Who told there DH, about new bike?

[logdiva32]

I remember some posts on how some of you broke it to your Sig other about buying a new bike. Well I did the same today....:D He is going to get me. Note: He did not know about the money I have been saving for a new bike. I took the last 30% from our savings. I know I am wrong, its like I am a bike addict now.. If I say, I will sell my old bikes he won't believe me, because even I know I won't.;) Thinking about hiding it in my office for a while???
But it climbs great, waiting on my shorter stem to come in though.

[Wahine]

Well, someone on another thread suggested telling him during or immediately after mindblowing sex. All I know is that I have been bugging DH for months now about getting a new bike. And last night... lets just say that this morning he said I could buy any racing bike I wanted. :D :D :D (now don't get all excited TE girls, unfortunately, he was joking).

[KayTee]

Ha! Did you let him know that you took it as a joke?! :D

[East Hill]

Oooh, that sound like a very bad idea, getting the last 30% out of savings. If it was entirely out of your account, that's a different story, but not out of a joint account.

I'm really not certain how I would handle that, as Mr. East Hill and I have separate accounts for that very reason. He has his hobbies and toys, and I have mine. I don't have to explain my decisions for purchases, and neither does he. On the other hand, Mr. East Hill is very modest in his purchases, and so am I.

But I think I would let your SO know, and get the money back into savings as soon as possible.

East Hill

[mimitabby]

East Hill has sound advice.
Although I am just as bad as the next gal, enabling huge bike purchases,
you have a trust relationship with your partner and if you betray that trust, what do you have?
I did almost the same thing you did, I bought a bike and then told my husband later that day when we were both spinning on air trainers.
But I didn't touch our savings, I knew we had enough $$ to do it.

[Blueberry]

I have to agree with East Hill and Mimi - DH and I have separate checking and savings accounts (plus a "joint" savings - all accounts are titled jointly, though). He transfers his "share" of the bill money to me, and keeps extra money. Whatever is left after bills is mine (after my half of the bill money plus the money he transferred goes to pay bills - one of my chores).

We both then can move funds between our checking and savings accounts as needed for purchases. I probably wouldn't make a large purchase without asking his opinion, but that's because I trust him, not because I have to... (when I have to buy new suits for work, I certainly don't ask). No money comes out of the joint savings without both of us discussing (hasn't happened yet, actually).

I agree - get the 30% that came from savings back ASAP. And enjoy the new bike:D :D

[Brandi]

Ohhhh my dh would be so mad at me.

[Aggie_Ama]

That's a toughy,I don't know what to tell you. My DH and I have joint accounts. He is horrible with money, so I handle everything. I am honest about where it is going, he knows the passwords and where I keep the bill spread sheet.

Our big purchases are a joint decision. He said "Yes, we should go get that bike today." He said we should look at a mountain bike I am considering.

I would be honest with him and if you touched savings, I would sell an old bike. I just sold mine and although I miss her, the money is possibly helping me get a used mountain bike. :)

[margo49]

Deal with this situation and its implications/ consequences for your relationship (hopefully only short term) asap.
Otherwise it will just get worse for you inside and then actually *be* worse when it is finally aired .
Worse still - you will feel "funny" about that bike which will sure take the edge off its coolness,newness,etc

Best of luck and remember none of us are perfect and all relationships have their crises occasionally and we learn from them (and then go on to have other crises and so on!!)

[Triskeliongirl]

I think the sooner you tell him the better. He will be a lot more pissed if he just notices there is suddenly less money in the account. Now, I don't know big a long term finanical hardship this will be for you and your family. If it is, then maybe you really should sell some of your other bikes (how many bikes are there?). But otherwise, just be honest with him, let him know that you know you should have talked about it first, but that you screwed up. If you honestly think you have a problem controlling your spending (on bikes or otherwise) then as your spouse ask him to help you figure out how to do better. But then also emphasize the health benefits of cycling, cuz it some ways a good bike is like money in the bank if it keeps you healthier. Also, why don't you sit down and ask yourself why you did it without consulting him. Do you believe there is a power inbalance in your marriage that you were lashing out at? If so, talk about that with him, or whatever other thoughts come to mind.

