What would you think/do?

[salsabike]

+1 with roo4



If I sweated a lot I’d be especially conscience of it in close exercise contact with others and try to minimize/eliminate it's effect on those next to me.

Funny, I used to walk out of every ballet class absolutely soaked in sweat, wet hair, red face, and hand towel that lived on the barre--and that was true of many dancers in class. I never worried about it, ever. That's why we're there, to work our butts off.

Maybe part of that sweat worry is gym culture, where people are expected to dry their sweat off equipment before moving on, etc. It sure doesn't have any place in a barre class, which is hard work and where people have their own spaces to sweat in.

I personally really am not bothered by other people's sweat.

[zoom-zoom]

The stupid thing is that heavy sweating is a sign of exceptional fitness. Fitter people start sweating earlier and harder than non-fit people, because our bodies are better prepared to prevent overheating, acclimated to effort.

The "women" at this class remind me of the vibe I get from some of the women in my 'hood. Women who are slim from calorie restriction, alone (ie "skinny fat"). They are not fit. They all live in yoga pants and Uggs...like a uniform. A friend of mine has been trying to talk me into joining her at a local boot camp gym, but I have 0 interest in being a gym rat or dealing with potential cliquey nonsense. One thing I love about the Tues. and Thurs. PM rides I do most of the Summer is that frequently I'm the only female in the paceline. Guys don't pull this BS. And then we share beers and crass jokes after our rides without uppity pretense.

[lauraelmore1033]

The stupid thing is that heavy sweating is a sign of exceptional fitness. Fitter people start sweating earlier and harder than non-fit people, because our bodies are better prepared to prevent overheating, acclimated to effort.

Wow, I did not know that! I've always sweated heavily during exercise and taken it as a sign of... well, some sort of deficiency on my part, since nobody else seems to sweat like me.

I think I'm officially giving up on the group exercise experience. I spent many years happily doing exercise videos for strength training and riding the bike for cardio. I just have to keep reminding myself how important the stretch/strength stuff is. I have a very deep groove in the left crank arm of my tricross as evidence of the imbalances caused by neglecting that, and some lingering numbness in my left leg (from the herniated disc) as a reminder of the consequences...

[ny biker]

Well sweating is one of those things you really have no control over, so it's not a deficiency. The only thing you can control is how you manage it, such as using towels and wiping down any equipment you used when you're done. (I have no patience for people who sweat all over the benches, etc in the free weight area and then move on without cleaning up. There are unlimited free towels available at my gym, so people have no excuse not to clean up their a$$ sweat.)

[lauraelmore1033]

Well sweating is one of those things you really have no control over, so it's not a deficiency. The only thing you can control is how you manage it, such as using towels and wiping down any equipment you used when you're done. (I have no patience for people who sweat all over the benches, etc in the free weight area and then move on without cleaning up. There are unlimited free towels available at my gym, so people have no excuse not to clean up their a$$ sweat.)

Definitely a frequent towel user here...

[rebeccaC]

Funny, I used to walk out of every ballet class absolutely soaked in sweat, wet hair, red face, and hand towel that lived on the barre--and that was true of many dancers in class. I never worried about it, ever. That's why we're there, to work our butts off.

Maybe part of that sweat worry is gym culture, where people are expected to dry their sweat off equipment before moving on, etc. It sure doesn't have any place in a barre class, which is hard work and where people have their own spaces to sweat in.

I personally really am not bothered by other people's sweat.

She emphasized that she sweats a LOT and that it might be one of the woman’s objection…..just trying to add something that I would do (as asked for in her title) to reduce the effect of that on others if indeed it even was a problem. I’ve been to a pure barre class with a friend and because of the size of the room we were much closer to each other than other types of exercise classes i've done…..and yes I also think it’s probably more of a gym type of thinking but I can also see how someone might object in close contact... and i have no problem with sweat....mine or others It was in the high 70's low 80's for a fast ride i did this afternoon with a couple of dusty areas kicked up by the wind thrown in.....when we got back to the hotel we were wet from the sweat, dirty from the dust and we still had the smiles of a good ride


and i'm sticking with trying to find a calm and positive solution to problems like Lauraelmore wrote about

[salsabike]

Hey, rebeccaC, my comment was not directed at you personally but at the subject matter only.

