can celebrate. Heck I'm still celebrating 30 just with 22 years of experience ;).

So we're celebrating your birthday virtually. Off to measure the kitchen counter area, figure out how many feet of tile I need (+10-15% for extra, errors, drops) for the backsplash and then let's ... go .... shopping.

C'ept you probably won't want tile for your birthday, you'll want to shop for sumthin' else.

C'mon we'll stop for virtual coffee and chocolate.

Brandi

05-10-2008, 11:41 AM

I lovvvvvveee my dh but he is not romantic at all. And I have been let down in the past as well. Which really is my own fault. Once on my birthday he left and was gone all day. I had huge expectations! He was gone all day cause he was buying himself a truck! I was so hurt. But he is such a good guy in so many other ways.
Now like some of the above said I plan it myself. Or my friends do. And my friends know what I am lacking in my relationship and they try and make up for it. My girlfriends are so wonderful. and I treat myself as well.
My 40th is this year, I have already started planning for it. I want to rent a bowling ally out and have a 50's party at it. Sounds like fun to me. he would never think of that!
I think you should tell him what you want right up front. Even now. Just say "You know I thought about it and I know what i want now" And see if that works. It is never to late to celebrate.

Triskeliongirl

05-10-2008, 12:07 PM

First of all, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! My DH also doesn't make much out of birthdays, etc. He did for my 50th, but that was the first time *ever*. What I have learned over the years is that he doesn't want/expect anything special for his birthday either, hes just one of those people for whom stuff like this doesn't mean a lot. SO, if everything else is good in your relationship, I think you just need to accept that he's not that kind of guy/person.

kelownagirl

05-10-2008, 12:09 PM

I always plan my own birthdays and we talk about what I want to do, especially for a special birthday. We always talk about what we want for our birthday/Christmas to so there's no guessing game to play. Neither of us wants to guess what to buy, or have to pretend we like was was bought. This year we bought each other Rudy Project sunglasses (our birthdays are a month apart). Last year, we bought matching Garmins. :)

I'm sorry you feel so crappy but at the same time, I can understand his position. I think you need to be up front about your expectations and at least give some hints about what you want.

Savra

05-10-2008, 12:34 PM

I think it's a guy thing. My last boyfriend was similiar. My neighbor's husband recently just refused to do anything for her birthday even after she went all out for his. It was weird. He is usually so thoughtful but when it came time for her birthday he just became a complete ***. They didn't talk to each other for a few days and seem fine now. I think overall she is choosing to accept him for the good and bad all wrapped up into one.

redrhodie

05-10-2008, 12:55 PM

Today I said to dbf, "You know, my birthday is monday. Go get me something." Off he went. He asked me to come with him, and pick something out, and I said no. I told him I want an actual present (not a gift certificate, etc), and I want it on monday, and I don't want to know how much it cost. As much as he should be able to, he can't read my mind, so I also told him which store I like, and that I really could use a messenger bag. Now he thinks the messenger bag was his idea (if he caught my subtle hint). Probably it will be a messenger bag, but that may have gone right over his head, and it really could be a surprise. Those are good, too.

We've been together for 17 years. He's never forgotten or not done anything for my birthday. Try this technique next year. It works well. Not sure there's much you can do about this year now. Forgiveness is probably your best option.

jobob

05-10-2008, 01:20 PM

LOL redrhodie, well done! Here's hoping you get something goooood.

And milkbone, let me chime in happy birthday wishes as well. Really sorry it didn't go according to plan, but maybe he'll get the hint better next time - altho it may involve having to be subtle as a sledgehammer. :cool:

mimitabby

05-10-2008, 01:25 PM

a lot of good posts here. My DH will never forget my Bday because it's 5 days before his and he likes to crow about how we're the same age for 5 days.

I think you have to evaluate this guy. Does he do his share? is he kind to the kids? Does he cheat, lie?
Maybe he's not the romantic type. Can you live without that?

Next time TELL him what you want or expect. All you had to do was say " oh, how about like what i did for your birthday 2 years ago?" and if he doesn't remember what that was, then you refresh his memory.

After being married for 30 years, one of the biggest lessons I have learned (still learning) is that my husband is not a mind reader. He TRIES, he reallly does, but he just CANNOT do it.

If he's worth it, get over your hurt feelings (caused by your own expectations) and get on with life. it's far too short to waste your time nursing hurt feelings.

and happy birthday. 30 is a really heavy year, lift it with dignity, you're a grownup now.

silver

05-10-2008, 01:50 PM

Happy Birthday!

I don't think it's just a man thing. It may have to do with his family upbringing. some families don't really make a big to do about birthdays. Mine didn't. I'm not big on celebrating birthdays or any holidays for that matter. It's a huge effort for me to "celebrate" others birthdays. I never feel that what I have done is adequate.

well, I really have no point here, just offering perhaps another point of view.

tc1

05-10-2008, 06:15 PM

Shiftwork can make you a little nuts and a little disoriented about schedules. What I bet happened is he screwed up planning his shopping time. Sure, he knew it was your birthday last week, and was probably going to get something, asked you what you wanted, when the two of you couldn't figure it out he thought he'd get to it later. Then he went back to work. And whenever he would remember, the stores were closed.