[logdiva32]

Thank you guys. Many valid points here. I partially told him this morning. I called him at work to tell him to move the money from our sav to his check, because I used the debit card. I did not tell him what for. He could not have lunch with me to tell him face to face. But I will have to tonight.. I agree, I must sell my other bikes. They are old except for 2. Oh, I did not break the bank, Just cut out a few dinners out and mall visits for a couple months and we will recover.
Long term we do have many issues.. His brother was killed by a DD in Aug, while on his motorcycle after his shift as a prison guard. And his sister was brutally murdered in Jul. So my happy go lucky guy. Is overweight and mean since.. But we will be alright, I will wait on him.
Hope, I don't break the bank waiting.. But, I will RIDE til I think its, OKAY.

[Tuckervill]

>>Long term we do have many issues.. His brother was killed by a DD in Aug, while on his motorcycle after his shift as a prison guard. And his sister was brutally murdered in Jul. So my happy go lucky guy. Is overweight and mean since.. But we will be alright, I will wait on him.<<

Frankly, I think you just spat on him.

He's mean!? Formerly happy-go-lucky? He's sick. Get him some help. Show him some respect. Take the bike back.

Karen

[Offthegrid]

I told my new guy on our first date that if I get near my goal weight, I'm going to spend $2,500 to $3,000 on a triathlon bike. He was a bit shocked at the price tag, but I figure I gotta get that out there right away that bikes cost more than $150.

I'm not married, but I can imagine being honest and up front about it -- for as long as possible before the actual purchase -- would be the way to go.

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

I don't know how many bikes you have, or just how "old" they are, but it couldn't hurt to sell some as at least a gesture of good faith now that what's done is done. Don't wait for him to ask you if you'll sell them. Take the initiative and do what's right.
Your husband has been through UNBELIEVABLE awful grief experiences over the past few months. Who could possibly be happygolucky after such horrendous events?
Perhaps you should approach him about riding WITH you as a way for him to begin doing good healthy/healing things for himself and as a way for you both to bond or draw closer together. HE is the one who needs comforting- he must feel as though his whole world is crashing down and nobody thinks about HIM or his needs at all. :( There are many ways you can help make things right if you are creative and determined.

[logdiva32]

No, I didn't spit on him. I did not spend our life savings.. He won't cry. But I am wrong.
Frankly I wish he would talk. He never says anything about his sister or brother. He used to talk about "when we were kids" all the time. I don't think I've heard him say his sisters name since, she was killed. I know he feels he should have done something. He keeps sending me job listings from his hometown, he wants to move back I assume.
I did buy him a bike first actually.. But it just hangs on the wall. I know he needs help, but he wouldn't ever talk to anyone, he is macho that way. I've tried to have brothers from the church call him. But he is polite and turns back there offers to go out to dinner and such. So I don't know what to do, but leave him alone.. Sorry for drifting..

[caligurl]

wow! you're brave! i'd never make a major purchase like that without first talking it over with hubby! he's always been right there with my on all four of my bike purchases! (and i mean right there reseaching with and for me and right there ordering and right there at pick up!)

[logdiva32]

No he has little interest. If I had asked before I bought it. It would have either been, Do you really, really want it? Do you really, really have to have it?
How much does it cost? What will you give up for it? Then either no, maybe next year, or what the hell, go ahead..
Biking is just not his thing.
not that 2 wrongs make it right, but he bought his motorcycle without mentioning it to me until I got home several months later. But I wasn't upset. Just the nature of our relationship I guess. Ten years together a lot of ups and downs. But, "that's my boy"
tried him 3 times at work today, but he had meetings. Will have to be tonight then.

[Aint Doody]

Logdiva, don't beat yourself up. You know your financial situation. I had some here telling me I should have felt bad about the mt. bike I just got. It wasn't the money, it wasn't the room, it was just that he has to try to rain on my parades from time to time. He doesn't ride bicycles and doesn't want to and doesn't understand why it's so much fun for me. But--that's the way his father does his mother. I told him; took my punishment of "the look" and "how many bicycles do you need??? speech" and went on my merry way.

