dear sis, (TMI)

[smilingcat]

It was many years ago when you told me that you had stage 4 breast cancer. What you told me then made me wonder. As the years past, you became an accomplished marathon runner. Some years, you ran three or more races. Yout athletic accomplishment made me really wonder about your cancer. I've never heard of anyone with advanced inoperable cancer to do so much.

Then last summer you said cancer had returned. I asked if I should come and visit while you still had strength. And you told me not to worry and I had plenty of time. I wish you had told me the truth. Maybe you yourself didn't realize how bad things really were. Maybe your mental toughness from running all the marathons, you had developed incredible tolerance to pain just as I have mental toughness from road racing.

I wish I could have taken you and your family out but that was not meant to be. Your body gave out so quick that your husband was in tears when he called to tell me to take the next available flight out.

I saw you next day. You were so skinny and you were in lot of pain. When you saw me, you said it made you really happy that I was there. I cooked your favorite dinner that night. Your children enjoyed it. You could only eat a bite or two. Gave me a weak smile and said it was good.

On the last day, you willed yourself out of bed and we thought you had regained some strength. Later in the evening you were too weak even to talk. I went and picked up our mother late in the evening after you had died.

It's been a while so I can talk about it. Mother has bounced back so you don't have to worry about her. Your grown son well, at some point they have to fly on their own. Your teenage daughter is doing okay as far as one can expect. It really is a tough age to lose her mom.

I am sorry for doubting you all these years.

[salsabike]

Ah, smilingcat. I am so very sorry.

[OakLeaf]

I'm so sorry, smilingcat.

[shootingstar]

It is very painful smilingcat to lose a sibling long before old age. I'm very sorry. I think of my sister several times each week.

[Pax]

I am so sorry for your pain.

[emily_in_nc]

I am very sorry. We had a great friend with stage 4 BC, and she lived for quite a few years. And I read a blog written by a woman who has been living with stage 4 BC for something like 10 years. So you never know. Living for a long time with mets is uncommon but does happen.

I am so very sorry for your loss.