If you want the big production on your birthday, you will have to tell him. I had to tell my wonderful BF that I would rather go to a show than get more stuff, and that IT'S NOT A BIRTHDAY WITHOUT CAKE.

Wahine

05-10-2008, 06:53 PM

I come from a family that doesn't do much for birthdays. When I started seeing my DH (BF then), I didn't do much for his birthday, then he went all out for mine one month later. I later found out that he was kinda hurt about the whole thing. My advice - if you have expectations or desires in life, vocalize them. Everyone makes mistakes and has a different background/culture and perspective that they are living with.

I'd be more concerned about what's happened after the fact. It doesn't sound like either of you have made a huge effort to talk about this or resolve the issue. So what's going to happen in the future if you don't see eye to eye about something else like how to discipline a child that's been caught stealing or with drugs? Honestly, I think you should look at this as an opportunity to explore your relationship and talk about things. Communication is vital and from what you've posted here, I'd have to say some work needs to be done in that department. These hurdles often offer couples a chance to become closer and stronger if you work through them.

But I really don't know what I'm talking about... just an opinion.

KnottedYet

05-10-2008, 07:02 PM

My sweetie and I have missed multiple momentous occasions due to circumstances beyond our control.

We've made the conscious decision to celebrate those occasions later, when things are better. Like "Hooray! Next week is Chriskwanzakah 2006! Hot diggity!" Even if we're celebrating in 2010.

Communication is everything. Missing a special calendar date is manageable if you talk about it. Even after the fact.

Maybe make your birth "day" next month the day for your celebration?

milkbone

05-11-2008, 04:23 AM

Well, I attempted to talk to him and boy have things done a 180, I tried to explain I was hurt whether or not it was intentional and then he told me he's "bored", there wasn't any clues to what the heck is going on or something was even close to wrong, we've been in committed relationship, lived together, he's been a great father figure for my boys, he has put alot of committment towards my house, physical labor and financial, we just bought a big patio set just a week ago. He told me he's bored, and tells me "yeah, I love you, but I'm just bored" I can't see how in the world he is bored between work, the boys, cub scouts, soccer, we volunteer on a rescue squad, road and mtn bike, kayak etc.... He also made the statement that I would need to change my personality - according to him this all just happened and he didn't relize any of it.
I'm assuming our relationship is over and I'm just waiting for him to finally say it, I don't want it to be over, and I love him, and am just plain miserable, but it just seems he doens't want to be here now for whatever reason.
I began crying again this morning, and tried to talk to him, (not argue by any means) and he went off the deep end yelling at me and slamming stuff telling me to stop arguing and twisting everything he's saying around, I tried to tell him I'm not trying to twist things around I'm trying to figure out what the heck is going on and why did this happen all of sudden? He says he didn't even relize it, and left in a storm....

Thanks, ladies, for the words of encouragement, you've brought smiles to my tear streaked face.

redrhodie

05-11-2008, 04:50 AM

(((((milkbone)))). Hope it turns out okay for you.

sundial

05-11-2008, 04:59 AM

Milkbone, I'm really sorry. http://www.mysmiley.net/imgs/smile/sad/sad0126.gif (http://www.condoroptions.com)

Blueberry

05-11-2008, 05:01 AM

((((((milkbone))))))))

I think it's time to treat yourself for your birthday. Do something kind for you.

Wish I had words of wisdom to offer, but I don't:(

CA

sundial

05-11-2008, 05:29 AM

http://bestsmileys.com/birthday2/8.gif http://www.mysmiley.net/imgs/smile/party/party0019.gif (http://www.condoroptions.com) http://www.mysmiley.net/imgs/smile/party/party0007.gif (http://www.condoroptions.com)http://www.mysmiley.net/imgs/smile/party/party0023.gif (http://www.condoroptions.com)

Mr. Bloom

05-11-2008, 05:37 AM

Milkbone, I hope you sort this out:) Sorry for the long post, but after 25 years with Silver and a lot of grey (and thinning) hair, I have some perspective.

Every relationship has good things and bad things...good times and bad times. If you can say the good is, let's say, 85% of the time, then focus on that and the 15% will pass.

I hope that the "birthday event" has not triggered a focus on just the 15% and caused you to overlook all the good things. And remember, in the heat of the moment, we all say stupid things...and he may not have really meant things he said.

There's an outstanding book called "The Five Love Languages". The basic premise is that everyone expresses love in five ways:
- Words of Affirmation (encouragement, support, etc)
- Quality Time (time together, activities, etc)
- Gifts (giving and receiving)
- Acts of Service (selfless things, help around the house, etc)
- Touch (holding, hugging, etc)

Often, misunderstanding and conflict arise from one person expressing their love in a different language than the other is expecting. Men and women are wired differently, and even without gender differences, all people are as well. I'm a "touch" person, Silver's not. She's a "Quality of Time" of time person. If I want to reach out to her...and make a difference, I need to choose her language. Neither of us are real "Gift" people...she nearly killed me when I gave a Surprise Party for her 30th birthday...but I had fun:rolleyes::eek:

For instance, it seems like he is big on Acts of Service with the kids, the house, etc...and you're giving him credit for that. But, it sounds like you receive or expect to receive love in a different way.

