Mother Dearest,

[Crankin]

All the more reason your sister should not be there...

[shootingstar]

A sister of mine should get surgery/hysterectomy for a large fibroid (she looks pregnant) at the urging of her gynaeceologist. But no, she is under the pull of helping my mother every weekend. Not healthy.

It gets complicated when one has family members across Canada in different jurisdictions in terms of future care...different laws in different jurisdictions. My concussion earlier this winter proved how important it was to have at least 1-2 local friends/family.

[Crankin]

After reading some of these comments, I greatly appreciate my mom. Not that I didn't before, but as my brother and I have discussed, we had "good (normal) parents."

[shootingstar]

It is something I think about, thought it's too soon to make any plans. Until recently my closest relatives were almost 300 miles away, but now my nephew has started a new career less than an hour away from where I live. No idea how long he would stay in this area, possibly other nieces, nephews or cousins might end up near here as they begin their careers, and some of my siblings and older cousins talk about moving when they get older. But it is something to consider when thinking about long term plans.

I know someone whose father died last year. The father had been in a nursing home for 6 months, and my friend's mother had been living in a retirement community (apartment building) during that time so she had already moved out of their house. I think all of her adult children (who are grandparents themselves) live several states away. Her sister had been living in the same building for several years, and they both enjoy some of the activities offered for the residents there. It seems to be working out for both women.

My concussion injury highlighted to me (at my tender age of 56) how important having 1-2 trustworthy friends or family locally. I agree that wherever one lives, it is useful to have at least 1 local close trusted friend or family member, who has known you for several years and who is physically able to help. This is why I have chosen to live in walkable distance wherever I've lived in whichever city in Canada, close to services and amenities. I can't fathom living isolated in burbs and not close public transportation /key services.

I am within 15-30 min. walking distance to doctor, dentist, bank, grocery stores, pharmacy, library, etc. Though I am car-free, with a head injury you DON'T want to drive during rehab. If I have to take taxi at least it won't cost me a fortune. (though cheaper and easier to take transit train). There are express buses and light rail from downtown that take me to the airport and to the intercity bus terminal within 15-30 min. ride from downtown. Every decade it becomes more and more important to choose to live in a home that is close such services if you want to remain as independent as possible. I know that people think of friends giving them car lifts when they're old, etc. But I disagree and I look to my mother who is now heavily dependent on my siblings to schlepp her everywhere. I mean everywhere. She won't even walk to her grocery store 3 blocks away. She can walk. And there are many people who refuse to walk 3-5 blocks on a pleasant residential street to do an errand.

At work, we had an employee (who is probably over 60), who lives downtown by himself. He fell somewhere at home (?) about 4 months ago and the first person someone could reach on his cellphone, was his work supervisor because that was the local phone number he dialed the most. He has been hospitalized for over 2 months which indicates that seriousness of his condition.

So one of the things told to us at a work safety meeting, was if one lives alone was to give your personal phone number to another employee that you trust even if you don't feel like giving it to your supervisor. In case, you are missing/don't show up for work because you were incapable of contacting the supervisor. Personal phone number is on file in our HR database, but that would take time for someone to track it down in personal information records which there are strict controls for access by any employee except certain HR people. (It is actually controlled by law in Canada..on access to personal info.).

[salsabike]

I always appreciated mine too, so did my siblings. She died when I was 26, and had cancer off and on with aggressive treatment since I was 10. She's been gone over 19 years, now.

Oh, Sheila. I'm sorry. That's pretty tough.

[Crankin]

That is a nice tribute, Murienn. My mom died 2 days after I turned 43. She was only 67, and everyone in her family lives until their 90s. She found out she had an autoimmune liver disease when she was about 55. She got so sick, eventually, that she had a liver transplant, and at one point before that, even spent 2 months in the hospital, to make her condition look "worse" than it was, to get a transplant. That didn't work. About 6 months later, she had the transplant, but she never regained her health, all kinds of rejection issues, and heart issues, resulting from heavy duty meds. Thankful that my kids spent a lot of time with her as young children. One of her last words of advice was that DH and I needed to develop a common interest; our kids were in 6th and 8th grade when she died, and about 3 years later, DS started riding. We found our common interest!
I will feel better when I live past age 67.

[emily_in_nc]

I am very, very fortunate as I have a wonderful mother. She's 80 now (81 on Nov. 2) and still doing very well both physically (for her age) and mentally. She cooks like crazy for us when we visit, and we share a lot of laughs and discussions, though we are very different in some ways since she's never been athletic and doesn't get the cycling, running, etc. I do AT ALL. But we do both love books and good food and birds and gardening, and HGTV. Sure, she drives me crazy at times: she can be a bit controlling, a worrywort, etc. But I love her dearly, and I just don't know what I'm going to do without her when she's gone as she is my best friend in so many ways.

[rebeccaC]

But I love her dearly, and I just don't know what I'm going to do without her when she's gone as she is my best friend in so many ways.

me too.....i don't even want to think about her not being here to share a conversation, even a good one about a strong disagreement, and a cup of tea while overlooking the mountains surrounding the family home. my parents shouldn't ever need any financial help but i'd be happy to provide it and my time if ever needed and i'd do it with love cuz of all the emotional support, understanding and unconditional love they have given me throughout my life. at 58/60 and both in excellent health my parents should be around for a long time to come though.........that's always one of my prayers

working with a non-profit, with some of my time....i'm working on more severe dysfunctional families, concentrating on the consequences on the girls/women......the kind of thing my mother instilled in me and would say is good for my soul..

[smilingcat]

embarrassed for posting. Train wreck. move along move along nothing to see here.

Terribly sorry for the post.