Stuck in the middle

[Kimmyt]

So the other day I did my weekly group ride and decided to try something new. I'd been riding in the B- group (14-16 mph) but feeling hemmed in and like I was being a bit held back. Plus the group size had increased and no one really understood road rules and it was just getting frustrating. I decided to try the next group up, thinking I'd be able to hang, at least at the back.

The first 1/2 of the ride was great. i was at the back of the pack, but mostly because I didn't feel like doing the pecking order thing where people decide they're going to ride faster than you and if you pass them they have to speed up to get back in front. I happily settled in towards the end and did my thing. I managed to keep up admirably without feeling terrible for the first 1/2, including a few rather large hills. Then I and the BOP-leader got seperated from the group by a road and some traffic, so essentially we lost everyone. I could still see them up ahead, but still managed to get dropped completely on the downhills until it was just me and the other leader.

I have to say, that's when I lost it. Everything. All motivation to keep up. I just couldn't go fast (if you can call it that) anymore, after all I was pretty much riding by myself. Then all the baggage came in. i shouldn't have done the ride. I was ruining it for the BOP-leader who was staying back with me. I'm a horrible rider, and not only do I get dropped on the uphills, but I can't even keep up on the downhills because of my meager weight (you'd think being light would help with climbing, but no, apparently not for me).

So amidst all this I just got down. And I got mad. And I wanted to kick something and I wanted to throw my bike away because I'm just so tired of being bad at everything I do.

And now this is all boiling out right now so I don't always feel like this, but I'm just frustrated. I told the leader that I was going to drop back into the B- group next time, even though when I ride with them I feel like I'm riding slower than I could. He told me that the ride was challenging and that we did okay for my first time with the higher group. It was 2300' climbing and we averaged only 14.7 mph. That is not good enough. I wanted to tell him to stop patronizing me. Just tell me if I suck.

I was noncommittal about trying again next week. I just don't know where I should be. I just thought maybe I'd vent a little bit and get people's opinions on whether I should drop back to the B- group where I really don't feel challenged (maybe I could make an effort to stay at the front of the group so I don't have to be held back as much on the climbs or descents), or if I should ignore my demons and stay with the B/B+ group for a few rides to see if I improve.

I just hate, absolutely hate, feeling this way. And thanks for listening and apologies for the venting.

K.

[mimitabby]

Are you really certain the guy was patronizing? Most people like him don't waste their time being patronizing. he wouldn't say what he said if he didn't see you
had potential.

[7rider]

Wow. Yeah. Don't beat yourself up!
You did great - got separated by traffic and fell off the back. So what?
Next week, circumstances may favor you and you'll do awesome. Sounds like the group leader was encouraging you. I wouldn't be so hard on him.
If the B ride is not challenging you and you want the challenge, then yeah - I'd say give it another try. The first time I tried a group ride, I got dropped so badly I wanted to cry. The LBS owner's wife escorted me back to the shop 20 minutes after everyone else got back. I didn't know the roads. I would have been totally lost without her. But, stick with it. You'll find your group on the ride and settle in. Good luck!

[FreshNewbie]

Kimmy,
Stop beating yourself up for just one ride. Just like you I always ride with B+/B and I believe we even have the same Vita bike :rolleyes: Few weeks ago I decided to go and ride with A- group of very strong riders. Let me just tell you it was harder than my first (and only one so far) century for me. I felt like I was just trying my hardes to keep up while other were pedalling very comfortably. It happens to most of us and this is the only way to challenge yourself. Would you really feel good about yourself if you never tried it out in the first place or would you always wonder "can I do it?". So what you couldn't keep up for the rest of the ride, next time you will go there and do it better and you will be stronger. 14.7mph average that comes from your computer is very misleading, all the slowdowns, stops count in too.
Anyway, I am pretty sure that next time you attempt to do it you will feel better!
Good luck
FN

[Zen]

I know how you feel. I've felt as if I were holding others back and have ended up riding alone. The last time out our group leader had us cross a dual highway. I balked at this as this highway is notorious for auto accidents. He finally convinced me to cross but didn't wait for me! I ended up turning around and riding alone.

