Suggestions to avoid a divorce!

[Aint Doody]

I have been lurking on the mtbike threads. I lllooooovvvvveeee road biking, but I also have a yen to ride in the woods. So today I went into the lbs and have purchased a Trek WSD 4300. It's not a really expensive bike (especially compared to my road bike), but I fear my husband will throw me out! Maybe he won't notice??!! I don't really have that many bikes--just Gertrude that lives at our store, my hybrid, my road bike, and now this. OOOOOHHHH! Help me, girls!!!

Susan

[Mr. Bloom]

I know you said "help me girls", but this is a time when the male perspective may be helpful...but first a question: Why do you think that he will throw you out?

If you don't want my thoughts...simply don't answer the question and I'll butt out.

[stacie]

Have mind blowing sex and then tell him.:D

[mimitabby]

This is kind of funny. I waited until my dh and I were riding before I told him about the Mondonico frame I just bought. We were "Competing" working hard... and i sprung it on him.
lol

[Dianyla]

Have mind blowing sex and then tell him.:D
Yep, this is exactly what I was going to suggest.

Or, ya know, bake him a pie or somethin'. :p

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

Or you could looked surprised and say innocently "Golly, where did that come from??" and then wink fetchingly.
Or try "So what are you gonna do about it, Big Boy?"
Or how about "I got it to match my helmet."

Seriously, I've handled this with buying multiple banjos by patiently explaining that each one suited a particular use or playing need. This approach would fit beautifully here.

Mr. Silver, what do you think?

[BikeMomma]

Have mind blowing sex and then tell him.:D
Genius!!!! :p :p
Just be sure to tell him before he falls asleep, or you'll have to start from scratch! :D

~BikeMomma

[emily_in_nc]

You'll be fine! I bought a great used mountain bike (Titus Racer X) on ebay last summer. DH doesn't even mountain bike, really; he has a cheapie entry-level hardtail but discovered that all the jostling of trail riding didn't appeal to him at all. But he was wonderfully supportive, even if it means I occasionally ride alone or with a girlfriend on the trails. We do just about everything else together, so I think he kinda respects that I found something *just I* like to do. I'd love for him to join me, but if he won't, I'm not going to give it up!

I bet your DH will also be supportive. Maybe you'll be lucky and he'll even want to join you on the dirty side! :p

Emily

[mimitabby]

does your DH have more than 1 bike or more than 1 car?

ahem...

[Blueberry]

Buy him a mountain bike too?

I'm lucky - I have a *very* indulgent DH:D :D

[pooks]

Mind blowing sex is NEVER a bad answer!

What will he complain about? The cost? Too many bikes? Which issue will bother him?

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

Genius!!!! :p :p
Just be sure to tell him before he falls asleep, or you'll have to start from scratch! :D

~BikeMomma

What if he tends to fall asleep immediately afterwards?- you'd have to tell him DURING! :eek:

[Dianyla]

What if he tends to fall asleep immediately afterwards?- you'd have to tell him DURING! :eek:
Whisper in his ear how you just really want to get DIRTY! :p

[Duck on Wheels]

Well, here's what my dh did when he bought the dishwasher I didn't think I wanted ...

dh (calling me at work): Uhhmmm, I have an admission to make. I just bought a dishwasher.
me: Oh well. Bought is bought.
dh: So you're not mad?
me: Not much point in being mad now, is there?
dh: Ok, then. NOW I'll go out and buy that dishwasher.

Think that might work for you? In this case it had to be by phone. DH can't carry off a lie face to face.

[Mr. Bloom]

Mr. Silver, what do you think?

ahem...not wanting to take away from the other advice noted above...and wanting to assume that he has a head on his shoulders too, I'll be a bit more pragmatic:

If the fear is something unreasonable on his part, remind him that you are an equal in the relationship and that you have the right to have something for you.

If the fear is space, offer to get rid of something else.
If the fear is financial, offer to cut back on something else.
If the fear is "how many bikes can one woman have", explain the yearning for and benefit of pursuing variety in cycling.
If the fear is more time riding, less with him...take him to lbs and get him fitted for one of his own.

I encourage couples to have a predetermined spending limit that requires consultation. If you want to buy something over say $400, then you will consult one another first. But if it costs $399, no consultation is necessary. This places value on the individual's rights while noting respect for the value of the partnership in managing budgetary issues.

If he's just a jerk, make note of your response on the DH? post:eek:


Before I got on this forum, it meant d@$k head to me! Sometimes maybe they're interchangeable????

[Bad JuJu]

I've gone through this kind of thing with my dh, too. I finally just had to realize for myself and then explain to him that since I get up and go to work every day, and I have a regular saving plan, and I'm not overextended financially, then if I want another bike I'll bloody well buy another bike.

Of course this works for us because we have always, in 25+ years of marriage, maintained separate financial accounts. Sure, we pay the mortgage and other household expenses together, but for all other money, to each his/her own. So if you have your own money and you're not deep in debt, what's the big deal?