Don't read too much into what I'm saying. None of us has a real solution to offer because we all have limited direct insight. I simply encourage you to challenge your own perspective before reaching a conclusion that there's nothing here.

Mr. Bloom

05-11-2008, 05:38 AM

Wahine

05-11-2008, 05:39 AM

Milkbone - I am really sorry for this turn of events. I know this is really hard but you needed to have him say that to you. You may never know what happened to your relationship. It's impossible to understand sometimes. But take it from a confessed adreneline junkie... we do get bored even when we're busy. Something new has to happen all the time. And when we are bored, the easiest thing to o is to blame our relationships for our unhappiness/caged in feeling. I almost left the man who became my DH for the same reason. Until I figured out that the problem was with me not my relationship.

Anyway. He is not happy and right now, right or wrong he thinks the source of that unhappiness is his home life. He has to figure it out and he never do that. I certainly know many adult men and a few women who go through relationships like crazy for this reason because they aren't happy unless they are experiencing the thrill of the relationship early on.

I hope things get better for you. We're here to listen.

((((((hugs)))))))

Susan126

05-11-2008, 06:31 AM

Happy Birthday Milkbone!

Lots of great advice here! Listen to your heart and gut feeling. Only you know him! I know my hubby loves me after 30+ years. He has his ways of showing it to me that are truly his WAY!

Take care and know you always have ears and shoulders in here for you!

Sue

Triskeliongirl

05-11-2008, 09:07 AM

Milkbone, only you know how deep his words go. BUT, I think what you are missing is that he is feeling just as hurt, even more so than you are. You are feeling hurt cuz you feel he messed up your birthday. BUT he is feeling hurt, cuz he feels you don't appreciate all the OTHER stuff he seems to do for you and your children EVERY DAY. I will be really honest. Biologically it is very unusual to see a man do this much for a women with children that aren't his own. I think you need to recognize and appreciate this more. Also, many men don't like it when women cry. They view it that the women are trying to manipulate/guilt trip them. I am not saying you are doing this, I am just trying to tell you what he may be thinking. Instead of crying, you need to learn to communicate with words instead of tears.

Regarding the boredom remark. I think there are 2 kinds of boredom we encounter in our lives. One type can be fixed by having new experiences. The other type can be fixed by making sure you are making time for each other, figuring out creative ways to vary you sex life and keep it new and fresh and interesting, etc. Maybe both could be taken care of by a little vacation together. It doesn't have to be expensive, maybe you could get a family member to take care of your children while you went on an adventure, be it a bike tour or a weekend getaway.

Also, do you make time for each other? Speaking from the vantage point of a 24 year old successful marriage, we have always had a weekly date night, a time set aside to be a couple, no matter what else was going on in our family our professional lives. Maybe something like that would help.

Wahine

05-11-2008, 09:17 AM

What a great post Triskeliongirl! Very good advice. And it's true about the biology involved in a man putting time in to help raise children that are not his own. There is very good pyche/social research on this type of behavior.

BurrOakBobcat

05-11-2008, 09:52 AM

milkbone,
Much wisdom has been offered in a spirit of caring. Take care. Although we're strangers, you, your partner, and your kids are in my thoughts.
Robin

milkbone

05-11-2008, 11:23 AM

sgtiger

05-11-2008, 11:31 AM

((((((Milkbone))))))

shootingstar

05-11-2008, 11:54 AM

It doesn't matter anymore..... I kept telling him today how I wanted to fix things, I didn't even know anything was wrong until 4 days ago, I told him I loved him, thats it workth fixing, etc, he said he was bored from the day to day routine and he broke up with me by text message! I'm in shambles.... Just last week we were putting up our brand new patio set, and talking about the future, next year etc.... now this, it's so sudden and all he says is he's bored...:(:(:( I'm dying inside....I'm so hurt.

{{{milkbone}}} I'm very sorry to hear this latest development. And I agree with you that firefighters aren't THAT tired. They aren't fighting fires every hr. nor every day. There's a huge part of their job that's just waiting for an emergency or just doing fire safety inspections or involved in public safety education. I worked for a govn't agency that trained firefighters for one of the Canadian provinces.

YOu need to go out with your closest girlfriends for fun, but tell them in advance what happened just after your 30th. I would be so bummed out too.

In hindsight, a year from now, life will go in a different direction if you allow yourself.

Meanwhile also get on that bike too....this has been stressful for you. You go girl, on that bike. And geez, breaking up by text messaging. How pathetic. He has alot to learn..

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
For for birthdays etc., he and I celebrate each other's well. My problem is stopping myself when buying presents. For my 40th, he threw a surprise birthday dinner with family.

And I have to say HE started the simple romantic bit for Valentine's-- just a card and valentine bonbon or cookie. I sorta forgot about Valentines for lst 1-2 years, before I "got" it. I think I was single for so long, I forgot about Valentine's.

effy

05-11-2008, 12:06 PM

Milkbone....
I'm sorry that you are going threw this. I'm sorry that he didn't do anything for your birthday. Something tells me that even is he would of made a small attempt to get you or do something, you would of been pleased. The fact that he didn't, hurts. Then the fact that he trying to say the relationship is boring and that you need to change your personality, RED FLAGS.