I'm not really a group person, I try to push myself by extending my mileage and adding hills. I'd ultimately like to find someone of similar ability but until then I guess I'll ride alone. If you like group rides I say don't let this stop you. Keep riding with the upper group, the best way to improve your skills is to surround your self with those who are better than you.

[Kimmyt]

No, I'm 100% certain he wasn't patronizing me at all, I just felt like he was. In situations where I am feeling down on myself I often will feel like someone is patronizing me if they are just trying to keep me from being to down on myself. If I'm in a ****ty situation and am unhappy with how i'm doing, my personal preference is to not be all, 'oh i'm sure next time you can do better' etc. that is just the way I am. I'd rather you not say anything, but i am very sure he only meant well by it.

this is just my issues and i'm sorry to have posted here at all with them, this type of spew is more suited to my journal.

apologies.

[rocknrollgirl]

Kimmy,
I got faster by chasing boys....don't know if the same will work for roadies, but it worked in the dirt......it was hard, and there were days I wanted to throw Bob and Gidget off a cliff cuz I sucked...but I did get faster.

[SJCzar]

I ride with one group that are fairly slow recreational riders but alot of fun to hang around with. The same club also has a much faster group that rides on a different night. I've started riding with that group as well,and have found enough middle-of-the-road riders to join in so that we can just split up into mini groups and all still get the workout that we're looking for. The fastest riders in the group tend to average around 22mph, but now there are just as many who stick around 17-18. Some of these people had been scared off previously but now are enjoying showing up since they won't be left on their own.

Maybe you can get a few of the faster B- riders to join you in the B-B+ group and you'll all get more of a challenge.

[teigyr]

I think you rode well. Obviously the slower group wasn't challenging you and it might be comforting but sometimes you have to push beyond those boundaries even if it means not feeling so good about yourself.

I don't know if the guy was patronizing you or not (I often get the same feeling from people when I'm upset!) but you know what you're capable of.

Is difficult to say because you're at a far upper level than I am. I do know that for me, it's all in perception. Say you're in the lower group and are in front and feel like you are incredible when you finish. You could have a higher average with the higher group and feel worse about yourself because of how you finish.

So I'd say maybe go 50/50. Ignore your demons sometimes but give yourself a break other times.

[smilingcat]

it can be discouraging to be dropped like that and psychology does have an impact on how you ride. I would suggest that you give it few more times.

Being light does help to a point; but, like sunshine says, you need weight for strength. And its the balance between the two to be a good climber.

And being light, you are definitely disadvantaged on downhill where the heavy person is able to carry the speed.

Once you get dropped because of traffic light, it can be almost impossible to catch up. They are in a group drafting each other and you are not.

Overall, I think you did pretty well. So give it a few more times.

so don't beat yourself too much,
Smilingcat

[stacie]

Come on Kimmy. Get up, brush yourself off and do it again next week. Maybe you'll hang on half way. Maybe 3/4. Everytime make it a little further. You may have set back weeks. But, you'll never make it if you keep riding the other ride. Life's lessons are learned from our failures, not our successes. How did you get disconnected? Make the changes you need to make and survive a little longer next time. I'm rooting for you. :p

[indysteel]

I think it's great that you branched out and tried to ride with the faster group, and I definitely think you should keep trying. I bet you'll find that you'll keep up longer each time and, in any event, it sounds like you got dropped because of factors our of your control anyway. That said, I know how demoralizing it can be to be left behind, having been there myself. Recently.

I'd tell you to not beat yourself up, but that's easier said than done. When I'm with a friend who's beating herself up I always say, "hey, that's my friend you're talking about." So, try to be as encouraging to yourself as you would be to your best friend. And you go girl!

[Andrea]

Stick with it!! Go back every week, and be tenacious! You might get dropped over and over, but there will come a day when you hang on the whole time. Then the day will come that you start to feel "hemmed in" by that group, and you'll be eyeing the A group.

One of the best ways to get better is to ride with people that are faster than you. I did it last summer- I started going to a 40 mile ride that's frequented by alot of men who race, and was dropped over and over and over. Each time, I was able to hold on a little longer. Now, I don't get dropped... In fact, I attack the guys in a couple of spots! Just don't give up!