[lph]

Wow, I am so sad this happened, and that you felt you had to leave. I completely understand, though. In your place I would love to be strong and assertive and all that, in real life I would probably be furious and mortified at the same time and never say a word. I did think of one thing that might help, though - write a note to this woman. Explain what you heard, what it felt like, and how you've now left because of it. IME people are often thoughtless and stupid, not truly vicious. It might make you feel better, and it would certainly make her think. Ask the teacher to hand her the note if you don't want to ever see her again. Just a thought.

[rebeccaC]

Hey, rebeccaC, my comment was not directed at you personally but at the subject matter only.

i was just adding more words to my original thoughts because you quoted me..

[Crankin]

I've had extensive experience working with bullies in middle school and training peer counselors in an anti-bullying program as a teacher. I also work with quite a few adults as a therapist, who are victims of people who most likely have narcissistic personality disorder (and are even crueler than those women at the barre class). There is generally a lack of empathy on the part of people who display this type of behavior. They cannot begin to change this pattern and see the effects of their behavior until they are confronted with it. While Lauraelmore (or any victim) shouldn't have to "cure" these people, saying nothing will just perpetuate the cycle.
The gym owner definitely needs to address this issue, now that she is aware of it.

[OakLeaf]

Sounds to me like she was already aware of it, had had other complaints. And the idea that she needed lauraelmore to identify them for her ... if it's anything like the groups I've known, you don't have to have Spidey Sense to pick them out. Sounds like the owner would rather keep this core group of paying customers, than make anyone else welcome in her studio.

I'm with PamNY. It makes me really sad and angry that you were forced out of this studio that you'd been benefiting from, but it's not your job to fix it.

I really would encourage you to try to find another studio though, maybe after a break. I'll do videos at home when there's no good alternative, but I don't see it as a long term thing. Personal instruction is important for anyone, even masters of their sport or other discipline, and social interaction CAN be good too, there really are places without all that drama.

[lauraelmore1033]

First off, thanks for all your replies and words of support. It's good to know that my perception of/reaction to the situation comes close to that of others. I grew up being bullied by my family and others, and was always told that I was guilty of being overly sensitive about it. I used to joke that I wouldn't know "normal" if if wore a name tag. I thought I had moved beyond that. As an older adult, I am usually able to recognize disordered behavior/thinking in others and not take it on board. But it is still hard for me. The fact that the behavior was what one might expect from 10 year olds (and not women in their mid 60s) and occurred in a disarmingly supportive atmosphere, activated all my impulses to flee as if from a poisonous gas. Now I'm feeling like I've blown things out of proportion, but also that I don't want to go back, knowing how everybody REALLY feels about me. (but there is part of me that says I should go back and continue to disrupt the homogeneity of their privileged lives...)

I have been emailing back and forth with the studio manager who still expresses distress over the situation and assures me that she has spoken to many members who say they find me to be an inspiration. This leads me to believe that the whole incident has been discussed publicly. Would be nice if the bullies had the decency to feel guilty. Somehow I doubt it...

[Lelani Carver]

I dunno, I'm strongly leaning towards cancelling my membership and letting the owner know why. I'm not sure I can speak to the woman without crying, and I dontwannadoit.

You are a paying customer and are a member of one year's standing. You are physically stronger and fitter now, and you deserve a workout space that benefits you and helps you achieve your goals.

Pick your spot and hold your head high, you are worth it. Call them out if you can, give them the blank "your existence does not matter" glance if you can't.

If you pick a spot near the instructor, she will hear them too. If you speak to the instructor about it, speak to the owner.



Smile at them to let them know they're the awful ones, not you.

(Edited to fix a nonsensical one word sentence)

[Irulan]

Chances are that if they were confronted and it was public that the behaviors were unacceptable, that they would quit, probably with some sort of lame excuse.

[ny biker]

It's good to know that my perception of/reaction to the situation comes close to that of others. I grew up being bullied by my family and others, and was always told that I was guilty of being overly sensitive about it.

This is a pretty classic 1-2 punch. First they knock you down, then they criticize/blame you for being on the floor. They can't acknowledge that your feelings are valid because then they would be forced to realize that they did something wrong. But your feelings are valid. Really it's another thing you can't control -- it's an emotion. What you can control is how you deal with it, whether it's hitting back physically or verbally or turning the other cheek and forgiving them or any of the many other possibilities in between.

Bear in mind that this woman had the choice to move to another spot, but instead she chose to be stay put and say nasty things. It seems to me that she has plenty of deficiencies, to say the least.

I know what you mean about reacting on impulse -- it can be hard to cut through the emotion and see a situation clearly. It happens to all of us at times. But you definitely did not blow things out of proportion.