You need to remember that your not the one with the problem, He's the one. If the relationship was boring to him, what did he do to attempt to make it exciting??? What has changed in his personality that it seems not to be in sync with yous???

He trying to make excuses for HIS own short comings.

My heart hurts with yours today, but remember that tomorrow will be a new day. The sun will rise and you can get threw it. my prayers are with you. Big hugs.
Just remeber it's wasn't you.

Mr. Bloom

05-11-2008, 12:21 PM

Milkbone, I'm really sorry for how you feel right now.

I agree with Effy...don't put this on you. There's more to this than you know and you can't change both sides of the relationship. There's something wrong with a break-up that occurs by text message.

I hope that if there is reconciliation, that it can happen. If not, I hope that you will allow yourself to move on.

KnottedYet

05-11-2008, 01:43 PM

(((((Milkbone)))))

BikeMomma

05-11-2008, 02:25 PM

Milkbone -

So sorry for what you are going through -- I'm not one to make judgement about people, but to break up by text message says volumes about his maturity. I only hope your kids will be ok through all this. As much as you're hurting, they may be too.

Don't blame yourself for his "boredom." Maybe he's (albeit suddenly) realized that he's not ready to settle down, which is perfectly normal, and saying he's "bored" is his awkward way of expressing that. He's entitled to feelings, also. Again, it's not only YOUR fault. Please do not blame yourself or be too hard on yourself for what's happened. The unfortunate part of this is that obviously you've been broadsided and are having to deal with the aftermath and confusion of sorting through it and trying to find an explanation where there is none.

I'm a firm believer in tests -- life throws them at you from time to time, and this is only one of many. They build strength and help to show you what you're made of. Your "grade" is how you deal with them and what you make of it. Make yourself a winner from this. Give yourself time to grieve, but don't let it beat you.

Flex your muscles, Milkbone. You'll get through this -- whatever comes of it -- you'll get through it. Believe and know in your heart that there WILL be a better tomorrow ('cause there will).

Wishing you strength and lots and lots of hugs,
Kim (BikeMomma)

wackyjacky1

05-11-2008, 04:12 PM

A text message??? Wow, way to man up. Sheesh.

Stay strong, milkbone. Telepathic hugs are coming your way from San Antonio.

OakLeaf

05-11-2008, 04:48 PM

((((((((milkbone))))))))

nothing to add - just hugs -

kelownagirl

05-11-2008, 08:03 PM

I'm sorry Milkbone. That just sucks.... :(

NbyNW

05-11-2008, 09:16 PM

((((milkbone))))

Hope you still managed a happy Mother's Day with your kids.

The other day I was trading "Saturn Return" stories with, of all people, my hairdresser. Details are not important, but we did agree that things do get better, eventually. Or you're able to handle them better.

Sorry your heart hurts so much right now.

Hugs & Peace --

LoriO

05-11-2008, 11:05 PM

{{{{{{milkbone}}}}}

I know how you are feeling. Been in those shoes myself. I sent you a PM becuase there are some details that I am not at liberty to really share with the rest of the world ;-)

Hang in there...we are all here for you!

jesvetmed

05-12-2008, 03:21 AM

Wow.. text message. No matter what the situation is, everyone deserves more than that. Perhaps a better explanation is coming when he can bring himself to talk about it reasonably.

In the meantime, you are in everyone's thoughts here. We've all been there at some point. Take care of yourself and your kids.. that is the important part. The rest will come around. I really am sorry you are having to go thru all of this.

makbike

05-12-2008, 03:32 AM

Milkbone,

I certainly can relate to what you are going through at the moment. When I read your initial post I thought to myself "I know that guy." Your ex sounds a lot like my ex. After a year of counseling and help from some good friends I can now look back at my past relationship and know there were all kinds of problems with it. The end of your relationship is not your fault. Lean on your friends, journal your thoughts, find a good counselor, keep yourself busy, ride and ride some more, etc but whatever you do not beat yourself up over this.

Tuckervill

05-12-2008, 04:30 AM

Aren't you glad that a jerk like that is not going to have an influence over your kids anymore??

That's how little boys learn to be husbands, you know, watching the man in their mother's life. Expect nothing less than the best treatment for yourself; offer nothing less than the best treatment to your significant other; do all that for the good of your children. They're worth it.

Your pain will subside and you'll soon see how good life can be with the right partner.

Karen

bmccasland

05-12-2008, 04:53 AM

Milkbone - as an X Firefighter's wife, boy does this sound like dejavu all over again. Any chance the Department has counselors that you could see? And if your BF says he's bored, have you asked what he'd like to do different? I don't know how busy his station is, my X literally did stand-up 24's (no sleep), which just wore him down. One of the things the counselor asked both of us was the status of our parent's marriages - both divorced. So we didn't exactly learn good examples.

Are there things you used to do together that you don't do now? Does the department have any kind of intramureal (sp?) team - volleyball, softball, basketball? That he can play, you and the kids go to the game and cheer? If he hasn't done this before, do any of the other guys in the station, and could they recruit him? If he's bored, he needs to try something different, with the family. Firefighters tend to internalize, for privacy reasons there are somethings they can't tell family, some they don't want to re-live. There's a reason firefighters, cops, and ER folks tend to socialize among themselves. It's a special life that the general public just doesn't get. Watching shows on TV really doesn't cover it. My X used to tell folks at non-Fire parties he was a quality control person at a burlap bag factory.