But it does sound like your fellow needs some help. He may even need to go on antidepressants for a while. Can you convince him to just go in for a check-up?

[logdiva32]

Yes, I am leaving work. Headed for the gym. And in prayer just decided to tell him, keep the bike, apologize for not calling him and let it go. What ever he says, he just says. Wish I could get him to tell somebody if he is really ok or not. He tells his mom and dad he is ok. But I don't think he is. They have the church and the rest of our families nearby. We are stuck here in WA......

But hey anyway here is my bike. Not a car note, but it is mine and I am ready to ride.

[Bikingmomof3]

Congratulations! Your bike is beautiful. Enjoy!! :cool:

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

It's a BEAUTY. Ride it in good health!
Perhaps it will do your husband's heart good to see how happy you are- especially if you let him know how much his hard work is appreciated in allowing you both to have a roof over your heads and a good life together. We all should regularly let our mates know how much they are loved and appreciated and admired. Our loved ones are more important than any objects we might ever own. :)

[yellow]

Pretty!

Hubby and I have been "discussing" my next bike for about a year now.

Him : You're going to get Campy, aren't you?

Me: I dunno. Prolly.

Him: You're not going to get a pink bike are you?

Me: I dunno. Prolly not.

Him: Are you going to get a compact double or a triple?

Me: I dunno.

All translated to mean that he's been thinking about my next bike more than I have (or at least more about the detail). I'd never buy one without him first blessing the color, at least. He's been pushing me to get a new bike and I'm almost there...maybe by summer.

That being said, he makes big (not huge, just "big") purchases all the time without consulting me (on the order of your bike). But it (usually) comes out of his account. If it's something that we will both use, or something special (like a celebratory purchase of some kind), then I'll usually contribute. I figure there are many other more dangerous habits than fishing that he could be spending his money on. :eek:

[mimitabby]

Pretty!

Hubby and I have been "discussing" my next bike for about a year now.

Him : You're going to get Campy, aren't you?

Me: I dunno. Prolly.

Him: You're not going to get a pink bike are you?

Me: I dunno. Prolly not.

Him: Are you going to get a compact double or a triple?

Me: I dunno.
:eek:

ummm, i see an awesome bike in YOUR future!
:rolleyes:

[KSH]

What a pretty bike!

Looks like it was worth it. ;)

Only get in trouble... when it's worth it... eh?

[logdiva32]

"You did what!!! Please tell me your going to be happy with this bike.Come get your kids cause they are driving me nuts."

So that is it. I am sure I will here some more later but I can handle that. He yells at me all the time. But he really likes me to be happy. Together since we were 24. Just kids really....

Can't wait on my short/raised stem, I think my back under my shoulder blades hurts from the position.

Anyway it is a Novara Carema Pro 2006, from REI, as you can see. Shimano 105's all the way around. Mavic wheels.. Ritchey comp stem/seat post..

I added the dual clipless/platform pedals, from performance bike. Do not know how to use the clipless. Did not want to embarass myself in the LBS. Will practice at 5:30 am tomorrow in spin class. Laugh at me now, go ahead get it out. LOL

Thanks all. Ride safe.

[East Hill]

Sometimes the dread in telling is worse that the actual telling.

I can see why you would have problems bringing up this bike with your husband having so many problems at the moment.

It's a tough situation for the both of you. It does sound as if he could use some grief counseling, but everyone has their own way of dealing with grief.

I know my husband would not want me to be unhappy because of a grief on his part, but my husband is very, very understanding.

At least you no longer have a secret, and that's good.

Good luck to both of you.

East Hill

[mimitabby]

(((collective sigh of relief.)))

"You did what!!! Please tell me your going to be happy with this bike.Come get your kids cause they are driving me nuts."
He sounds like a pretty nice guy! He's hoping you are not going to buy another bike in February!!
cool :D

[Aint Doody]

East Hill is right. The dreading is the worst. Seems like I heard it's easier to say I'm sorry than to ask permission--or something like that....

