Hi Mary,
I am pretty new here myself. You will find this to be a very welcoming site with very knowledgable women who are willing to share what they have learned. I do not know the answer to all of your questions, but I will answer those that I can.
First, a hybrid bike is a hybrid between a road bike (like your letour) and a mountain bike. There are different types of hybrid bikes, some are more roadie, some are more mountain bikish. In general, they are more upright than a road bike with wider tires. They are built for comfort and commuting. The things that you describe in your first paragraphs had me thinking hybrid before I got to the paragraph where you said the lbs recommended one. I ride a hybrid when I am out with my kids, especially if the youngest is with us in the burley trailer. I have a road bike as well that I ride for workouts.
Women specific bikes are no longer the old, "girls bikes" of our younger years with a less strong frame and a down sloping tube. The ones made by the best bike companies accomodate the differences in men's and women's anatomies as they relate to cycling and design bikes that better fit women. In general this relates to the fact that for any given height the average woman will have longer legs and arms and a shorter torso than the average man of the same height. WSD is not right for all women. Shorter women tend to benefit more than taller women and those in the middle you just don't know without trying a bunch of different bikes to discover which fits you best. I wound up on a WSD (the specialized Ruby) when the men's bike that I wanted (Felt, can't remember which one) could not be made comfortable without major modifications.
I am a novice on bike maintence, so can't really comment upon that. As for the ex, sorry you were involved with such an *******. Thankfully, that is behind you.
Brina
"Truth goes through three stages: first it is ridiculed; then violently opposed; finally, it’s accepted as being self-evident." Schopenhauer