Which brings me back to talking to a Department counselor, if available. Might help you, and him.

Best wishes and big hugs

Triskeliongirl

05-12-2008, 05:24 AM

I am really sorry to learn of this recent turn of events. BE STRONG, for you, for your kids. Give yourselves time to cool off, and then try to talk about it like rational adults. Relationships are a two way street. We are hearing one side here, and to me its not about 'blame' or 'faults' its about two people figuring out if this relationship can be made to work better, for the people involved.

indigoiis

05-12-2008, 05:51 AM

My now husband and I went through something very similar when we were about three years into our relationship. As Mr. Silver says back in his post, men and women often speak different love languages and my guy and I were talking different languages. It turns out on top of that that he has Asperger's, which explains a lot of his behavior at the time and his subsequent behavior. At the time I just thought he was stubborn and didn't love me. But he did and does love me, it just took some time and patience to figure it all out. Pressure from me helped little if at all - in fact, tears and "discussions" pushed him further away.

Guys like this are very much a challenge and not easy to deal with. If he makes motions to get back together and you are interested, keep in mind that he is an individual with his own head and oftentimes we can't know what's going on with our partners. We just have to have patience and faith.

Happy birthday to you... and hope all works out.

mimitabby

05-12-2008, 05:54 AM

Geez, Milkbone, i'm so sorry. I like the department counselor idea. And do get on your bike. Yeah, saturn return. read about it. mine was tough too.

teawoman

05-12-2008, 09:01 AM

Man, I hate it when people say they're bored. Are you not capable of entertaining yourself, finding interesting things in yourself and life? You're sure not capable of much personal depth if you're bored that easily. It's not anyone's problem but yours if you're bored.

Note to self: overidentify much? :p

I am sorry this happened to you, Milkbone.

Tuckervill

05-12-2008, 09:20 AM

Boredom is an emotion. If a person is angry or sad, would you tell them to just get over it? I would appreciate it much if my SO didn't take it personally that I was bored, just like he shouldn't take it personally that I was sad. (Unless he did something to make me so, then he should be contrite, if necessary.)

Karen

teawoman

05-12-2008, 09:30 AM

I disagree that it's an emotion. I'll explain what I mean a bit. There's a big difference between "I'm angry at you" and "I'm bored with you." There's also big difference between "I'm bored with you" and "I'm bored" in general.

I think you can say that a household routine of cooking, cleaning, and looking after kids is boring as opposed to making it personal and saying "I'm bored with you in particular." The latter just seems mean and rude. I could never say to another person, "It bores me silly when you do x". It's pretty presumptuous and (to me) very different from "It makes me sad or angry when you do x."

pll

05-12-2008, 09:47 AM

Teawoman: I agree that saying "I'm bored with you" would be intentionally hurtful. However, there was only an "I'm bored" / "bored with the day to day routine" mention, though. And, in general, boredom is an affective/emotional state.

Milkbone: virtual hugs to you. I cannot add anything to what people have said already.

teawoman

05-12-2008, 09:51 AM

Ok, fair enough. Just more hugs to Milkbone!

milkbone

05-12-2008, 11:50 AM

Everyone thank you so much for your comments and hugs and words of wisom - I have read and considered them all (a few times) -

He just said he was bored, not bored with any one thing in particular - he didn't say he just said he was bored, and that we had a ground hog day routine, then he said that I say "I don't know" and "whatever" too much, he also said "Yes, I love you, I'm just bored" as he left....he won't talk to me and says all we do is argue, which isn't true - I attempt to talk and then he starts ranting and raving and won't calm down nor let me have a word in edge wise.
He's gone and I'm miserable and my boys are sad as well.

We began cycling (mtn and road) together, kayaking too we both love to read and going to Barnes and Noble - we bagan the cycling and kayaking together, neither was a hobby prior to "us". I'm a paramedic so I tend to understand the pressures and issues associated with emergency work, he works in a pretty slow dept with v. few major calls, I work for the county and is a 180 from where he works, I did some firefighting in my past too..

I had no idea he was having such big issues, he says he told me all the time he didn't like me saying "I don't know and whatever - which he did, but I didn't know it could/would lead to this, I thought it was like me telling him to wipe the water off from around the sink when he shaves in the morning - annoying but not a relationship killer.

I'm just devasted and tried to call upon my friends, and they have been there for me, just like you guys have been. One of my other guy friends told me it won't be hard for me to find someone else :) Thats not on my mind right now, but it was nice to hear.

Thanks again TE.

Grog

05-12-2008, 12:51 PM

BIG HUG to you, Milkbone. This is not a very nice turn to the story, but perhaps you don't want to spend your life with a guy who breaks up over a text message, either...

I was thinking about your patio set over the past few hours... 'cause I've been intensively shopping for furniture with my husband for the past week. The other day we bought a "bed". A bed not from Ikea, that we did not have to assemble ourselves, that is very very high quality and will last us for years and years. Expensive, too. A "grown up" bed. I was a little shocked.