Glad it worked out for you like it did for me. My DH is OK w/my new bike now, too. He doesn't get it, but I'm used to that...

[Offthegrid]

Wow! You bought Xrayted's bike!

[logdiva32]

Thanks all is good. Yellow I hope you can get your bike soon.. I know I have been walking in the store for maybe 4 months looking at this bike before I just grabbed it. I know riding it will be like, well guess I can't say here...

[LadyinWhite]

I talked with my DH about this whole thread before coming here to post. We've been married 22 years. I asked him how he'd feel if I did that. He said it's kind of a toss up between trusting my judgement enough to know that if I ever went out and dropped 2k on anything, it would be because somehow somewhere I had the $$ and trusting me enough to know that I would never do that because he'd want to be part of the process of buying it with me (whatever IT was). He also said he'd hope that I'd trust HIM enough to have a conversation about it and we'd work out together if it was a want or a need.

He's of the mind that if you have a bike that works perfectly fine, why on earth would you need another one. I told him he's entitled to believe that but he shouldn't impose that view on everyone else ;) He said "Oh so now it starts!" LOL I'm already thinking.......hmmmm

Interestingly, later that night.. he said something saucy to me and I said "Thats it, tomorrow I'm going out and buying a bike" He just laughed.. "You don't have an office to stash it in!"

The thing is, everyone's relationship with their SO is personal and unique to them. As long as it worked out in the end, it's all good!!

Especially since she gets to keep the bike!!! :D

[East Hill]

You know, that is so true. I could probably go out and buy a car without telling my husband because he would trust my judgement.

Yesterday I gave him $350 to spend as he saw fit. I don't care what he spends it on. We don't drink, smoke, or gamble (ok, we play the lottery once a week for a dollar). If he wants to buy his version of a toy, it's all good.

He's a great man :) .

East Hill

[logdiva32]

Through casual conversation with DH, he slipped and told me that he purchased an older acura legend while I was gone, but it clunked out so he turned it around and got his money back. DH has bad luck with cars. Odd thing is I did not get angry, he says he told me this while I was gone. Funny what you really pay attemtion to while your are in a war zone. Point is, He is not going to leave me over a bike, I am not going to leave him over a car. But sometimes fear hurts more than the actual pain... The end..

[LadyinWhite]

Indeed.

Truth be told I worry way more over all the "little" bike expenses I have than any single big expense. Two Shebeest skorts that I probably didn't need @ 80bucks each, new jersey that I know I didn't need, on sale for $50bucks (Terry Mandarin, can you blame me? ;) ) etc etc. THESE are the purchases that I seriously consider "hiding" from DH. LOL!

[mimitabby]

Indeed.

Truth be told I worry way more over all the "little" bike expenses I have than any single big expense. Two Shebeest skorts that I probably didn't need @ 80bucks each, new jersey that I know I didn't need, on sale for $50bucks (Terry Mandarin, can you blame me? ;) ) etc etc. THESE are the purchases that I seriously consider "hiding" from DH. LOL!

yeah, because you CAN. It's harder to hide a bike or a car!!

ps me too

[East Hill]

My husband no longer has any idea how many bikes I've got :D .

He told his mother so yesterday. He reported to me that she thought that was hilarious :p .

East Hill

[mimitabby]

You're one of my heroes East Hill :cool:

[logdiva32]

OK, my son counted 16 bikes one day. I think not bad for a family of 4 bike riders.
But, I am going to sell most of them this summer.
I started gathering the bikes form yardsales, give aways, swap meets with plan to fix and sell. I am proud of my self. I haven't worked on bikes since I was 13. But there are all fixed, safe, and ready to ride. So this spring I will sit somewhere and try to sell them all for some extra cash. The plan was to make the last of the cash to buy my new bike. But since I already have bought the bike, hehe. I need to replace the money.
Anyway, my confession is; I think more than the money I just wanted to ride and fix bikes again like when I was a kid. All the kids came to me with there broken chains, flat tires and so on. I would fix them for a fee or a bike part trade. But my Hubby would not except a bunch of junk in the garage as a hobby so I had to make it a business.
ok time for church, let us confess...