And of course, he still razzes me for having too many bikes (3, and one's a cheap cruiser), but I can stand that.;)

[lph]

We have separate accounts too, but have a joint account to pay all the bills. Original post was just joking, right? :confused: With our set-up I can go buy anything I like, if that's what I want to use my own money on.

(But I do get black looks when I sneak Bike into our very narrow hall overnight to thaw and dry out, as it makes it practically impossible to get in or out... I usually wait til really late, when he's not going to go out in the hall anymore ;-) )

[mimitabby]

I encourage couples to have a predetermined spending limit that requires consultation. If you want to buy something over say $400, then you will consult one another first. But if it costs $399, no consultation is necessary. This places value on the individual's rights while noting respect for the value of the partnership in managing budgetary issues.


we have a deal like this too. Used to be $50 when we were poor, now it's $250.00

I had to set that rule because my DH is very impulsive. Worse, sometimes the expensive things would be GIFTS for me, which made it really ugly.
Yes, it's beautiful and I love this, but that $$ was supposed to do X...

[Bad JuJu]

Original post was just joking, right?
Yes, I assumed the original post was largely joking, though it did bring up an issue that many of us face at home--how to finance our cycling habit!:D So it's interesting to be able to discuss our strategies and *ahem* tricks.

[lph]

I had to set that rule because my DH is very impulsive. Worse, sometimes the expensive things would be GIFTS for me, which made it really ugly.
Yes, it's beautiful and I love this, but that $$ was supposed to do X...

Oh, right. Yeah, I can see it could get kind of uncomfortable if my dh went and bought something horrifically expensive, which meant that he then had no money to... go on vacation with us for, for example. We don't save up or budget ahead for that kind of thing.

[DarcyInOregon]

Last year I met the wife of the LBS owner. He owns one road bike. She owns five different bikes, all of which she uses. She said she was going to tell me something very wise and to pass it on to other bicyclists. Here is what she said: "When people come up to you and ask you why you own five bikes, you say, because I haven't purchased my sixth bike yet."

Darcy

[Mr. Bloom]

Here is what she said: "When people come up to you and ask you why you own five bikes, you say, because I haven't purchased my sixth bike yet."

Darcy

Now that's a woman who knows what she thinks. I'd like her!:p :p

[silver]

Just how much? You know I only have TWO bikes. Maybe I need to be more like her!!!

[Thistle]

Whisper in his ear how you just really want to get DIRTY! :p

LOL best response ever :D :D

[Aint Doody]

Thanks for all the great advice! I think I may use a combination. He doesn't like to ride a bicycle--at all. He could certainly use the exercise. He's a wonderful man, and I know he won't really be mad. He just won't understand. I tried this evening saying, "Would you consider going out into the woods on trails on a mt. bike to just see the scenery and do some easy riding?" The answer was a roll of the eyes and a polite but emphatic no. I think I'll just work that into the conversation a bit more from time to time and explain that I'd like to do that as well as ride on the road. All he wants to do is play golf. And that's fine. I'll remind him that there are 14 clubs in his bag---wouldn't one do??? Doesn't that sound good??? Mr. Silver????

Oh, and no, he really wouldn't throw me out.

[annie]

I can very much relate to your situation. My DH doesn't ride either, much tho' I've tried to get him interested. He doesn't really understand why I NEED a bike for the road (actually two bikes), one for off-road, one for touring, etc. He does golf, a bit. I acutally wish he was more into golfing. Maybe then we could do some trade-offs....... In any case, I knew he wouldn't be angry when I got my MTB, he'd just roll his eyes, make a snide comment, then let it be. He did so. I let it pass. I still have the bike. Could set a precedent for getting more bikes in the future. Like you said, not mad, just does not understand. As long as you accept each others interests, it works out. Hope you get your bike soon.

annie

[Aint Doody]

Gee, Annie--are we married to the same man? Is his name Kris???

Susan

[annie]

LOLOLOL!! I couldn't decide which thread to respond to. No, not Kris. Whew, TG, or he'd have to be traveling at the speed of sound to take care of both of us. ;)

annie

[mimitabby]

After telling my DH about this thread he said I can turn my cross bike into a MTB so I can ride on unpaved trails (gravel, etc) :D :D

[Mr. Bloom]

All he wants to do is play golf. And that's fine. I'll remind him that there are 14 clubs in his bag---wouldn't one do??? Doesn't that sound good??? Mr. Silver????

Oh, and no, he really wouldn't throw me out.

First, I'm glad that he wouldn't throw you out...Silver said it appeared that I thought you were serious...I didn't. So, sorry if my response came across as intense...but misunderstandings like this can really fester in a marriage.