I know it may sound silly, but buying and setting up all those material things recently has got me thinking a lot about the relationship, too. I can tell you that if there was something that bothered me with our relationship right now, I would have been thinking about it, and buying furniture would have freaked me out.

Maybe your patio set-buying thing got your guy thinking... Buying any big-ticket item with another person can raise lots of questions, and it's quite different from going on spontaneous parties and adventures with your friends. Maybe he realized that he was not ready to be in that kind of relationship?

Anyway, this is a bit of an idle reflection now that it seems that the relationship is over. I just wanted to point out that the last few weeks might have meant two different things to the two of you... unfortunately.

Good luck!!

Geonz

05-12-2008, 01:05 PM

Just to add my hugs to the mix ... can't add advice 'cause you've had lots of good advice. Welp, except that you can't change the past.. but the future is yours... even though it might not be what you thought it would be.

milkbone

05-12-2008, 01:11 PM

KSH

05-12-2008, 01:57 PM

Grog, I don't think so, good idea, but no - we bought a bedroom set about a year and a half ago, an entertainment center, and a used jeep cherrokee together....

I'm confused. Grog mentioned he broke up over a text message???? He didn't do that... right?

I thought you just mentioned that he said he was bored.

He just said he was bored, not bored with any one thing in particular - he didn't say he just said he was bored, and that we had a ground hog day routine,

You know, that's pretty bad. I think if a guy is bored... he's going to cheat... or find a way out of the relationship.

I know it might not change much... but have you thought about doing somethings different to change up the routine of life? Go out to eat when you normally eat at home. Go to the movies. Book a hotel room. Go on a surprise vacation. Etc.

Also... and you don't have to answer this here... but just something to throw out... how's your sex life? Is it the same 'ol, same 'ol or do you try to spice it up some? Throw on some sexy lingere... a video... do a new move in the bedroom... etc? I know for some guys this won't matter. I know for my guy is does. I also know that if my man is happy in the bedroom, everything else is just gravy. But, that's just my man. Yours might be different. Just something to throw out there.

Good luck and know that 30 is not old and if things don't work out with him... you can find another. If things do work out, then that's great!

teigyr

05-12-2008, 02:08 PM

milkbone, I am so sorry you are going through this. I know what it feels like and I know when it seems like things are a complete surprise.

I went through a failed marriage and even though I saw the signs if I looked hard enough, I was shocked when it happened. My ex is not a bad person but he had some difficulty communicating and we weren't at the same level at all. I was highly disappointed in the fact he wasn't more romantic and I wanted to put my definitions of what "love" is on him and then got upset when I felt unloved. I never stated WHAT I wanted, however. He would say if he wanted me to change something though I was so immersed in the fact he didn't love me (in my mind), I didn't listen to him. In my passive-aggressive way, I didn't do little things that would have made him happy. Things like pick up my shoes when I took them off :o It was a meltdown of the hugest proportions.

I know it's hard but it might be worth it to talk to him as a person and put expectations aside. My ex felt like a failure when he didn't know what I wanted and yet was in trouble for not providing it. You are right, some things shouldn't be deal-breakers so maybe there's something else going on. Sometimes depression can manifest itself as boredom or it could be any number of things. It sounds like he has really given a lot of himself to you and your children and maybe it's time for a "I love you so let's figure out what's going on" talk.

I have to appreciate all the earlier comments from married people whose DH's don't behave 100% on their birthdays (and those wives that do it too!). My DH (current DH) is the most wonderful person and he tries. I have to be blunt with him and he will surprise me though he admits he isn't good at it. I also had to laugh at Wahine's story about her DH. I LOVE birthdays but DH is pretty ambivalent about them. We've reached a middle ground on the whole thing but I could just say 'Happy Birthday' to him and he'd be good with it. If I ask him what he wants, he says he has everything he wants right now. I'm the one who wants surprises and presents and specialness :D

(((hugs))) Milkbone. Try to remember he's an imperfect person who appears to be communicating a bit poorly right now. It could be it's time for you to move on but it also could be that this could be a positive turning point in your relationship. Have you ever considered counseling? Would he do something like that at this point? Communication can be so difficult, especially when there are hurt feelings involved.

BleeckerSt_Girl

05-12-2008, 02:16 PM

I suspect there are some deeper longterm relationship/communication issues going on here. If you really feel the relationship is breaking up and you deeply care about not wanting that to happen, then you need to get some professional counseling- either couple's counseling or just for yourself.
Don't get me wrong, people here are wonderful and always sympathetic and caring.... but bike forum advice is just not going to cut it. Perhaps he cares enough about the relationship to go with you. Learning better communication skills can make or break the situation here, and that takes counseling to learn properly. You would both learn a lot about yourselves AND each other- always a good thing.
A vacation together, flowers, spicing up your sex life, or a new hobby may help temporarily, but longterm solutions usually require deeper exploration of underlying causes. It takes two to make or break a relationship.

ACG

05-12-2008, 03:20 PM

Milkbone, lots of hugs for you.