[Batbike]

yep! if you ride slow you will be slow -- if you chase the faster people, you may not ever catch them, but you will get faster trying ... :D

i am a solid B rider by most bike riding standards ... there are ALWAYS and i mean ALWAYS people who will and can ride faster, harder, stronger than me!! i love that -- encourages me to keep trying!! :cool: on the other hand, there are ALWAYS people who are slower than me, if only on a climb or descent, not entire ride, and i have been told that i encourage them (always surprises me, but nice to hear) :cool: !

be encouraged, not discouraged ... it is all on how you look at it!! ;)

[pooks]

I've only read these boards and have never done a group ride but here's what I think (:D ) from what you've said:

1) It's an excellent situation because they didn't drop you; the group leader stayed with you. How often do we read about rides where people get dropped even when they weren't supposed to?

2) You've said you are really pretty sure he wasn't being patronizing, and I'm glad to know that, because my feeling was that if he thought you were overreaching he wouldn't want to encourage you and would probably have suggested you do (whatever) before trying that group again.

3) Listen to these women. They know what they're talking about.

4) Congrats! Look at what you did -- you reached for a tougher ride, and kept up for at least 1/2, and your main prob was that you got separated from the group or you might not have had to deal with the emotional baggage and might have held your ground!

[jobob]

Good lord, love, it's just a bike ride ! :o

Sure it would have been nice if you were able to keep up with the new group right off the bat, and it sux when you realize you're not yet as good as you'd like to be, or think you should be, but these things take time.

Stop beating yourself up and go back and ride some more with that faster group. You'll get better by pushing yourself. It sounds like the group leader was encouraging you, whether or not you wanted to hear it at that moment. Soon, maybe not tomorrow or the day after, but soon, you'll be able to keep up with them.

Then when a new person comes along and is in the same boat as you are now, you can 'pay it forward' and encourage him or her. :cool:

[Crankin]

Well, I can relate to the feeling of being stuck in the middle. And it's true that to get faster you need to ride with faster people. But, I got faster (up to the point I am now) by riding alone or with my husband. He pushed me and I was able to get faster without all of the "stuff"of group rides.
I find that I am way faster than the "slow" group rides in my club and I lead intermediate level rides where we cruise on the flats at 15-18, but since we ride in hilly areas, the average is often between 13-14. There are always a couple of stronger climbers than me on rides I lead and I let them go ahead and wait for me at the top. But usually it's guys who really ARE much stronger than me. I have found one group that is exactly like me; the rides are social and I climb as well as all of the people who lead these rides. We go 15-17 on flats, and while I often can sustain 20-23 for awhile when I ride with my husband, I don't necessarily want to do this for a whole ride. Another group I ride with starts out really slow in the beginning of the season and builds up by the end. One ride with them, I had an average of 16.4, but it almost killed me. They don't warm up well and that puts me at a disadvantage. I got dropped at the end by a woman wearing sneakers and a t shirt :confused:
So, sometimes I am competitive, but mostly if I do that too much, it makes me start to feel like riding is a job. I don't want to ever feel like that. In fact, I often ride with people who are slower than me, to force me to slow down and smell the roses.

[KSH]

Kimmy... I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND how you FELT!

I have been there. OH! Have I been there. I use to ride with my tri club, and I would be the last one... and eventually I would be dropped. One day I was so far behind, and riding alone... and I was just wondering what the hell was I doing out there? I wasn't getting any better and I was too damn slow.

Lately I have also been frustrated, because I am in between groups. I am a tab bit too fast for the 14-16 mph group and too slow for the 18-20 mph group. I want a challenge, but I also don't want to ride alone or keep someone from having their ride, because they have to pull me in.

Not to mention... everyone I start to ride with... gets faster than I do, and I lose my riding partners.

I talked to my tri coach about it, and he told me that I need to:

1) Work on intervals.
2) Ride with faster groups and be OK with being dropped (this means I have to know the route).
3) Do some weights in the gym.
4) Do some hill work.

So, I have started doing that.

Look... you can get better... with some hard work, pain and sweat. And maybe you ride with the fast group again, know the route and be OK with being dropped... and let the BOP leader know that you will be fine.

Each week you will get a little closer to the group and not being dropped. But yea, you are going to have to mentally strong until you can keep up the entire distance.

I wish you the best of luck... and again, I totally understand where you are coming from. I have been there and in fact, I'm there right now!