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  1. #31
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    northern Virginia
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    If we were talking opinions on movies, restaurants, which season of the year is the best, whether I need a new bike and if so what kind... well those are opinions I share for the sake of sharing useful information or just making conversation. But from reading this thread so far, we're not talking about those kinds of opinions.

    I generally refrain from discussing my opinions on hot topics. In part this is because I don't expect to change the minds of anyone who disagrees with me -- I'm not very good at being persuasive and frankly I don't think most people are open to changing their opinions. I think most of the people I know who do discuss politics, religion, etc are either assuming I agree with them or hoping I agree with them/validate them. I am also non-confrontational -- I just don't like to argue with people.

    - Gray Trek Madone 4.7 road bike, mystery crack in top tube repaired by Calfee, Bontrager Affinity RXL saddle
    - Red Trek 6000 mountain bike, Bontrager Evoke WSD saddle

    Gone but not forgotten:
    - Silver Trek 2000 road bike
    - Two awesome and worn out Juliana saddles

  2. #32
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Concord, MA
    Posts
    13,129
    I agree, there is a difference between liberal and Democratic (they don't describe the same thing), but I just thought you might meet even one like-minded person. Given the range of people I met in your area, the woman I met in that office left an indelible memory. She told me SC was turning into a purple state!
    2015 Trek Silque SSL
    Specialized Oura

    2011 Guru Praemio
    Specialized Oura

  3. #33
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Posts
    6,466
    Quote Originally Posted by Crankin View Post
    I agree, there is a difference between liberal and Democratic (they don't describe the same thing), but I just thought you might meet even one like-minded person. Given the range of people I met in your area, the woman I met in that office left an indelible memory. She told me SC was turning into a purple state!
    I knew what you meant, and I might try it.
    So long as the wheels are still turning, life is good.

    Battswebb

    Pinarello Quattro~CAADX~ Zurich Lemond
    Specialized Romin Saddles

    Surly Krampus!

  4. #34
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Concord, MA
    Posts
    13,129
    My son was pissed that I wore that button to graduation and family day, but I did. And, he is back to being normal now, despite the fact he switched teams and is now in Army ROTC and Reserves. Of course, 12 years, going to a selective liberal arts college, and life in general has a way of redirecting you. I always laugh at his military toughness, when he's a Suburu driving, wine sipping, NPR listener... just can't take that boy out of his New England ways.
    2015 Trek Silque SSL
    Specialized Oura

    2011 Guru Praemio
    Specialized Oura

  5. #35
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    IL/FL
    Posts
    3,863
    Quote Originally Posted by Crankin View Post
    ... I always laugh at his military toughness, when he's a Suburu driving, wine sipping, NPR listener...
    I love this mental image!

    Electra Townie 7D

  6. #36
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Uncanny Valley
    Posts
    14,645
    Ugh. Yeah. Much (though not all) of my depressive episode this fall was triggered by having to cut off several relationships because the events of this summer really brought out people's bigotries. As a straight, cis, thin-ish, able-bodied, for all intents and purposes white person, I'd been able to form friendships - not close, but still what I'd consider friendships - with these people having no idea how much hate they harbored inside. The loss and the feeling of isolation were distressing, but also I felt disappointed in myself for choosing to move to such a segregated area, and for letting my privilege blind me to what these people were really about.

    To answer your original question - for myself, it really depends on the context. I might express an opinion for any of the reasons you posited, with the exception of belittling someone, which I really try not to do - e.g. on FB, I might "like" a funny post that someone else shares, but I rarely share them myself. But my sense of why strangers make unsolicited hateful comments is that THEY are feeling isolated these days. Hate is not as fashionable as it used to be, and public expressions of hate are frowned upon in most circles. So when they feel like they can get away with it, they say something just to "enjoy" their ability to say it.
    Speed comes from what you put behind you. - Judi Ketteler

  7. #37
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    northern Virginia
    Posts
    5,845
    I've been good friends for many years with someone who recently decided she would no longer keep her "unpopular" opinions a secret. Unfortunately some of these newly-voiced thoughts are quite hateful toward immigrants and some religions. It made me reevaluate the friendship. I still see her, but not nearly as often, by my choice. It does make me sad.

    - Gray Trek Madone 4.7 road bike, mystery crack in top tube repaired by Calfee, Bontrager Affinity RXL saddle
    - Red Trek 6000 mountain bike, Bontrager Evoke WSD saddle

    Gone but not forgotten:
    - Silver Trek 2000 road bike
    - Two awesome and worn out Juliana saddles

  8. #38
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Western Canada-prairies, mountain & ocean
    Posts
    6,982
    Ugh. Yeah. Much (though not all) of my depressive episode this fall was triggered by having to cut off several relationships because the events of this summer really brought out people's bigotries. As a straight, cis, thin-ish, able-bodied, for all intents and purposes white person, I'd been able to form friendships - not close, but still what I'd consider friendships - with these people having no idea how much hate they harbored inside. The loss and the feeling of isolation were distressing, but also I felt disappointed in myself for choosing to move to such a segregated area, and for letting my privilege blind me to what these people were really about
    It can be painful /slightly bewildering and the older we get, sometimes making new, long lasting friendships takes time.


    Quote Originally Posted by OakLeaf View Post
    To answer your original question - for myself, it really depends on the context. I might express an opinion for any of the reasons you posited, with the exception of belittling someone, which I really try not to do - e.g. on FB, I might "like" a funny post that someone else shares, but I rarely share them myself. But my sense of why strangers make unsolicited hateful comments is that THEY are feeling isolated these days. Hate is not as fashionable as it used to be, and public expressions of hate are frowned upon in most circles. So when they feel like they can get away with it, they say something just to "enjoy" their ability to say it.
    I highlighted your comment in red: good point.