You have the right to be happy, to be with a man who loves you with all his heart and soul, who will remember your birthday even if it means he only has the money for a card and a single flower. Be strong, we are all here rooting for you.

uforgot

05-12-2008, 03:35 PM

I totally agree with the last two posts. Sometimes there are things going on that you don't see. Go to a counselor. You may be surprised at what you find out, about yourself, him and the dance you are currently in. It's possible you have patterns that need to be broken or you will play the same scenario out over and over for years. At least it will give you somewhere to start. Take care of YOU and those kids.

Jen-Jen

05-12-2008, 03:40 PM

Milkbone- My hubby of 8 years and boyfriend of 3 before that has never done anything for mine. I just think that is the way some guys are wired. Oh sure, my husband will take me out to dinner, but that is only after I say, "So...what ARE we doing for my birthday?"

I have to press for that. I never forget his! We always gets a cool birthday from me.

Sorry about your b-day. But, hey, Happy Birthday from me!

emily_in_nc

05-12-2008, 06:14 PM

Y'all -- from the sounds of it, milkbone and bf have already broken up. From the sounds of her posts, counseling, spicing up their sex life, whatever, are not in the cards...he broke up with her via text message, for goodness sakes! :(

All the suggestions you're making would have been helpful before it reached that point, but it sounds like now it is probably too late for anything other than hugs and support for milkbone.

milkbone, am I wrong? Do you think there's still any hope at all?

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ milkbone }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Emily

milkbone

05-12-2008, 06:20 PM

KSH, no he broke up with me via text message -

I appreciate all your support and concerns, it does take 2 and I didn't realize anything was wrong, he won't answer my questions about counseling, and as of tonight on the phone says he still loves me he is just bored, and unhappy, and whats to know how we can fix it, he seems like he is at a loss on how to fix it, and if we cant fix it why bother. I'm hoping he just needs to time to think and maybe we can work things out. I told him I love him and I want to work things out, I want to talk, I'm being good and doing my best to leave him alone and give him space and see what happens, but as I told him I can't promise him how I feel when or if he decides to come back, and he kept asking me what that means, and I just told him once he leaves that I can't promise him how I feel later on.

He has been there for my kids and I and has been wonderful man, and I at least thought I was showing my appreciation for him for that, I would always make it a point to thank him when he did something for them or me, whether it was picking them up at school, or helping them with a cub scout project, or cooking dinner I would thank him or tell him, "You are so good to those boys.....Thank you." Maybe I didn't speak his "language" I'm not sure, I'm not sure what else to do, but take it one day at a time, breathe deep, and ride.

I don't think there is too much else too say, I appreciate everyones time, concern, and hugs. You guys have helped me through your thoughts and words, I have felt all your hugs, and will be taking one step at a time, and move on.

Thanks again TE

((((((((((((((((TE)))))))))))))))

KSH

05-12-2008, 06:27 PM

WOW! He did THAT? Oh that is rude. Beyond rude. Especially since you two are living together... you are... right?

Either way... it was completely uncalled for. What a coward. He can put out fires but he can't have the balls to call and talk to you?

You are a better woman than I. I would have told that man good ridden. You are a kind and loving soul to even take the time to consider working it out with him.

milkbone

05-12-2008, 06:40 PM

KSH - we have actually been living together for over 3 years. In a relationship for 2, we were close friends, and only friends, living in a roommate situation - Then after a month long discussion we finally decided to become a couple, we were very afraid of the consequences since we had since a great friendship, and we always thought we did the right thing for crossing that bridge. It tooks us about 3 weeks before we began the actual steps to "couple-dom"

I just hope in the end it works out for the best, all of my friends are jaw-dropped shocked about what happened and I keep getting the comment that everyone always thought we were that "perfect" or almost perfect happy couple. One of my other guy friends, thought we were playing a practical joke on him at first....

This too shall past, and hopefully I will be stronger for it.

BikeMomma

05-12-2008, 06:50 PM

I have felt all your hugs, and will be taking one step at a time, and move on.

This too shall past, and hopefully I will be stronger for it.

That's my girl -- I'll give you an "A" for attitude - the right one. ;) Keep that chin up, girlfriend.

You sure have some awesome friends here....heck, you brought everyone out of the woodwork, supporting and trying to help you sort out why this dude is how he is (who knows about that one :rolleyes:). Amazing the human spirit in times of need, eh?

Take it easy,
Kim

uforgot

05-12-2008, 07:29 PM

My suggestion was for counseling. I never intended it for both of you. I meant for YOU! Find someone who isn't in his department and neutral. There is a reason for all of this and like Lisa said, you aren't going to get any answers here. There may be a bigger picture and deeper issues than what you are seeing. A lot of us have been exactly where you are. The signs were all there, believe me. Don't try to figure this out yourself and quit calling him. Take a breather and try to clear your head. The fact that you are discussing this here speaks volumes. You are reaching out. Find the answers with someone trained to help you find what's best for you.

dirtygirl1

05-12-2008, 08:01 PM

milkbone...

So sorry to hear about all of this ... keep on riding (it helps to clear the head) and doing what you are doing. You are in a tough situation.

Sounds like communication is the key to this situation ... hopefully you guys will get a chance to chat one-on-one face-to-face so you can both lay your cards on the table. Be honest with yourself and him and you won't have any regrets.

Only you know what is right for you ... as you already know we are all here rooting for you!

