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I'm just seeing the last 2 posts. Is there a function on this forum that tells you when you've gotten a reply to an older post? I can't remember where I post things all the time, and then I don't get to see all the advice someone gives until....let's see....11 days later.
Karen - thank you for taking the time to write all your wonderful advice. I think you may be right, about the elephant in the corner of the room being the stress about the move, being jobless, etc...more than the $ex. The latter just being a side effect of the first.
Overall, Bf and I are very happy together, and he really is a partner to me, more than I could imagine. We act as a well-oiled team with everything else but...you know what. If I am making food, he sets the table. When finished eating, we clean up the kitchen together. If it's cleaning time, I take upstairs, he takes down. AND - he has totally bonded with my dog (after first proclaiming he didn't really like small dogs, mine weighs 18 lbs)...he walks him (and scoops his poop ), plays with him, I catch him giving Biggie hugs, and talking to him....and bf (who is a bit of a neat freak) DOESN'T freak out when poor puppy occassionally pukes up dinner on the light beige carpet oops. Bf is more worried that Biggie isn't sick or anything.
That's all important stuff to me. (maybe a preview of fatherhood?)
Truthfully, I think it worries me MORE that BF doesn't seem to want to have $ex, b/c you're right...all this other stuff on my mind (giving me insomnia to boot) makes me not really want to anyway. BF and I are very similar in many ways, maybe he has a low libido like I do....which would make us perfect soul mates right? Equal $ex drives (or lack there of). Neither of us have jobs lined up in Denver yet - and both of us are planners/worriers.
Now that I really look back...I think the $ex stopped when we made the decision that we would be moving...about 5 months ago. The clock is ticking now, we've arranged for the moving truck....and we're both very excited about it (but also anxious). No kids, just us and our stuff, but it's a control thing I think.
He and I just celebrated my b-day this past Sunday - and he was so enormously sweet. He told me we could do anything I wanted, and meant it...even when I decided to cut our 45 mile bike ride down to 25 (after we drove 45 minutes to get there, and were 16 miles down the road) he said, no problem...if that's what you want to do, we'll turn around and go back.
Ya know, I wish the element of $ex wasn't so prominent in our society. It's taken the naturalness out of everything. When did the notion of "every guy goes to strip clubs, and looks at porn all the time" become acceptable? They were talking about it this morning on the radio, and I'm thinking...what is the trick for taking emotion out of the act? Maybe that's what I need to do? Don't know that I can though.
Thanks for listening everyone!
cheri
Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
John Lennon, "Beautiful Boy"