    Much of my comments on local community does pertain to face-to-face in person relationships. However I appreciate some great dialogue on various topics over the years in this forum..some topics I wouldn't think of asking /discussing with other women face to face. Not because I'm don't want to,I didn't realize certain things happened or personally never experienced certain things.
    Last edited by shootingstar; 01-13-2016 at 05:30 PM.
    My Personal blog on cycling & other favourite passions.
    遙知馬力日久見人心 Over a long distance, you learn about the strength of your horse; over a long period of time, you get to know whatís in a personís heart.

  9. #39
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    Oslo, Norway
    Posts
    4,083
    My job largely consists of listening to a lot of people's opinions, sifting through them, and making a hopefully balanced decision. As such I'm pretty tolerant of people voicing their opinions, personally I have as strong opinions as anyone - and then some. In general conversation though I think the big challenge is not if you voice your opinion, but whether you do so acknowledging that someone else may have a different opinion that they truly believe is equally right and important. There's a huge difference between "I believe X is the best way of doing something " and "X is clearly the only way of doing something".

    However there are a few topics I really don't feel are up for debate in the first place. If the scientific consensus is overwhelming on a certain topic, sure you can still discuss it, but I don't really see the point, unless you happen to be an expert on the subject.
    Winter riding is much less about badassery and much more about bundle-uppery. - malkin

    1995 Kona Cinder Cone commuterFrankenbike/Selle Italia SLR Lady Gel Flow
    2008 white Nakamura Summit Custom mtb/Terry Falcon X
    2000 Schwinn Fastback Comp road bike/Specialized Jett

  10. #40
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Hillsboro, OR
    Posts
    5,050
    Quote Originally Posted by ny biker View Post
    If we were talking opinions on movies, restaurants, which season of the year is the best, whether I need a new bike and if so what kind... well those are opinions I share for the sake of sharing useful information or just making conversation. But from reading this thread so far, we're not talking about those kinds of opinions.

    I generally refrain from discussing my opinions on hot topics. In part this is because I don't expect to change the minds of anyone who disagrees with me -- I'm not very good at being persuasive and frankly I don't think most people are open to changing their opinions. I think most of the people I know who do discuss politics, religion, etc are either assuming I agree with them or hoping I agree with them/validate them. I am also non-confrontational -- I just don't like to argue with people.
    This.

    In fact, differing opinions on basic lifestyle choices (and people's need to share) is ultimately the reason we left Greensboro, NC for the PNW. It's amazing how where you sit on the political spectrum can be viewed so differently depending on the opinions of those around you. When we moved here, we weren't necessarily looking for others who were just like us except for maybe in their ability to tolerate all types. Diversity makes life interesting.
    My new non-farm blog: Finding Freedom

  11. #41
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    northern Virginia
    Posts
    5,845
    Quote Originally Posted by GLC1968 View Post
    Diversity makes life interesting.
    I totally agree, though I suspect that some people I know find it downright unsettling.

    - Gray Trek Madone 4.7 road bike, mystery crack in top tube repaired by Calfee, Bontrager Affinity RXL saddle
    - Red Trek 6000 mountain bike, Bontrager Evoke WSD saddle

    Gone but not forgotten:
    - Silver Trek 2000 road bike
    - Two awesome and worn out Juliana saddles

  12. #42
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    IL/FL
    Posts
    3,863
    I so miss diversity! People from different backgrounds, different races/creeds/orientations, different world views.

    Electra Townie 7D

  13. #43
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Concord, MA
    Posts
    13,129
    More than downright unsettling. A lot of people find diversity agitating and scary. Anything or anyone different from themselves is seen as alien. There are members of my own extended family whom I have actually seen get visibly shaken/frightened when seeing a physically handicapped child enjoying time on a beach. These same people see those who speak other languages as "weird." When I mentioned that both of my children are fluent in other languages and it is an asset for them in the real world, well, they were silenced for a minute, and then told that it was OK, because they learned it in school.
    Huh?
    2015 Trek Silque SSL
    Specialized Oura

    2011 Guru Praemio
    Specialized Oura

  14. #44
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Uncanny Valley
    Posts
    14,645
    Quote Originally Posted by Pax View Post
    I so miss diversity! People from different backgrounds, different races/creeds/orientations, different world views.
    Oh man, you triggered a memory from 35 years ago when I was newly out of college and living in a small Ohio River town, working in a natural food store. There was a small college and a couple of freeway exits, so once in a while non-local people would come in to shop. On the rare occasions when a nonwhite person or a same-sex couple would walk into the store, I'd feel like Dorothy landing in Oz, with everything all of a sudden in color.
    Speed comes from what you put behind you. - Judi Ketteler

  15. #45
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    Montreal, QC
    Posts
    774
    I'm glad to have worked for the most part of my life in offices where multi-cultural, diversity, same-sex, etc were all business as usual. And now in this law firm, they even created a diversity committee and they are very strong about it. For me, all of this is "normal". I don't know if because Montreal is already so diversified that I never felt any other way. Many of my friends are gays, lesbians, black, ethnics, various religions and I could not care less. To me, they are humans just like me. With their goods and their flaws. I love my "world". But I cannot say the same about my 2 siblings (brothers) who are 100% opposite of me. That is one the reasons they are no longer in my life. I have nothing to gain from haters and such.
    Helene
    Riding a 2014 Specialized Amira LS4 Expert - aka The Zebra!
    2015 Specialized Crux e5 - aka Bora Bora bike

 

 

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