On a lighter note, I LOVE the golf club analogy! I'm not a golfer (it's too slow and boring to me), but that is an outstanding comparison that can't be debated:p :p :p

[7rider]

Thanks for all the great advice! I think I may use a combination. He doesn't like to ride a bicycle--at all. He could certainly use the exercise. He's a wonderful man, and I know he won't really be mad. He just won't understand. I tried this evening saying, "Would you consider going out into the woods on trails on a mt. bike to just see the scenery and do some easy riding?" The answer was a roll of the eyes and a polite but emphatic no. I think I'll just work that into the conversation a bit more from time to time and explain that I'd like to do that as well as ride on the road. All he wants to do is play golf. And that's fine. I'll remind him that there are 14 clubs in his bag---wouldn't one do??? Doesn't that sound good??? Mr. Silver????

Oh, and no, he really wouldn't throw me out.

Have you taken delivery of the bike yet, or is it still at the shop?
You could take him for a walk in the woods, explaining "This would really be a whole lot faster and more fun if we were on bikes!" ;)

Like BJJ and others, DH and I maintain separate accounts for our own use - joint acct for household stuff. If he wants toys, he can get them....after his other financial obligations are met. Of course, since we are both cyclists (and skiers), we tend to be major enablers for each other in that department!

[Aint Doody]

Regina, that's a good idea, but I know he'd not even want to go on a walk. But I'll try. The bike isn't here yet. I can probably put in the house--dining room--and he won't even notice. Then I can say--This old thing? I've had it a long time.

Susan

[IFjane]

Since golf clubs can also be quite expensive, I think a 1:1 ratio of bikes to golf clubs is in order! :D :eek:

[Irulan]

I fear my husband will throw me out! Maybe he won't notice??!!


I guess I'll never understand the spending of joint funds without discussing the purchase first. imsho, if you've made a substantial purchase out of joint funds without discussing, it, you should feel bad. Hiding purchases does not contribute to a serene marriage. Wouldn't it be better to build support for biking in your relationship, and plan your purchases?

[Aint Doody]

Pardon me, but this original post was mostly in fun. I don't feel bad one bit.

[Irulan]

well I must have missed the smileys then...

[Susan126]

Congratulations Susan . . . and I really enjoyed reading all the GREAT advise from everyone. Some of the advise really made me chuckle! But hey, don't forget to post a picture of you on your bike . . . maybe with a little mud splashed all over :D You will love riding in the woods as much as the road. I love both . . . they each have their special "high" for me!

"The very existence of the bicycle is an offense to reason and wisdom." :p
J. O'Rourke

[Aint Doody]

Thanks, Susan, and everybody. I enjoyed laughing at the suggestions as well. I guess I'll have to wait a little while for the mud--there's mostly snow on the trails right now. But I'm excited to get out in the woods. One other question -- the fellow at the lbs suggested that I don't put on clipless pedals right away. What do y'all think? I've been clipless on my road bike for years. I guess I'm sorta changing the thread. Maybe I'll post this on the mt. bike thread.

[spokewench]

Spending money, separate accounts, etc. This is really a touchy subject in my long time marriage with Hubby. My hubby is basically VERY frugal. We have managed to enable each other with bike stuff since we are both into riding. So that has not seemed to cause many problems; but smaller things can get a bit dicey sometimes. He likes to try to make me feel guilty about spending money (not that i'm a spendthrift) but sometimes it is for something he does not understand and then he tries to make me feel guilty.

Just recently, I told him that I was taking some tennis lessons and he immediately was very defensive and wanted to know HOW MUCH IS THAT? Well, I told him, and he was obviously not very pleased. So, now I'm just trying to ignore him.

He is not working full time and has not been for a year and a half. I work full time to make sure we can pay all our bills and I am still saving money; so I figure I can spend my money on tennis for a while if I want to.

I have to say, if I am going to buy a bike, or something that is over say $300, then I will tell him what I am planning to do. We usually talk those larger purchases out before we go and buy them. There are some exceptions, like when he buys a tool of some sort. I've always wondered why that is an exception to him, but it is and to tell you the truth I really don't care so I don't say anything. (It only gets to me a little because he can be so goofy about something like tennis lessons!)

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

Hiding purchases does not contribute to a serene marriage.

She's right, Susan. Besides, it's not easy to hide a bike.
But wait...maybe if you get the XXXL bike skort from Terry you can hide the bike underneath it as you ride. If you don't ring your bell or turn on your lights it might look like you are just serenely gliding down the street in a long skirt...

[mimitabby]

But wait...maybe if you get the XXXL bike skort from Terry you can hide the bike underneath it as you ride. If you don't ring your bell or turn on your lights it might look like you are just serenely gliding down the street in a long skirt...

LOL!

[Aint Doody]

Lisa! What a great idea! I'd love to gggllllliiiiidddeee!!! How funny.....

[BikeMomma]

She's right, Susan. Besides, it's not easy to hide a bike.
But wait...maybe if you get the XXXL bike skort from Terry you can hide the bike underneath it as you ride. If you don't ring your bell or turn on your lights it might look like you are just serenely gliding down the street in a long skirt...Doing this on Halloween while wearing ALL white would be wicked....great way to scare the kiddies (the bully ones, of course)!

Leave it to my sick noggin....:p :rolleyes:
~BikeMomma