Hugs!

ikkin

05-13-2008, 07:26 AM

milkbone, i'm so sorry you're suffering. :(

my only advice, and it might be hard to see the value in it right now, but just trust me: don't do anything untill you're in the best mental place you can be. don't talk to him or try to do anything untill you're feeling good yourself. feeling good means no defensiveness, no hurt, no expectations, etc. it might not seem possible to feel good given the circumstances, but it is. we all have more strength and love inside of us than we give ourselves credit for.

when you're calm and centered (and only when you're calm and centered), see what makes sense to you to do. but don't do or try anything while you're even remotely upset, because the upset will color any interaction with him in an unproductive way.

i know that might be hard because it probably seems really urgent to talk to him/figure things out. the urgency is a warning sign- it's telling you you're not nuetral/calm yet. and untill you're both neutral/calm you'll both keep seeing things the way you're currently seeing them- which will just bring up the same old problems. which isn't the way to a new solution.

sounds like your guy is probably stuck in a bit of a mental rut and isn't seeing anything new either. that would explain the boredom. but boredom is just a state of mind. it can shift, states of mind (as we all know, thank god) aren't permanent. otherwise we'd all be in the same mood all the time. but mental ruts seem permanent when we're in them- and they subsequently prevent us from learning, from happiness, from love. but happiness and love is always available. it doesn't go away, it just gets covered up by thinking/analyzing/expecting. sort of like clouds cover up the sun.

anyway, it sounds like you guys both unintentionally lost sight of your neutral good feelings for each other through a bit too much thinking/brooding (him) and/or analyzing/expecting (you?). so get in that good, nuetral, calm place and let your heart guide you. but your heart won't be able to guide you 'till your brain quiets down a bit.

i hope that makes sense, and i'll be pulling for you both. it's never too late. it is, however, sometimes too early. good luck.

Geonz

05-13-2008, 09:08 AM

here's some more free advice ;)

... "boredom" is a word a little bit like love. It is used in all kinds of different ways for different reasons.
When students are doing poorly in school they often say it's because they are "bored" - and sometimes it is because the work is too easy, and sometimes because it is too hard, and sometimes because it seems utterly irrelevant because other things take up all the mental space...or because everything is boring because that's what depression can feel like. It's rarely as simple as that the stuff needs to be made a little more interesting. So saying he's "bored" can mean just about anything.

Also pulling for you...

DDH

05-13-2008, 04:55 PM

I'm so sorry to hear this. I read your first post and thought, Wow, I could have written that. My DH is very bad about birthdays and any other kind of special occasion. I feel like I am lucky sometimes to get even an acknowledgement of a special ocassion like a birthday or mothers day, much less a card or present. He has gotten better over the years but is still very bad. We have been together 24 years and that is one of my major complaints, but I learned a long time ago that it isn't because he doesn't care or love me. I try very hard not to take it personally because I know it isn't a reflection of how he feels.

What your guy has done is inexcusable to a degree, and I really couldn't blame you if you didn't let him come back. He needs to understand that although you love him, when people do things like this to hurt us, it causes us to put up defenses to protect ourselves. It causes a bit of mis-trust of feelings, and he will have to understand that it may take you a bit to let your guard back down.
He has broken down the trust not by cheating but by hurting you, and he needs to understand that you also will need time now that he has pushed it this far ecspecially without a reasonable explanation. I'm bored is not reasonable, nor is it a real explanation.
We tend to expect others to make us happy rather than take on that responsiblity ourselves, and he and you need to understand that our happiness and completeness for lack of a better word are our own responsibility.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get off on a tangent and sorry for the long post. I just feel so badly for you.
I think I would tell him next time he told me he's just bored, that he better be able to come up with something better than that if he expects you to ever trust him again, or will allow him to come back. You have a responsibility to your boys and he didn't hurt you alone when he pulled this stunt.

milkbone

05-14-2008, 05:29 PM

Ok, just figured I'd give everyone just one last quick update.

I'm doing better day by day, my friends are trying to keep me occupied and my spirits up, some times are better than others thats for sure.

I know most of you will say I'm crazy, but I still do hope to work it out with him in the long run, he is moving out as of now (and hasn't been here since last week). I did get to actually talk to him face-to-face today, he says he still loves me, and does miss me, he was just really unhappy. How he did everything still really hurts, and I'm still on the roller coaster of up's and down's. He was a really great guy to both me and my boys, and I just want that all back, I know how he did things was really messed up, maybe I'm way too nice, I don't know, but I still love the guy.

The most surprising thing of all is that he is suppossed to move into a house only one street away, literally the next street over in the subdivision, he said he's not sure yet, but pretty sure, he will sign a 12 month lease.

I live on a cul-de-sac so there should be no reason for him to just drive by, and I don't think that was his purpose anyway. Just figured thats what some of you might say, but I am a bit surprised on the location he picked, I would have figured he would've at least left the neighborhood area.

Anyway, I figure it's time to put this issue to rest, and I really do appreciate everyone's support and comments. I've read them all with interest.

This too shall past, and I shall be stronger for it. : )

As my Mom says, "I am woman, I am invincible!"

Thanks again TE! {{{{{{{{{{{TE}}}}}}}}}}}}}}